sleeping in the same bed before temple marriage

[browneyedgurl]

i dont really know where to post this question,

but i have looked all over lds.org for my question to be awnsered and i cant find a crystal clear awnser.

Is it okay to sleep together in the same bed before temple marriage?

If a couple has been sleeping in the same bed before wanting a temple marriage will the bishop tell them they arent worthy to get married in the temple or will he just tell them to stop spending nights together?

Edited August 2, 2010 by browneyedgurl

[FunkyTown]

That's between her and the bishop. If she can honestly say that she hasn't broken the law of chastity, then thumbs up for her!

[browneyedgurl]

is sleeping in the same bed breaking the law of chastity though?

[Guest]

It is not breaking the law of chastity if your sister is married to her husband - even if it is not a temple marriage. Other than that - yes, it could be deemed breaking the law of chastity even if they didn't have sex. (That's up to her and her bishop). There's just no good reason to sleep on the same bed before marriage other than World War III breaking out and your sister had to bunk in an underground cavern with him.

Edited August 2, 2010 by anatess

[FunkyTown]

is sleeping in the same bed breaking the law of chastity though?

No, but it's a dangerous slope and would be frowned upon because it could so easily cause transgression.

[Dravin]

is sleeping in the same bed breaking the law of chastity though?

I should hope not. I had family staying this past week and my nephew (3ish years old) crawled into bed with me at like 2 in the morning, I didn't have the heart or the energy to kick him out.

[browneyedgurl]

It is not breaking the law of chastity if your sister is married to her husband - even if it is not a temple marriage.

they are not married yet just starting to plan the wedding

[Guest]

they are not married yet just starting to plan the wedding

So, they're living together before the wedding... Hmmm... don't think they can get a temple wedding, but that's just me. The bishop may still give them recommends, seeing that he may know something that we don't. They have to marry civilly first while they work on some kind of repentance process.

[Suzie]

they are not married yet just starting to plan the wedding

Just curious, why do they sleep together in the same bed if they are engaged and not yet married? That's odd. Furniture problem?

[browneyedgurl]

i think its cause they cant handle being apart from each other

they both have their own bedrooms at differant places if thats what your asking? lol

[MarginOfError]

Technically the question would be "does sharing a bed qualify as sexual relations?" since the definition of the law of chastity is that "men and women shall not have sexual relations except with whom they are legally and lawfully married."

Obviously, it is necessary to know what else is happening in the bed, if anything.

Ultimately, it's up to her and her bishop to decide. Personally, if it were up to me and she showed that kind of flippancy toward the situation, I don't know that I'd consider her ready for temple covenants at all. But to be fair, my decision could be swayed by whether or not I'm having a bad day already.

[Guest]

i think its cause they cant handle being apart from each other

Kids.

I hate to say this, but I don't think this has the formula of a lasting marriage. Usually, if you go around your basic principles because your lust is winning over your love, you have a partnership that will throw away basic principles of a Marriage when the honeymoon is over. So, yeah, I'm no bishop but that's not a temple marriage deal to me.

[MarginOfError]

i think its cause they cant handle being apart from each other

they both have their own bedrooms at differant places if thats what your asking? lol

This is where I have a problem. I can't be bothered to be away from him long enough to drive home and get some sleep in my own bed, even if it does give the appearance of indiscretion.

But forget the chastity issues. If they can't stand to be across town from each other, doesn't that imply some kind of ludicrous enmeshment? Are they really mature enough to be talking about marriage if that's how they're behaving? This whole situation just feels wrong to me.

[MarginOfError]

Kids.

I hate to say this, but I don't think this has the formula of a lasting marriage. Usually, if you go around your basic principles because your lust is winning over your love, you have a partnership that will throw away basic principles of a Marriage when the honeymoon is over. So, yeah, I'm no bishop but that's not a temple marriage deal to me.

We don't know how much lust has to do with this, anatess. There could be a number of reasons why they can't stand to be away from each other.

But I'll agree with you, any of those reasons are an indication to me that they're not ready to be married.

[beefche]

I'm curious to know about those people who live with someone of the opposite sex? They have separate bedrooms but live together to save money. What is the likelihood of receiving a temple recommend? What if the 2 are dating, but still live the law of chastity?

[NeuroTypical]

If all that was left on planet earth, was a bunch of people who were not married, but were sharing the same bed, there would be children 9 months later. It's a fact of human behavior.

LM

[applepansy]

At the very least sleeping in the same bed prior to marriage is an OPEN DOOR INVITATION for temptation!

As Neal A Maxwell said (paraphrase) If you don't want to be tempted don't place yourself in situation where you will be tempted.

[browneyedgurl]

were all pretty aware that sleeping in the same bed can lead to sex, but is it a sin to simple sleep in the same bed before marriage and only have disney little mermaid kisses. so pretty much my main question is it wrong to simply sleep in your pajamas and cuddle all night before marriage? it sounds harmless right? is there some sort of church talk or somewhere that can clear this up?

