I need help very badly


Run0750
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ok so Im planning on going on a mission soon but I have a girlfriend. She and I love eachother and she has helped me become more prepared and ready for a mission. Sadly we made a mistake a while back and things were nasty. We ended up patching them up and now things are good. But her family hates me. Her sister thinks im a no good loser. Im trying to convinvce them that Ive changed but they wont accept my apology and they seem millions of miles from forgiving me. My girlfriend and I want to be together and remain in contact on my mission but its splitting her family against her and thats not what I want. She and I love eachother but she gets so much stress from them over it she doesnt know what to do. Im going on my mission but I would like to remain in contact with her. What should I do?

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ok so Im planning on going on a mission soon but I have a girlfriend. She and I love eachother and she has helped me become more prepared and ready for a mission. Sadly we made a mistake a while back and things were nasty. We ended up patching them up and now things are good. But her family hates me. Her sister thinks im a no good loser. Im trying to convinvce them that Ive changed but they wont accept my apology and they seem millions of miles from forgiving me. My girlfriend and I want to be together and remain in contact on my mission but its splitting her family against her and thats not what I want. She and I love eachother but she gets so much stress from them over it she doesnt know what to do. Im going on my mission but I would like to remain in contact with her. What should I do?

I would tell her that you're avoiding contact with her on her mission. That way, you can concentrate on your mission. When you come back, if you both still feel the same you'll be able to be married.

If, at the end of an honorable mission, you come back and still love her, her parents should have had the time to change. If they haven't at that point, it's their issue and not yours as you have clearly repented.

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I wonder because of the way you write, what value do you have the greatest concern over? Is it your girlfriend and the stress she is dealing with? Is it yourself because you are being judged in a negative light? How to make people approve of you when they have their free agency to think however they choose? What will happen to your relationship while you are gone?

If you care too much on what other people think about you, you are giving them your power and if they have it, you can't use it for yourself.

Remember you are young and when you are young, you are mentally growing by leaps and bounds. Your experiences will shape and change you far greater than if you were older. The person that will come off of your mission, is not the person that will be starting his mission in such a short time. She will change as well growing into a sister that has also had her own expericnces while you are gone.

If you honestly love your girlfriend, you will be talking with her about the opprotunities that she will have to grow and develope while you are gone. Give her the ability to make as many new friends as possible, to travel as much as she is able, to educate herself as far as she is able, encourage her to journal and write as much as she can about her experiences and thoughts.

Personally, I think you are putting the cart before the horse and worrying about the wrong things. I would look at teh situation as a great learning experience on working with people and learning how to present yourself to other people, especially in times of stress and disagreement.

I wish you the best of luck. Please keep us updated. FC

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Concentrate on preparing for that mission. Missionary girlfriends are great and could be a source of comfort but right now you and your girlfriend should understand that THE MISSION is where 100% of your mind, heart, and strength should be.

You are getting distracted right now and that is quite a perfect storm for the devil to ruin your missionary work.

Don't worry about anything else. They will still be there when you get back.

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Well shes not going on a mission. I am. And we've talked about it so much and she says she wants to wait for me and I believe her. I love her. She has brought me closer to Heavenly Father and Im so grateful for it. I know that im going on a mission not for me not for her but for the Lord and the people who need him. But theres one thing I want and pray for and thats to be with her afterwards. But her family tells her that im no good. That shes changed. I have tried talking with them but they keep pushing me away and keeping her away. I want to have a good relationship with her family but they wont give me the chance

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Well shes not going on a mission. I am. And we've talked about it so much and she says she wants to wait for me and I believe her. I love her. She has brought me closer to Heavenly Father and Im so grateful for it. I know that im going on a mission not for me not for her but for the Lord and the people who need him. But theres one thing I want and pray for and thats to be with her afterwards. But her family tells her that im no good. That shes changed. I have tried talking with them but they keep pushing me away and keeping her away. I want to have a good relationship with her family but they wont give me the chance

Run0750... FORGET ABOUT IT. Really. You're not wanting to marry her family, you're marrying HER.

In 2 years, everything is going to be different. So, right now, you're doing nothing but worrying over something you have no control over and GETTING DISTRACTED. You can't MAKE people like you!

As Hemi said - FOCUS... FOCUS... FOCUS. You should be doing nothing but thinking about what else you can do to be a good missionary. Not a good future son-in-law!

What you want doesn't matter right now. THE MISSION is what matters.

If you can't do that, then DO NOT GO ON THAT MISSION. You are not ready!

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I say just go serve your mission and try not to think about it too much until you get back. If you serve the Lord honorably, things will work out in the end. Believe me, you would not be the first to struggle with such issues right before serving as a missionary. As important as it seems now, you will soon be caught up in the work and will have no time for that stuff, unless you let it distract you.

