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Mission Worthiness

readyreadyman

By readyreadyman,
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readyreadyman

readyreadyman

Posted
Posted

Hello. I was typing out a long lengthy discourse on my life but decided to not disclose such personal information on a random website. Instead I will just get down to the nitty gritty, and let you be as judgmental as you want. Instead of letting you know the circumstances I have been brought up under.

I'm a member of the church. Born and raised. Always wanted to serve a mission. I have a girlfriend (I love her more than anything, and see nothing wrong with that). I love my Savior and know he should be my top priority though, I've been working on putting the gospel at my core. I have fallen short though. I broke the law of chastity with my girlfriend (didn't have sex, but got close). I told my bishop because it's the right thing to do and began the repentance process. My family (regrettably) has been involved in the process. They were judgmental even though they all have committed greater sins than I in their lifetimes (they're worthy active members now though). I've been working on becoming clean and this has delayed my mission call. This has been the worst experience of my life, having a long-distance relationship, parents who used to be proud of me now looking down on me, and just waiting to leave on a mission. I'm trying to change but have struggled some. I've been doing good things (going out with the missionaries and taking a mission prep course) but should be doing more. And everybody likes to remind me that constantly. I know what I want out of life but I have to jump through several loops before I can go and serve. I know it is all my fault, but still can't help but feel nauseous...

The repentance process is so hard : (. My bishop is a good guy and has helped me and I've told him all of my serious sins. I can tell things are heading for the clear now and have been given the okay to take the sacrament but I still feel guilty because of ONE thing... I didn't tell him that I have masturbated on webcam a few times throughout this long and mind wearing and sleep deprived process... It's embarrassing and I know if I told him it would just further delay things. Make me more depressed, hurt my relationship more (this waiting game has really been the worst for me and her!), and feel like my mission call will never come... So is it bad that I'm not going to tell the bishop?

I mean personally I feel like it's such a minor sin compared to all my greater ones and certainly one I feel like I can repent of on my own. Disclosing this information to the bishop is not an option for me at this point because it will hurt everyone. That's what I hate!! The repentance process is supposed to be PERSONAL. But I have my parents nagging me to get out of here, an amazing girlfriend waiting for me to leave ASAP, and a nosey ward constantly asking me when I'm gonna complete those mission papers.

So THIS is my confession. I am sorry. I truly don't want to do these things anymore but I can't tell the bishop because it wouldn't be a personal repentance. It would be a public mockery of my confidence and lead me further into depression and further away from trying to serve the lord! That's all I want to do, serve him! So the sooner the better.

Please, put yourself in my situation. Consider the heartache I've already caused everyone. I can't handle it anymore, I just want people to be proud of me again.

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FunkyTown

FunkyTown

Posted
Posted

Please, put yourself in my situation. Consider the heartache I've already caused everyone. I can't handle it anymore, I just want people to be proud of me again.

Then you're talking to the wrong group. Go talk to your parents. Go talk to the bishop. You're clearly hurting. That's what repentence is for.

Be grateful. Many people don't get that pricking of their conscience and it makes the repentence process much more difficult. As much as you don't think so now, you've been blessed with a great heart that wants the right things.

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LonelyGargoyle

LonelyGargoyle

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Hey my good man, there is a girl that I met and knew well in this very site. She hooked up with a guy for a very short time, had lots of sex---fornication, the works. Guess where she is right now? Serving a mission. 6 months after she broke it off with this guy she was on her way. She didn't spend lots of time berating and flogging herself over guilt and misery. She put it aside, went through the repentance process, and is now doing what she so desired. It seems you are making more of your "sin" than is called for. Get it "hence" and get on with your plans. As for your gf you're going to have to shunt her aside for 2 years----may as well get started and get used to it. And a little growing up might do wonders for you as well.. Much luck to you Elder.

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pam

pam

Posted
Posted (edited)

Hey my good man, there is a girl that I met and knew well in this very site. She hooked up with a guy for a very short time, had lots of sex---fornication, the works. Guess where she is right now? Serving a mission. 6 months after she broke it off with this guy she was on her way. She didn't spend lots of time berating and flogging herself over guilt and misery. She put it aside, went through the repentance process, and is now doing what she so desired. It seems you are making more of your "sin" than is called for. Get it "hence" and get on with your plans. As for your gf you're going to have to shunt her aside for 2 years----may as well get started and get used to it. And a little growing up might do wonders for you as well.. Much luck to you Elder.

