Sexual Sin

[Allycat18]

Hi, I'm a fairly new member of the LDS church. Going on two years now, and I've heard some pretty outrageous things when it comes to committing sexual sin in the Church. But I don't know if there is any truth to it, which is why I have a few questions. First, once you have committed the sin and want to move forward with the repentance process, I know you need to confess to your Bishop, but what are specifically the kinds of questions he asks you? I heard they can get VERY explicit and unnecessary, but this is just what I've heard. And if there IS any truth to that, why do they need to ask you such questions? And my last question is why does the Bishop need to be alone with you when you confess?

[pam]

I'd say just go to the Bishop instead of listening to hearsay. As far as the Bishop being alone with you..if it totally makes you uncomfortable I suppose you could ask that someone else be there. However the Bishop is the judge in Israel and your discussion is to remain a confidential matter.

[yorkiebeebs]

I can't imagine discussing what goes on in a confessional. A priest or a bishop, they both hear confessions. You make it sound less than spiritual.

[miztrniceguy]

If you are female the bishop will leave the door to the clerks office partly open.

[FunkyTown]

If you want to have someone there during the confession, I can't imagine it being a problem. As for how explicit it gets, I couldn't honestly say.

I think someone is pulling your leg. The purpose of repentence is to help you understand why what you did was wrong and help you not to do it again. When a new member butts heads with church standards, it's usually because they don't understand the long-term consequences of the sin. The Bishop may try to make you realize what those long term consequences are, if he feels you don't understand.

[Maya]

Welcome to the forum. You already got some good advice so I just say that go to the bishop. It si sad that the world ahs come to the point where you can not even trust the bishops enough, to be alone with them, or the bishops dont dare to be alone with someone... just in case!

miz? What does that help if he closes his door?? (I think most wards dont have a connection between clerks and bishops room. )

[miztrniceguy]

If there is a connecting door he will keep it partway open so his clerk will hear if you need help. The clerk will not be listening to you talk, but if you were to cry out or something he would hear. Not sure what they would do if no connecting door.

Resident bishops may speak up now.

[Gwen]

our branch does not have a connecting door. i would be very upset if the branch pres left the door partly open, it should be confidential and you can't have that if the door is open (even if it was to the clerks office). the doors are not so thick that if i were to call out others could not hear me. in fact if you really really wanted to you could probably put a glass to the door and hear everything anyway. there does have to be someone else in the building and often (due to the size of the building being small) there is someone in the hall.

[bytor2112]

The idea is for you to fully confess in order to relieve your conscience. The Bishop may only probe deeper to find out how involved you were.....pattern of these type of sins, relationship, one time mistake, etc. Doubtful, that he would ask for details of the encounters.

[rameumptom]

It is a one on one event. It is so the person can begin repenting and keep it confidential. Would anyone want their secret sins potentially gossiped across the ward or stake? I know I wouldn't.

I've been in bishoprics and as a stake clerk worked with two stake presidents on disciplinary issues. They do not delve deeply into the specifics of a sin, but to get the key details so that they know enough to help the person repent. Is it embarrassing? Of course it is. That is a good thing to be embarrassed. Perhaps it will help the person keep from sinning again. Repentance is not a pleasant experience. At least it shouldn't be. It should cause us enough pain and remorse that we are not so worried about what the bishop asks us, as to what we will need to do to get ourselves right with God.

[AR_Member]

A good read with regards to the repentance process is "The Miracle of Forgiveness" by Spencer W Kimball. In it he discusses what types of sin that need to be confessed with the appropriate priesthood authority; however, as the scriptures teach it would be impossible to list every possible sin. I testify that the bishop of the ward is a common judge in Israel and in very rare cases does that humble servant take this responsibility lightly. In an instant where I found myself in need of correction from my bishop I found the process to be as I would imagine the Savior approaching the issue. Remember when the sinner woman came to him and anointed his head with oil and washed his feet with her tears he lovingly reproveder her sins but with the tender love of one who sacrificed all for our benefit invited the woman to sin no more. There was so much love in that room and a powerful spirit that let me know that I was loved and that this process is for MY benefit. The bishop will only ask questions to understand how best to assist in the repentance process, led by the spirit. It is a most sacred experience between him, you, and the Lord. If it is approached with a broken heart and a contrite spirit it can one of the most uplifting experiences in your life, to feel God's overwhelming love. Remember, it is Satan who is the accuser, Christ is our advocate and so are his servants.

[RipplecutBuddha]

The burden of sin is the heaviest we bear in this life. Sexual sins are especially serious, and for eternally important reasons. Satan would have you feel nothing but guilt and shame for your sins. He would have you feel the weight of them to the extent that you loose hope for yourself.

On the other hand, while feeling the consequences of our sins is an essential part of the repentance process, neither Christ nor the bishop would want you to feel it any longer than necessary. Remember the words of Christ himself.

"Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me for I am meek and lowly of heart and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

Confessing our sins to the bishop must happen in some cases, and we will always benefit from doing all we can to rid ourselves of the habits and desires that keep us from approaching Christ in righteousness. The joy that is felt in overcoming sin is immeasurable. Speaking from experience, I cannot compare how good I felt after completing the repentance process to how I felt while struggling with the sin alone.

We cannot shoulder our sins alone, nor should we. Only Satan would want us isolated in our sins. Christ is forever extending his arms out to us to remove the burden of sin from us. Let him do what he wants to do for us all. God is doing all he can to bring us back to his presence. Take advantage of his desire for us to return, and do whatever is necessary to be worthy of it. The bishop is not a figure to be feared in the repentance process. Rather, the bishop is the first person you can speak with that will help you put your sins behind you. He's on your side, just as Christ is.

[MormonMama]

Alleycat, I'm sending you a private message.

[ryanh]

. . . I've heard some pretty outrageous things . . . I heard they can get VERY explicit and unnecessary

Sounds to me like the adversary wants to keep you from appropriate confession by casting doubt and fear through lies and deceit. Hopefully you can see from the responses here that the hearsay you have heard is truly outrageous, and not based in truth. Hopefully you can recognize that the purpose of those outrageous things is simply to keep you from finding the peace and clearance you need in order to feel the influence of the Holy Ghost again.

[rubondfan2]

If you are female the bishop will leave the door to the clerks office partly open.

I haven't heard of or seen this quote taking place in actual practice; however as a former Executive Secretary and Clerk I do have some insight into the "official policy" on this.

A female of any age, marital status or membership status may not be "in the building" alone with the Bishop. Another Melchizedek Priesthood holder must be present within reasonable proximity to the Bishop's office (like in the clerk's office, which may or may not have an adjoining door or out in the hallway... not in the gym shooting hoops, for example). The door does not need to be, nor is there an expectation or requirement for it to be left partially open.

As a side note, I have spent many a late Tuesday night hanging out in the clerk's office as the Bishop was counseling members (not necessarily females) and have heard some pretty heated words coming from inside a Bishop's office. Folks with less than pure hearts asking for financial assistance or couples involved in counseling sessions with the Bishop, for example. I say this only to illustrate that if the unthinkable should occur, such as some kind of assault taking place, there would be another adult male (Melchizedek Priesthood holder) present who would definitely be aware and be able to intervene.