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careless_whisper

Feel like giving up

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So I've been back at church for a few months now. I love church, I always feel the spirit so strongly whenever I am there.

I confessed to my bishop everything I had done in the year or so I have been inactive and started the repentance process. The problem is, I'm not very repentant because I haven't really stopped doing the things I was doing.

I smoke cigarettes and pot everyday, my boyfriend and I aren't ... pure, I have a hard time sitting down and reading scripture on a continual basis, I don't pay tithing (am too afraid I couldn't afford it - live with my mom as it is and I have a hard time making ends meet, plus I acknowledge that I have a hard time parting ways with my money...)basically I am a Jack Mormon (sigh).

I really want to be a good Mormon, hold a temple recommend, be sealed in the temple, but it's SO HARD. I grew up non-religious so it's hard for me to relate to having faith, trusting God, etc. It's such an abstract concept for me.

I've been to addiction recovery, again the idea of putting matters into God's hands is so weird to me, I don't know how to do it, lol. I've always been taught to do things for myself and I'm responsible for my own fate, etc. How do you do these things?!

I also have a hard time because all my friends/family/boyfriend are non-LDS. I am extremely shy and awkward when it comes to meeting new people and I've had a difficult time making new friends in my ward.

How can I be a good member? I want to stop doing these things, but I can't. I know I should stop associating with people who lead me to temptation, but I don't want to be alone either. It's a vicious cycle.

I so badly want the joy and happiness that comes from living a life that is obedient to God's commandments and the gospel. I suck at it. This is the hardest thing I've ever tried to do! :)

Any suggestions?

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Everyone sucks and no one can overcome their natural man without the Lord.

Have you read, "He Did Deliver Me From Bondage" by Colleen Harrison. It is more than just a book but an LDS 12 step recovery program and it includes written assignments at the end of each chapter for you to do on your own or with a church 12 step group. It sounds like you have the desire to change, but not the personal strength, family strength, or resources to do it.

I highly recommend this book to everyone - not just addicts. It really helps you learn how to use the Atonement of Christ in your life. I think if you are young, you should start going to Institute classes and activities to give you some scripture study time and social time with young members that you could form friendships with. That would help you to have some support and not try and face your problems all alone. You are probably using pot and smoking and sleeping with your boyfriend to cope with pain rather than turning to the Lord and giving Him your burdens. Lots of members don't even know how to do that. It is not easy. But things will get easier if you just start with that book that I told you about, and start small.

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Thank you for the recommendation, I'm going to order it off Amazon :)

Unfortunately I'm too old for Institute classes (mid 20's) but I'm going to keep going to ward activities (I'm in a YSA ward) like FHE and other things and hopefully with time I can make some friends.

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I just think that since you are feeling the Spirit really strong at church, that the Lord is trying to tell you that he loves you for you to keep going, even if you are still smoking and all the other stuff, keep going. The stronger your Spirit gets, the easier it will be to overcome the physical stuff.

I wish you the best and I know that God loves you!

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I've been to addiction recovery, again the idea of putting matters into God's hands is so weird to me, I don't know how to do it, lol. I've always been taught to do things for myself and I'm responsible for my own fate, etc. How do you do these things?!

I so badly want the joy and happiness that comes from living a life that is obedient to God's commandments and the gospel. I suck at it. This is the hardest thing I've ever tried to do! :)

Any suggestions?

You are responsible for your own fate and you need to do things for yourself. God doesn't do it for you. My mom has this saying, "Do your best and God will do the rest." That's a good thing to remember.

We all suck at it at one point or another. What everybody does is gain a testimony - precept by precept, here a little, there a little.

We had problems too. Like, at one point we weren't paying tithing. What the bishop told us is to not worry about the amount but work on the habit. So, every Sunday, we bring in a tithing slip. Sometimes it just has 25 cents in there. I'm serious - 25 measley cents. But, it was a habit. The effect of it was that it caused us to change our perspective. So, instead of saying, "we can't afford tithing because we have a cable TV bill", we now say, "we can't afford cable TV because we have to pay tithing."

I think this is also the same as reading the scriptures. Just make it a habit just like brushing your teeth. You can just read one sentence or two every morning. It may not stick to your head but it becomes a habit. After a while, you'll hear about some scripture story at church - like the story of Abinadi - and you'll remember, hey! I know that name! And you'd be anxious to go find that name in the scriptures and end up reading the whole book of Mosiah.

Making a 180 turn-around is overwhelming. But if you turn your life around one degree at a time, you'll find that you're there soon enough.

But, this will only work if you have the desire to change. Especially smoking - there is no way you can quit smoking unless you really want to do so because nobody close to you is encouraging you to quit. You should be at a point where you fall down on your knees and sincerely profess to God your desire to follow Him - everyday.

