The Visiting Teacher who never visits...

[Guest mirancs8]

About a month ago I was asked to be a Visiting Teacher. My partner in arms is a Sister I know somewhat well and is a life long member born into the church. She actually was a director at my kids school and she and I were pleasantly surprised to see each other at church when I joined that Ward a year ago. I have 3 families I am assigned to.

The RS president told me that my partner would call me and get things going. I waited patiently for 2 weeks and finally grabbed her before she started teaching to say hey I was told you were going to call me I just want you to know I'm here and available. I asked her if she wanted me to start making phone calls... start setting up times... tell me her availability for the next week or two... and so forth. She excitedly told me how happy she was to be teamed up with me and that she has my number and will call me. Another week goes by and I'm feeling guilty because we should have already visited these families by now! So last week I talk to her again and she excitedly says she knows the one family very well and will call them and the others... ow and what was my availability though I don't think she was even paying attention to what I was saying. I didn't put much weight to her commitment.

I made sure to say hello to her when I walked into Sacrament today to make sure seeing my face would bring it all back again. I sat 2 rows behind her and she left 5 min. before it was over to prepare for her class (she does this every week).

My problem is that I am an action person. When you assign me to do something I will flip my life around to accommodate my new responsibility. I'm trying to remind myself that not everyone is like this... but I will confess it's becoming hard to keep my patients. It's about 1 hour for each of the 3 families a month... why is this so difficult for some to accomplish. JUST DO IT!!!

On top of that we had a "talk" from one of our church leaders 4 weeks ago on how very bad our numbers are for visiting families. People aren't doing their visits and such... it was bad. Following this bad news we received a 30 minute lecture on how we need to step up to the plate and take our callings seriously.

I know first hand how important my Home Teachers and Visiting Teachers are to me. I'm very fortunately that they come consistently every month. My Home Teachers last month came twice!! Because I know what a blessing it is for me each time they come I feel it is so important for me to do my part. I want these families to know I am there for them. But since I am new to the church and relying on the more experienced partner it has left me in a bit of a pickle.

I will confess it's a bit of a pain to be partnered with someone who doesn't have the same attitude towards things.

So this is my dilemma. Anyone else run into the issue of the Visiting Teacher who never visits... or lacks consistent visiting? So tell me is this the norm? Am I expecting to much? It just doesn't sit well with me to not visit these families just because I have a partner who probably doesn't care either way. This has been bothering me a great deal because I agreed to take the calling and now I can't fulfill my duty... UGH!!!

[mormonboy51]

Sadly it seems to be a norm within the church. There are great teachers and terrible ones. I suggest trying to motivate your partner. I really dont know what to say because I have never been able to overcome this either. (my home teaching partner is my dad...)

[UrbanFool]

What? It's not even the last Sunday of the month yet!

I'm the same as you. Once I get a project, I need to get moving on it. Perhaps you could put together a few lesson ideas and use them as an excuse to talk to her about it again. Some people get to saying yes so often that they hardly accomplish anything although they're always doing something!

I know the Ensign has a teaching lesson in it and all, but I always thought that was kind of, well, stupid since hopefully everyone reads their Ensign the second it shows up in the mailbox. I'm probably sadly mistaken. But if my home teacher continues to use the Ensign to teach ME something, I'm gonna know it before he does.

[Elgama]

Go by yourself or grab another sister.

[Suzie]

why is this so difficult for some to accomplish. JUST DO IT!!!

I believe there are many factors. From lack of interest, to special circumstances. I know because I was a very active VT until Heavenly Father has given some real, life-long challenges to my family that prevented me to do it the way I used to (I still do but before I used to go out of my way for the families I visited, unfortunately no longer I can do it).

I am pretty sure, a lot of people assumed for a while I did not want to do it, lack of commitment or probably I was lazy. I know because I used to think like that about others until my world suddenly came to a change.