If this were true, this would be an extremely rare case. You mentioned lots of sex and fornication. I would think the repentance process would be longer and with the raising of the bar for mission eligibility...well...let's just say I'm skeptical.

Edited by pam
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Tarnished

Tarnished

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Posted

I would talk to your bishop. I don't know that your parents need to know the details of why you are not leaving as soon as they would like. It sounds like they have given you enough grief as it is. Keep your focus on getting yourself clean and getting on your mission. I completely understand where you are coming from about the repentance process being difficult, I have been there myself, but I can also say that being clean again is very much worth it. Get yourself there, and go on a mission, if you do everything you can to get yourself clean and get on your mission people will be proud of you again. Ask your bishop for help. And focus on your goal.

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LadyZephyr

LadyZephyr

Posted
Posted

Kudos to you for owning up to mistakes. Many people lie and go on missions unworthily because of peer pressure and not wanting to let people down. It takes guts and a man of honor to admit mistakes and be willing to correct them. I very much respect a man of honor.

Everyone makes mistake of some degree or another. It is how we deal with our mistakes that show our true colors. Let me say again, I very much respect a man of honor.

I know a young man who is in a very similar situation as yours, and he also received a lot of pressure from a nosey ward, nosey friends, aquaintances and parents during his repentance process. He made a positive change in his life by moving out-of-state during his repentance and mission prep period. It made a big differance for him.

Marriage is also an honorable choice. Counsel with your bishop and let him guide you. Stay close to the Lord and remember how much He loves you, even when you make mistakes. Realize that all of us make mistakes and that you are not alone.

Perhaps you can get a Father's/Priesthood blessing from someone for comfort and strength?

Take heart Brother. God loves you. I bet your parents do too.

There is a way provided to turn your life around and become even stronger. With God's help, you are stronger than the weak side of you.

Hold on. Get through the rough stuff, your burden will be lifted and you will see the sunlight shining on your face and feel peace.

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LonelyGargoyle

LonelyGargoyle

Posted
Posted

If this were true, this would be an extremely rare case. You mentioned lots of sex and fornication. I would think the repentance process would be longer and with the raising of the bar for mission eligibility...well...let's just say I'm skeptical.

Save your skepticism Pam---it is true. And it's not a rare case. I know of what I speak. And you know the girl I'm referring to.

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ryanh

ryanh

Posted
Posted

You need to see your Bishop and disclose that which you have not disclosed. No question of that in my mind.

If you truly feel that it is a lesser sin than what you have already disclosed to him, then why the shame and shirking from from confession? Your reluctance and attempts to rationalize speak loudly to what your conscious is truly feeling. That pricking of your conscious is your prompting to confess. Now it's your choice to follow the prompting or not.

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skippy740

skippy740

Posted
Posted

Better to disclose NOW than in the mission field. Better to go with a clear conscience than with any lingering doubt &/or regrets.

Yes, what you described is a "lesser sin", but you must disclose it, or be miserable in your missionary service.

BTW, if you can't "stand up" to your family, friends and nosey ward acquaintences... how will you defend and share the gospel as a missionary?

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GaySaint

GaySaint

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As someone who has a LOT of experience talking about very personal stuff with a copious amount of church leadership, my advice is to free yourself of the guilt and tell the bishop everything. He's not going to be sad or disappointed that you withheld things - he's going to understand: and trust me, he's heard it all before (probably from ME! haha).

Let's say that everything you've done does end up disqualifying you from serving a mission, or your repentance process takes long enough that you are no longer eligible. Ask yourself this question: Do you want to be a worthy non-missionary, or an unworthy missionary?

As to your parents/family, stop telling them stuff unless you think being accountable to them will help. Saying something like "I've got issues that I'm working on and I'm getting things taken care of following the principles the Lord has set up. I would appreciate it if you would show me some support as I go through this rather difficult time in my life" will usually get them to stop bothering you and just support you. All they need to know is that you are taking responsibility and working through your issues with the proper authority. Ask you bishop if he thinks this is a good position to take with them, especially if they are making life harder on you.

We all make stupid choices. You can regret them, or you can learn from them. Integrity and personal accountability are things you can't learn if you are being dishonest.

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pam

pam

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Posted

Save your skepticism Pam---it is true. And it's not a rare case. I know of what I speak. And you know the girl I'm referring to.

