Bishop's shooting has lifted weight off me.


astral
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Most of you will may find this post upsetting. (Pam and other moderators, please don't delete it.) This time I'm not posting copyrighted church materials. :) The post was going to be in the original bishop's shooting thread. As I was typing, my post seemed to take on it's own character. I decided to post this as new but is related to the shooting of the Bishop in California. I started a long paragraph but realised readers need a bit of background about me to understand my point of view. To make this simple I'll list some quick facts inorder to better understand what I wrote.

01 Parents divorced when I was 2 & father remarried member of the church.

02.He had total 4 sons - 2 from each marriage

03. I was raised by my non-member mother while 3 brothers live with father

04 All brothers and there families are active in church

05 I was baptized in 1989 and was semi-active through the 1990's - eventually had name removed from records due to built up anger with myself and being gay

06 2007 came out to LDS side of family- Decided to give church another try - this time being honest

07 2008 baptized by father and confirmed by a brother.

08 long history of mental health problems and am on disability- I have weekly couseling and take meds.

Now for what I typed in the original post. I WANT TO ADD I TRULY FEEL SORRY FOR THE BISHOP'S FAMILY AND THE MEMBERS OF HIS WARD.

I'm sure most of you will not like this post. The shooting of the Bishop, in California, is a big release of anger for me. I was Baptized by my father in 2008. Not long after the baptism he passed away due to complications of a stroke. I'm gay & most of my family knows about me. As for church I was "being good and celibate". I became an Elder, attended a baptism session at a temple, and was about to have my first calling in church. Local church leaders knew what I was strugling with. They were also aware of my dysthymia ( constant low-grade depression) and social anxiety disorder. With all those things to deal with, my anxiety increased each time I went to church. I never really fit in. Mainly, because I was not married & had children. The church calling was a behind the scenes clerk job, which involved little interaction with people. I was basicly a loner in a church full of people. I would have continued to fell more anxious as the time went on. Church leaders tried to help but nothing eased my anxiety. I was also denying myself companionship to live a church lifestyle.

November 2008, sent me over the edge. I was disgusted with the church's involvement and victory of the passing of Proposition 8. I do not live in California but live in a state where same-sex marriage is legal. To maintain my stable mental health life , I decided to become inactive. This was in February 2009, the same month my father passed away. Anxiety grew to anger towards the church. It was going to rip me apart.

Now that I have distanced myself from the church I am much happier than when I was active. Out of respect for my father and brothers I will not seek to have my name removed from the records again. Also I have found my companion, that I've been seeking for all my adult life.

As most of you are aware Prop 8 is in the news again. Much of the anger towards the church has started to come up again. Owning the Prop:8 the Mormon Proposition movie on dvd did not help either. AS FOR THE SHOOTING OF THE BISHOP, NEWS STILL DOES NOT INDICATE THE MOTIVE BEHIND THE SHOOTER. IN A STRANGE WAY, THE SHOOTER'S ACTION HAS SOMEHOW RELEAVED MY ANGER. I WAS NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING HARMFUL TOWARD THE CHURCH OR ITS MEMBERS. The shooter's actions was kind of like a "proxy" to vent my frustration. Why he did what he did was wrong and has actions has changed many lives. I do feel bad about the situation even though it somehow helped me. What ever happens in California, regarding the church and Prop 8, I will not let it bother me. My companion and I don't need to be legally married to be happy with each other. But, I will continue to support same sex marriage. I KNOW THE CHURCH PROMOTES NORMAL AND TEMPLE MARRIAGES. The church teaches temple marriages can be for time and eternity. I wish same-sex marriage would not be a problem. Couples would be happy if they chose that avenue. Christianity teaches regular marriages are "till doeath do us part". That would be the case for same sex marriages. I feel that would not interfere with the churches teachings of God's full eternal plan.

THOSE LAST FEW SENTENCES HELPS ME COPE WITH THE CHURCH, ANXIETY, PROP 8 AND THE WRONGFUL MURDER OF THE BISHOP.

ASTRAL :)

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Astral, sometimes events occur - whether they involve a serious and persistent mental illness or not - that ultimately have no sense to them and exist solely as a tragedy.

On the news tonight, the brother of the man who committed murder mentioned that they once attended Church in that ward in the 1980's, but added that his brother did not know the Bishop. He said the action was borne of the brothers mental illness, which seems to make it a meaningless tragedy.

I hope you are able to find peace and serenity in your own situation. We should cope with what we can and ask the Lord for strength in the rest.

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Let me pose a question.

Is it a sin to use someone else's anger as a vehicle to satisfy one's own?

Edit: OP, I'm not directing anything at you, just putting it up for discussion.

I'm really disappointed you would even bother to bring this up. And I hope astral has the good sense to ignore your question.

Astral, you're right...I do find your thoughts somewhat disheartening. But I understand why you feel the way you do.

As impossible as it may seem to you now, in time the healing you can receive from the Savior will allow you to truly forgive the abuser and even have feelings of sorrow for him or her. When you can forgive the offense, you will be relieved of the pain and heartache that Satan wants in your life by encouraging you to hate the abuser. As a result, you will enjoy greater peace. While an important part of healing, if the thought of forgiveness causes you yet more pain, set that step aside until you have more experience with the Savior’s healing power in your own life. (Richard G. Scott, April 2008)

I don't mean that in any condescending way, but to say that you should face your struggles in your way and in your time. And to echo Moksha's thoughts...may you find the peace you need and desire. Until then, you're welcome to borrow from ours.

