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KCorner

Sealing to baby that passed away?

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This isn't a question about who should be sealed to a baby that passed away. But more of a moral obligation question.

My dad and my mom divorced around 25 years ago. They had several children, but one baby (middle child) died at only 4 months old. After their divorce, they both remarried but only recently were sealed to their spouses. My parents had a very hard divorce and can barely stand to be near each other... they don't talk even at family events. They are not only still anger with one another, I think they are a bit bitter.

My sibling are now deciding who to be sealed to. I just heard that my oldest brother is going to be sealed to my dad next week along with my brother that passed away as a baby. My older brother hasn't had the courage to tell my mom but that is for him to decide. But my mom also doesn't know about my other brother that died being sealed to my dad. In the past, my mom has said to me in private that she doesn't care who he is sealed to as long as he is sealed to one of them.

The problem is... my dad hasn't told my mom that he is going to have my brother that died sealed to him. I don't want to tell my mom because it will crush her and she will be angry. Do I call my dad and ask him to tell her or do I stay out of it? I don't want to get in the middle but I don't want my mom to get hurt yet again.

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Let me get a clarifcation. Is your oldest brother being sealed to your dad only or to your stepmother as well?

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Isn't it possible to be sealed to both sets of parents? I thought I heard that someone had been sealed to both the biological parents as well as their adoptive parents.

I am 28 years old and have had this decision (who to choose) plague me for many years. I have never heard of being able to be sealed to both sets of parents (and their spouses) after they were divorced. I have only ever known I could be sealed to one set of parents. That is my parents understanding too. I would like to know if that is true.

My parents are my parents, my step parents are my step parents. I have no adoptive parents.

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I am 28 years old and have had this decision (who to choose) plague me for many years. I have never heard of being able to be sealed to both sets of parents (and their spouses) after they were divorced. I have only ever known I could be sealed to one set of parents. That is my parents understanding too. I would like to know if that is true.

My parents are my parents, my step parents are my step parents. I have no adoptive parents.

KC, it used to be that you could only be sealed to one set of parents, but over the last several years, with changes in society and families being split like yours, situations are not so black and white anymore. I was born in the covenant, so it's not anything I've personally been through, but give this thread a little time on the boards -- you'll likely find someone here who either has dealt with this themselves, or is a temple ordinance worker and might be able to answer your questions. Good luck with everything!

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I just called the Provo Temple and spoke with the Recorder who told me that since the child is deceased, he can be sealed to both sets of parents. If the child were alive only one set of parents would be allowed to have him sealed to them.

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I think Havejoy is right, have the baby sealed to both parents, I think in the millenium there will be a lot of sorting things out. So we probably don't have to worry too much about the technicalities right now.

As far as your mother, I don't know if I would tell her, and if she one day decides to seal that baby to herself, don't tell her she can't. Let her do it and it all can be sorted out in the millenium.

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I would call your Dad and let him know that the child can be sealed to both he and his ex-wife. Ask him to call her and tell her he is doing it now but that she can also do it later. No harm, no foul. He isn't taking anything away from her so it should be a non issue. If he isn't comfortable calling her I think it would be okay for you to do it. Just tell your Dad you're going to.

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If it were me, I'd seek out a spouse that was worthy to enter the temple and be sealed to that person. Then I'd not worry about which parent to get sealed to. I'd wait until I was dead and be sealed to them both and allow myself to make a more informed decision under much better advice.

I also wouldn't say a thing to your mother since the child can be sealed to her anyway.

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MarginOfError,

I know I can be sealed to my husband and not be sealed to my parents but I know that there is an importance to being sealed to one's parents so I wish to be.

I'm not planning on telling my mom... it isn't my place. But I think I will talk to my dad.

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MarginOfError,

I know I can be sealed to my husband and not be sealed to my parents but I know that there is an importance to being sealed to one's parents so I wish to be.

What's the importance, though? Your sealing to your parents has very little to do with your eligibility for salvation. At some point, the link has to be made, but with such a foggy understanding of the eternities, I'd be happy to delay that decision until more information was available.

I'm not saying you can't or shouldn't choose a parent. I'm just saying that if it were me, I wouldn't.

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For those in the "don't tell Mom" camp I have a question. How do you think Mom is going to feel when she takes her family group sheet to the temple to have this deceased child sealed to her and her new spouse and finds out that the child has already been sealed to her ex and his new spouse?

It doesn't matter if she can have the baby sealed to her and her husband also. Its going to hurt like no other and to find that out in the temple is going to crush her.

OP's Dad need to step up and be a man. Not a jerk. I don't normally recommend children, even adult children, be placed in the middle of divorced parents. But somebody needs to tell Mom before she finds out another way.

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i have to agree with apple here. i think the mom should be told.

quite honestly i think the bishop should have to do it. someone is having to approve the living ordinance for the dad, that bishop (or stake pres) should contact the mom and inform her what is going on (she also should know that her living son is being sealed, especially if he can only be sealed to one of them) and that she can be sealed to the one child also when she is ready.

the church requires a letter from a living ex spouse when someone is re-sealed (when obviously the first sealing is unwanted). i hardly see how it's a far stretch to require a letter to the living mother of a child that is about to be sealed. especially if that mother is also active in the church and may want to be sealed to the child also.

when the church allows for such complicated sealings they are getting in the middle of ppl's personal lives. if they are in the middle they need to take full accountability in that position.

but all that is my opinion. i can't add anything to this thread about knowledge of how this particular situation actually works. lol

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I agree with you Apple that my mom should be told. That is why I am asking the question. I just don't want to be the one to tell my mom because I'm not the one who should in the first place. I think it should be my dad or like Gwen said his Bishop if it is too hard for my dad to say it.

What I care about right now is that my mom isn't hurt because no one told her about my dad being sealed to my brother that passed away as a baby, for he has no voice here on Earth. And it would hurt my mom.

My mom and my dad were never sealed together, only with their new spouses and recently. Both my parents took a very long time to get where they are today... lots of mistakes. I'm very proud of them that they have repented and did what was right to get to be sealed to their new spouses. It was a sheer coincidence that they did it near the same time (within a month of each other) although they have nothing to do with each other anymore and haven't for 25 years.

My older brother is 40 and if he doesn't want to tell my mom, that is his choice. I'm not going to say anything, it isn't my business. But I know if he doesn't, she will be very sad that he didn't tell her to begin with.

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Guest Alana

I think it would be polite telling the mom. She can be told shortly after it it's done. She doesn't need to be told in person, her ex can write a letter. It just needs to be short and matter of fact. This will help avoid more hurt later on and avoid the appearance of secrecy.

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Well, I think that the news that you all can be sealed to both sets of parents (eventually) is great and takes the edge off the whole issue.

Now, your deceased brother will need to have 2 sets of parents made on the FamilySearch system. That is how the sealings can be done. It will look like his father and stepmom are one set and his mother and stepdad are the other set.

I'd suggest going on the new FamilySearch website and taking a look around your family information. You will not be able to access your siblings, but your parents should be able to...it kinda depends on if people are members or not.

I would involve the temple recorder near you in the situation and have them walk you through the best way to have the double sealings done for your brother (so that the system accepts the second one). After your parents and you are all passed on then the double sealings can occur for all of you.

When I think of sealings I think of chainmail rather than one long chain. Love is what binds us.

I will add that your mother is next of kin. It is against church policy to do vicarious work for someone without the permission of their next of kin...that is your mother AND your father must both approve. Doing the work without permission is AGAINST the rules. The reason is that the temple has had too many tears in the office when a child discovers they can't do the work for their own parent or something because someone already did it without asking.

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