Making out


vmae
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Strongly tied to the sacred, private parts of the body are powerful emotions intended to be used within the covenant of marriage between a man and woman in ways that are appropriate and acceptable to them both. They are an important part of the love and trust that bond a husband and wife together and prepare them for the responsibilities of a family. They bring the blessing of children. These emotions are not to be stimulated or used for personal gratification outside of the covenant of marriage. Do not touch the private, sacred parts of another person’s body to stimulate those emotions. (Richard G. Scott, “The Power of Righteousness,” Ensign, Nov 1998, 68)

Take careful notice of what Elder Scott says. Not only should we not be stimulating the private parts of our bodies, but we shouldn't be stimulating the emotions tied to those parts of the body. In other words, we shouldn't be doing anything with the intent of sexually arousing ourselves or others outside of the covenant of marriage.

So you can decide where making out falls for you.

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If you continue with these practices you will likely do something that isn't a gray area and will definitely need to see your Bishop. Of course, seeing your Bishop and confessing is only a step in the repentance process and really doesn't help you unless you combine that with a broken heart and a contrite spirit and desire to change and never repeat the sins.

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Making out isn't as serious as fornication. When I was a Bishop this wasn't something I required (young) people to confess before partaking of the sacrament, etc. But it was something I asked about and counseled against.

Normally people don't go to a Bishop to confess they've been "making out." But--for reasons well explained above--it isn't something you should be doing. (And if you continue in this behavior the chances are you will do something that you will need to confess to your Bishop.)

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Making out isn't as serious as fornication. When I was a Bishop this wasn't something I required (young) people to confess before partaking of the sacrament, etc. But it was something I asked about and counseled against.

Normally people don't go to a Bishop to confess they've been "making out." But--for reasons well explained above--it isn't something you should be doing. (And if you continue in this behavior the chances are you will do something that you will need to confess to your Bishop.)

How about petting?

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How about petting?

These are questions better addressed with your parents than on an internet discussion board. This is true for a couple of reasons: 1) your parents are charged with counseling and raising you. It's important that they know what kind of questions you have so that they can best guide you. 2) When you ask questions like these here, it leaves the impression that you're trying to figure out how much you can get away with before you have to confess to your bishop. That attitude is almost as damaging to your spirit as your actions.

If you're not willing to talk to your parents about this, your next confidant is your bishop. He has the keys and authority to judge your situation, your worthiness, and your actions. That's something none of us here can claim, regardless of what callings we've held in the past.

It seems clear from what has been presented that at some point you've violated the law of chastity, and you don't seem to disagree with that. The only question that remains is whether or not that violation requires confession to the bishop. But keep this in mind--confession to the bishop when it is not necessary has no negative consequences on your spiritual development. But failing to confess when it is necessary will severely hamper your spiritual development.

Set yourself a good pattern for your life. If you have questions, ask those people who have the proper stewardship to ask them. That'd either your parents or your bishop.

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How about petting?

Are you asking to see how far you can go before getting church leaders involved, or just out of curiosity? Your profile says you are 30 year old. For The Strength of Youth applies to older people too. Get a copy from a member of the bishopric, and if you still have questions your bishop will be happy to give you guidance.

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I have a pretty specific rule: I won't do anything in private that I wouldn't do in public.

My SO was as confused as you are regarding this and, when she confessed to me that she was feeling guilty about it, I suggested she talk to her Bishop and see if we did anything wrong.

Her Bishop listened, then informed her she hadn't broken the law of chastity and it made her feel better.

I stick by what others have said: Talk to your Bishop. You can ask him for far better information than here. I know it might make you feel uncomfortable, but chances are you'll be given advice specific to your situation that is far better than we can give.

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You could talk to your bishop, if you want... I'm sure he would just say that you don't need counseling and that you just need to let the Lord forgive you, as repentance is between you and him... but this is one of those things that doesn't really need a confession to a bishop to be forgiven. If you feel it would help, sure, thats fine... but like I said... this falls into a category of "minor" sinful behaviour that only really requires you and God.

You've taken heed to the fact that you did something "wrong."

Thats the first step, now you need to pray, and ask for forgiveness.

Then you must commit to not allowing such to go this far again.

Just to clarify, making out isn't exactly bad... but allowing him into your chest and the sexual lust portrayed through the actions are what stems this particular "session" into a category that needs repenting. And please understand, having to repent is not really a "bad" thing... its normal, and thats what the gift is here for... just be sure that you're commited to the ideal that repentance represents, and do not allow yourself into such a situation again.

Thats all the advice I can give on this subject.

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Is making out breaking the Law of Chastity? Is it something that needs confessing to the Bishop?

No, and not unless you feel bad or guilty.

You should be extremely cautious about how far you go, but you are allowed to kiss before marriage and you're allowed to make out ( What bishop is going to forbid a grown woman from taking the sacrament for the sin of horizontal kissing?). I think For the Strength of Youth is great advice for a 16 year old girl, but for a 30 year old woman, if you're keeping all your clothes on you've got little to worry about.

Edited by johnnylingo
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I was always told that it it's not something you would do in front of your parents, then you shouldn't be doing it at all (outside of marriage, of course).

No, and not unless you feel bad or guilty.

You should be extremely cautious about how far you go, but you are allowed to kiss before marriage and you're allowed to make out (What prophet has said otherwise? What bishop is going to forbid a grown woman from taking the sacrament for the sin of horizontal kissing?). I think For the Strength of Youth is great advice for a 16 year old girl, but for a 30 year old woman, if you're keeping all your clothes on you've got little to worry about.

