I'm married because... I'm divorced because...

[hordak]

Let me start by saying i'm not looking down on anyone who is divorced, however i am a bit surprised by the numbers i have seen on this site. And apparently marital problems have become such a "hot" issue they deserve there own board.

Because much of the post here will be "negative and reactive" I.E. Here is the problem how do i fix it. I thought it would be nice to have a positive and proactive thread to help others avoid the problems.

So i ask married people answer the question.

I'm married because I....

And divorced

I'm divorced because because I...

(This isn't a place to air the ex's dirty laundry, and i would like to keep it positive so "I'm divorced because my ex is a jerk" is not the type of answer i am looking for. (even if it is true;))

I'm looking to spread advice to people for things they can control, so others faults wouldn't be useful. I. E. If ex was an adulterer the answer "I'm divorced because ex cheated" would tell other not to marry someone who would cheat, but chances are when you married you did you didn't think they would so the advice is more or less "worthless". But if the ex had these type of problems in the past, and you didn't take that into consideration when choosing them... "I'm divorced because I didn't think my ex's past was a big deal" Would be advice an individual could use.

Looking for personal things you do or didn't do that could help others)

I'm married because i choose my best friend. I wish i could take credit but i stole the idea from my folks who a long and happy marriage themselves. I have seen many put too much stake in what a person is doing, or what they could be not who they are.

"He's going to med school so he will be a great provider"

"She is so good with kids she will make a great mother"

Not that these aren't good quality to look for but what happens when he fails out and has to get a job at McDonalds for minimum wage? What happens when it is discovered you can't have kids?

Think about your best friend in grade school. You didn't hang out with them(hopefully) because they had the coolest toys. And even when their mother said they couldn't come out to play you didn't drop them and if you had some cool activity planed you might have even postponed it so they could do it with you.

I married my best friend, someone i want to air my gripes to, share my joy with, someone i'll postpone the great adventures for, someone who i'm happy with living in a 2000sq ft home minutes from the beaches of Florida, taking vacations twice a year. Or living in an 800sq ft duplex in Cali. with paper thin wall, jerk neighbors, living off Mac & Cheese with a entertainment budget that allows us to buy 1 new board game every 2 months because the cost of living is so high. Because i married my best friend most the external ( i hear money is a a big issue in many divorces) doesn't matter.

My advice. Marry your best friend.

[pam]

I'm not really sure how you could do a "I'm divorced" without it turning negative. Obviously there was something very negative that caused the divorce.

[WindRiver]

Based on the words from the Lord's anointed, it looks like the real reason for MOST divorces or MOST marriages remaining solvent is the following:

I am, or my ex was, or both of us were - selfish (divorce)

or I / we try to be less selfish (still married)

Obviously there are lots of other reasons outside of these two but I agree with the brethren on the statements that most divorces are the result of selfishness on the part of one or both partners.

Here are just a few from LDS.org that talk about it. There were a bunch more that basically said the same thing over and over.....emphasis added

Pres. Hinckley

I have long felt that the greatest factor in a happy marriage is an anxious concern for the comfort and well-being of one’s companion. In most cases selfishness is the leading factor that causes argument, separation, divorce, and broken hearts.

LDS.org - Liahona Article - Loyalty

Pres. Hinckley again

Why all of these broken homes? What happens to marriages that begin with sincere love and a desire to be loyal and faithful and true one to another?

There is no simple answer. I acknowledge that. But it appears to me that there are some obvious reasons that account for a very high percentage of these problems. I say this out of experience in dealing with such tragedies. I find selfishness to be the root cause of most of it.

I am satisfied that a happy marriage is not so much a matter of romance as it is an anxious concern for the comfort and well-being of one’s companion.

LDS.org - Ensign Article - What God Hath Joined Together

Elder Oaks

Now I speak to married members, especially to any who may be considering divorce.

I strongly urge you and those who advise you to face up to the reality that for most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness.

LDS.org - Ensign Article - Divorce

Elder Howard

Far too many marriages today end in divorce. Selfishness, sin, and personal convenience often prevail over covenants and commitment.

LDS.org - Liahona Article - Eternal Marriage

Elder Haight

Middle-age divorce is particularly distressing, as it indicates that mature people, who are the backbone of our society, are not working carefully enough to preserve their marriages. Divorces granted to people over forty-five have increased at an alarming rate. When middle-aged people even consider breaking up their marriage—a couple who may have reared their children, who possibly have grandchildren—and now decide to go their separate ways, they need to realize that every divorce is the result of selfishness on the part of one or both.

