Quitting YSA

[Plastic_Starlight]

So this summer I'm moving back to my home town for a few months just to save up for school and such. One thing I'm really worried about is going back to my old YSA ward. I've been in that ward for many many years now. The area that it incompasses is mostly family or retirement areas so there are not many young people my age. the majority of the ward is kids fresh out of high school and brand spankin new RM's. Anyway the long and short of it is.. after last summer, I'm really sure that I don't want to go back to that ward. I could ask for special permission from the stake to go to another YSA ward but " I don't like mine" doesn't seem like a good enough reason. So I decided to go to the family ward for a few months. This decision is not sitting well with my current bishop, old YSA Bishop, Parents, and a few friends from the YSA ward I don't want to attend. because how do you mingle with people your own age, and date and get married and fortify yourself spiritually as a young adult if you don't go to the young adult ward?

Good question.

its not like I don't plan on going to the activities and institute and such... just not the sunday block..

Has anyone else done this? taken a break from the YSA? is it so wrong? shouldn't it be ok to choose where you want to go to church as long as it is with in the ward boundries for your area?

[Wingnut]

The Church Handbook of Instructions states explicitly that single members' needs are best met in a traditional ward. You cannot be forced to attend a YSA ward, nor should you be made to feel guilty for not attending it.

[SeekYourWish]

Im not sure if its exactly the same, but I'm going to a family ward {though my records are there} and half attend a YSA ward {when I have the ride or car to do so} I get people telling me many times how I should just go to the YSA only and move my records there, and how there will always be a ride for me, but I don't see a problem with how I am going now. I think that as long as you are going to church and getting the spiritual strength that you need. Then it shouldn't matter where you attend. I also know I get more out of church when I attend my family ward {the YSA ward tends to be quite chattery? during sacrament meeting and it makes paying attention harder than when there is crying children}. I would say attend the ward that you can get the most from. Are you really going to meet someone to marry in the block period of church? or Will you meet them during the YSA activities where you can actually talk and learn of each other? I vote the later. This is probably a lot of words that may or may not make any sense. Hopefully it made sense and helped some.

[MarginOfError]

The Church Handbook of Instructions also states on page 169 that single members "may choose" to attend a singles ward, indicating that participation in a singles ward is voluntary. It isn't up to your bishop where you attend, it's up to you.

[FunkyTown]

The Church Handbook of Instructions also states on page 169 that single members "may choose" to attend a singles ward, indicating that participation in a singles ward is voluntary. It isn't up to your bishop where you attend, it's up to you.

While I would ordinarily agree with this, I would suggest that the recent Ensign concentration on getting married may have given the Bishop an idea.

Based on what the original poster said, she's experiencing 'Old Persons Blues' that is so prevalent in some YSA wards.

They feel awkward going because they don't feel they're going to date or aren't interested in the few people who would date them. Not going becomes a relief because there are no expectations.

Not dating is something specifically warned against in the latest Ensign, sooo... Hence the Bishop's concern.

[Gillebre]

I'm able to attend the singles ward, but I choose not to. Instead I attend with my family's ward. It's just not something I'm interested in right now.

I don't feel bad for that choice, and I don't think the Lord will fault me for it.

[Plastic_Starlight]

Based on what the original poster said, she's experiencing 'Old Persons Blues' that is so prevalent in some YSA wards.

They feel awkward going because they don't feel they're going to date or aren't interested in the few people who would date them. Not going becomes a relief because there are no expectations.

first of all thanks guys. I feel a little less apostate about my decision.

Secondly.. " old person blues" I understand. and I'm not going to lie and say that that is not part of it. I would be attending an extremely young ward, and compared to the ward I would be coming from theres just a big difference in maturity level both spiritually and mentally. But it's not just the dating thing. Its like being a tenth grader hanging out with 6th graders. How do you really relate to people who Make out in sacrament meeting and add you to their facebook during sunday school? I've always had trouble relating to people my own age ( especially with in the church) let alone kids who are 6 or 7 years younger.

It probably sounds all snooty I know. its just.. until I go back so school in the fall if I have to go to church with people i can't relate to..I'd rather it be old people. LIke I said I still plan on going to activities and institute. I'm just picky about my sundays and spiritual welfare.

[Elgama]

YSA wards are a luxury/curse lol however you see them, I think my country has the grand total of 2... maybe more of less. Personally I'd have gone nuts in a YSA ward I love the spirit and wisdom of the older members in the ward and the spirit and wisdom of the children. Its bad enough at uni mixing with mostly people of a similar age without doing at church as well.

Its perfectly possible to get married without attending one - how about just attending institute there?

[Jbs2763]

its called "retirement" I retired last summer too, still goto a few of the activites, but for the most part i avoid going cause i've been in the area long enough i knew most of the new girls when their moms were pregnant with them....

