Transgender


GaySaint
 Share

Recommended Posts

I know both very liberal and very conservative people. I don't know what I am. To me judgement and punishment are Heavenly Father's estate, and I refuse, on the threat of my own punishment to judge others. My personal standards are very conservative, and at times, I worry that the LDS are trying too hard to blend in with society. Slightly over a year ago, I was living a life where outsiders saw only my face and hands, I did not speak to men, except to buy gas.

So, it is with considerable bemusement that I find the very conservative; even punitive policies of the church concerning the whole GBLT set to be what they are. And according to my Bishop, they are not going to change in spite of the fact that around 50% of the US membership population have voted with their feet.

Now, there are those who I have known for years who refuse to even speak to me, or do so angrily since they found out that I joined the LDS church. This is hurtful to me. They try to make me feel like I am sleeping with the enemy and it wounds my soul. It is because I joined The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

Being a member less than a year, I do not have Temple privileges, and frankly and I may not ever get them, though several people have told me privately that I will. The suspense bears heavily on my soul, challenging my sanity.

As a tiny child, I used to stand by the house, on the farm where I was raised waiting for my abuser to get home; knowing with certainty that he would beat me when he got there. Though those incidents are more than 50 years in my past, and I have received miraculous healing of past wounds, there is more to go and some of it may hound me to the grave.

I don't know how to deal with my feelings surrounding all this, and wonder if I should tell the stake president that I can't be a member with only half a membership. This anxiety that shadows me seems to bring on self destructive acting out in me and I don't know what I will do.

Edited by Hala401
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hala, for what it's worth, I'll never throw you out.

Thank you.

One thing that bothers me about this whole chat is that there seems to be a massive misconception here.

So, this confuses me. A gay man or lesbian woman can have full priveleges if they swear to abstain from what the General Authority would call same sex intercourse, and I know of one person who is gay and married a woman and had children, TWICE. He's got full Temple priveleges.

I know several T folk and to a woman, I don't know any who are sexually active. The word I get is that the operation leaves the woman with something that is far inferior to the real thing. T folk are prone to get UTI's and I have not talked to one who says that intercourse is comfortable.

So, if she agrees to abstain completely, then what is the problem with Temple priveleges? I just think this is inconsistent.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

There are many people in this thread I would like to thank for their comments. I also suffer from GID. As I child who did not grow up in the Church, I remember praying to God wishing that He would transform me so that I could stop feeling wrong and live my life the way I felt it was supposed to be. He did transform me, but not in the way that I expected. At the age of 17, I was baptized as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This put me on a difficult path but on a path that was more than worth it.

After graduating high school, I moved out West and attended BYU-Idaho before going on a mission. My mission was very hard for me; it was not what I expected it would be. However, my experiences, though difficult, helped change my life. After my mission, I married a wonderful young woman (who is taller than me and knows about my problems) and we just had our first baby boy. Throughout my whole life and up to this point, I have suffered from GID, but I have not let that change my life or who I am. I am a son of God, sealed to an amazing woman, father of an angelic child, and He has a plan for me.

I know that because I have tried to live the commandments of the Lord, our Heavenly Father has blessed me with strength that is not my own. My internal problems have not vanished; nor do they feel bottled up deep inside. I feel that I have become at peace with my feelings. I imagine that my feelings are locked up in a cage deep inside me; she, not at peace, might rattle a cup against the bars from time to time or even scream bloody murder (which makes it harder to ignore), but that does not mean I need to open the cage and let those feelings out.

Many of us with these feelings tend to believe that no one else knows what it is like to suffer this way. That is a mistake. While our problem may not come from our own personal actions or the problems of others may not be as life-changing, I believe it is insulting to degrade the inner feelings of others by saying that ours is a harder lot. I have seen good people struggle on problems that would seem infantile to others, yet I know that what they are feeling is just as real and just as painful.

We cannot let our temptations lead us down the easy path away from our Heavenly Father. Although the path is hard and I cannot live the way that I would wish, I know that the path that Heavenly Father has chosen for me is a better one. Already I have experienced and grown a hundred times more than if I had chosen to follow those feelings. Every day for the rest of my life I will have to wake up and look at the small, effeminate body I was given in the mirror and prepare for the fight of that day. I cannot wait to wake up in the morning and take on that challenge.

We, as a people, have so much to gain from taking the hard path. Our lot is a hard one, but that just means that when we overcome it, we will be that much stronger. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that there are many General and Auxiliary Authorities who suffer from our temptations; it would have to take a challenge of that magnitude to produce such strong men and women of faith.

Finally, I would hope members would not make excuses for us. Yes, we need all of the love and support you can offer us; that is not the problem I speak of. There are other members who are praised by the world for their “open-minded-ness.” I have been given excuses from this people my whole life. “You’re just a new convert,” they would say, “You don’t have to serve a mission, that does not apply to you. That would be too hard.”

