Doctrine on Sister Missionaries

[Scranton]

Hi Everyone!

I grew up in the church believing that Sister missionaries (just like their Elder counterparts) were a great asset to the church, but that if they had the opportunity and wanted to be married before or while eligible for a mission that that's what they should do. So my question for everyone is 1) was my understanding correct? and 2) Is there ever a time when a young woman, having the desire and opportunity to get married/pursue a serious relationship, should go on a mission instead? Edit: such as receiving personal revelation, or a person authorized to receive revelation for her that indicates missionary service instead of marriage.

Proof for your responses would be helpful, however gathering a large amount of opinions might also be helpful in some way.

Edited September 11, 2010 by Scranton

[Wingnut]

Since you ask for proof specifically, it sounds like you're not particularly interested in anecdotal evidence. What is the purpose for which you are seeking proof? Are you trying to convince someone to go on a mission instead of get married right now? Is that person you? Or are you just curious?

[Guest mormonmusic]

My understanding of the general rule is this -- that serving a mission is optional for young adult women. If marriage presents itself, then getting married is perfectly acceptable rather than serving a mission. Serving a mission isn't expected even if you're not married when age 21 rolls around. The only proof I can offer is the fact that I've been told this over and over again by leaders and other members. So, I don't have a scripture, policy manual or anything to quote it.

Now, here come the exceptions -- yes -- personal revelation can eclipse these rules in my view. Ultimately each of us is a prophet to our own personal affairs (said Bruce R McConkie in Mormon Doctrine, which yes, I realize is no longer published and not official doctrine, but it made sense when I read it -- if you can get a copy, check out the section on propehts). Dallin H Oakes said that as leaders, they preach general principles, and that they can't comment on other people's exceptions --that is between you and the Lord. Therefore, it might be appropriate for someone to give up marrying a perfectly good partner to serve a mission if that's what they feel the Lord is telling them to do.

And, now my opinion -- for me, my role as prophet to my own personal affairs eclipses revelation received on my behalf by leaders. Naturally, I will accept such counsel and take it seriously; often I just obey it. But if it's something that causes conflict in my heart, then I have every right and even an obligation to determine for myself if it's right for me. This is consistent with James 1:5 that encourages us to ask God for knowledge, Moroni 10:3-5 which encourages to know for ourself about the truthfulness of things.

So, you need to follow your heart, trust God and recognize that these are your decisions. Hopefully you'll do what you feel God tells you to do....after earnest seeking and prayer. If marriage has presented itself, and is perfectly acceptable, and you are considering a mission instead, I'd offer one caveat - look at your prospects in general. Some people have more limited prospects due to a number of variables, others seem to have an endless stream of potential partners. If I was in the former camp, I wouldn't pass up the opportunity to marry someone acceptable if I felt my opportunities were limited -- unless personal revelation told me to do so.

Thus ends the opinions of men, mingled with "proof".

Edited September 11, 2010 by mormonmusic

[Roseslipper]

yeah i want 2 know 2.??? pray whats best for u, does the Lord want u to go on a mission now, or is this man the right one for you???

[Roseslipper]

the answer really boils down to you and the Lord.

[Scranton]

Actually, I'm a RM. We're talking about a special female here. I'd just like to make sure it's possible the typical church doctrine of marriage first if wanted applies always.

[Guest mormonmusic]

Almost nothing always applies.

[Dravin]

Is it really a matter of doctrine? Wouldn't it be more accurate to call it a matter of policy? For example young men leaving at 19 for 2 years is a matter of policy that reflects an application of doctrine. Likewise policy reassures that marriage is an acceptable alternative to a full time mission for sisters (actually just plain not going is considered an acceptable alternative for sisters) but there is no doctrinal imperative to choose marriage over a mission as a Sister. Or am I making a distinction without a difference?

Edited September 12, 2010 by Dravin

[Wingnut]

Dravin, I'm with you. It's not a doctrinal issue. It's a matter of policy and practice, as well as culture.