So even though I know there ARE sisters who may not be interested, there are others with genuine problems that few people know about, so personally I would suggest to find out the reason behind her apparent lack of commitment. Every home is a world in itself.

On top of that we had a "talk" from one of our church leaders 4 weeks ago on how very bad our numbers are for visiting families. People aren't doing their visits and such... it was bad. Following this bad news we received a 30 minute lecture on how we need to step up to the plate and take our callings seriously.

I also think when we (as a church) start worrying less about the "numbers" and more about the "souls and hearts" of those we visit, we may be able to be more successful in getting the sisters out there visiting.

[Guest mirancs8]

Sadly it seems to be a norm within the church. There are great teachers and terrible ones. I suggest trying to motivate your partner. I really dont know what to say because I have never been able to overcome this either. (my home teaching partner is my dad...)

Boy you've got it tough don't you... your partner is your dad. Ow my I've had a few people tell me that as well that there are great teachers and terrible teachers. I fortunately got the great ones. There is one Sister who I am very close with who has yet to see her Home Teachers since she came into our Ward over a year ago. I've went as far as bring it up to one of the Brothers who sets the Home Teacher schedule. I have yet to hear that she has had a visit. I think she unfortunately had the bad ones:(

[Wingnut]

Mirancs, I'm pretty much your partner. I have no problem doing the visiting teaching, but I hate making the arrangements and the phone calls. I just really don't like it. With my last companion, we had an arrangements where she would (checking with my availability, of course) always make the appointments and I would always share the message. When she'd be out of town, our visits wouldn't happen, because I just don't make those calls. Maybe you could suggest something like this -- tell your companion that you're happy to make the phone calls, and would she like to share the message this month? Take the initiative to DO, not just to encourage her to do. And if it still doesn't pan out, you can go alone, if you're comfortable with that.

Good luck!

[pam]

I'm with those that have said, grab another sister or go alone. I've had to do that numerous times over the years.

[WindRiver]

Another vote to go by yourself or with some other sister so you can get it done.

( I assume there are no rules about sisters not visiting alone like there are for the brothers?)

On the time spent, do you really need to stay an HOUR? I have been told 20 minutes to 30 max for home teaching unless there was some compelling reason to stay longer. Do the RS guidelines actually suggest an hour for each visit?

Edited July 26, 2010 by WindRiver

[Wingnut]

Another vote to go by yourself or with some other sister so you can get it done.

On the time spent, do you really need to stay an HOUR? I have been told 20 minutes to 30 max for home teaching unless there was some compelling reason to stay longer. Do the RS guidelines actually suggest an hour for each visit?

No.

[Guest mirancs8]

UrbanFool Said:

What? It's not even the last Sunday of the month yet!

I'm the same as you. Once I get a project, I need to get moving on it. Perhaps you could put together a few lesson ideas and use them as an excuse to talk to her about it again. Some people get to saying yes so often that they hardly accomplish anything although they're always doing something!

I know the Ensign has a teaching lesson in it and all, but I always thought that was kind of, well, stupid since hopefully everyone reads their Ensign the second it shows up in the mailbox. I'm probably sadly mistaken. But if my home teacher continues to use the Ensign to teach ME something, I'm gonna know it before he does.

For me I would like to meet with the family once to get to know them so that I can gear the lesson towards them. My Visiting Teachers have been a great example of this. Of course they do the Ensign lesson which yes I agree I’ve already read it, but they also come with a message that they know is geared towards what I need right now in my life. They base it off of knowing my situation at this time. It means a lot to me that they take the time to even do that.

For example, my one Visiting Teacher was telling me about when her and her husband were going through a very difficult period in their lives. The economy when bad, they lost all the properties that they owned, renters weren’t paying, their properties as well as their own personal home was being foreclosed on, and they had 3 small children. Their once explosive bank account was now zero. His business had completely collapsed, as did any other resources of money coming in. She said they were in a desperate situation and she wanted to find Joy in her life again. She decided to get one of those give away copies of the Book of Mormon and highlight anything that had to do with Joy. She researched talks and such as well and to this day she has that highlighted copy of her BoM. She even had it with her and was showing me. Now their lives are picking up again and her husband has started a new business. Things are looking good.