If I had listened to that, I would have never grown, met my wife, had my child; I would have had none of that. We cannot listen to the easy words of members who tell us that we can live our lives the way we want that that everything will be okay. That will just rob us of the blessings that our Father is waiting to bestow upon us. Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us, but He also has a Plan for the whole human race.

I applaud members of the Church who suffer from GID or same sex attraction who still enter the Temple and are sealed for eternity with their spouses, have children and who choose the plan God has for them and not follow the temptations or selfish thoughts that plague them and us each day. We need to have them as our examples so that we may follow the hard path and know that it might not get easier, but it sure as hell will get better. Not just better, but the best our lives could ever be.

~ Nate

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am gonna hold my tongue on this. I have unsubscribed to this thread a half dozen times, so now I must conclude that someone is baiting me. Who ever is doing this, have you no mercy? Do you not understand that this whole subject is a psychological mine field for me? What will it take for our fine members to finally realise that the church's view on all this leads to people putting guns in their mouth?

I have agreed to obey the rules within our church, but this continual exposure to this subject makes me feel crazy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What will it take for our fine members to finally realise that the church's view on all this leads to people putting guns in their mouth?

Hala, I'm not sure what you think "the Church's view" on the subject is. I did not realize the Church even had a specific view on the subject. We all muddle along as best we can, trying to do good and hoping we don't do harm. Not sure what else we can do, except listen to the Spirit and try to emulate Christ.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hala, if the church is slow in deciding anything to do with transgender or intersexed people its is because they dont know. I am reminded of the black priesthood issue. For many years there were GA that wanted to change the policy on it. Many of the prophets prayed about it. As I recall it, one was Pres. David O Mackay that wanted to change it but felt he could not without direct, unmistakable, revelation on it.

It is just too important to make mistakes. We KNOW these questions will be resolved. We dont know when. In the meantime you, and others are left not knowing what will happen and, sometimes, unable to fully participate in some activities.

All I can say is to hold out and have faith in God. You are an example to others that can help them to learn to be more just to everyone. Not something you asked for but it is a blessing to those of us who learn. I also like the idea of the refiners fire. You WILL be a stronger person, refined by fire.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was not trying to bait anyone. I apologize if it seemed that way. I found this thread while searching the internet to find out how other LDS people like us deal with their issues. I do not feel that is it how the Church feels on the issue but how our Father does. If it comes from the Church, it comes from our Father. At BYU, I have seen many students get angry with the Church because of its stance towards gay marriage and other issues, but I was just confused. It is not the Church's stance, but the Lord's.

I just wanted to comment so that if any other Latter-day Saint who is struggling with this issue were to find this thread, they would know they can lead an amazing life filled with joy if they just follow the plan set out for them. It would be hard, but only through hardship can we have the potential to reach our ultimate happiness.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was not trying to bait anyone. I apologize if it seemed that way. I found this thread while searching the internet to find out how other LDS people like us deal with their issues. I do not feel that is it how the Church feels on the issue but how our Father does. If it comes from the Church, it comes from our Father. At BYU, I have seen many students get angry with the Church because of its stance towards gay marriage and other issues, but I was just confused. It is not the Church's stance, but the Lord's.

I just wanted to comment so that if any other Latter-day Saint who is struggling with this issue were to find this thread, they would know they can lead an amazing life filled with joy if they just follow the plan set out for them. It would be hard, but only through hardship can we have the potential to reach our ultimate happiness.

You weren't baiting anyone, so please do not worry about that. Anyone who is reading/responding to this thread is doing so out of their own choice and is not being baited or 'tricked' into reading it, much less responding to it. There will always be those who blame others for their every woe.

I appreciate you sharing your perspective...which I agree with.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

I want to first let you folks know that while I am no longer a member of the church, I am writing from a place of humility and respect. I want to share parts of my story and the path I’ve chosen to possibly present a different perspective than some of the others I’ve heard.

I have a slightly atypical narrative for a transgender girl. My childhood wasn’t spent dressing up, or preferring “feminine” activities. I always did and do to this day enjoy a wide range of gendered activities, from hiking (I loved boy scouts), to ballet. I say this to discredit the idea that transgender people are produced through improper socialization or are always motivated primarily by the desire to fulfill a role that their assigned gender disallows them (i.e. wanting to wear a dress or be a home maker). While aspects of both genders appeal to me, I don’t attribute this to transgenderism and don’t feel it wholly unusual. The true nature of the dysphoria I felt is difficult to describe (as the cause of homosexuality is, or even of usual gender alignment). Even amid my socialization as a young man, I recognized that I was experiencing things as a female. I will not pretend to know what this feels like to other females, but my gendered experience has come from a place that was wired to expect a female puberty and in the very least was in no way male.

