Wife makes more money than husband

[PV2004]

So I am wondering if it would bother any of the guys if their wife could earn more money than they could. I ask because my soon to be x-sister in law is a genious and is going to become an eye surgeon and her husband was school teacher. It bothered the husband a lot that his wife was going to make more money than him. I was like, "What are you talking about!!" If my wife could make more money than me and wanted to work, I say more power to her!!. I would be happy to stay at home with the kids if she wanted to work and bring home the bacon. Don't get me wrong, I am not all about the money. If my wife wouldn't want to work and be a stay at home mom instead, that would be fine too. I am just a big believer that one of the parents should be at home with kids if possible. So I am just curious would it bother the guys if your wife could or does earn more money than you?

Ladies, would you look down on a guy or think less of a man that earned less than you? I am talking about if both of you had full time jobs. I am not talking about a guy who is working at McDonalds who doesn't want to make more of himself (there is nothing wrong with that though) and you are an medical doctor or something. But two professions and you just happen to make more money than your husband.

[BenRaines]

I always wanted my wife to get a job that made more than I did so I could join the BassMasters Tournament tour. Never happened. Perhaps new wife will allow me to do that.

Ben Raines

[JThimm88]

My husband's sister is a nurse making a decent living, and her husband is currently a seminary teacher making not as much. Neither seem to care, and if I were in their situation, I probably wouldn't either. I think of the natures of both of their jobs -- she helps save lives, he teaches the gospel -- both wonderful things!

If I were in the situation where I was making more money than my husband, I think we'd both hopefully be able to agree that at least we both have an income, and would be able to disregard the amounts, as amounts should mean nothing. Money is just money, and as long as there is enough to cover the essential needs, people shouldn't over-think it too much. After all, money isn't everything.

[miztrniceguy]

If one of my wife's books became a national bestseller and she got a contract with a major publisher I would not be unhappy.

@ben....new wife?

[bl8tant]

I would totally be OK with this. In fact, as miztrniceguy says, I actively hope that my STBX sells her book for a ton of money, 'cause I get half :)

[Maureen]

I make more money than my husband. That has not always been the case but it's been that way now for about that past 20 years. At one point he was the stay-at-home-dad. It all goes into the same family pot, so I can't imagine why it would make any difference who makes more than whom.

M.

[NeuroTypical]

It doesn't matter to me which of us earns more. I'll still be stuck with dishes, laundry, and garbage.

[dazed-and-confused]

my wife DOES make more than i do, no big deal.

[prisonchaplain]

I'd be happy--though I've been happy with her staying home too. I'm okay either way because I'm okay with her, and she with me. Trust is the core issue. If it's not there, than these types of things bring out the tensions.

[Hemidakota]

So I am wondering if it would bother any of the guys if their wife could earn more money than they could. I ask because my soon to be x-sister in law is a genious and is going to become an eye surgeon and her husband was school teacher. It bothered the husband a lot that his wife was going to make more money than him. I was like, "What are you talking about!!" If my wife could make more money than me and wanted to work, I say more power to her!!. I would be happy to stay at home with the kids if she wanted to work and bring home the bacon. Don't get me wrong, I am not all about the money. If my wife wouldn't want to work and be a stay at home mom instead, that would be fine too. I am just a big believer that one of the parents should be at home with kids if possible. So I am just curious would it bother the guys if your wife could or does earn more money than you?

Ladies, would you look down on a guy or think less of a man that earned less than you? I am talking about if both of you had full time jobs. I am not talking about a guy who is working at McDonalds who doesn't want to make more of himself (there is nothing wrong with that though) and you are an medical doctor or something. But two professions and you just happen to make more money than your husband.

No problem here...I rather be a HOUSEMAN than working.

[heartensoul4u]

Ladies, would you look down on a guy or think less of a man that earned less than you? I am talking about if both of you had full time jobs. I am not talking about a guy who is working at McDonalds who doesn't want to make more of himself (there is nothing wrong with that though) and you are an medical doctor or something. But two professions and you just happen to make more money than your husband.

If marriage were a competitive sport with one competitor being challenged by another to prove who is more qualified, skilled or valuable - then we would be justly engaged in a debate on this topic.

BUT - marriage is not a game, not a sport, not a competition. It is a union - one in which each member contributes 100% to the whole. It is much like our relationship with Christ. I give 100% of my all and He gives 100% of His all. Christ is not weighing the contributions in the balance - Christ's vs. mine! (Heaven forbid.)

In marriage we are to emulate Christ's relationship with the church or the individual. We are not to measure contributions - by any standard - monetary, skill, energy, time, effort, or otherwise. Matters such as who makes more or less are of managerial consequence only when competition is not a factor.