The following day she brought over to my home a small gift bag with a BoM, highlighter, and a small loaf of bread. She told me to find what it is that I am seeking in my life and to do like she did and highlight all scripture that relates to that topic. She was seeking Joy… I am seeking peace in my heart and happiness. So I have been doing just that, highlighting and reading talks on those topics. It has been a HUGE help for me over the past few months. A small and simple thing she shared and it has helped me tremendously.

I believe there are many factors. From lack of interest, to special circumstances. I know because I was a very active VT until Heavenly Father has given some real, life-long challenges to my family that prevented me to do it the way I used to (I still do but before I used to go out of my way for the families I visited, unfortunately no longer I can do it).

I am pretty sure, a lot of people assumed for a while I did not want to do it, lack of commitment or probably I was lazy. I know because I used to think like that about others until my world suddenly came to a change.

So even though I know there ARE sisters who may not be interested, there are others with genuine problems that few people know about, so personally I would suggest to find out the reason behind her apparent lack of commitment. Every home is a world in itself.

I also think when we (as a church) start worrying less about the "numbers" and more about the "souls and hearts" of those we visit, we may be able to be more successful in getting the sisters out there visiting.

Interesting, thank you for sharing. So do you think it’s a problem with not being able to say no to a calling? When they asked me it wasn’t in a way that made me feel like I had to accept or that they were pushing it on me. I could have said no if my life at this time would not give me the ability to fulfill that calling. Just wondering because I know there are people who say yes with good intent but as reality sets in they realize they can’t do it. Maybe people aren’t realistic about their lives at that moment? We might be to quick to say yes when we should look at the entire picture of our lives at that moment. I know I did that when they asked me. I asked myself can I honestly do this. My answer was yes.

Regarding the numbers yes that 30 minute lecture was more about "souls and hearts" of those we visit. It was very heartfelt I don’t want it to sound like it was a data driven speech because it wasn’t. Sorry if I made it sound that way. I just felt so badly for those who may really need those visits and what could we do as Sisters to change it. Being so new myself I don’t want to seem like pushy Nelly as you can imagine LOL!!

Wingnut Said:

Mirancs, I'm pretty much your partner. I have no problem doing the visiting teaching, but I hate making the arrangements and the phone calls. I just really don't like it. With my last companion, we had an arrangements where she would (checking with my availability, of course) always make the appointments and I would always share the message. When she'd be out of town, our visits wouldn't happen, because I just don't make those calls. Maybe you could suggest something like this -- tell your companion that you're happy to make the phone calls, and would she like to share the message this month? Take the initiative to DO, not just to encourage her to do. And if it still doesn't pan out, you can go alone, if you're comfortable with that.

OK, which Ward is it that you belong to again… just kidding By nature I’m not a phone person. I know it’s sad. I am a text/email person unfortunately. BUT with that said if I need to make calls I’m on it right then and there. I have no issue calling someone when I have to. Trust me after the first visit I will have their cell phone number AND their email addresses ha ha ha.

I’ve told her that I would take the initiative on it but she seems very content to take care of it. Maybe because I’m new she’s taking that “I’ll take you under my wing” mentality? But I did make it very clear to her I would be more then happy to make the calls I just need her to give me her availability.

Pam Said:

I'm with those that have said, grab another sister or go alone. I've had to do that numerous times over the years.

Great suggestion. I will have to work on doing that. I would like to go with someone the first time but after that I have no issue to go alone. I enjoy visiting people.

WindRiver Said:

Another vote to go by yourself or with some other sister so you can get it done.