Regards,

Vanhin

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I hate to break it to you man, but its pretty rare for a girl to wait for a missionary. I had lots of comps with gf's waiting, and none of them ended up getting married. In fact, one of my greenies was totally obsessed with his gf. They wrote all the time and he constantly received pictures and letters from her. She was quite the looker too. He showed off the pictures all the time to each of us in the apartment. Turns out one of our roommates was getting ready to go home and decided to look her up when he got home. Yep, they got engaged a couple of months later. My greenie was crushed. A couple of years ago my old comp was in town and paid me a visit with his wife. He was in his late 20's, married and was called as a bishop in his ward. He is super happy and loving life.

Go serve your mission. Work your butt off. Go tracting when its raining and all will be well. If you get home and your gf is still waiting, then make the best of it. If you get married, treat her like a queen every day, honor your priesthood and take her to the temple. Eventually her folks will come around. If you do all of this and her folks still hold a grudge against you, then what are you left with? The answer is a great marriage, a lovely wife and a good life. What else is there?

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ok. But like I know the odds are for sure not in our favor. But I would like to stay in contact with her through letters but her parents dont even want that. And if she does accept the letters odds are her family will harass her for it. Is it that bad to want to write her and remain associated with her?

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ok. But like I know the odds are for sure not in our favor. But I would like to stay in contact with her through letters but her parents dont even want that. And if she does accept the letters odds are her family will harass her for it. Is it that bad to want to write her and remain associated with her?

Of course it's not bad to write. What's bad is if it becomes a distraction - like, if it affects your mood while giving discussions because you are worried about her family making it hard on her - it makes it so that you are not 100% on your mission.

Go write your letters and stay focused on the mission. Let her take care of her family's reactions. If she says do not write, then stop writing and continue giving your 100% to your mission.

And Run0750, this is some advice I'm going to give you - something I have learned in my life (I am much older than you) - that you can use not only in this situation but in your mission as well as the rest of your life:

Free agency is not just an LDS buzz word. Free agency affects you. Because of free agency, you do not have any control of what others do. But at the same time, because of free agency, you have complete control of what YOU do. Therefore, it becomes easier to go through challenging situations. When faced with a challenge that involves people who are making things difficult for you (gf, gf parents, your parents, investigators, boss, people on the street, etc.), you can do 2 things: 1.) change what you are doing/reaction, 2.) change how you feel about it.

For example: Your gf's parents not liking you - 1.) change what you are doing/reaction - analyze your actions and see if it is inline with moral standards. Are you charitable, are you kind, are you respectful, are you loving, are you "choosing the right", etc. If yes, you have nothing to do here, if no, then do something about it., 2.) change how you feel about it - if you are doing all the good stuff and they still don't like you, there is nothing you can do about it because you can't CHANGE other people. But, you can change how you feel - you can just accept it as a fact of your life. That's it.

Another example: You are tracting on your mission, and knock on some guy's door. He opens the door sees that you are a Mormon and gives you a tongue lashing about how you're not a Christian and you're just a cult, and you're the devil, etc. - 1.) analyze your actions and see if it is inline with what the Holy Spirit wants you to do - are you prepared for your mission, do you have a strong testimony of Christ, are you humble and patient and charitable and long-suffering, are you harboring ill-feelings against the guy giving you a tongue-lashing? Adjust your action if it is not in line with Christ. 2.) If you are doing everything you can to be Christlike and he is still giving you a tongue-lashing then don't feel bad about it - just accept that he is closed to the truth of the restored gospel and move on.

REMEMBER: You can't change what other people do/feel. You can only change what you do/feel.

Good luck. GO. SERVE THAT MISSION.

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Good advice from everyone. Except for the undue emphasis on "tracting" when you are a missionary. Only do that occasionally to keep it real. :) Spend most of your time working with members, if you don't have people to teach. Teach them the principles of the gospel, and help strengthen their faith in Christ and in his Atonement. Teach them to serve their friends and neighbors. Visit less-actives and part member families, with their home teachers, and help them repent and return. The members will be more motivated to share the gospel, and you will find people to teach. Help the home teachers remember that home teaching is still missionary work, and nothing will progress in their area until they are faithful at that important endeavor.

Anyway, those are the kinds of things you want to be thinking about right now. Not girls... Trust me.

Regards,

Vanhin

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Thanks for all the advice you guys. I really appreciate it. Im going to take it and try my best to apply it. I know that I must serve a mission and I am happy to serve one. And I know that if Heavenly Father wills it we will be together. Ill try to write her. Thanks everyone.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hmmm, a bit late on this one.

My advice would be to write a letter to her parents once you are in the field. Don't make it about you, or their daughter, or you and their daughter, instead tell them about your mission, how much you love what you are doing and why you are there. The maybe drop them a line giving them updates 2-3 times throughout your time as a missionary. Bear testimony of Christ and the love you want to share with the people in your areas. Then let the spirit do any other talking, and wait and see.

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