[Wingnut]

its called "retirement" I retired last summer too, still goto a few of the activites, but for the most part i avoid going cause i've been in the area long enough i knew most of the new girls when their moms were pregnant with them....

I was going to laugh at this post, but I decided it deserved a groan instead. Sorry. I actually am visiting me parents' ward today, and there are two twin girls in the YW program. They are 12 or 13 now, but I used to babysit them after my mission, when they were 5 and 6. It was really weird to me to realize that they are probably babysitters by now.

[Jbs2763]

what is REALLy wierd...this DID happen to me...i was flirting with a girl at the YSA...asked her what ward she came from...i used to be in that one...asked her name...hey did your dad used to be in the bishopric...her response...yeah, before i was born....

DOH....sorry hun..your too dang young for me...lol

[Wingnut]

Ouch.

[dizzysmiles]

There is nothing wrong with going to a family ward... Just find the cute married couples and ask if they have a brother!!!

[mightynancy]

Go where you want. :) When I was YSA age, I loooved my student ward at the university. The singles ward in my hometown was another story...when home, I went to my parents' ward.

[marshac]

There is nothing wrong with going to a family ward... Just find the cute married couples and ask if they have a brother!!!

if 'they' have a brother? Oh my...

[dizzysmiles]

if 'they' have a brother? Oh my...

"Matchmaker, Matchmaker, make me a match...." p.s "They" as in asking the wife and the husband if they EACH have a cute brother.... if they have the SAME brother.. RUN!

[Matthew0059]

Plastic_Starlight:

Have you told your current and previous bishops the reason you don't want to go to the local YSA ward?

I have always advocated following the advice of the local bishop. Of course you must do what you feel is right- but there could be reasons that you ought to attend the YSA ward. Perhaps a younger sister is feeling the exact same way and needs a friend- or you'll meet someone that will enrich your life in special ways there.

I would advise being completely open with your bishop about why you don't want to attend (if you haven't already) and then listen to his advice. If the Spirit is moving inside you to make you uncomfortable, however, I'd listen to that.

Just don't mistake inspiration of the Spirit for worldly uncomfortableness or annoyance with your weaker siblings in CHRIST.

Most of all, good luck and GOD bless!

[Milluw]

The place where i am moving too in 3 months, there are about 10 members in the church. Every single one of them from 65+ years old and up. Now i could wonder why this is the place for me to be, being only 21 years old. But it would be a shame to let the oppertunity pass, where i could make a difference. The Lord knows the right place for us to be, i know that if you put your own wishes to the side and pray for an answer, you will know the answer to your question.

[Tarnished]

My husband and I have a friend who is "retiring" from the singles ward. He did just turn 30 so it makes sense, but the Bishop of the singles ward was still encouraging him to attend. I think part of the problem with attending the singles ward somewhere near where you grew up in is that you often know all of the singles in the ward already and know why it just wouldn't work out between you and them.

We moved back into the ward I grew up in and that was very odd. My first calling was teaching 12 year old Sunday School, in the class was a girl who I remember when she was born, her mother was my Young Women's president. Boy did that make me feel old. Then again one of the ladies in the ward taught me when I was in primary. Going back to your home ward is an odd experience. Especially after you have been gone for quite some years.

[Melissa569]

I don't see any problem with people going to the regular family ward. I'm still fairly young, but if it turns out that my marriage doesn't work (which it just might), I know for sure that I'm not going to a Single Adults ward... I would feel so weird, lol. Like I was wearing a sign on my forhead stating that I'm specifically looking for a date as soon as I walk in there. Which would not be true. I would feel like every guy I happened to glance at or speak to would probably think I was flirting, or "checking him out", lol. Or all the girls would treat me like competition, instead of a friend. I just wouldn't be very happy there.

Besides, I don't think anybody likes to walk into a room, glance around at the limited bumber of people in there, and think "Hmmm, so this is what I have to choose from for the rest of my life?"

More variety means a better chance at finding a better match. There are sooooo many LDS dating websites, with thousands upon thousands of single members. I think that is a better place to meet someone. Plus it forces you to get to know th person first, through phone calls and emails. And if you really get to caring about each other, then one of you will relocate for the other.

[LostMarine]

When I lived in the D.C area going to a singles ward was worse than a meat market. The ratio was around 5 girls for every guy. the majority of the ward was congressional interns, staffers and students. As a young marine they may have liked what they saw, but quickly lost interest when they found out what I made. I ditched out after a year and was immensely happy and welcomed by a nice ward in my area. Keep your faith and go where the spirit leads you. No one can tell you where to go except God. The Holy Ghost may whisper in your ear along the way )

S T Fin