LDS.org - Ensign Article - Marriage and Divorce

Elder Burton

Personal selfishness is the main reason for the present high divorce rate throughout the world.

LDS.org - Ensign Article - The Need for Love

Edited September 24, 2010 by WindRiver

[Tarnished]

Pam's point is very true.

I am married because I wanted someone weird like me who would understand me, and because it just turned out to be my best friend. I am married because when it came down to divorce we both decided we were willing to work out the problems in our marriage over losing our best friend. I am married because after everything we have been through together no one else would understand either of us as well as we understand each other. I am married because my happiest times are when I am around my husband.

[hordak]

I'm not really sure how you could do a "I'm divorced" without it turning negative. Obviously there was something very negative that caused the divorce.

I don't know how to explain it without another example. If you are divorced i would image in many cases there were things you did or didn't do that played a factor in it. I do not

mean in a "you should have cleaned the house like he wanted it" your at fault sort of way but that a persons actions played a part and others can learn from the mistakes and not the negative cause.

Example. Girl dates guy through highschool. She marries him, he "becomes" physically abusive and controlling, after 5 years she gets up the nerve to divorce him. She might answer the question. I'm divorced because my husband was abusive. The abuse might be the negative cause for the divorce it does no good to others reading this. Don't marry an abusive guy is good advice but obviously it isn't that easy to tell, otherwise the girl giving the advice wouldn't have married him in the first place. But there might have been hints, maybe while dating he was always asking were she was, jealous of her guy friends etc. So the answer that would be useful to others would be " I'm divorced because i didn't pay attention to the warning signs early in the relationship.

I had a girl friend in highschool who left me for my friend who was more of a "bad boy" Looking back on it i actually changed, she was a good girl and i was trying to become good for her. I could say it didn't work out because she just wanted a rebel, So always be a bad boy, but that helps no one. and is very specific to the situation. My part in it was it didn't work out because i changed for her. Never change who you are for a person you are dating would be good advice all could take to heart.

Also it doesn't have to be that personal I.E. "I'm divorced because I .... "

It could be "Money is a big cause of divorces i have this friend..."

[Tarnished]

Sometimes though you may not see the early warning signs in marriage. Sometime divorce is something one spouse has no choice on.

My husband and I have a friend who married a girl, she was a non-member but he loved her and treated her nicely. She had a more promiscuous lifestyle before they had been married and wanted certain things in marriage (sexually) that he was not willing to give. He thought things were going well in the marriage, she was taking discussions from the missionaries, and they both were attending church each week.

However, she had decided to hook back up with an old boyfriend and began cheating on her husband. When he caught them at it she chose to leave him for her old boyfriend. He is divorced because his wife chose to leave him for another man. I suppose you could say he is divorced because he didn’t see the early warning signs, but the truth is, he is divorced because his wife chose to make bad decisions and left him because of her decisions.

Sometimes you can’t see ahead in marriage, even if you might see the signs before you get married. Sometimes those early warning signs can amount to nothing, sometimes a couple can work through what those early warning signs lead to. Truthfully the best you can do is marry someone who is your best friend and try your best at marriage, it isn’t always going to be sparkles and happiness, sometimes it will be pain and torment, but if you and your spouse are willing to work at marriage then it can be a wonderful thing.

Not every divorce can be fixed before it happens, not every person chooses to change, sometimes marriages fail because one or both spouses just don’t feel like putting the effort into keeping the marriage going, and when that happens sometimes there is nothing a person can do, it doesn’t matter how much you try, if your spouse has given up and is not willing to work at the marriage sometimes it ends without any fault of your own.

[Soulsearcher]

I think i see where Hordak is coming from. Possibly the Statement that could be made towards the example Tarnished just provided is " I ended up divorced because we didn't communicate about certain things before we were married" ie sexual expectations and roles with in the marriage. As much as one wants to say most divorces are because of selfishness and to a point i agree, i see it as almost a scapegoat answer to avoid closer inspection. Lack of communication before and during marriage to me seems to be a bigger issue. I find though a lot of the marriages i've been able to watch closely that people are so infatuated with either the person or the dream of what can be, that they don't stop and really plan things out before. They enter into marriage with out fully disclosing their expectations and desires and then once the honeymoon period is over all of a sudden there is this semi stranger that you have to learn to live with who isn't quite what you expected. Of course this can be overcome in a lot of cases, but sometimes the differences are just too large. One might think the gospel should be enough to keep two true believers together, but really there are times that the differences are just too large, maybe because even, that the two people are on vastly different levels of gospel understanding and that in it's self creates rifts. Of course this doesn't explain why all of the marriages work, or end, but in watching the marriages around me it's a big part.

