Soul Mates And Eternal Companions-- Same?


Melissa569

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I have a younger cousin, who is 22, and currently serving a mission. We exchange letters from time to time, just to keep tabs on each other. But now there is a problem-- my cousin is teaching a new member, and claims to be "falling in love" with that person... The exact quote was "I know its a bad distraction, but the second we shook hands, I got this feeling that we knew each other all our lives, and I got a flash of us being married with kids-- it felt so right, and so real."

In our letters, the subject of soul mates came up, and my cousin asked me what I think about soul mates...

Well... I'm currently sitting here working on a letter back to my cousin, wondering what to say. Of course, I plan to say the obvious-- DON'T DO ANYTHING WHILE ON YOUR MISSION! And my cousin knows better than to do such a thing (or at least I hope so!).

But beyond that, I was also asked what I thought about "contacting someone you teach after your mission is over".

Anyway-- It now seems that both my cousin and I are wondering what the church thinks about soul mates, eternal companions, and weather or not they are the same thing?

Also, the "pre-existence" and how it ties into all this. Does the church believe that we "remember" our eternal companion from the pre-existense? Is there a specific person we are all meant to be with? (lord knows, it certainly seems so!). For me, this can all be a bit confusing.

My personal deffinition of a "soul mate" is someone that you either knew and cared for before you came here and throughout your life you "remember" loving that person, and search for them again while on earth. Or it could be someone who is your "complementing oposite", meaning that although you are different, all your oposites complement each other-- and that god created one for each person. Weather or not you care to find that person while you are on earth, is up to you. And sometimes, you may have to wait until the afterlife, because they may have lived in a different time, or much too far away from you (hint-hint people who just "never found the right one" lol).

I'm not sure how I would define an "eternal companion" though, especially by the church's standards. Or weather or not the church has a different view on them than I do on "soul mates". Well, actually, I guess my deffinition of the church's "eternal companion" label, is just someone you met on earth, and later decided that you wanted to spend eternity with them, because.... Well, just because, lol. Would that be correct?

I guess what I'm confused about is--- does the church believe that two specific people can be "predestined" to be together, or not? I ask, because I've heard two conflicting statements on this:

1-- More than one long-standing church member has told me that ANY two "worthy" people can "make it" together, and I have also heard that the church encourages this.

2-- But then my cousin says that their bishop AND their MP preach to them that they "will not meet their eternal companion while on their mission", and that most MP's preach the same thing. This (to me) implies that there is a "certain person" we were each meant to end up with, and god will make sure you do not meet that person while on your mission...

I personally think they are told that just to keep them focussed on their mission-- which they should stay focussed!

But if the church does not believe in something similar to MY deffinition of a predestined "soul mate", and if they really do believe that any two worthy people can make a marriage work... Then why on earth CAN'T you meet your eternal companion while on your mission? That is, assuming you would only act on your feelings AFTER you have returned home-- after all, you do know their name and address, if you've been teaching them...

Gosh this is confusing, lol.

Help?

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"Soul mates" are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price. (Spencer W. Kimball, "Marriage and Divorce", BYU Speeches, 7 Sept 1976)

In my crude opinion, your cousin should inform her mission president and request an immediate transfer.

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True, I agree a transfer would be less distracting. But if soul mates are a myth, and if any two good people can be happy together, then why couldn't you marry someone you met on your mission-- after your mission is over?

Of course, the purpose of your mission is NOT to "find someone". But if you are not predestined for anybody, and you just so happen to bump into someone you would like to contact after your mission is over (dispite a transfer), then what would be wrong with that?

I'm basically debating weather to say "Get a transfer and don't mess up your mission--- and if you are still interested in this person after you get home, then fine."

Edited by Melissa569
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True, I agree a transfer would be less distracting. But if soul mates are a myth, and if any two good people can be happy together, then why couldn't you marry someone you met on your mission-- after your mission is over?

Who says you can't? There's nothing stopping a person from marrying someone they met while serving a mission.

That being said, however, anyone who marries a person they met as a missionary better be prepared to have people questioning their commitment to their missions the rest of their lives. It may not be right, but people are people and will jump to conclusions without all the information.

Personally, I'd counsel strongly against marrying someone that she taught or brought to baptism. In this case, the relationship is set in a teacher/student fashion, which is not equitable. It would take years and years for this unequitable aspect of the relationship to disappear, which could result in a lot of stress and damage to the relationship. I'm not much of a fan of the idea.