[UrbanFool]

Why does this sound like a pair of 16 year olds?

[MarginOfError]

were all pretty aware that sleeping in the same bed can lead to sex, but is it a sin to simple sleep in the same bed before marriage and only have disney little mermaid kisses. so pretty much my main question is it wrong to simply sleep in your pajamas and cuddle all night before marriage? it sounds harmless right? is there some sort of church talk or somewhere that can clear this up?

Like I said before, there is nothing technically wrong with it--meaning, no, what you describe does not violate the law of chastity.

But there are plenty of other issues that are manifest in an insistence that such behavior is appropriate, wholesome, or in keeping with the the thirteenth Article of Faith. The behavior is a manifestation of a fundamental ignorance of God's expectations for His children. It's an attitude of "how much can I get away with," and not an attitude of humbling one's self before God and seeking to do His will.

So yes, the more I think about it, the more I think a wise bishop ought to decline them temple recommends so long as this behavior persisted.

Keep in mind, sometimes it isn't enough to not sin, but we need to not be sinning with the right attitude. Your sister and her fiance are not sinning with a really lousy attitude.

[Cassiopeia]

I'm curious to know about those people who live with someone of the opposite sex? They have separate bedrooms but live together to save money. What is the likelihood of receiving a temple recommend? What if the 2 are dating, but still live the law of chastity?

My ex husband's grandfather lived with this lady who was his friends for many many years after his wife died. They had separate rooms, no intimate relations though she desperately wished he would marry her. They both held recommends.

were all pretty aware that sleeping in the same bed can lead to sex, but is it a sin to simple sleep in the same bed before marriage and only have disney little mermaid kisses. so pretty much my main question is it wrong to simply sleep in your pajamas and cuddle all night before marriage? it sounds harmless right? is there some sort of church talk or somewhere that can clear this up?

Okay if these two are really that attached to one another and I'm not so old I can't remember how hard it is to say good night and they sleep in the same bed cuddling all night, if they haven't already been messing around, they are courting disaster.

I'd tell them to knock that off so as not to take chances of not having recommends when the time comes to be ready.

[crazypotato]

Ha ha ha ha! I am having flashbacks of being engaged.

On the flip side, my friend once said, "If an engaged couple isn't having severe problems with keeping the law of chastity, they are going to have a terrible marriage."

Do any of you remember what it is like to be engaged and how handsy and lusty you both are? I thought that was normal. Yes, they are being stupid, but normal. They should just hurry up and set up a temple date, in my opinion. Stop putting off the marriage if they haven't technically done anything wrong so far, yes they will soooooonnn. Doesn't mean they are immature or bad people.

I am just laughing my butt off. Were all of you married people on here, when you were engaged, shaking each others hands good night and kissing each other on the forehead, or did someone need to throw a bucket of ice water on your heads? I thought the latter was normal. Hee hee hee! So funny!

[Cassiopeia]

Ha ha ha ha! I am having flashbacks of being engaged.

On the flip side, my friend once said, "If an engaged couple isn't having severe problems with keeping the law of chastity, they are going to have a terrible marriage."

Do any of you remember what it is like to be engaged and how handsy and lusty you both are? I thought that was normal. Yes, they are being stupid, but normal. They should just hurry up and set up a temple date, in my opinion. Stop putting off the marriage if they haven't technically done anything wrong so far, yes they will soooooonnn. Doesn't mean they are immature or bad people.

I am just laughing my butt off. Were all of you married people on here, when you were engaged, shaking each others hands good night and kissing each other on the forehead, or did someone need to throw a bucket of ice water on your heads? I thought the latter was normal. Hee hee hee! So funny!

Oh my word, I thought this same thing. I was like. what planet are these people from that they can be so cool headed about being in love and lust. I mean come on, a good match includes being physically attracted and there's nothing wrong with that. It's what you do with it that can be.

*dumps a bucket of Icewater on crazypotato*

What? I thought it seemed like the right thing to do.

[browneyedgurl]

thank you everyone for your opinion. i dont think they are bad people or anything like that i myself did not get married in the temple because i was not worthy i know how great the temptation is and have failed in the face of it. telling them to knock it off will only drive them to do more, they are both old enough to make their own decisions. if someone tells you not to do something it only makes you want to do that thing more.

so that is not what i want to do. i just know they want to be married in the temple and hope that they still can.

[Cassiopeia]

thank you everyone for your opinion. i dont think they are bad people or anything like that i myself did not get married in the temple because i was not worthy i know how great the temptation is and have failed in the face of it. telling them to knock it off will only drive them to do more, they are both old enough to make their own decisions. if someone tells you not to do something it only makes you want to do that thing more.

so that is not what i want to do. i just know they want to be married in the temple and hope that they still can.

well in the context that they want a temple wedding, you should tell them to knock it off then. You aren't telling them they have to get married in the temple, they want it. So remind them they are tempting fate and to stop what they are doing if getting married in the temple means that much to them.

You see, no forcing them just reasonable and rational advice :)