Do I Have To Be Skinny? LDS Dating


kileyizzle
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I currently weigh 13 stone 3.2 lbs... i used to weigh 9 stone 1.9 lbs i am 5"1

I'm 5"1 and in and out of hospital for a disease that can't be diagnosed... so i mean... i never had a pretty face.. i've never been a really slim girl i just find it.. infuriating

What medication are you taking that treats an unknown disease?

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What an absurd point - that people who are attracted to fit people are shallow.

An interesting aside, when you hear about men stating a preference for larger woman over skinnier woman you rarely see a spate of people pop up and call them to task for being so shallow as to have a preference based on physical appearance. Someone states the reverse and it is all but a sure thing that someone will suggest they are shallow, sometimes the very person stating they prefer larger woman.

Personally I think it kinda takes the wind out of the ideological purity of such folks' condemnation. If I'm shallow for being attracted to a woman of a certain size range, why does it matter if it is on the upper or lower scale? Or heck, smack dab in the middle? Some will claim (and accurately so) ideological purity on the matter but I think quite a few aren't quite as pure to the cause as they may profess or even honestly believe.

I'm not thinking of any person on the boards in particular, just a common (in my experience) phenomenon.

Edited by Dravin
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Guest mirancs8

That's funny because the eye blinky thing looks female so I had assumed Snow was a female.

Personally, I don't find men who where mascara and eyeliner attractive.

Dang it Pam where's that laugh button!!! LOL!!!! :lol:

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An interesting aside, when you hear about men stating a preference for larger woman over skinnier woman you rarely see a spate of people pop up and call them to task for being so shallow as to have a preference based on physical appearance. Someone states the reverse and it is all but a sure thing that someone will suggest they are shallow, sometimes the very person stating they prefer larger woman.

I don't think there's a problem when you look at photos, and find certain women more attractive than others.

But women, but people, are more than images. And when you refuse to give people a chance because they don't meet that ideal photo image you've imagined, I think that is shallow. Give a person a chance, get to know them better, and somebody you didn't initially find attractive might become very beautiful in your eyes because they have a beautiful soul, and you'll be glad you didn't dismiss them at first glance.

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Frankly, I think some people are shallow for liking only the perfect model 10s.

I believe in one great rule of dating: If you wouldn't date yourself, then your standards are too high. If you're a shy wallflower and you only gravitate to supermodels, then you need to dial it back a bit.

But if you're a supermodel, go nuts. I'm fine with the top 1% of attractive people only dating the top 1%. It's when 60% of all guys and 60% of all girls only look to the top 1%, then wonder why there's nobody worth dating that I wonder at how shallow they are.

I don't think there's a problem when you look at photos, and find certain women more attractive than others.

But women, but people, are more than images. And when you refuse to give people a chance because they don't meet that ideal photo image you've imagined, I think that is shallow. Give a person a chance, get to know them better, and somebody you didn't initially find attractive might become very beautiful in your eyes because they have a beautiful soul, and you'll be glad you didn't dismiss them at first glance.

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What I mean is that your point - that people who are attracted to people who are not heavy are shallow - is absurd.

this is way too tempting:):lol: gonna be good though

Fact is Snow your not my type anyone who says that heavy = unfit/slender = fit is just plain ignorant. And when looking for eternal companion of course its shallow. This is nothing to do with attraction its to do with loving people

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I don't think there's a problem when you look at photos, and find certain women more attractive than others.

But women, but people, are more than images. And when you refuse to give people a chance because they don't meet that ideal photo image you've imagined, I think that is shallow. Give a person a chance, get to know them better, and somebody you didn't initially find attractive might become very beautiful in your eyes because they have a beautiful soul, and you'll be glad you didn't dismiss them at first glance.

If you consider not going out with someone because they don't meet a specific weight range, whatever that range might be, to be equally shallow then congratulations, your ideology is pure. In my experience though someone who states they'll only date super svelte woman comes under a lot more fire than someone who states they prefer them sturdier and wouldn't ever date a super svelte woman.

Edited by Dravin
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Please provide the scriptural references for this supposed doctrine. There is nothing in the scriptures that I'm aware of that says we must do our best to be healthy. It's good advice and important for longevity, but it's not a commandment or doctrine.

1 Corinthians 6

D&C 89

among others.

I can't believe I have to point these out.

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1 Corinthians 6

D&C 89

among others.

I can't believe I have to point these out.

*bolding mine* I can live without the snark, thank you very much.

I asked you for scriptures that back up your stating that being thin was part of the doctrine of treating your body as a temple.

Let's look at your scriptural references.

Dare any of you, having a matter against another, go to law before the unjust, and not before the saints?

2 Do ye not know that the saints shall judge the world? and if the world shall be judged by you, are ye unworthy to judge the smallest matters?

3 Know ye not that we shall judge angels? how much more things that pertain to this life?

4 If then ye have judgments of things pertaining to this life, set them to judge who are least esteemed in the church.

5 I speak to your shame. Is it so, that there is not a wise man among you? no, not one that shall be able to judge between his brethren?