So yeah, just keep at it a little at a time. That's how we all do it.

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So I've been back at church for a few months now. I love church, I always feel the spirit so strongly whenever I am there.

I confessed to my bishop everything I had done in the year or so I have been inactive and started the repentance process. The problem is, I'm not very repentant because I haven't really stopped doing the things I was doing.

I smoke cigarettes and pot everyday, my boyfriend and I aren't ... pure, I have a hard time sitting down and reading scripture on a continual basis, I don't pay tithing (am too afraid I couldn't afford it - live with my mom as it is and I have a hard time making ends meet, plus I acknowledge that I have a hard time parting ways with my money...)basically I am a Jack Mormon (sigh).

I really want to be a good Mormon, hold a temple recommend, be sealed in the temple, but it's SO HARD. I grew up non-religious so it's hard for me to relate to having faith, trusting God, etc. It's such an abstract concept for me.

I've been to addiction recovery, again the idea of putting matters into God's hands is so weird to me, I don't know how to do it, lol. I've always been taught to do things for myself and I'm responsible for my own fate, etc. How do you do these things?!

I also have a hard time because all my friends/family/boyfriend are non-LDS. I am extremely shy and awkward when it comes to meeting new people and I've had a difficult time making new friends in my ward.

How can I be a good member? I want to stop doing these things, but I can't. I know I should stop associating with people who lead me to temptation, but I don't want to be alone either. It's a vicious cycle.

I so badly want the joy and happiness that comes from living a life that is obedient to God's commandments and the gospel. I suck at it. This is the hardest thing I've ever tried to do! :)

Any suggestions?

You need professional counseling and someone to aid you to overcome those weaknesses...go back and seek help from your Bishop.

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You can't afford tithing, but can afford cigarettes and pot? Are you really serious? You need to set your priorities. If you smoke one pack of cigarettes a day, that equals about $150/month, or $1800/year. If you make $18,000/year or less, just quitting cigarettes would pay for your tithes. Of course, that does not include the amount on pot.

You need to come to the point that You are a slave. You are enslaved by nicotine and marijuana. You are enslaved by your boyfriend, who tempts you to do things you should not do. You are a slave.

You have to decide whether you really like being a slave, or if you want to free yourself. There are only two choices here. So far, your messages show a mixed conclusion. You want to be an active member with a temple recommend, etc., but you don't want to give up being a slave. Slaves don't have to make up their minds. They just long for the things they'd like, then go back to the old grindstone. They let someone or something else make the decisions for them.

It is tough to not be a slave. It is tough to make the big decisions that a free person has to make. But that is part and parcel with being free. You take the responsibility with the freedom.

So, how bad do you want the temple recommend? Will you be like the king of the Lamanites, who was willing to give up all his sins to feel God's redeeming love? (Alma 22). Or are you just giving lip service to something, and then slink back to the slavery you are accustomed to? It really is your choice. You have to decide how bad you want it. Are you willing to make a major life change? Give up cigarettes, pot, and bad influences? Take a risk and make new friends among the LDS young adults?

For ancient Israel, the only way to stop being slaves was to get out of Egypt. It meant walking for time in the desert, which was difficult. But they did it. At the end of their road was the Promised Land. But to get there, they first had to leave Egypt behind entirely.

Are you ready to be free?

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You can't afford tithing, but can afford cigarettes and pot? Are you really serious? You need to set your priorities. If you smoke one pack of cigarettes a day, that equals about $150/month, or $1800/year. If you make $18,000/year or less, just quitting cigarettes would pay for your tithes. Of course, that does not include the amount on pot.

You need to come to the point that You are a slave. You are enslaved by nicotine and marijuana. You are enslaved by your boyfriend, who tempts you to do things you should not do. You are a slave.

You have to decide whether you really like being a slave, or if you want to free yourself. There are only two choices here. So far, your messages show a mixed conclusion. You want to be an active member with a temple recommend, etc., but you don't want to give up being a slave. Slaves don't have to make up their minds. They just long for the things they'd like, then go back to the old grindstone. They let someone or something else make the decisions for them.

It is tough to not be a slave. It is tough to make the big decisions that a free person has to make. But that is part and parcel with being free. You take the responsibility with the freedom.

So, how bad do you want the temple recommend? Will you be like the king of the Lamanites, who was willing to give up all his sins to feel God's redeeming love? (Alma 22). Or are you just giving lip service to something, and then slink back to the slavery you are accustomed to? It really is your choice. You have to decide how bad you want it. Are you willing to make a major life change? Give up cigarettes, pot, and bad influences? Take a risk and make new friends among the LDS young adults?

For ancient Israel, the only way to stop being slaves was to get out of Egypt. It meant walking for time in the desert, which was difficult. But they did it. At the end of their road was the Promised Land. But to get there, they first had to leave Egypt behind entirely.