If my husband is giving 100% of his all and brings any monetary contribution to the household income then his contribution would never be less than mine. (OH - and vice versa, of course)

Sharon Cohen

By these fruits

[PV2004]

I am glad to hear that the money thing wouldn't both anyone. My view is that marriage is a team effort and like heartsole4u said, both husband and wife should give 100%. As a team one person may have a better talent at making money that then other so why not leverage that talent. It doesn't mean the other spouse is not as important. That spouse is just as important, but may contribute in other ways to the family. A football team doesn't need two quarterbacks on the field at one time. It needs a quarterback and a running back or receiver to hand off or pass the ball two. Both have different responsibilities but both are equally important. Just like a husband and wife.

[hordak]

So I am wondering if it would bother any of the guys if their wife could earn more money than they could. I ask because my soon to be x-sister in law is a genious and is going to become an eye surgeon and her husband was school teacher. It bothered the husband a lot that his wife was going to make more money than him. I was like, "What are you talking about!!" If my wife could make more money than me and wanted to work, I say more power to her!!. I would be happy to stay at home with the kids if she wanted to work and bring home the bacon. Don't get me wrong, I am not all about the money. If my wife wouldn't want to work and be a stay at home mom instead, that would be fine too. I am just a big believer that one of the parents should be at home with kids if possible. So I am just curious would it bother the guys if your wife could or does earn more money than you?

Ladies, would you look down on a guy or think less of a man that earned less than you? I am talking about if both of you had full time jobs. I am not talking about a guy who is working at McDonalds who doesn't want to make more of himself (there is nothing wrong with that though) and you are an medical doctor or something. But two professions and you just happen to make more money than your husband.

My wife not only makes more but her career provides health,life insurance and housing. So i stay home with the kids. I have met women who have issues with it and find it sad that while a man who judges a women on her looks is a "pig" a women judging a man on his income potential is completely acceptable.

[Ruck]

I actually suffered from this at one time. Just after we was married, we both worked different fast food jobs. Even though we were both Managers at our respected jobs, she was being paid more than me. I had a problem with the idea that I was suppose to be the primary care giver for the family.

Finally, I realized that nobody would care who made what. A family's finances are their business and nobody elses.

[Guest Alana]

Sometimes I make more than my husband.

Basically, I support my husband for being the man that he is, no matter how much he makes. I think of him as our provider, even when I make more. I guess it's because to me he's just very manly. Even when he mops the floor, he does it in a 'manly way' that I just love and there's nothing about it that's even remotely 'woman's work' even if I did give different tasks gender roles.

As far as hubby thinks, it might bother him a little if I made a LOT more, but I don't think he'd spend too much time worrying about it. After all, even if it did bother him at first, it's up to him to decide if he wants to focus on that or if he wants to focus on me rubbing his shoulders, thanking him for working hard.

I sound like such an goober right now and I don't even care:P

[Roseslipper]

Why would it matter who made more money the wife or the husband????????????

It shouldnt matter.

[Guest Alana]

Why would it matter who made more money the wife or the husband????????????

It shouldnt matter.

Have you ever seen The Little Rascals? It would matter to them.

[Bini]

My first marriage I earned more money than my husband as a nurse. I'm not sure that it bothered him. In fact, I think he liked our situation. My husband now brings in a lot more money than I do with his contracting company and I like our situation. But if he didn't own his own company and worked somewhere else for someone else, making less income than I do, I believe it'd grate on him because he wants and enjoys the responsibility of being the main provider.

[Guest Kamperfoelie]

I think the original question was about reversal of traditional roles: ie for the man to be the homemaker and the woman the provider.

i know my grandfather stopped my grandmother working when she started to out-income him. I know this seems oldfashioned and doesnt fly with today's profit-maximising mentality.

On the other hand: not being the main provider would have wrecked his self-image, self-esteem etc and ruined their marriage. (remember: emancipation was in its infancy back then, some things were just 'not done'). The choice between family and career hit my grandmother before the children even came into the picture and tbh im not sure if so much has changed since then.

Despite claims in this thread that doing housework in no way diminishes a man's manliness in a woman's eyes, and some men feeling comfortable taking on the role of caregiver, this is a personal eh... choice? preference? feeling? i dont know what to call it

but i know myself enough to know i would be deeply miserable if i were 'reduced' to houseman.

Petty, insecure, and deeply lacking in humility? Yes. But i doubt im the only one who feels that way.

For all clarity: i am in no way saying that one role is superior than the other, im just very content in the role im in. Homemaking is nothing less than an art IMO. Guys that laugh: "id love to be a houseman, easy-peasy, stay home all day, kept by my wife etc " dont know what they're talking about.

[Guest]

It doesn't matter who brings home the money as long as both don't spend more than the money being brought in.

One problem with anybody - man or woman - bringing in the bigger income is the feeling that they are entitled to spend more because they made more.

It's really not what you make, but more what you spend. So, if both husband and wife are comfortable with the traditional roles and both husband and wife agree that they can live on the husband's income even if the wife can make more, then there's no reason to change the roles just so they can have more money. But, if they can't foot the bills, then they have 2 choices: spend less or switch roles, no matter how uncomfortable that makes them.

