Letters unrequited


firehotemily
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Okay, well my friend is on his mission, and for a whole year i've written him letters. About the usual stuff, and random happenings and stuff that happens in my life. It's been a year and he hasn't even sent me a letter back. I have noooo idea why, it always baffled me. Because we were friends in highschool. But even in high school he never wrote back to me on facebook or in emails. But he would later tell me in person that he loved reading my random stories. I have no idea what his deal is, maybe he doesn't want to give off the wrong impression by writing back? (maybe he thinks that i like him for some odd reason) or something else.

I dunno. So i stopped sending him letters for the past 4 months because he hasn't even said hi or anything. I figure that he liked reading the letters, but i'm not getting any response whatsoever back from him.

Sad. And it makes me feel bad.

Even back when we were in highschool together i would post something on his wall (facebook) and he'd never answer it. He would always answer other people's questions or comments but never mine. Never got why. lol

maybe he didn't want to be friends anymore?

sad.

oh well. But if you could have any idea as to why he doesn't send any reply back to me, please post them.

I know missionaries are busy, and he was a very popular person, but i figure he would at least send something by now.

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Guest mormonmusic
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Often we don't know the reasons people behave the way they do. From what you say, it sounds like not answering you personally might be part of his modus operandi since he never responded to anything on facebook.

You won't know why unless you point blank answer him -- and then, you might not like or want the answer you get.

I would be inclined to stop writing to him -- as they say, if the horse your riding dies, then get off it. At some point, there needs to be some satisfying exchange; if you stop writing, and he never responds, then you know that answering your letters just isn't important to him for some reason....fortunately, there is something for everyone in this life, and I'm sure you will be able to fill the void with other friendships.

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i can relate fire i had a a missionary friend that served in our ward and i thought we were friends and when she got home she ignores me all together and talks to everyone else. its not easy but you cant let what other people do get you down. what i do is focus on those friendships where people like me for me and treat me as a true friend would

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Maybe he is too nervous that he might say the wrong thing...maybe he likes you? Guys are weird.

Maybe he has a girlfriend that would be jealous?

there's no telling

Find something new to do to get your mind off of it.

Pray for him though, maybe things are really bad for him right now and he doesn't want to talk about it.

Give him the benefit of the doubt.

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Some guys don't like writing.

It really is a skill, and obviously your friend has never been taught it. Or it could be that he does not want to start a "relationship" while on his mission. Although I don't see how a courtesy letter would do this.

Don't take it personally, but be aware that the guy probably has a distant personality.

I wouldn't waste any more time on speculation.

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Trust me, if a guy is into you, he will go out of his way to get in touch with you, especially if he thinks he's losing you. I don't care if he's booked up with season passes to his favorite events-- he will make time for you and get in touch. Of course, I'm not sure if you can/should live by that rule while he's on his mission, because he could just be trying to focus. But absolutely YES when he comes back home.

As for the letters.... I'm reminded of my father. He never served a mission, but he did serve many years in the U.S. Army. When he first joined at 18, his parents wrote him so many letters that first year, it wasn't funny. Pretty much wrote him once or twice a week.

My dad never wrote a SINGLE letter back. He loved his parents, he just hated writing letters.

Finally, after so long of not hearing from him, his parents got worried. They called around and got hold of his C.O. -- who ORDERED him to write home, at the very least a post card.

I know that nobody is going to order your friend to write to you. But some guys just don't write letters. As for him responding to others and not you on social websites-- who knows why that is. Worst case-- he doesn't want people to think he likes you in that special way, because he doesn't. Best case-- he cares about you (in one way or another), but he's in denial, and a bit like my dad.

The problem is, while he's ignoring you, you're waiting for him. Some good advice would come from the movie "Straight Talk":

Get on with your life, go out, make plans. He wants to talk to you-- you're busy. He'll come around. Or he won't. Either way, you'll be living, not waiting.

This should especially apply for when he has returned home.

Edited by Melissa569
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Two years is a long time. You will have changed. He will have changed. Move on, and if when he gets back things click again, great, but it sounds like they never really clicked in the first place. Also, being a single girl with a friend who is a single boy in general is a recipe for heartache and confusion. Keep things very casual with the opposite sex unless you are wanting to pursue a romantic relationship, and even then, make sure that he is wanting the same thing. No point in chasing what doesn't want to be caught.

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