On the time spent, do you really need to stay an HOUR? I have been told 20 minutes to 30 max for home teaching unless there was some compelling reason to stay longer. Do the RS guidelines actually suggest an hour for each visit?

Good question. I can’t imagine you have to spend an hour with each. It will all depend like you said if there was a reason to stay. Mine have stayed longer then an hour on occasion I hate to confess. If the kids are home they spend some time with them, I usually attempt to feed them something, and we not only talk about the lesson or me we also talk about them. So the hour goes very quickly at my house when they come. I think that on both ends we are enjoying the time spent so it passes quickly.

[crazypotato]

This is a common problem.

You need to call and make the appointments. Your partner probably doesn't have a testimony of visiting teaching. Lots of women don't. Instead of being irritated and harping on her to go (not saying you are doing that), you just have to go by yourself and keep inviting your partner. You never know what is going on in her personal life. My partner rarely goes with me and never went before, but I just found out her personal life is a mess and her family business is about to go under, so I really think that she has to take care of her livelihood right now.

Maybe suggest going to lunch with each of your people. Some people are very uncomfortable sitting in someone else's living room for an hour making small talk and then giving a lesson. I think sometimes you have to break the ice by going out to lunch or to a movie.

[rameumptom]

Just tell her you are available on these three dates, and ask her which are best for her. Then tell her you will make the phone calls to set things up. Don't wait on her, you step up and drag her along.

[mormonboy51]

I thought it would work until my dad said he couldnt do it on the first date because he was out of town, 2nd date because he had to watch ESPN for information on U of U going to the Pac10 and the 3rd date because he was going to be sick...

[Suzie]

Interesting, thank you for sharing. So do you think it’s a problem with not being able to say no to a calling? When they asked me it wasn’t in a way that made me feel like I had to accept or that they were pushing it on me. I could have said no if my life at this time would not give me the ability to fulfill that calling. Just wondering because I know there are people who say yes with good intent but as reality sets in they realize they can’t do it. Maybe people aren’t realistic about their lives at that moment? We might be to quick to say yes when we should look at the entire picture of our lives at that moment. I know I did that when they asked me. I asked myself can I honestly do this. My answer was yes.

Well remember VT is a calling that you are expected to fulfill as soon as you join RS (you are not set apart, etc). Also, keep in mind that certain unexpected situations come into people's lives. Someone may say yes and in few weeks things could drastically change. In my case, I ensured to let my RS President know what I was able to handle at that time so I did not waste the time of anyone.

[kimiko]

Boy you've got it tough don't you... your partner is your dad.

Ha! I got that beat. My visiting teacher is my mother-in-law. lol.

Luckily, I like her.

[Guest mirancs8]

Ha! I got that beat. My visiting teacher is my mother-in-law. lol.

Luckily, I like her.

OMG!! OK yes you got that beat!!! I can see you both standing at the door bickering over who should ring the door bell and finally swatting her with the Ensign LOL!!

[johnnylingo]

You could pick a few convenient times and ask your companion to choose the best one. Or you could ask her to sign a card, then drop it off with a plate of muffins at your visit teachee's house alone. Or you could call your visit teachees.

In any case, be patient with your companion. Who knows what kind of challenges she is facing in her life right now?

[jayanna]

I have not had a vt partner for several years, at first I was disappointed, but now I'm starting to like it. The sisters in my ward are instructed by the RS pres. not to teach the family, but only the sister on our list...I have found that my assigned sisters are much more likely to share their true concerns when it is just me and when their families aren't around.

Maybe you could request to do it alone?

[Guest]

Sad to say, for the past months... hmm... it might be going on almost a year... I AM just like your partner. I tell you right now, I have 4 in my route, I only visited two once the past 4 months.

My partner and I are both on the same boat. She's just waiting for me to do some action. Well, that's probably because I promised her I would...

