Afraid for a very good friend


Gretchen
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I have a friend who I've known for over ten years, and I can't help but worry about her. You see, she's about 5'3 (about 160 cm) and weighs maybe 105 lbs (about 48 kilograms). I fear she may have an eating disorder (anorexia nervosa). She thinks she's fat, when she is so definitely not, and I don't know what to do. She is not a member, and I love her like a sister, but I have no idea what to do. She's 18, and comes from a poor family, and I don't want to see her die.

What should I do?

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Gretchen, I would opt at first, asking help from Heavenly Father by fasting and with tearful prayers [with humility and sincerity for her welfare]. I do see already the emotional impact she has in your life, I do not expect GOD would not answer or reveal to you how to approach this delicate matter.

Being close like sibling sisters, the bond of sisterhood will always be an helpful hand when time comes in helping her.

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My ex-wife was 5'6" tall and 89 pounds when I married her; 14 years and 4 children later she was barely over 110. Some people are just tiny naturally; size, or the lack of, doesn't necessarily equate to an eating disorder; just as all of us who're over their ideal weight don't necessarily have an eating disorder either. I'm 6'3" and just under 275lbs. I eat no refined sugars, corn syrup (high-fructose or otherwise), few fatty foods, and a primarily vegetarian diet capped at 1,800 calories per day and I still have a gut. This is because of my body's ability to very effeciently store calories in my fat tissue. Even when I was in the Army and a PT freak, I was only 30 pounds lighter than I am now.

Instead of worrying about her like this, simply sit down with her and say "I'm very concerned about how skinny you are; I love you and I don't want you to die from an eating disorder." Then wait for what she says. Maybe she's like my ex-wife, who could eat anything she wanted, in any quantity that she wanted, and never gain a pound. Or maybe she has a medical condition that prevents her from absorbing all the nutrients and fats that she ingests. Or perhaps she does have an eating disorder and simply needs a loving hand to help her get control over it.

Bottom line: Your worries are unfounded until you talk to her about the issue.

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Guest mormonmusic

I think you have to first establish whether she's actually got an eating disorder. My wife has the same weight and height, and she's fine.

The problem is, you're not an expert in these matters (probably), so you can't diagnose anything.

I think you should read up on eating disorders before talking to her. Learn everything you can from credible sources. From your reading, you may learn there is nothing wrong, or your reading may confirm your hunch.

If after reading you still think she has a problem, approach her with knowledge on your side. Just talk about it with her, without trying to get her to do anything, Make your objective simply to determine if she has any symptoms. But be tactful about it.

Even if she DOES appear to be exhibiting symptoms, all you can do it encourage her to see the problem she has, perhaps by sharing your reading and research, and encourage/facilitate her getting appropriate help.

People have to want to change, and they dig in their heels when people try to force them to do things they don't think are necessary, or don't want to do....

Edited by mormonmusic
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I'm going to agree with the people here. 5'3 and weighing less than 110 isn't anorexia. Especially at 18. Could be she's just naturally petite.

Get her to join the church! Funeral potatoes'll put meat on them bones.;)

was thinking same thing it translates to a UK size 10 so far from dangerous its very close to the ideal weight for her height once upon a time i had that figure. And lots of girls that age are worried about weight

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My mother is 5' 5" and when she is at her healthy weight she is usually about 110 to 115. People have come up to her and tried to get her to talk to them about her eating disorder, but the thing is, she doesn't have one. When she gets up to 125 or 130 she begins to feel sick and unhealthy. Some people just have a healthy weight that is lower than others.

As other people in this post have mentioned, sit down and talk with her. It could be that she is fine.

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As other people in this post have mentioned, sit down and talk with her. It could be that she is fine.

I fear the problem with talking about someone about something like this is the they (the person you are talking to) really can't win. If she has a problem chances are she'll deny having a problem. If she doesn't have a problem chances are she'll deny having a problem. I suppose it depends on how made up your mind going into the conversation. If you go in expecting to get her to confess the problem you just know she has she's never gonna convince you short of putting on weight that she's not got a problem.

Oh and I agree about some people just being naturally skinny my BIL has a BMI below 18.5 he just has one of those metabolisms that can power through a Buick eating disorders need not apply.

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I have a friend who I've known for over ten years, and I can't help but worry about her. You see, she's about 5'3 (about 160 cm) and weighs maybe 105 lbs (about 48 kilograms). I fear she may have an eating disorder (anorexia nervosa). She thinks she's fat, when she is so definitely not, and I don't know what to do. She is not a member, and I love her like a sister, but I have no idea what to do. She's 18, and comes from a poor family, and I don't want to see her die.

What should I do?

That is a BMI of 18.6. It's at the low end but in the normal weight range.

If concerned about anorexia you should see if she is hairy. Lanugo (fine hairs) are a result of losing too much fat, the body needs to insulate itself, and is a good warning sign for the disease.

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Just a note, the BMI is a good tool for populations and trends, unless I'm mistaken the BMI was created to track societal trends not originally as a tool for individual fitness monitoring, and as such can have some issues with individuals. For instance a body builder can 'score' high even with an acceptable level of body fat because it calculates based on weight and doesn't differentiate between the source of that weight.

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I have a friend who I've known for over ten years, and I can't help but worry about her. You see, she's about 5'3 (about 160 cm) and weighs maybe 105 lbs (about 48 kilograms). I fear she may have an eating disorder (anorexia nervosa). She thinks she's fat, when she is so definitely not, and I don't know what to do. She is not a member, and I love her like a sister, but I have no idea what to do. She's 18, and comes from a poor family, and I don't want to see her die.

What should I do?

This weight is in the realm of normal FWIT.

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