Also i think there are a number of marriages that fail due to the fat one of the spouses knows the person isn't what they want and instead of accepting them for who they are, they figure once married they will be able to change the person to their ideal image.

Edited September 24, 2010 by Soulsearcher

[hordak]

Sometimes though you may not see the early warning signs in marriage. Sometime divorce is something one spouse has no choice on.

My husband and I have a friend who married a girl, she was a non-member but he loved her and treated her nicely. She had a more promiscuous lifestyle before they had been married and wanted certain things in marriage (sexually) that he was not willing to give. He thought things were going well in the marriage, she was taking discussions from the missionaries, and they both were attending church each week.

However, she had decided to hook back up with an old boyfriend and began cheating on her husband. When he caught them at it she chose to leave him for her old boyfriend. He is divorced because his wife chose to leave him for another man. I suppose you could say he is divorced because he didn’t see the early warning signs, but the truth is, he is divorced because his wife chose to make bad decisions and left him because of her decisions.

Sometimes you can’t see ahead in marriage, even if you might see the signs before you get married. Sometimes those early warning signs can amount to nothing, sometimes a couple can work through what those early warning signs lead to. Truthfully the best you can do is marry someone who is your best friend and try your best at marriage, it isn’t always going to be sparkles and happiness, sometimes it will be pain and torment, but if you and your spouse are willing to work at marriage then it can be a wonderful thing.

Not every divorce can be fixed before it happens, not every person chooses to change, sometimes marriages fail because one or both spouses just don’t feel like putting the effort into keeping the marriage going, and when that happens sometimes there is nothing a person can do, it doesn’t matter how much you try, if your spouse has given up and is not willing to work at the marriage sometimes it ends without any fault of your own.

I can agree with that but we are missing the point of this thread. The idea is to add "balance" to this forum, So if someone wanted to read relationship advice rather then just a wall of "My spouse did this , my boyfriend did that" then can get general positive advise from life experiences. Like if there was a Job talk section you would have tons of "Should i take this job", "is this good pay", "how do i get this job" etc. And these things might need to be addressed But it would be nice to see a general "how to get a good job" thread that gave advice on dressing for an interview, how to act for an interview, how important are resumes etc.

So the point of this thread in marriage and relationship advice is just that, to give general life experience relationship and marriage advice, that anyone can use. It can be , " understand a partners past, beware of the ex, talk about expectations before the wedding, always put the toilet seat down;) etc

General tips and advice that were learned from either good, or bad experiences.

[ryanh]

Hordak . . . so many go through this life apparently unable to see their own participation in the negative things in their lives. I expect there is a goodly proportion of divorced individuals that are simply not capable (either mentally, or emotionally) of recognizing the 'cause' in the manner you are looking for. I agree with you, but I just don't think it comes naturally to most people. Not everyone can handle the potential for cognitive dissonance! And some portion simply don't have the ability - perhaps precisely why they are divorced.

See: The Classic Dunning-Kruger Effect

For me, I am divorced (in part) for a number of "unknown unknowns" at the time of marriage. In part because: I didn't understand how important compatibility in sexual matters can be - I was ignorant of the possibility of problems as large as I experienced; I did not understand that communication and cooperation during courtship is not always indicative of how those skills will function post-marriage; and many other aspects.

I like the quote from the movie Meet the Robinsons. "From failing, you learn. From success, not so much." Of course, that presumes that ignorance is not begetting undue confidence (again, see: The Dunning-Kruger Effect) Not all of that "learning" can be passed on from those that have experienced it. Many simply have to experience it for themselves in order to learn.

One big thing I have learned, through experience, but what is better stated by Brent Barlow and President Kimball is:

Yet, in spite of the potentially joyful aspects of sexuality in marriage, for many it is a source of frustration and even contention. Indeed, the inability of married couples to intimately relate to each other is one of the major causes of divorce. President Spencer W. Kimball noted that even in our own church, “if you study the divorces, as we have had to do in these past years, you will find there are one, two, three, four reasons. Generally sex is the first. They did not get along sexually. They may not say that in court. They may not even tell that to their attorneys, but that is the reason.” (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. Edward L. Kimball, Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1982, p. 312.)