Young women are encouraged to prepare themselves for marriage and motherhood. With a heavy focus on families as we have in this church, it is typically implied that a woman will be a mother for the bulk of her lifetime. I believe that the idea of marriage-over-mission came out of the era of President Kimball's presidency. He taught that any two worthy members of the Church could make a happy marriage if they worked hard enough. He taught that there was no good reason to delay marriage between a returned missionary and a worthy young lady. He taught that there was no good reason to delay starting a family after marriage. (Yes there's a bit of exaggeration here, but not much). In this sense, it's a bit of a cultural issue -- people who were youngish during President Kimball's tenure were engrained with the idea that a woman should not put off marriage for education or a mission.

I am a returned sister missionary. I had the opportunity to marry when I was 20 years old. I received personal revelation that I was to serve a mission instead. I'm very glad that I heeded that instruction from the Lord. I was not prepared to marry at that time, and though I'm still friends with that suitor (and his wife), I would not have been able to be as fully happy or joyful as I am in my life now. It was the right decision for me.

My sister is 22 years old. She recently graduated college and is working in her first professional job. She has no desire to serve a mission at this stage of her life. She's never dated much (I'm not sure she's even had her first kiss yet) and has no serious prospects at this point in time. At one point in time (and maybe this is still the case in some areas, such as Utah), it may have been "expected" for her to serve a mission: "Well, you're over 21, and you have no marriage prospects -- you might as well go!" That's not as much the case anymore. He current choices are acceptable without reprimand.

As for your special young lady, the best advice I can offer is to not offer any. That is, that you should not offer any. Encourage her to pray about it herself, and then don't say another word. Let her make the decision without any pressure from you, and then support the decision. It is one she needs to make on her own, without clouded judgment. When I told my then-boyfriend that I was supposed to go on a mission, the first words out of his mouth were, "I know." He told me he'd know for a couple of months, but hadn't said anything because he wanted me to make the conclusion and decision by myself. (Interestingly, he knew he was supposed to marry his wife a few weeks before they ever started dating, but also kept quiet about that until she also came to the same realization.)

A final thought: as a missionary, I knew a greater percentage of sisters who had someone waiting for them than elders who did.

[mrmarklin]

Hi Everyone!

I grew up in the church believing that Sister missionaries (just like their Elder counterparts) were a great asset to the church, but that if they had the opportunity and wanted to be married before or while eligible for a mission that that's what they should do. So my question for everyone is 1) was my understanding correct? and 2) Is there ever a time when a young woman, having the desire and opportunity to get married/pursue a serious relationship, should go on a mission instead? Edit: such as receiving personal revelation, or a person authorized to receive revelation for her that indicates missionary service instead of marriage.

Proof for your responses would be helpful, however gathering a large amount of opinions might also be helpful in some way.

In the General Handbook of Instructions, young women are counselled that if presented the alternative between a mission and a marraige, they should choose the marraige.

This of course assumes that the marraige offer is a desireable one.

Policy, not doctrine.

Edited September 27, 2010 by mrmarklin

[Misshalfway]

I think sometimes we want the church to tell us how to live our lives on every point. It makes us feel "safe" I guess. I think that is why we come up with guidelines and why sometimes culture runs away with them or misinterprets their origins.

The proof you are looking for isn't in some handbook somewhere. And truthfully the Lord doesn't want us finding it in a handbook. Proof, if you wanna call it that, is found in the revelation recieved by the individual.

[Onhech]

Now, here come the exceptions -- yes -- personal revelation can eclipse these rules in my view. Ultimately each of us is a prophet to our own personal affairs (said Bruce R McConkie in Mormon Doctrine, which yes, I realize is no longer published and not official doctrine, but it made sense when I read it -- if you can get a copy, check out the section on propehts).

They actually published that portion of Mormon Doctrine in the CES student manual "Teaching of the Living Prophets" (see)

[alkymisten]

“A word to you young sisters: while you do not have the same priesthood responsibility as do the young men to serve as full-time missionaries, you also make a valuable contribution as missionaries, and we welcome your service."

president Monson

From the new bishops handbook:

"Bishops may initiate discussions about missionary service with these sisters but should not pressure them to serve. Bishops should not recommend sisters for missionary service if it will interfere with imminent marriage prospects."

I am a bishop in Denmark, and if a young sister came to me, I would tell her what the handbook says, and also tell her that the choice is hers and I will support what she after prayer and meditation fells is right for her.

Edited December 29, 2010 by alkymisten

[mightynancy]

Are you looking for policy to talk this girl into marrying you? Unrighteous dominion, anyone?

I didn't think this kind of thing really happened.