Are you ready to be free?

Great post! One of the best pieces of advice Ive seen in this forum.

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So I've been back at church for a few months now. I love church, I always feel the spirit so strongly whenever I am there.

I confessed to my bishop everything I had done in the year or so I have been inactive and started the repentance process. The problem is, I'm not very repentant because I haven't really stopped doing the things I was doing.

I smoke cigarettes and pot everyday, my boyfriend and I aren't ... pure, I have a hard time sitting down and reading scripture on a continual basis, I don't pay tithing (am too afraid I couldn't afford it - live with my mom as it is and I have a hard time making ends meet, plus I acknowledge that I have a hard time parting ways with my money...)basically I am a Jack Mormon (sigh).

I really want to be a good Mormon, hold a temple recommend, be sealed in the temple, but it's SO HARD. I grew up non-religious so it's hard for me to relate to having faith, trusting God, etc. It's such an abstract concept for me.

I've been to addiction recovery, again the idea of putting matters into God's hands is so weird to me, I don't know how to do it, lol. I've always been taught to do things for myself and I'm responsible for my own fate, etc. How do you do these things?!

I also have a hard time because all my friends/family/boyfriend are non-LDS. I am extremely shy and awkward when it comes to meeting new people and I've had a difficult time making new friends in my ward.

How can I be a good member? I want to stop doing these things, but I can't. I know I should stop associating with people who lead me to temptation, but I don't want to be alone either. It's a vicious cycle.

I so badly want the joy and happiness that comes from living a life that is obedient to God's commandments and the gospel. I suck at it. This is the hardest thing I've ever tried to do! :)

Any suggestions?

Don't give up. Make up your mind right now, that you are going to do what it takes, even if you slip up from time to time, and just start working on overcoming your weaknesses. Don't let Satan fool you into thinking that it is hopeless. Every night, find a quiet place, where you are alone, and pour out your soul to God, and plead with him to help you change your heart. You will soon learn that He is mindful of your struggles and qill come to your aid.

Regards,

Vanhin

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Also dont forget to look on the bright side of things, this is a great opportunity to really test your faith in god. If you turn to the savior, all that has happened in the past can be erased and you can come out on top being stronger than you can imagine. This is a time for you to be selfish and only think about who god wants you to be, and truly who you want to become. Dont let others influence you in this truly life changing time in your life! you can do it! I know its hard, but i too know that it is worth it and it is possible.

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I have some of your problems, Sex, Addiction, i do not use drugs. First you have to break down. If you cannot see yourself putting your life in Gods hands then you have not broken down. I have not either. My pride keeps me from it. But as day chases after day, I am getting closer. When all hope is lost, change can be found. Your friend. Good Luck. Pray.

S T Fin

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With God, nothing is impossible. The adversary wants you not to believe you can grow and develop, while our Heavenly Father offers hope. When you are doubting the ability to follow the path of God remember, those doubts are not from God. Fear and faith cannot occupy the same space.

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I would recommend a book to you that has nothing to do with the Church and everything to do with you. It's called "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne. It's a book about positive thinking. It talks about how you can empower your life to obtain what you want. It's not about Church doctrine or anything, although the principles dovetail nicely into the gospel's teachings.

Basically, you need to understand that you will get anything in life that you want. What you may not realize is that you, without even thinking about it, attract the things that you think about and the things about which you have strong feelings.

It your feelings are negative., if you don't think you deserve happiness, if you don't think you can be righteous, if you don't think you can break free from addictions, well, you are right--because that's what you think. Change what you think about and you'll change your emotions. Change what you feel to something positive and good, and you'll attract that into your life.

Let's put in in an LDS context. When we read about the Creation in the Book of Abraham, we learn that everything was created spiritually first, then temporally. In other words, everything was completely envisioned by the Creators before the first elements ever came together to form physical objects. This spiritual creation takes place in the mind.

If you owned a corporation, one of the most important things to do is to implant in the minds of every manager and employee is the same vision--so they all know what they're creating and what their roles are in that process. The gospel gives us our places in the great scheme of things. The rest is up to us. We are free and empowered to make choices actively do good or to passively be acted upon.

So, with your life, you need to have a "vision." That vision comes from within you. Take a notebook, write down what you want and how you want your life to be. Then, every day, open up that notebook and review it. Ponder it for about 10 minutes. Then at the end of every day, review those notes for a few minutes. Check to see if your actions that day were on track with your vision.

If you do this, you'll find that you'll begin to reevaluate your actions. You'll let go of things that don't serve your vision of how you want life to be. Over time, you may modify that vision and include new goals and aspirations. It's your vision, so you can do what you want with it.

Using this process, you become the one in charge of your life. Right now, it sounds like you're letting other people do the driving for you. This process can change your entire life in just a few weeks.