They Twain Shall Be One: Thoughts on Intimacy in Marriage

Edited September 24, 2010 by ryanh
Fix spelling

[hordak]

I think i see where Hordak is coming from. Possibly the Statement that could be made towards the example Tarnished just provided is " I ended up divorced because we didn't communicate about certain things before we were married" ie sexual expectations and roles with in the marriage.

Bingo

As much as one wants to say most divorces are because of selfishness and to a point i agree, i see it as almost a scapegoat answer to avoid closer inspection. Lack of communication before and during marriage to me seems to be a bigger issue. I find though a lot of the marriages i've been able to watch closely that people are so infatuated with either the person or the dream of what can be, that they don't stop and really plan things out before. They enter into marriage with out fully disclosing their expectations and desires and then once the honeymoon period is over all of a sudden there is this semi stranger that you have to learn to live with who isn't quite what you expected. Of course this can be overcome in a lot of cases, but sometimes the differences are just too large. One might think the gospel should be enough to keep two true believers together, but really there are times that the differences are just too large, maybe because even, that the two people are on vastly different levels of gospel understanding and that in it's self creates rifts. Of course this doesn't explain why all of the marriages work, or end, but in watching the marriages around me it's a big part.

Also i think there are a number of marriages that fail due to the fat one of the spouses knows the person isn't what they want and instead of accepting them for who they are, they figure once married they will be able to change the person to their ideal image.

This is precisely what i'm looking for. Anyone who is dating, or considering marriage or even married can come into the thread, read this and say " Maybe we should approach the subject of time out with the friends before getting hitched. Perhaps he will not just suddenly stop playing football with the guy every weekend after the wedding unless we discuss it."

or

"Well i guess i should accept the fact, she will own 60 pairs of shoes and they will be "strategically placed" all over the house (I.E. in the way, where they don't belong) because that is how she has always been, perhaps i should accept i can't change her and overlook the minor inconvenience." Thanks Soulsearcher"

[bl8tant]

I got divorced because I was not careful enough about selecting someone who would be a good long-term companion. Alternate explanation: I got divorced because I was too immature to think through exactly what I was doing and the reasons for why I was getting married.

(but I still like "I got divorced because my ex is a jerk" as an explanation too!)

[mrmarklin]

Divorce can be a positive in lives, if a bad situation is avoided.

I have a very good friend now on his 3rd marraige. After his 2d divorce, he was perceptive enough to realize that maybe some of his problems in relationships were his. He sought counselling, and reformed certain aspects of his life that were not right. His third marraige will be his last, it's 25+ years, and running strong. He has an excellent wife and a very loving relationship with her.

Edited September 24, 2010 by mrmarklin

[mrmarklin]

I continue to be married because I'm stubborn enough to see the downside of divorce. My wife and I have a workable relationship that also includes love. But we've had some serious problems over the years (almost 40). The giddy feelings of infatuation are soon over in any marraige, and one must then focus on the fact that hopefully the person you picked is fundamentally good, and trying to do the right things. We focus on that, and a lot of the petty annoyances get put aside.

If I had to do it over again, I would not have married my wife because of certain problems that she had in her past. She's on page 168 of one of Dr Laura's books. The red flags were there, but I was simply too young, and hadn't the knowledge to see them. Knowing what I know now, I'm not sure I could take the plunge again!!!!!

Edited September 24, 2010 by mrmarklin

[mrmarklin]

I got divorced because I was not careful enough about selecting someone who would be a good long-term companion. Alternate explanation: I got divorced because I was too immature to think through exactly what I was doing and the reasons for why I was getting married.

(but I still like "I got divorced because my ex is a jerk" as an explanation too!)

The guy was a jerk before you married him, but of course it's easy to overlook the signs.

[MrShorty]

A couple of weeks ago, I woke up with the thought in my head, "I choose to love." As a previous post mentioned, and Dr. Chapman in Five Love Languages talked a lot about, the head-over-heels "in love experience" is fairly short lived (I've heard anywhere from 6 to 24 months). After that you have to consciously choose to love and court your spouse. In other contexts, we say that love is an action and not just a feeling. I'm still married because I choose to be.

Yesterday I came across a copy of the Love Dare and flipped through it and read someone's blog about it. While I didn't get all warm and fuzzy about every dare, I did see the value in developing specific skills to show and receive love that become the ""what you do" when you make that choice.

[Tarnished]

I think I am getting a better idea of what you are trying to get out of this thread. Sort of a "Advice I would give to people who are thinking of getting married to help them keep divorce from happening." Or something of the sort. Which I think a lot of people need.