But those are strictly my personal opinions. She's free to do whatever she wants with her life, so long as she is willing to accept the consequences, be they good or bad.

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Moe's right.

If it's meant to be, she should request a transfer immediately. This would keep her from getting distracted and would be more fair to the investigator.

If it's meant to be, then requesting a transfer won't interfere with it and they'll meet up after her mission and she'll still feel the same way.

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MOE-- Oh, I was just going by what most MP's teach-- that you "won't meet your eternal companion while on your mission", and wondering why they say that, if we are not predestined.

Hmmm... The consequence aspect is interesting. Didn't really think of that. Of course, they could just claim that the interest developed when she went back and re-visited her old mission stomping grounds as an RM (I've actually heard of that happening a few times).

But still, maybe I could mention the student/teacher thing too, just to add a third perspective.

Funky-- Yeah, I think if its just a whim, it will fizzle out while she's away from him. But if not, then being away won't matter later on.

Edited by Melissa569
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MOE-- Oh, I was just going by what most MP's teach-- that you "won't meet your eternal companion while on your mission", and wondering why they say that, if we are not predestined.

I've never heard this in my life, from a mission president or anyone else. No one can foretell when you will or will not to meet your future spouse. I'm sure mission presidents don't want it to happen because it will seriously distract the missionary, but it does and will happen as long as young males and females are put in situations where they meet many people.

I agree with the advice others have given, your friend needs to talk to the MP and get transferred immediately, then pursue the relationship after the mission. Also, the SWK quote that MOE posted was right on, it's the first thing I thought of while reading the first post.

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Infatuated member of the opposite sex: "I know we're meant to be together. I received personal revalation that you promised yourself to me in the pre-existence."

Not-impressed person: "Glad to hear it. Unfortunately for you - God gave me my agency, and I've changed my mind."

LM

(Training my daughters for stuff like this.)

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Talk by President Kimball:

LDS.org - Liahona Article - Oneness in Marriage

"“Soul mates” are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing ....."

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Infatuated member of the opposite sex: "I know we're meant to be together. I received personal revalation that you promised yourself to me in the pre-existence."

Not-impressed person: "Glad to hear it. Unfortunately for you - God gave me my agency, and I've changed my mind."

LM

(Training my daughters for stuff like this.)

Good for you! Bro Lund talked about something called "the hormonal revelation" LOL

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Hello, Melissa569~

I feel a lot of compassion/emphathy for your cousin. Those experiences can be quite powerful, especially when one is tuned in a lot more strongly into the spiritual realm as a missionary. I thnk everyone here on this forum is really concerned for her though...... I myself wonder where these promptings are coming from if she's receiving them while serving in the calling of a "missionary." Honestly, chastity for missionaries is really taken to an extreme degree. Getting married and attractions to the opposite sex should be placed waaay back on the back burner......Getting married should be the last thing on a missionary's mind........

That being said, I also have received a blessing which said that there is not a "one and only" for anyone....That what Pres. Kimball said is true, that there are many people we can meet and marry/be happy with if our righteous desires match.

Best of wishes~

Dove

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a few thoughts....

one i agree with moe. (shhh don't tell him i said that)

two as it's been pointed out in other threads sometimes it's easy to confuse the good feelings of the spirit with the good feelings of love. this may be part of why the mp states so firmly that they will not meet their eternal companion on their mission. to keep them from confusing the two. (i do know a couple that met while she was on her mission. he came home from his while she was in our area on her mission. if i recall the situation correctly he went to the mp about how he was feeling, did not talk to her first. she was called in to discuss it, she felt the same way. it was offered to her to go home early due to this - girls sometimes get this option. she declined and was transferred. they did not see each other again till her mission was over and he went to see her.)

three, i can't count how many missionary stories i've heard about "golden converts". those ppl that you were meant to find and teach and no one else could have reached them the way you did. we hear stories about how we made promises to some ppl that we would find them and share the gospel, etc. maybe that's what your cousin felt. there was a relationship before this life, they did know each other, their spirits did recognize each other and feel a joy with that. doesn't mean it was meant to be marriage or anything more than what it is at the very moment.

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Guest mormonmusic

Talk by President Kimball:

LDS.org - Liahona Article - Oneness in Marriage

"“it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing ....."