Imagine that you could sit down in an interview with Jesus Christ himself. Imagine that he asks you, "What can I do for you?" What would you ask for?

That's the opportunity you have every time you pray. Write down what you really want and ask him to help you bring it to pass. It's not magic. It's the power of God that is within you as a child of God. You have power to change your life and make it whatever you want. You just need to get "intentional" about it and just do it. The power is in YOU.

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So I've been back at church for a few months now. I love church, I always feel the spirit so strongly whenever I am there.

I confessed to my bishop everything I had done in the year or so I have been inactive and started the repentance process. The problem is, I'm not very repentant because I haven't really stopped doing the things I was doing.

I smoke cigarettes and pot everyday, my boyfriend and I aren't ... pure, I have a hard time sitting down and reading scripture on a continual basis, I don't pay tithing (am too afraid I couldn't afford it - live with my mom as it is and I have a hard time making ends meet, plus I acknowledge that I have a hard time parting ways with my money...)basically I am a Jack Mormon (sigh).

I really want to be a good Mormon, hold a temple recommend, be sealed in the temple, but it's SO HARD. I grew up non-religious so it's hard for me to relate to having faith, trusting God, etc. It's such an abstract concept for me.

I've been to addiction recovery, again the idea of putting matters into God's hands is so weird to me, I don't know how to do it, lol. I've always been taught to do things for myself and I'm responsible for my own fate, etc. How do you do these things?!

I also have a hard time because all my friends/family/boyfriend are non-LDS. I am extremely shy and awkward when it comes to meeting new people and I've had a difficult time making new friends in my ward.

How can I be a good member? I want to stop doing these things, but I can't. I know I should stop associating with people who lead me to temptation, but I don't want to be alone either. It's a vicious cycle.

I so badly want the joy and happiness that comes from living a life that is obedient to God's commandments and the gospel. I suck at it. This is the hardest thing I've ever tried to do! :)

Any suggestions?

Hi careless_whisperer, I hope you are still reading this thread.

I think some of the advice given to you so far was kind've negative and not very helpful, so here's a thought for whatever it is worth to you -

Instead of focusing on the things you are doing wrong, and the ways you don't feel you are measuring up, focus on the good and the happiness you feel when you go to church and do things that are right. When you do that, I think you will find that over time it becomes much more natural and easier to live right, and that power will begin to be given to you to overcome the problems and sins in your life.

If you are going to church and you feel good and feel the spirit when you are there, then you are doing the right thing for yourself at this time and you are in the place you need to be. Keep it up, and you will do well. Change may not come quickly or all at once, but I guarantee you that it will come if you persist.

Also, recognizing sin in your life and having a desire to repent and live better is at least half the battle won already. It sounds to me like you are doing pretty good, even though you may not feel that way when you focus on all your faults. Instead, focus on Christ's atonement and have faith in it.

Good luck! (By the way this is my first post on this site. I hope it's a good one.)

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Good luck! (By the way this is my first post on this site. I hope it's a good one.)

Yep! It's a good one.

Welcome Dan!

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You are responsible for your own fate and you need to do things for yourself. God doesn't do it for you. My mom has this saying, "Do your best and God will do the rest." That's a good thing to remember.

We all suck at it at one point or another. What everybody does is gain a testimony - precept by precept, here a little, there a little.

I too have had to deal with many of these weaknesses for much of my life. I am still working on a major downfall of my life right now but I can tell you. I have almost always gone to church nearly every week. When I was trying to right all my wrongs at once I was sooo overwhelmed. I have quit smoking, drinking, pot, chewing tobacco, and drastically cut down on my vulgar language. I have been working at these issues for many many years and I find myself looking back and realizing. Line upon line, precept on precept. It is an amazing bit of advise, and comfort. Keep working at it, you know what you need to do, and work on doing that which is good for your spriit and things will come together. Good luck, I know the Lord is helping you more than you realize. Take some time and "count your many blessings".

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i would say dont give up on yourself, keep trying even if u fail, and please dont call yourself stupid. YOu might of made some wrong choices, we all have that doesnt make u stupid, stupid is to much of a negative word. Remember your a child of God. He loves you, and wants the best for you, so keep trying and with His help you will do it. Takes some of us longer then others. But Heavenly Father wont give up on you so dont you. Love your sister.

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The truth is only you can take this step though. You have to make up your mind and know your Heavenly Father supports you. He supports you through others actions and words. You have to take the steps that will make it so. I agree with the others that even if it is one step forward this is better then none. Then get busy, there is nothing like helping others to get rid of guilt. Know your worth as a Child of God. Know you will find that worth as you pray, read the scriptures, attend your meetings, and do those works that are needed. Never let a day go by that you have done at least one of these even if you find yourself at the last minute of the day you can pray. One step at a time moving forward will build a foundation that can support you

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