It is perfectly understandable for a man to feel incompetent if they can't provide for the family. I don't think they feel incompetent if the wife makes more than he does. They feel incompetent if the family spends more than what he can bring home.

So, for you wives out there - manage the household expenses so you can fit it in your husband's income level then this won't have to be an issue.

[Hemidakota]

Is it a culture problem when males need to make more than their wives?

[Guest mirancs8]

I was raised in a very traditional family where my father was the breadwinner and my mother was the nurturer / housewife. There was a point where in my own marriage I was making more then my STBX and it did cause some tension in the home. Plus my job was very stressful as to why I made what I made, and let's just say I wasn't in "the mood" at all after work nor anytime. His loss and my frustration in the end. I think men feel they have a purpose when they are the breadwinner, and yes maybe it gives them that feeling that they get to call more of the shots.

Each couple obviously has to come to their own decision as to what works for them. I can imagine some men wouldn't be very thrilled about their wife making more nor would they be peachy keen on the idea of being a "houseman/stay at home dad". Others might find it to be their ultimate relationship situation. There are many women who have no aspiration to stay at home and desire to marry a man who would take on that role. Not me by a long shot let me tell you

There is nothing more fulfilling then to to be a stay at home mother and wife. Plus he get's to come home to a wife who is happy. I find a hard working man very sexy

I believe God made us how he made us to fulfill our roles in life, marriage, and parenting. Messing with it just causes a mess. Before I get attacked by other women I worked the majority of my marriage so I've been on both sides of it.

So to answer your question. Though it might not necessarily matter it really depends on each individual relationship. Today the roles are not as finely defined at they were some 40+ years ago. Clearly the finely defined lines have been smudged. One might want to ponder have the lines been smudged due to our duel income dependency? Our desire to consume much more then that which is needed to sustain a comfortable life? Do we become accustom to a duel income situation that it's almost expected (cultural norm)?

[Guest mirancs8]

Is it a culture problem when males need to make more than their wives?

I don't see it as a problem nor a culture thing. I think that men naturally want take care of thing and provide for the family. It makes him feel like he has a purpose.

I can't remember the comedian who said this but it was definitely a great point. He said men are meant to give and women are meant to receive. He said when a women gives a man something it's like he all of a sudden becomes confused... doesn't know how to react. The woman get's hurt the man is confused and well it's a mess. But when a man gives a woman something she get's very happy and immediately embraces him. He in turn is happy and feels loved. It makes him feel really great inside to see what he did made her that happy. And she feels very happy that they thought to do that for her. Of course when he was saying this he did it in a hilarious way but the point of the story is what's important.

[RachelleDrew]

I made a good deal more money than my ex husband did, and it was a problem for us amongst other things. The biggest issue with that situation was that I was happy to step back and let him be the main breadwinner if he so desired, i'm not the feminist type whatsoever. But he just wasn't particularly motivated to work more hours, or get an education so he could better his employment prospects. Bills do have to be paid, so I stepped up to the plate. It was kind of a catch-22 type situation. I know it bothered him that I made more money than he did, but what are you supposed to do in that type of situation?

I think this is one of those things that people should talk about prior to marriage, because it can lead to a lot of hurt egos and misunderstandings. Some husbands are totally down with their wives out-earning them. Others don't like it. Some wives aren't content with the earnings of a single-income family and some are fine with it. Neither way is wrong, but it can be a sticking issue. I wish more people would talk about finances before they were married, it would save people a lot of grief.

[Guest Kamperfoelie]

I can't remember the comedian who said this but it was definitely a great point. He said men are meant to give and women are meant to receive. He said when a women gives a man something it's like he all of a sudden becomes confused... doesn't know how to react.

This is so true, made me laugh (with recognition).

Me and the missus are from two different countries and while the government pondered wether or not to grant her residency and a workpermit, i supported us on a single income. Which wasn't always a picknick i can tell you (im also supporting my remarried exwife and kid, and paying off legal bills from the custody battle).

For two whole years the bills were paid and there was food but no luxuries except when the annual bonus came in. Even with the bonus, there were always bills to pay but i soooo enjoyed taking the family to town when i was able, or buying presents for the hollidays.

Then the workpermit came but the crisis meant nobody was hiring. Then, at long last, work!

You know what she said? From my first paycheck im buying you all the things youve gone without these last two years (there were several). It was so sweet! So we went to town, and went looking for these things. And we found them.

But i found myself pretending i didnt like this one or something was wrong with that one, ultimately i suggested we go home and come shopping again some other time: i just couldnt bring myself to accept a big gift. Honestly? I was very shocked at myself for not taking what was being offered as i always took myself for a shamelessly greedy fellow. I tried to persuade myself it was chesthair getting in the way of common sense but logic failed to change my mind...

As to appreciating what was being offered, its like they say: its the thought that counts and the thought was clearly there.

Things are just things. Also: if i want something bad enough its on me to find a way to get them for myself.