6 But brother goeth to law with brother, and that before the unbelievers.

7 Now therefore there is utterly a fault among you, because ye go to law one with another. Why do ye not rather take wrong? why do ye not rather suffer yourselves to be defrauded?

8 Nay, ye do wrong, and defraud, and that your brethren.

9 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,

10 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.

11 And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.

12 All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.

13 Meats for the belly, and the belly for meats: but God shall destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body.

14 And God hath both raised up the Lord, and will also raise up us by his own power.

15 Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid.

16 What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.

17 But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.

18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.

19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your cown?

20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.

Nothing in this passage says that we are to be skinny. Not one word even remotely close to implying it.

Revelation given through Joseph Smith the Prophet, at Kirtland, Ohio, February 27, 1833. HC 1: 327–329. As a consequence of the early brethren using tobacco in their meetings, the Prophet was led to ponder upon the matter; consequently he inquired of the Lord concerning it. This revelation, known as the Word of Wisdom, was the result. The first three verses were originally written as an inspired introduction and description by the Prophet.

1–9, Use of wine, strong drinks, tobacco, and hot drinks proscribed; 10–17, Herbs, fruits, flesh, and grain are ordained for the use of man and of animals; 18–21, Obedience to gospel law, including the Word of Wisdom, brings temporal and spiritual blessings.

1 A Word OF Wisdom, for the benefit of the council of high priests, assembled in Kirtland, and the church, and also the saints in Zion—

2 To be sent greeting; not by commandment or constraint, but by revelation and the word of wisdom, showing forth the order and will of God in the temporal salvation of all saints in the last days—

3 Given for a principle with promise, adapted to the capacity of the weak and the weakest of all saints, who are or can be called saints.

4 Behold, verily, thus saith the Lord unto you: In consequence of evils and designs which do and will exist in the hearts of conspiring men in the last days, I have warned you, and forewarn you, by giving unto you this word of wisdom by revelation—

5 That inasmuch as any man drinketh wine or strong drink among you, behold it is not good, neither meet in the sight of your Father, only in assembling yourselves together to offer up your sacraments before him.

6 And, behold, this should be wine, yea, pure wine of the grape of the vine, of your own make.

7 And, again, strong drinks are not for the belly, but for the washing of your bodies.

8 And again, tobacco is not for the body, neither for the belly, and is not good for man, but is an herb for bruises and all sick cattle, to be used with judgment and skill.

9 And again, hot drinks are not for the body or belly.

10 And again, verily I say unto you, all wholesome herbs God hath ordained for the constitution, nature, and use of man—

11 Every herb in the season thereof, and every fruit in the season thereof; all these to be used with prudence and thanksgiving.

12 Yea, flesh also of beasts and of the fowls of the air, I, the Lord, have ordained for the use of man with thanksgiving; nevertheless they are to be used sparingly;

13 And it is pleasing unto me that they should not be used, only in times of winter, or of cold, or famine.

14 All grain is ordained for the use of man and of beasts, to be the staff of life, not only for man but for the beasts of the field, and the fowls of heaven, and all wild animals that run or creep on the earth;

15 And these hath God made for the use of man only in times of famine and excess of hunger.

16 All grain is good for the food of man; as also the fruit of the vine; that which yieldeth fruit, whether in the ground or above the ground—

17 Nevertheless, wheat for man, and corn for the ox, and oats for the horse, and rye for the fowls and for swine, and for all beasts of the field, and barley for all useful animals, and for mild drinks, as also other grain.

18 And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the commandments, shall receive health in their navel and marrow to their bones;

19 And shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures;

20 And shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint.

21 And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the destroying angel shall pass by them, as the children of Israel, and not slay them. Amen.

Again nothing is mentioned about the weight of a person. This gives us good guide lines for living a long and healthy life but it says nothing about the physical appearance of a person needing to be thin.

There IS NO doctrine that says we need to be thin to honor our bodies as a temple. This is cultural pressure and a peer constraint that has no place in the actual attributions of these scriptures.

Now if you want to talk about how to live a long life or the importance of being morally clean, well then, we can start a new thread with those scriptures as citation but it is in error to apply them to someone who is struggling with their weight and how they get treated in the dating world.

It is not a sin to be overweight. It is a health concern ONLY. And even then a person who is larger in size is may not be in any way unhealthy but that is their body's make up. A person who is underweight also may actually at health risks too, HOWEVER, no one says to them, "you are not treating your body as a temple, you need to gain weight."

So unless you have any direct scriptures that tell us we are defiling our bodies when we are overweight, your saying it belongs in the "doctrine of our body as a temple" to be in error.

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Cassiopeia,

You didn't ask about scriptures for skinny people. You asked:

There is nothing in the scriptures that I'm aware of that says we must do our best to be healthy.

Being skinny and being healthy are not the same things.

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I went back and looked at the post I commented on. I misread. I thought that what was said was that you being skinny is a part of being healthy and a part of the treating your body like a temple.

Probably because I've heard of this doctrine of your body as a temple being applied so much to someone being overweight...I've heard it in Sunday School over and over again and in observing private conversations, here in the Salt Lake Valley that it wears on my last nerve.

Sorry for the misread.