Well if I know the girl you are referring to, it's obvious I know nothing about her personal experiences.

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Gwen

Gwen

Posted
Posted

Hey my good man, there is a girl that I met and knew well in this very site. She hooked up with a guy for a very short time, had lots of sex---fornication, the works. Guess where she is right now? Serving a mission. 6 months after she broke it off with this guy she was on her way. She didn't spend lots of time berating and flogging herself over guilt and misery. She put it aside, went through the repentance process, and is now doing what she so desired. It seems you are making more of your "sin" than is called for. Get it "hence" and get on with your plans. As for your gf you're going to have to shunt her aside for 2 years----may as well get started and get used to it. And a little growing up might do wonders for you as well.. Much luck to you Elder.

i share pam's skepticism of this story. and even if that is true it's not up to random ppl online what someone's repentance process entails. that is between him and his bishop.

i agree with those that have said you should come clean to the bishop.

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MarginOfError

MarginOfError

Posted
Posted

I'm gonna pray about it and compromise with the Lord. Committing to never do it again. But if I get one more strike, speak to him immediately.

It's been my experience that we don't have much to leverage in asking for compromises from the Lord. I'm pretty sure it's his way or the highway. But good luck.

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Wingnut

Wingnut

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Posted

Admittedly, I've scanned most of the responses here, rather than reading them in detail, but I'm surprised that no one has talked about the girlfriend. The OP committed chastity-related sins with this young lady, and is working through the repentance process, yet complaining about how hard it is to be in a long-distance relationship, presumably with the same girl. Part of the repentance process is forsaking one's sins. In situations where the sin involves another person, it is sometimes necessary to walk away from that person (by the way, has she met with her bishop, assuming she's LDS?). Marriage would be an honorable choice, as someone mentioned, but the OP is trying to prepare for a mission, which -- in my opinion -- is more honorable for his stage in life. If he is focusing on mission prep, he needs to not be distracted by someone with whom he has already committed grievous sins.

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readyreadyman

readyreadyman

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I love it how people always use the word distracted. Admittedly she is my biggest fan and source of support. She has forsaken her sins too. Two people aren't meant to part ways just because they commited a sin together. And it always pisses me off how people find it their business to control someone else's relationships. You know I've had my own opinion's too about peoples girlfriends, I've had my own opinions about people's wives (you know the person they're stuck with forever!). But I also respect their decision and support them on it. I wouldn't ever counsel someone to break off a relationship if they share the same goals and are committed to progressing.. What about though shalt love thy neighbour?.. What about hate the sin, not the sinner?.. What about how the Lord remember's your sins no longer once ye have repented? Because the prideful members you share this oh so private information with will never forget and will always judge you on it... That's why the repentance process is supposed to be personal. It's much easier to chastise than to focus on what you need to be improving in your own life. Spending too much time even on church related things and neglecting your wife for example, is not good either. It's all about priorities. The mission is a higher priority than my relationship right now, but it doesn't mean you need to severe the cord. You can actually use it as an opportunity to give eachother support in this time most people wont understand as well. Both people need to just be commited to holding the Lord as their highest priority and the rest has a way with working itself out.

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NeuroTypical

NeuroTypical

Posted
Posted

The mission is a higher priority than my relationship

Since you post on the advice board, and your here asking for advice, here's my advice:

I would suggest that above your goal of going on a mission, your goal should be a close relationship with God.

It looks like you want to impress the judgemental people in your life, so you're going to cheat yourself of the blessings that come from confessing to the Bishop, because it might delay your mission, and everyone will know there's still a problem. If that's the case, you're out to impress humans by denying yourself the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ. True repentance means you submit yourself to God, and if He no longer has a mission in mind for you, then you accept that, and move on to what He does have in mind for you.

Sounds rough. I can understand if you refuse to go through with it, and head off on your mission having decided that this unilateral 'compromise' is as far as you will go. But at least be honest with yourself about what you're doing.

Whatever you decide, good luck and God bless.

LM

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readyreadyman

readyreadyman

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Well with an attitude like that, I'd definitely say you're mature and ready enough for marriage.

My point Wingnut is that people generally don't give you criticism to the person you decide to spend eternity to with even if they dislike them. But they will criticize you for having a girlfriend before your mission, no matter who she is.

P.S. Just out of interest did you or someone close to you get Dear John/Janed

Edited by readyreadyman
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