KimCommando Posted May 2, 2010 Report Share Posted May 2, 2010 Hello... I am a committed practicing Mormon now. I am currently dating a guy who is separated from his wife and about to get divorced. I am wondering if it is ok to date someone who is currently separated? He isn't Mormon, but he is open-minded to my religion. Do I have to wait until he is divorced to date him? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marts1 Posted May 2, 2010 Report Share Posted May 2, 2010 If you are a committed practicing Mormon, you will follow the letter of the law as well as the spiritual. We are told to not date until devorces are finalized. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rachelbabe86 Posted May 2, 2010 Report Share Posted May 2, 2010 I just got divorced, and I or my ex absolutely would not date or get emotionally connected to somone of the opposite sex until the divorce was final. They are still married, even if not living acting as marriage. If you let him date you now, then when the divorce is final he may find you boring. Also look at it from his wifes side, if he was your husband would it hurt you if you husband dated someone seriously before the divorce was final? It is your choice of course, but you did come on here for advice on it. So I recommend talking, getting to know each other slowly, but I do not think you should date him, spend time with him in person, or rush things while he is still married. Plus emotionally he probably isn't really ready for a commited serious relationship, even if he says he is. Best of luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KimCommando Posted May 2, 2010 Author Report Share Posted May 2, 2010 If you are a committed practicing Mormon, you will follow the letter of the law as well as the spiritual. We are told to not date until devorces are finalized.Are you sure it is law? I am not doubting you, I just haven't found anything specific on this. Could you point me in the right direction where it states this specifically? I hope I don't come off dismissive, that is not my intent...I just have been searching for a specific answer and haven't found it. I am interested in reading what is stated about this and to learn more on this matter, I don't want to do something I am not supposed to! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KimCommando Posted May 2, 2010 Author Report Share Posted May 2, 2010 I just got divorced, and I or my ex absolutely would not date or get emotionally connected to somone of the opposite sex until the divorce was final. They are still married, even if not living acting as marriage. If you let him date you now, then when the divorce is final he may find you boring. Also look at it from his wifes side, if he was your husband would it hurt you if you husband dated someone seriously before the divorce was final? It is your choice of course, but you did come on here for advice on it. So I recommend talking, getting to know each other slowly, but I do not think you should date him, spend time with him in person, or rush things while he is still married. Plus emotionally he probably isn't really ready for a commited serious relationship, even if he says he is. Best of luck!Thanks for your advice, I will take that into consideration. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dravin Posted May 2, 2010 Report Share Posted May 2, 2010 Strip things down to brass tacks. Your question is, "Is it okay for me to date a married man?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marts1 Posted May 2, 2010 Report Share Posted May 2, 2010 You could say that it is breaking one of the ten commandments as Dravin has alluded to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dravin Posted May 2, 2010 Report Share Posted May 2, 2010 By the way, the question has been asked before, you might find previous discussion on the subject fruitful:http://www.lds.net/forums/general-discussion/30283-lds-dating-question.htmlhttp://www.lds.net/forums/advice-board/17695-dating-before-divorce.htmlhttp://www.lds.net/forums/advice-board/31316-what-level-interaction-appropriate.htmlThe advice to talk to priesthood leaders about your question was presented in at least one of those threads I linked to and is valid, and probably better than listening to a bunch of people online pontificate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwen Posted May 2, 2010 Report Share Posted May 2, 2010 you can also talk to your bishop. it is church policy that for someone to attend a singles ward or go to single's activities all divorces must be final. you have to actually be single not "working" on being single. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KimCommando Posted May 3, 2010 Author Report Share Posted May 3, 2010 Thanks everyone for your replies, I guess I knew the answer deep down but was unsure. I guess now I have another question... ...Will I be able to still talk to him while he is going through separation? Can I just be friends and still talk as long as I don't date him until the divorce is final? This question will probably be more difficult to answer, if someone could give me scripture or some type of authoritative answer rather than opinion, it would be much appreciated! Thanks everyone for your help! I wasn't expecting so many answers this soon. Everyone's insight was helpful. Thank you again, this has been weighing heavily on me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwen Posted May 3, 2010 Report Share Posted May 3, 2010 there is no sin in being friends and talking to someone. the question is for you to answer. can you still talk to him till the divorce is final? are you personally capable of keeping that distance or will you find ways to make it more intimate and personal and relationship like as you can while avoiding the official "date" lines? only you know your limits and how much self control you have, particularly over your emotions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rameumptom Posted May 3, 2010 Report Share Posted May 3, 2010 Hello... I am a committed practicing Mormon now. I am currently dating a guy who is separated from his wife and about to get divorced. I am wondering if it is ok to date someone who is currently separated? He isn't Mormon, but he is open-minded to my religion. Do I have to wait until he is divorced to date him?What I'd like to know is you mentions you are a "committed practicing Mormon", but are not only struggling about dating a married man, but also dating one who is not a member of the Church! How committed are you to the Church and its teachings? Shouldn't you spend some time working on your issues before dating, when you ponder dating a married man who is not a member?Perhaps you need to review the standards and teachings, and consider how you can do God's will, rather than chase after your own desires? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baver3 Posted May 3, 2010 Report Share Posted May 3, 2010 Its not scripture or anything as far as saying 'dont date anyone who is separated' actually IN the scriptures but I am separated right now and when I went to talk to the Stake President about getting a temple reccommend he said that I should NOT date anyone until my divorce is final. So there you go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marts1 Posted May 3, 2010 Report Share Posted May 3, 2010 Its not scripture or anything as far as saying 'dont date anyone who is separated' actually IN the scriptures but I am separated right now and when I went to talk to the Stake President about getting a temple reccommend he said that I should NOT date anyone until my divorce is final.So there you go.Depends on what you regard scripture as. I think scripture is the inspired word of God. I think when the church says do not date until you are devorced is the inspired word of God and therefore scripture. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bini Posted May 6, 2010 Report Share Posted May 6, 2010 Talking doesn't hurt. But what are you talking about? Maybe think that one over. If you're talking about how you can't wait to be together and lusting over each other while he's still married—that's still inappropriate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 7, 2010 Report Share Posted May 7, 2010 Kim, if you really care for this guy, give him space. Divorce is not a walk in the park. He needs time to heal - EVEN AFTER the divorce is final. I wouldn't be surprised if he wants a relationship with you on a rebound or a crutch or something to get his mind off his divorce instead of actually having a relationship with YOU. Just take yourself out of this equation and spend the time bettering yourself instead. Then when he gets his act straight, then you are the best you can be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Obolus Posted May 8, 2010 Report Share Posted May 8, 2010 I think you should put the friendship on hold until he's through it. There will be plenty of time for that afterward. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hemidakota Posted May 10, 2010 Report Share Posted May 10, 2010 Obolus is right. That is the path to follow...knowing how emotions can get the best of at the wrong moment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.