For example, if I were to talk to an unmarried version of myself and give her advice for marriage I would say things like this:

-See what kind of habits your significant other has before marriage, do they spend a large amount of time doing something that you do not enjoy doing as well? Chances are that will not change when you are married.

-Does your SO have past transgressions that may show up in the future? Things they have told you about that may cause problems in your marriage if your SO gets involved in them again.

-Meet their family, remember, you are not just marrying your SO you will also be marrying into their family, this means you will probably spend some holidays with them. How do you get along with them?

-Spend a good amount of time getting to know your SO, do they have sudden fits of rage? Are they apathetic about important things? What are they like with money? Are there anythings that they do that drive you crazy?

And advice for after marriage or advice I would give to a couple just about to get married.

-When you get married the best way to get past many of your money issues is to think of all money that comes in as ours instead of yours and mine. Discuss things together as a couple, especially expenses and split up financial chores.

-Communicate about everything. This could be chores, children, work, church, even sex, especially sex. The more you communicate the better both you and your spouse will be able to understand where the other person is coming from. Remember your spouse can not read your mind, and expecting them to is idiotic.

-Be willing to give up friends for your marriage. Once you are married the most important person in your life should be your spouse. Do not let friends get between you, friends will come and go, but your spouse is the person you chose to start a family with.

[MichaelCraig]

I'm married because I needed someone tall enough to get the bread down from on top of the frig, and to change blown out light bulbs.

I'm divorced because my former wife, (a little person like me) could not do either.

Just kiddin.

My first marriage was for all the wrong reasons. The entire relationship was built on loose sand and when hurricane season came there was nothing left. Wasn't much at all really there to start with. It was equaly both of our fault.

My second, and LAST marriage..(I know this because my wife is from Alabama and when we were walking out of the church she looked me in the eye and said "one of the two of us ain't gettin out of this one alive!"), was built on a firm foundation. Over two years courting, learning each others likes, dislikes, life goals, ethics and morals, short and long term life plans, funky habits, sexual expectations-do's and don'ts, feelings/agreements about kids, needs and expectations from each other and the biggest of it all.....FAITH. She was raised Baptist, poor girl but I love her anyway. All we did to make sure this one was right helped but honeslty...it is by the pure Grace of Heavenly Father that we have stayed together as long as we have. If anyone ever needs the real definition of Grace don't look in Wikipedia, just let me know and I'll post a picture of my wife. Yeah, she's hardheaded, down right mean sometimes, but, when the stuff hits the fan and buddy it has and I mean big time on many occasions thru the years she has not batted an eye and has stuck right by my side not budging one inch even when I was going thru my mid-life crisis. MrMarklin is right about the puppy love ending pretty quick and if there's nothing there from the very beginning holding you to a strong foundation it's prob just a matter of time before the siding and roof peels off of your trailer and you're left with one wheel and a twisted frame. (we live in south Ga you know)

No disrepect to anyone who lives in a trailer, just a little redneck south Ga humor. :)

[pam]

No disrepect to anyone who lives in a trailer, just a little redneck south Ga humor. :)

That's it bucko. You're off my Christmas card list. I live in a trailer. :)

[ryanh]

Jesus said love everone right?

I'm married because I am able to admit when I am wrong, because I am able to forgive, because I can live with someone without controlling them, because of the things taught at church, because I try to be selfless, because I don't try for a 50/50 relashonship, because I learned his love language, because I applied the principles in Bonds that Make you Free, because I'm not easily offended, because I don't take anything for granted, because I don't expect anything in return... notice I did not put anything about him in here, because I make it my personal responsibility to make it work despite what he does. (he's great, I love him, but marriage is not about finding the right person, it's about being the right person imo.)

Excellent stuff Changed. And for most normal relationships, that is the answer. It just feels appropriate to point out there are many exceptions to that as one partner simply is to far from that standard. Many a woman has done everything right, but still ended up with someone that either left her, or abused her. And vice versa. Marriage is still, in some limited respects, a game of chance of who you are with - because in the end it takes TWO people, and we can only exercise our own agency, and cannot control the actions of another. But, since we can only do something about ourselves, let that be the focus. Excellent point. Edited September 24, 2010 by ryanh

[mrmarklin]

Tarnished you make some good points.