While I admire Nat’s ability to come to terms with a similar condition, in the reality I live in I would be disrespecting the sacredness of both female and male assigned roles by marrying in the temple or taking on a priesthood role. To live as a male, for me, would be unauthentic and unhealthy to myself and those around me. While I never went on a mission (I’m 18) I served as a senior portal leader, I held a position as bishops first assistant, and courted many young women in my stake. My self-image began to corrode as I lived lie upon lie. Lies not only about my desires, but about my reality. I was never the honorable young man fulfilling his rightful role, or the chivalrous male date that young women deserve, I was a girl that was very very good at pretending to be. The weight of these lies combined with a puberty I couldn’t control, turned me into a very negative person. I was self-destructive, attempting suicide multiple times. I was dysfunctional, too absorbed in my own pain to fulfill my callings. I was unloving, blaming friends and family for my own dilemma. I honestly was nihilistic enough to accept the lowest outcomes for myself in this life and the next. I prayed and struggled, but it is key to understand that I considered my female identity to be true and eternal. I don’t feel any amount of struggle could or should change that.

By contrast, I can again treat those around me with civility and true affection. My life has filled with love for myself and everyone around me. I’m starting hormone therapy and am living full time as a female. All my relationships are authentic and I am becoming very comfortable and healthy spiritually. Looking at the world around me, I feel equipped to spread good will and love; whereas before I could barely get out of bed.

While there is more love in my life, I am slightly confused by anyone who assumes that I took an easy way out, as Nat seemed to suggest. While I don’t want to discredit his experience and I imagine that he took the path that was right for him, he does not speak for my own; nor I for anyone else’s. My life since deciding to transition has been better, but never easier. I struggle every day to affirm the core of my identity, to overcome institutional discrimination and to fight of a myriad of fears. I don’t pretend to know what a mission or marriage in the temple is like, but it’s a bit hurtful to hear the struggle I choice trivialized as “the easier path”. I plan to raise a family some day and continue to live with principals of love and service. I owe the rekindling of these plans to my transition.

I share these thoughts not to cause contention, but to point out how individual these matters are. I came here out of curiosity and I must say I am very impressed by the acceptance and tenderness so many of you treat the issue with. I really respect all of you for discussing trans issues with such an open heart. I wish you all joy and love through whatever peaceful means it comes.

Edited by redeandra
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 year later...

Alrighty, I'd like to add a little bit of information that may be helpful here. Firstly, I will admit, I'm transgender, so eh, bias may be a thing. Something I've heard mentioned in here really struck me as interesting, while I'm personally not LDS, I'm Protestant Christian, the belief differences do strike me as interesting, and I couldn't tell you why I Googled this topic this fine night. Anywho, I caught wind of someone mentioning, "Our lack of ability in technology" to help alleviate this issue.

 

From what I've heard, some describe this as a fleshy desire stemming from environmental factors. Well, what I will say is that we do have SOME science here. There isn't a whole lot of science in homosexuality, but transgender, especially transsexual, well, neuroscience can be quite beneficial. Has anyone seen the research done on fMRI brainscans of the brains of transsexuals and compared architecture between their identified gender and those who are born with sex and gender matching? As you'd guess from how I led this, even before hormone replacement, a transsexual's brain more closely resembles the gender they identify as, not the sex they were pigeon-holed into when born (Hormone replacement further modifies this to bridge the gap and finish whatever was not finished with time).

 

So no, God does not make mistakes, but things which are human, are imperfect. And thus, the human birth-giving process, has its quirks. Now, here is my theory as to how things go down, so past this point starts to get into my of an informed speculation than actual-backed science. I'm of the belief that when developing a male in the womb, the hormone washes are ample enough to develop the proper genetalia (is this too explicit?) as to avoid an intersex condition, but for some reason or another, the brain does not follow the masculinization process in addition. The architecture continues to hold to boucning between the left and right hemispheres instead of the normal male's front and back dominant (it is proven that women have a very strong tendency when thinking to bounce the electric impulses form side to side while males rely on front to back). That's also why you see transsexual's tending to be left-handed or ambidextrous, the brain function is different.

 

I'll spare my personal story as, meh, I think enough have been provided and I'm not one to partake in theatrics. That being said, I think it's an issue the individual needs to heavily focus on with God. My ignorance shows here, so I'm not sure the LDS belief system on if they have to go through their leaders first to do this. What I will say, is that people make mistakes, it's a very hard issue to work out even for those going through it, and likely near-impossible for those who arn't. My opinion on this is that whether churches are fond of my existence or attendence or not, what matters is that in death, there is only one Individual who's opinion will matter. They can say I'm a horrible sinner all day long, but as long as He is well-aware of what I'm feeling, fighting with, going through, and my intentions, I think that's what counts most.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share