VERY slippery slope there! I don't know anyone who wouldn't get aroused by "horizontal kissing", as it brings certain parts of your body in contact with those of the other person, clothed or not. Not everyone reacts the same to the same situations, but I HAVE read somewhere a statement from a GA that heavy petting is a big no-no. If your bodies are pressed together, as they would be in "horizontal kissing", then that is a form of petting and it is sexually arousing for most people. I can't imagine any church leaders being okay with that.

Edited by MormonMama
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The best general rule on this that I know of: If making out or anything else is getting you sexually aroused, it's time to stop.

We went round and round with this argument about a year ago. This would preclude many males from casual good bye kisses, holding hands, or a requisite slow dance for their school's physical education class! That may be reasonable for some, but it is an unreasonable measure for many.

You should be extremely cautious about how far you go, but you are allowed to kiss before marriage and you're allowed to make out (What prophet has said otherwise? What bishop is going to forbid a grown woman from taking the sacrament for the sin of horizontal kissing?). I think For the Strength of Youth is great advice for a 16 year old girl, but for a 30 year old woman, if you're keeping all your clothes on you've got little to worry about.

I certainly don't agree with that cavalier advice. I know someone who recently had their temple recommend taken away and may not take the sacrament, and her clothes never came off. Not one button undone. What prophet has said otherwise? How about Spencer W. Kimball? How about the quote of Elder Scott quoted above by MoE?
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We went round and round with this argument about a year ago. This would preclude many males from casual good bye kisses, holding hands, or a requisite slow dance for their school's physical education class! That may be reasonable for some, but it is an unreasonable measure for many.

I think her point, and one that I was alluding to before, was that we shouldn't be pursuing these activities because we enjoy that it makes us feel sexually aroused. If we are in gym class and the requisite dance results in an erection, I'd probably pass that off as incidental arousal. If, however, I deliberately seek a slow dance so that I may be aroused, I'm probably crossing the line into sinful territory.

As with our thoughts, we can't always control when arousal occurs. We are able to monitor and adjust our behavior so that the goal of our behavior is not arousal.

I certainly don't agree with that cavalier advice. I know someone who recently had their temple recommend taken away and may not take the sacrament, and her clothes never came off. Not one button undone. What prophet has said otherwise? How about Spencer W. Kimball? How about the quote of Elder Scott quoted above by MoE?

I'll back you up on this too. I get an ill feeling any time anyone on here tries to state definitively what is a violation of the law of chastity and what actions require confession to the bishop. Those are not decisions we can make for other people, in large part because a part of the equation is weighted by the intent of our actions. I usually find it best to discuss in the most general terms what the principles are in the law of chastity and leave the demarcation to individuals, their parents (for youth), and local leaders.

And just for the record, I'm not at all convinced that vmae is 30 years old. If she's only now coming upon these kinds of questions at the age of 30, she ought to be sainted! The wording of the question an the way in which it is approached comes off very adolescent to me, and makes me wonder if she was all that careful when filling out her profile information. In fact, if she is a minor, then kudos to her for protecting her identity on the internet. Regardless, this doesn't read like a 30 year old.

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I think For the Strength of Youth is great advice for a 16 year old girl, but for a 30 year old woman, if you're keeping all your clothes on you've got little to worry about.

Sorry, I disagree. I think adults would be wise to follow the counsel in the Strength of Youth.

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How about petting?

I never felt a need to confess this. It's fun to run your fingers through the fur of your pet cat or dog. I think it's ok with Heavenly Father too if we pet whatever furry animal we have chosen to take care of. Just make sure you give them food and water and plenty of space to explore. But pets can be quite expensive.

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I never felt a need to confess this. It's fun to run your fingers through the fur of your pet cat or dog. I think it's ok with Heavenly Father too if we pet whatever furry animal we have chosen to take care of. Just make sure you give them food and water and plenty of space to explore. But pets can be quite expensive.

There is no end to the jokes I could make based on this post...all of which would end up with me forever sitting outside the lds.net fence.

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There is no end to the jokes I could make based on this post...all of which would end up with me forever sitting outside the lds.net fence.

Only you would bring something like this up. Good thing my mind doesn't work like yours.

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I never felt a need to confess this. It's fun to run your fingers through the fur of your pet cat or dog. I think it's ok with Heavenly Father too if we pet whatever furry animal we have chosen to take care of. Just make sure you give them food and water and plenty of space to explore. But pets can be quite expensive.

I wish we had a "laugh" button in this forum! :D

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"The best general rule on this that I know of: If making out or anything else is getting you sexually aroused, it's time to stop."

We went round and round with this argument about a year ago. This would preclude many males from casual good bye kisses, holding hands, or a requisite slow dance for their school's physical education class! That may be reasonable for some, but it is an unreasonable measure for many.

Perhaps a better way of putting it would be -- when you find yourself getting very aroused, proceed with EXTREME care. Probably a good time to disengage and just talk for awhile.

In relationships, one thing tends to lead to another no matter what your age is, and to avoid eventually breaking the Law of Chastity, you need to keep that natural progression at bay until you are married. Assuming that you can handle it and not proceed beyond the point of no return when confronted with it -- that's foolishness. The best practice is to stay well clear of the edge of the cliff, not to see how close you can come to it without going over it.

I can hardly stand up as a shining example. More likely an example of pushing the limits and flirting with disaster. So I can say from a bit of learning the hard way that pushing the limits almost inevitably gets you burned to some degree.

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