Troubled in my heart

[Autumn811]

I was baptized when I was 14 years old, but my parents became non practicing after a few years. I did not continue with the church when I got older, until now. I started attending my ward 3 months ago. I was so excited when I would come home, I would share the gospel with my fiance. He became interested and also started attending and meeting with the missionaries a month ago. He instantly fell in love with the ward and we study every day. He brought it up to the missionaries that he would like to be baptized.

But we face a great delema. The church is telling us that we have to be married before he can be baptized. I am disabled, and I was just handed a full scholarship to college...but on the basis that I am single with only my income counted. If I was to marry, I would lose this scholarship/grant because my fiance's income is just high enough to throw a wrench into everything.

I met with the bishop last week about this subject because I knew it was coming. I mentioned that Joseph Smith talked about 3 kinds of marriage. Time, Time & Eternity, and just eternity. Why couldn't we be married in the church for eternity only for now so he can be baptized? The answer given was no, it has to be recognized by the state also.

So in order for my fiance to be baptized and receive the gift of the holy spirit, I have to give up my dreams and goals. I'm also made to feel like I'm standing in the way of his salvation if I choose school. My heart is completely broken. I am considering leaving the church. I guess this is my last ditch effort for someone to hear my cry of help. I just want to do the right thing, but I also want to better our life and be able to return to work someday so I'm a contributing member of society.

[marts1]

Leaning to our own understanding can oft times be dangerous. Following God's direction will provide you with much greater blessings, that you cannot see now.

[Gwen]

i suggest you pray about it. long and hard. if the both of you truly believe the gospel to be true and want to be married for eternity then act on that and trust that god will take care of school. i know that's easier said than done. if you really see it as having to give up a worldly dream for his salvation and you really love him why wouldn't you make that sacrifice. doors open and close all the time. if the lord tells you that is what you should do then rework the dream, find the doors the lord is waiting to open. you need to figure out what you truly believe and what you are willing to do to live that conviction.

i'm about to say something that i absolutely hate when ppl do this to me so i will hate myself for you at this comment. i've honestly never felt like i should make such a comment because i hate them so much. not sure that preface helps any but....

you may find it helpful to study some of the early saints and what they went through to follow and be part of the gospel. many literally gave up everything, not just dreams but all material possessions to be part of the church and have the blessings of the ordinances offered in it. they walked away from all with the promise of zion somewhere else. often that somewhere else also was not permanent and they were asked to leave again. all their dreams and goals. they did it out of faith in god, love and desire for not only their own salvation but the salvation of their loved ones, the living, the dead and the ones yet to come.

[Gwen]

just want to clarify something i may not have made clear. i'm not saying that giving up your scholarships and getting married is the only way. i'm saying that you need to really look deep into yourself and consider all options. what is it you believe and what is it you want? what are the ways to make that happen?

yes you can leave the church, or choose not to have what it has to offer right now and finish school. you can find another way to finish school and try to do both. or... maybe i'm making a bad assumption here but the only reason i know of that someone has to get married before baptism is due to living together (ie law of chastity issues). so don't do that. then you don't have to get married right now, finish school as set up and he can get baptized.

all major choices in life require some kind of sacrifice. only you with know which is worth it to you.

[Dravin]

Technically speaking you don't have to get married. You just can't be living with each other and/or engaging in sexual activities while unmarried and be baptized. A lot of times considering the situation and the feelings involved people choose to get married but it isn't the only option that allows baptism.

Edited April 30, 2010 by Dravin

[dizzysmiles]

Wow, I've never heard that before. When we got married, we were able to get Grants. Depending on your finances, maybe when you get married you can get a marriage grant from the government

[applepansy]

To be married for Eternity you have to be baptized first.

Sometimes we have to make difficult choices to follow God's commandments. But when we do He blesses us and things work out better than we ever imagineed.

[Wingnut]

Technically speaking you don't have to get married. You just can't be living with each other and/or engaging in sexual activities while unmarried and be baptized. A lot of times considering the situation and the feelings involved people choose to get married but it isn't the only option that allows baptism.

That's almost exactly what I was going to say. You either have to get married before he can get baptized, or one of you has to move out (assuming you live together) and keep hands (and other body parts) off until the wedding.