It would be great if you get to be my partner and you go ahead and take the reins. Just approach me on Sunday and say, "hey, I'm going to set up all 3 appointments this week, do you have a preference on a day?" I would probably say, "oh, yeah that would really help me out so schedule anything after 6pm except on Wednesdays." Then you're probably gonna go and set up all the appointments for the week and you call me on Monday and say, "hey, we got an appointment with Sister X at 6:00 on Tuesday and Sister Y at 7:00, but Sister Z is only available on Wednesday, so I went ahead and scheduled that at 7:00, but I can go by myself if you can't make it."

Then what's probably gonna happen is I'm going to forget that I was supposed to meet you on Tuesday... because my son has MMA on that day (busy mom juggling 500 things at a time)... so you end up visiting the sisters on your own. Then, because I felt bad for leaving you on your own, I would skip out on gym on Wednesday and go with you to visit Sister Z.

It makes me feel better that my sisters finally got visited and a load got lifted off my shoulders because you were willing to drag me along without judging me for my weakness.

If the church's foundation was dependent on my shoulders, the church would topple in under 3 hours. You can probably take on that foundation for 300 years. So, yeah, please, drag me along. I'm not perfect but I can sing karaoke... I'm great at that. :)

Edited August 2, 2010 by anatess

[brendaewilson]

Would love to have you "go getters" in my new ward, just moved in. I am the Relief Society President and see at least 30 women a month if not more and love visiting with them. Getting the ward sisters to love visiting teaching is my biggest challenge. Keep up the Lord's work, be an example and you'll be blessed.

[semodex]

Ask to VT by yourself. Tell your RS President you will even take the majority of the list.

[Guest DeborahC]

When I was inactive, the visiting teacher I had sent me a cut out xeroxed note in the mail once a month.

It was very cold and impersonal.

I realize she was probably busy and I should be thankful she took the time to lick the stamp.

But when you're depressed and wondering if Church is really on your menu, a smiling face and a warm hug sure can make a difference.

I'd say grab someone else (if that's not against the rules) and go VISIT!

There are sisters out there who might actually come BACK to church if it seemed like someone cared...

Anyway... that's my 2 cents worth.

[eternalpromise516]

my visiting teachers have been my life savers when i was going through a rough time back in january. i was just getting over my half-year mark of being a new convert, and things were a little touchy. i wasn't really wanting to go to church or do much other than go to classes, do homework, go home to see my family, and sleep. but thanks to my amazing visiting teachers and some other women in the ward, including my RS president, i persevered through and am going stronger than ever. i still get like that sometimes, but i think we all do at one time or another in our lives.

i'm actually assigned to teach with someone who moved out, and am currently teaching by myself. which i actually love doing! when i first was introduced into the VT rotation, i was assigned to a triplet companion set of all YSA women, and despite multiple efforts of contact, i had to go out and go by myself. luckily, all of the sisters i had to visit were two i go to college here with, one that lives nearby, and another i talk to all the time. we had assignment changes in the summer, and i never received a list of who i'm supposed to be teaching, so i've just kept doing the girls i had before. however, i've yet to receive any VT myself. we had an appointment set-up, but then one's daughter got sick and had to go to the doctor, which is so unfortunate. but, i'm thinking about asking for different teachers or someone in particular.

so definitely go out there and get to your sisters if that's what it takes! try working on getting things straightened out with your companion first, but if it's getting towards the end of the month and you still have been able to work something out, then go get 'em sistah!!!!

[Guest DeborahC]

I just want to say that after being inactive for 14 years, one of the things that brought me BACK to church were my visiting teachers. When the rest of the world seemed against me, their smiling faces, their hugs, their attention made me know I was loved and valued.

There were times I told them I was busy, mostly because I was ashamed of my life.

But I still wanted to get their call.

So please don't get discouraged... just keep on doing what you're supposed to do.

And if you feel it's a drudgery, pray...

because it is a very important calling, and it should never be a drudgery to love another Sister.