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Most of you will may find this post upsetting. (Pam and other moderators, please don't delete it.) This time I'm not posting copyrighted church materials. :) The post was going to be in the original bishop's shooting thread. As I was typing, my post seemed to take on it's own character. I decided to post this as new but is related to the shooting of the Bishop in California. I started a long paragraph but realised readers need a bit of background about me to understand my point of view. To make this simple I'll list some quick facts inorder to better understand what I wrote.

I don't find it upsetting. I find it as being indicative of humanity as a whole: We're unwilling to see how other people feel.

01 Parents divorced when I was 2 & father remarried member of the church.

02.He had total 4 sons - 2 from each marriage

03. I was raised by my non-member mother while 3 brothers live with father

04 All brothers and there families are active in church

05 I was baptized in 1989 and was semi-active through the 1990's - eventually had name removed from records due to built up anger with myself and being gay

06 2007 came out to LDS side of family- Decided to give church another try - this time being honest

07 2008 baptized by father and confirmed by a brother.

08 long history of mental health problems and am on disability- I have weekly couseling and take meds.

Tragic. And not this Bishop's fault.

Now for what I typed in the original post. I WANT TO ADD I TRULY FEEL SORRY FOR THE BISHOP'S FAMILY AND THE MEMBERS OF HIS WARD.

I'm sure most of you will not like this post. The shooting of the Bishop, in California, is a big release of anger for me. I was Baptized by my father in 2008. Not long after the baptism he passed away due to complications of a stroke. I'm gay & most of my family knows about me. As for church I was "being good and celibate". I became an Elder, attended a baptism session at a temple, and was about to have my first calling in church. Local church leaders knew what I was strugling with. They were also aware of my dysthymia ( constant low-grade depression) and social anxiety disorder. With all those things to deal with, my anxiety increased each time I went to church. I never really fit in. Mainly, because I was not married & had children. The church calling was a behind the scenes clerk job, which involved little interaction with people. I was basicly a loner in a church full of people. I would have continued to fell more anxious as the time went on. Church leaders tried to help but nothing eased my anxiety. I was also denying myself companionship to live a church lifestyle.

So you were a shut-in. I'm sorry. That's a rough life. Also, not this Bishop's fault.

November 2008, sent me over the edge. I was disgusted with the church's involvement and victory of the passing of Proposition 8. I do not live in California but live in a state where same-sex marriage is legal. To maintain my stable mental health life , I decided to become inactive. This was in February 2009, the same month my father passed away. Anxiety grew to anger towards the church. It was going to rip me apart.

Now that I have distanced myself from the church I am much happier than when I was active. Out of respect for my father and brothers I will not seek to have my name removed from the records again. Also I have found my companion, that I've been seeking for all my adult life.

Going inactive is your choice. And your ability to find a companion is great. Incidentally, I would find it just as irrelevant if you said you were especially sad for this because you recently went inactive.

As most of you are aware Prop 8 is in the news again. Much of the anger towards the church has started to come up again. Owning the Prop:8 the Mormon Proposition movie on dvd did not help either. AS FOR THE SHOOTING OF THE BISHOP, NEWS STILL DOES NOT INDICATE THE MOTIVE BEHIND THE SHOOTER. IN A STRANGE WAY, THE SHOOTER'S ACTION HAS SOMEHOW RELEAVED MY ANGER. I WAS NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING HARMFUL TOWARD THE CHURCH OR ITS MEMBERS.

So you're angry at the church for passing a law you think is unjust. I'm certain you would be very understanding if a gay man were shot when the judges overturned Prop 8, yes? You would consider that as a catharsis for those members who worked hard for prop 8?

The shooter's actions was kind of like a "proxy" to vent my frustration. Why he did what he did was wrong and has actions has changed many lives. I do feel bad about the situation even though it somehow helped me. What ever happens in California, regarding the church and Prop 8, I will not let it bother me. My companion and I don't need to be legally married to be happy with each other. But, I will continue to support same sex marriage. I KNOW THE CHURCH PROMOTES NORMAL AND TEMPLE MARRIAGES. The church teaches temple marriages can be for time and eternity. I wish same-sex marriage would not be a problem. Couples would be happy if they chose that avenue. Christianity teaches regular marriages are "till doeath do us part". That would be the case for same sex marriages. I feel that would not interfere with the churches teachings of God's full eternal plan.

Ultimately, regardless of what you believe, that is not the belief of the church as a whole. And the church believes in a prophet, so your belief is in the minority.

THOSE LAST FEW SENTENCES HELPS ME COPE WITH THE CHURCH, ANXIETY, PROP 8 AND THE WRONGFUL MURDER OF THE BISHOP.

ASTRAL :)

But you felt better. You didn't have to 'cope' with the wrongful murder of the bishop. You didn't have to cope with anything to do with that situation. You just felt schadenfreude that something happened to someone from a group you don't like.

I'm sorry you suffer from anxiety. That's rough. But it's not this Bishop's fault. Posting that you felt great that he was shot on here doesn't make me understanding of your situation. It makes me think you are just like everyone else who refuses to empathize with people who disagree with them.

You are tragic.

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I have to say, I am in agreement with FunkyTown. When I first read the OP, I felt something amiss. Funky hit the nail on the head.

You just felt schadenfreude that something happened to someone from a group you don't like.

That is what I was thinking. If it took the murder of someone, that you didn't even know, and cared nothing for to make you feel better, what kind of person are you?

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