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I went back and looked at the post I commented on. I misread. I thought that what was said was that you being skinny is a part of being healthy and a part of the treating your body like a temple.

Probably because I've heard of this doctrine of your body as a temple being applied so much to someone being overweight...I've heard it in Sunday School over and over again and in observing private conversations, here in the Salt Lake Valley that it wears on my last nerve.

Sorry for the misread.

No problem, Cassiopeia. I am also sorry if I sounded snarky. It wasn't my intent. I did not think that you are asking about being skinny instead of being healthy and if there's anybody big on healthy lifestyle it's the LDS folks. That's why I said I can't believe I'm posting scriptural references on an LDS forum to explain why it is important to be healthy because I thought that was a given for an LDS member.

I don't base health on weight. I base health on... health. Weight versus proportion can be a sign of an imbalance though. For example, weight gain can be a symptom of hormonal imbalance. Weight loss can be a symptom of hyperthyroidism. Etc.

A police academy instructor where I live is 6'2" 240lbs. My husband is 6'2" 195 lbs. Both super healthy people. There is 45 lbs of difference between them - 45 pounds of muscle. Nothing unhealthy about either one.

I'm 25 lbs heavier now than I was 10 years ago. Still healthy.

But, at the same time, a lot of people use the "I'm big boned" or "I wanna look like Lindsey Lohan" excuse instead of addressing unhealthy habits.

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this is way too tempting:):lol: gonna be good though

Fact is Snow your not my type anyone who says that heavy = unfit/slender = fit is just plain ignorant. And when looking for eternal companion of course its shallow. This is nothing to do with attraction its to do with loving people

Seriously? That's your point?

Your childish insults aside, you'd have us believe that obesity is unrelated to fitness. A simple exercise will suffice. Let's say you were putting together a 5 member team to, oh, say, climb Mt Denali or maybe relay run Marathon relay and in a room you had your choice of 10 people: 5 with a healthy BMI (5"7"; 120-160lbs) and 5 with an obese BMI (5'7": 200-320lbs). You may pick the obese people but those of us in the real world would likely try and improve our chances of having the fittest crew by picking people who weren't obese.

Your 2nd point was as laughably absurd and your previous point. I can understand why you might want to draw away attention from your first point by changing the subject but now you've compounded your error.

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Guest mirancs8

Seriously? That's your point?

Your childish insults aside, you'd have us believe that obesity is unrelated to fitness. A simple exercise will suffice. Let's say you were putting together a 5 member team to, oh, say, climb Mt Denali or maybe relay run Marathon relay and in a room you had your choice of 10 people: 5 with a healthy BMI (5"7"; 120-160lbs) and 5 with an obese BMI (5'7": 200-320lbs). You may pick the obese people but those of us in the real world would likely try and improve our chances of having the fittest crew by picking people who weren't obese.

Your 2nd point was as laughably absurd and your previous point. I can understand why you might want to draw away attention from your first point by changing the subject but now you've compounded your error.

You aren't seriously comparing meeting someone and building a relationship to a marathon are you?

There are people who are heavy that are fit. Not many but there are. I've met people who are heavy and have better health then someone who is thin. Sometimes it's the genetics it's not always the weight that makes one fit and healthy.

When I meet someone I'm not sizing him up that he's got some man boobs, he doesn't have a tight tush, or his gut is hanging over his belt a bit... no I'm working on getting to know him as a person. I really could care less if he can climb Mt Denali or run a Marathon. I do however care if he can climb the challenges of marriage and run the course without giving up!!

Marriage is complex and when meeting someone there is far more then appearance that needs to be the determining factor. Sure there are some people who are heavily into looks, and yes if you are focused majority wise in looks you are being shallow. You are putting to much value to the surface and not the depth of that person. But hey if that's your thing run with it! All the power to you. You will attract equally shallow people and when one day you develop your man boobs, and other "things" sail south she'll be sure to point it out to you.

I have met a many of overweight people who could out run, out lift, and out do a thin person any day. Not all people who are chiseled and athletic are healthy. Some due to their genetics, medications and such tack on some pounds but that doesn't change them on the inside. Sure we all want to be healthy and fit but you don't have to look like a magazine cover to be so. How you feel in your own skin is what matters and a man/women will love you for the person you are. Be who you are and people around you will be drawn to that. Be your honest true self.

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You aren't seriously comparing meeting someone and building a relationship to a marathon are you?

Uh, no. The previous poster's point was if you think that weight is related to fitness then you are ignorant and I opined on the absurdity of that point.

It could be true that someone like you completely ignores a person's appearance when "sizing them up" but I doubt it. People make judgements about other people's acceptability as a possible mate on a combination of factors and appearance is one of them. Not everyone is going to marry Brad Pitt or Kate Beckinsale but people generally marry within some boundary of similar looks. Making exceptions of big money, big power or big celebrity, beautiful people marry beautiful people, average marry average and so on.

Sure, maybe looks is not tops on everyone's shopping list, but it's always on the list, and contrary to the laughable point made before, considering various physical characteristics in one's potential mate does not not make one superficial - it makes one human.

Edited by Snow
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