Gossiping

[Milluw]

Where is the limit to where a conversation becomes gossip?

I have a good friend that has made me wonder about this. We both have good intentions, but when we talk we can get really sucked into a conversation. We try to keep gossip out of our conversations though. So i've come to think, how can i be sure i am keeping a good balance in it, when im not really sure where the limit goes?

Because surely you can talk about how a friend has been doing, or about an event or things that happen around us without it being evil, more like in a friendly matter? Im not sure.

What is your opinion?

[pam]

What is gossip? Usually rumour about the private affairs of others. Usually gossip is just sharing unproven facts and views.

Even if not rumor, the talking about the private affairs of others would be gossip. If it's none of our business then we shouldn't share or talk about it with others.

But human nature as it is. It's hard not to do at times.

Ever play the gossip game sitting in a circle. Even if you tell someone fact, buy the time it gets to the 10th person it's so distorted it's not even the same story. Same thing with talking with friends. One passes it on and then another..you get the picture.

Edited August 18, 2010 by pam

[Milluw]

No, i never tried that game. But i get your point. So talking about other people when it is irrelevant to both parts that would classify it as gossip in that case?

[Dossice]

To me, gossip takes on a negataive connoation. Usually one person is trying to benefit from gossiping about another, especially if they are insecure and lack a self-esteem. Then, by revealing humilating facts about another, they experience a temporary rise in esteem. Gossip isn't usually based on facts, however, and many times, the truth is exaggerated and/or false.

So, if you are only sharing facts about another and not expecting to benefit by sharing such facts, then I wouldn't consider it gossip. I say, whatever you would say to someone about someone else that you would feel comfortable saying if that person was with you (or if that person would be comfortable with you sharing with others) isn't gossip. What you wouldn't feel comfortable saying in front of that person, however, is.

It just came to mind, however, but what about the people who give interventions for those with addictions? I mean, you're worried about that certain person, and in order to help them, you must share humiliating facts about their personal life to others so that they may join you to intervene (or at least, to get advice on how to help them). Would that still be considered gossip, or is that different?

Edited August 19, 2010 by Dossice

[Milluw]

I like the example of "what you would say in front of a person".

Its also thoose moments i've wonderes most about. Because you are talking behind someones back somehow, but does the good intention make it alright?

[Dossice]

Yeah, I think it's not, is it alright, but is it absolutely necessary to share that information with someone else? Are you trying to help that person, or is it just a subject filler in your conversation?

[pam]

I like the example of "what you would say in front of a person".

Its also thoose moments i've wonderes most about. Because you are talking behind someones back somehow, but does the good intention make it alright?

How does that saying go? "The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

[Dossice]

How does that saying go? "The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

How different our lives would have been if this applied to Jesus!!

[pam]

I have good intentions every day. Doesn't mean that I follow through with them. lol

[Guest xforeverxmetalx]

I think rather than asking "would I talk about this if my friend were around?", a better idea would be to keep in mind the concept of doing unto others as you would have them do unto you. In other words, if you wouldn't want your friends talking about you that way, you shouldn't do it to them.

[Dossice]

Basically it's the same concept, xforeverxmetalx, but good point. I wouldn't mind if someone was talking about me in a congratulatory tone, as in "Oh hey, she just did this, I'm proud of her for working hard," but obviously not if it was the other way around. Would my friends care if I boasted about them? Most likely not, although they might be a bit bashful on the subject. Harshly criticized them behind their back or to their face? Of course they would care. Most likely they would even be highly offended.

This reminds me of a training video that I just had to watch when I started work. It's called "Moment of Truth," and gives 4 questions that you should ask yourself when you come to a situation that your not sure about. Applied to the topic of talking about someone, I think it is really helpful. Here goes:

#1 - Is it the truth?

- Depending on what you're saying about the person, maybe, maybe not.

#2 - Is it free of harm?

- Would the information you give hurt the person if you told someone else and they found out? Is it possible you could loose a friend because of this information? Would that hurt you if you lost them as a friend?

#3 - Is it fair for all?

- Is what you're saying fair? Or is it fair that you're saying something without that person knowing?

#4 - Am I proud about it?

- Would I be proud to say such things? Would I be proud if someone said that about me?

Edited August 19, 2010 by Dossice

[hordak]

In the service we had a saying...

Praise in public, punish in private.

I think the idea has application to gossip as well.

If your going to talk about someone else without them being there (public) it should be "praise", positive things.

If they have a problem that needs to be addressed you should "punish" in private and only talk to them.

[Hemidakota]

Where is the limit to where a conversation becomes gossip?

I have a good friend that has made me wonder about this. We both have good intentions, but when we talk we can get really sucked into a conversation. We try to keep gossip out of our conversations though. So i've come to think, how can i be sure i am keeping a good balance in it, when im not really sure where the limit goes?

Because surely you can talk about how a friend has been doing, or about an event or things that happen around us without it being evil, more like in a friendly matter? Im not sure.

What is your opinion?

I have a friend who wife's I greatly admire than most women in the church, who lives down the street from my Cali residence. She one day stopped by on her daily ritual walks and spoke to my wife. The conversation started out in asking first about when we are planning to move then lead into about specific people (women) in our ward. Though, private between both of them, she stopped by the next day and apologized to my wife and I for talking about it (gossiping). I think she knew even if she was right, perhaps by the promptings of the Spirit, it was not right. I told her; do not worry about it…

People like this, I truly admire who are attuned to the Spirit and yet, humbled enough to be corrected by others, make necessary changes, and admit there wrong. These are they who are bound for the highest kingdom of the Lord... :)

If the conversation is uplifting and positive for those individuals being spoken about it, is it really gossip? That is the fine balance. Have you noticed the conversions between the Lord and those who were His enemies, His close friends, or His family? Was there any gossip being mentioned at anytime in any record? Even when He prayed for them in when He showed Himself to the Nephites, what were His comments? This is the point I’m making Milluw….

Edited August 19, 2010 by Hemidakota