I married as a college student. I had my last semester's tuition in the bank, and my wife was on a full ride scholarship. That sounds good, and we knew each other over a year, BUT the environment in 20/20 hidsight was totally artificial. Neither of us had any significant responsibilities such as having to go to work, and we lived away from our families so never really got to know that aspect of each other's lives. It never occured to me how bad my wife was with money, because she never needed any going to school. Everything was taken care of. And a lot of other things as well................Frankly as I look back I'm surprised we survived!!!!

[jayanna]

I was divorced because my spouse chose to be abusive in the extreme, the abuse first occured while I was pregnant with our first child. He had grown up in a very bad family environment and I had felt sorry for him and assumed he was above all of those behaviors. I gave him chance after chance to improve. We had two daughters together, and I decided not to get pregnant again to avoid the situation of him abusing me again, but it just got worse. It became a dialy occurence.

While I did the best I could to make him happy, when confronted by the authorities, he ran. I chose to file for divorce. I knew he would return when he ran out of money, and that if he could, he would hold our children hostage to get money from me and force me to re-enter the relationship. I knew that to allow the abuse to continue would have been a sin. I also knew that giving him the opportunity to continue the abuse would be helping him sin, too. I recieved medical treatments, including a short hospital stay and months of physical therapy, to make sure that my daughters would have a mommy that could take care of them.

Later, I got married because the greatest man I had ever met was single. I got married because I prayed and received an answer.

I've stayed married because I have decided to be the the best wife I can, and we have made the Savior the pilot in our relationship. I continue to choose to see positive things about my husband, and do my best to make sure I serve him in some way every day. His happiness is so important to me.

Gratitude, forgiveness, and charity are really important in any relationship...The Proclamation on the Family LDS.org - Liahona Article - The Family: A Proclamation to the World is the best recipe I can think of for a healthy marriage and family.

I can honestly say that after 10 years of marriage, I am more ga ga about my hubby than ever. I am even more likely to sneak a kiss, or daydream about his good looks. I look back and see how we have grown together, and clung to each other in every trial. Every chance I have to spend time with him means so much to me.

Edited September 24, 2010 by jayanna

[zippy_do46]

I married my hubby because of his sense of humor and because he was my best friend.

We stay together because we know too much about each other. :) That humor helps us now. He knows all he has to do is make me laugh and I can not stay mad at him. I do the same.

One thing I would say is marriage is really 100% effort for both people. Anything less and the cracks start to form. Pray together and for each other.

[Therauh]

Now people can just refer to this post when someone makes a post like that cause they are feeling under the weather and hoping to find a person willing to talk them through that moment?People post such things cause they need someone to talk to so they know they aren't completely alone.Everyone know there are a gazillion books on relationships.I don't think the advice means as much as just being willing to show some compassion.The advice is mostly just used to feel a connection with others if possible while stuck in a place their mind can't escape at that time.

I had a forum once and it eventually came to the point where some people got tired of feeling sympathy for others and eventually I closed the site simply because of the lack of compassion people had for others on the site.They considered anyone who said anything negative or said about their lives to be whiners.They wanted me to keep the site open for them tho so they could talk about what they thought was important.I let them reap what they sowed.Hurt me to close my site and I really enjoyed talking with some of them.Many of em claimed to be christians, all saved purely by grace and it mattered not what they did in regards to showing others compassion cause they were forgiven of all their sins and nothing could change that.I disagreed.

So what exactly is this the condensed version of please read this posting if you aren't able to find the arm of The Lord to lean on cause I'm tired of hearing your problems?

[Maya]

I was devorced because: I was not strong enough or did not any more want to live with a nonmenber and his nonmemberlike life. Finding gaytravells tickets to Parios in his pocket while he told me he was going to his parents I think was the last drop.

I am married because: This Norwegean totally swept my feet from under me, never tought I stil as around 40 with 2 kids could fall that bad ... and because I believe in marriage beeing Gods command.

I am staying married: because I am a bit stubborn type and I stil think it is Gods command AND I believe that after all this, when we are made perfect, it really dont matter if your husband in his weekness does stupid things... and that I do get my own stupid things forgiven

Quite a school I must say!

It really dont matter who you marry just ENDURE!

Looking for THAT special feeling all through the marriage? Forget it! Sometimes I could (donkey not dead) But sometimes it is quite cosy... even

[zippy_do46]

Oh, Maya Maybe it is something in my translation but that post of yours has me laughing so hard I can barely type. You hang in there girl. :) Thanks I so needed that laugh. Your "donkey not dead" is so much better then a "dead horse" :)