Emphasis on any GOOD man, and any GOOD woman and IF BOTH ARE WILLING.

I'm still of the mind there are certain people we're more compatible with than others -- and this makes for an easier marriage with a higher probability of success. Spencer Kimball said we should try to marry people who seem to be as right as possible for us (I think he said -- someone who represents as much perfection as he could hope for or something similar). He cited similarity in race, socio-economic status, education (?) and other factors that make people similar to each other, as key variables.

In the early days of my marriage, when I was contemplating divorce, I shared some of the challenges my wife and I had, and how difficult it was to get along with my wife, with a close friend. She didn't seem to agree with anything I thought was important other than going to Church and having children. And this wasn't a problem with the girlfriends I'd had previously. With most of them, we got along famously.

My friend said he and his wife never had those kinds of challenges -- they always just agreed -- i think he married someone very similar to himself in beliefs and expectations of life in general.

Also, birth-order studies show there tends to be more tension among couples were both are first born among siblings, so that's something to consider.

So, while I don't believe in the concept of soul-mates, I do believe you can select a mate that is easy to have a successful marriage with, or who is hard to have a successful marriage with. I would opt for the one that is easy to get along with every time, provided there was love.

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Emphasis on any GOOD man, and any GOOD woman and IF BOTH ARE WILLING.

Obviously both would be willing, or they wouldn't be getting married. Apple left off the tail-end of that quote: if both are willing to pay the price, implying that for some, it will be a lot more work than for others.

(This quote was also already cited in the first response on the thread.)

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Tell him that she might be A good person to marry in the temple. However, for most of us there isn't just one specific person for us.

Second, he is on a mission. His responsibility is to stop thinking, discussing this experience and focus on serving God. If a relationship is supposed to happen, it will have to wait until AFTER his mission, when it is alright for him to communicate with the young woman. Otherwise, he is not being faithful to his calling and the Lord.

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MOE-- Oh, I was just going by what most MP's teach-- that you "won't meet your eternal companion while on your mission", and wondering why they say that, if we are not predestined.

Do you have a reference for that? My sister met her husband while they were both on their missions. In fact he was her zone leader. But they just didn't realize how much they liked each other until both were home. Now 4 kids later.....

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Do you have a reference for that? My sister met her husband while they were both on their missions. In fact he was her zone leader. But they just didn't realize how much they liked each other until both were home. Now 4 kids later.....

I seem to recall reading that after serving as a mission president, Thomas Monson and his wife occasionally played matchmaker by inviting former elders and sisters who had served with them to their home for dinner.

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soul mates and eternal companions... I am not sure about while your on a mission,except if they do decide they have feelings,they should wait until the mission is over and then go from there.Do not do anything while on a mission. But as for soul mates and eternal companions,I don't feel it is the one and same.It just depends on how deep your feelings are,how committed you are to each other.I had thought of my husband as being my soul mate,but now I feel we are eternal companions.I have recently learned about forever families and all and I have tried to explain it all to my mother,who does not know anything about it.But I told her that is where I want to be...with my husband,children and grand children.

So I know now he is my soul mate and we are ternal companions.This took me a long time to conclude,not just being with him for a few weeks or months.We have been together going on 13 years.

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Obviously both would be willing, or they wouldn't be getting married.

(This quote was also already cited in the first response on the thread.)

Not necessarily -- there have been marriages where one spouse is just not willing to put much out for the other spouse, but were willing to get married

You really don't know a person until after you marry them. That's why Ben Franklin says you have to view your spouse with both eyes half shut after marriage.

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I seem to recall reading that after serving as a mission president, Thomas Monson and his wife occasionally played matchmaker by inviting former elders and sisters who had served with them to their home for dinner.

That sounds like something he would do.

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... their bishop AND their MP preach to them that they "will not meet their eternal companion while on their mission", and that most MP's preach the same thing.

Several guys in my ward met their wives on their mission. Love and attraction happen across many boundaries. When we finally send missionaries into space and they meet blue Andorian girls, they same things will happen.

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Just to be clear--the LDS church does not teach predestination. In fact, the church teaches that predestination is a false doctrine.

While the Church does not teach predestination it does teach pre-ordination. And if the topic being discussed here is soul mates, then aren't we really looking at the latter?

It is very possible for a man and a woman to have known each other in the pre-existence and be given the chance to meet and marry in the mortal world. To me, that sounds like soul mates.

:)

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