Boyfriend says we're on "different levels"

[harleylds]

So, I have been dating my boyfriend for about 7 months now, and we both are LDS. We had a slip up and were not chaste in our relationship. My boyfriend has already talked to his bishop about it, and started the repentance process. I am in the middle of moving from to a different ward so I have to wait till' my records are in the Ward so I haven't started the process. Now that my boyfriend has talked to the bishop he said we are on "different levels" now. I took it as he was boasting and almost he was better than I. He said this is what his Bishop stated to him, because he has started his process; I haven't. I am feeling a bit down that I can't start the process yet, and would like someone to explain the "different levels" phrase. Does this mean that I am not as good? Does this mean our relationship is at risk? Shouldn't we be supporting each other no matter what in this difficult time not comparing?

Thank you

[Jenamarie]

I think it means your boyfriend could use a dose of humility. I think what he might have heard from his Bishop was that you were at "different levels of spirituality" with him already starting the process and you not (although I don't think it was appropriate for the Bishop to offer any sort of opinion of your level of repentence to your boyfriend, as you are not his concern), but that IN NO WAY means that he's better than you.

You can begin the repentance process while you're waiting for your records to transfer by diving into the Scriptures and going to the Lord in prayer (if you haven't already). However, if it's going to be several more weeks before you're fully in the new ward, you might want to go ahead and confess to the Bishop you have now. He can then fill the new Bishop in on what's going on when the time comes for you to switch fully over to the new ward.

[NeuroTypical]

Sounds like you're afraid to lose him.

Don't lose heart, just go through the process with your bishop as soon as you can.

[beefche]

Actually, I think the best way to know what he meant by that is to ask him. Don't ask him angrily, but in a spirit of wanting to know what he means. And I think it would be a good opportunity to find out the status of your relationship with him as well. Only he can answer what he meant by that and the status of the relationship and if/how you two can support each other during this process.

[Suzie]

Personally, I don't think why you should "wait" just because you are in the middle of moving to a different ward, you have a Bishop right now. Give him a call, meet him and start the process! All the best.

[rubondfan2]

Personally, I don't think why you should "wait" just because you are in the middle of moving to a different ward, you have a Bishop right now. Give him a call, meet him and start the process! All the best.

Absolutely! I echo Suzie's comment when I say that there is no reason to wait for some computerized transfer of membership information to begin the repentance process with your Bishop. Whatever Ward boundary you are living in, that is the Bishop you should be working with. The Bishop holds the keys over all the people residing within his Ward boundaries... whether members of the Church or not, or whether records are in the system or not.

Now, while your records are moving over, your current "geographical" Bishop may consult with (and most certainly will, I am sure) your former "non-geographical-yet-that's-who-your-Bishop-was-before" Bishop. And all that is perfectly normal, acceptable and proper... and hey... isn't it great to have TWO Bishops working together to help you through your repentance process? :)

Another poster earlier mentioned also that you can be diving into the scriptures, praying and spending all kinds of one-on-one time with the Lord right now. That is super advice as well. Repentance is a process of complete change of heart and life and does not begin and end with a conversation with your "Bishop of record".

Best of luck and may the Lord bless you as you open your heart to him through sincere repentance. Way to go!

[MarginOfError]

Absolutely! I echo Suzie's comment when I say that there is no reason to wait for some computerized transfer of membership information to begin the repentance process with your Bishop. Whatever Ward boundary you are living in, that is the Bishop you should be working with. The Bishop holds the keys over all the people residing within his Ward boundaries... whether members of the Church or not, or whether records are in the system or not.

Now, while your records are moving over, your current "geographical" Bishop may consult with (and most certainly will, I am sure) your former "non-geographical-yet-that's-who-your-Bishop-was-before" Bishop. And all that is perfectly normal, acceptable and proper... and hey... isn't it great to have TWO Bishops working together to help you through your repentance process? :)

Another poster earlier mentioned also that you can be diving into the scriptures, praying and spending all kinds of one-on-one time with the Lord right now. That is super advice as well. Repentance is a process of complete change of heart and life and does not begin and end with a conversation with your "Bishop of record".

Best of luck and may the Lord bless you as you open your heart to him through sincere repentance. Way to go!

wellll...for better or worse, the bishop may not want to start things until he has the membership record in hand. The membership record will indicate if there is any past disciplinary action that has been taken, any annotations, or other such things that may not get brought up right away. Some bishops also like to wait until the electronic transfer is done to be sure that all the stewardship issues are clear and complete. Administratively, that's the correct thing to do. However, I agree with you that the ministry should come before the administration.

Also, the new bishop is going to be required to consult with the old bishop anyway, since she won't have lived in her new ward for six months yet. So, I don't see any reason not to get started now. (unless she says she's still in the old ward, in which case getting started now will just mean starting over again once she moves...I can't remember what she said her situation was) Unfortunately, a lot of it varies from one bishop to another. The Atonement may certainly be universal, but bishops are not.

Anyway, that isn't important stuff. Get your life in order as best as you can, and follow the counsel of whatever bishop is within your reach at the time. That's my official advice.

[baver3]

I agree, dont wait. And no matter what happens with your boyfriend, you will feel better and it will be worth it.

I also agree that your BF needs a dose of humility and like Loudmouth said, sounds like you are afraid to lose him.

Let him go...for now. You will find eachother again. He will most likely come crawling back to you by next week and you will start texting eachother or maybe calling. Give him some space to sort all this stuff out. You are probably a great girl and if he was attracted to you before Im sure not much has changed in that department.

If he doesnt come back...at least you will be free of your sin and you will be READY TO GO to find someone new to give your heart too.

No worries!

[Bini]

"We're on different levels" could be your boyfriend's untactful way of saying "I don't think we should be dating anymore during the repentance process". That would make sense.

[shdwlkr]

First you should get things started with your current bishop. We are talking here of your repentance process and what it means to you. Your boy friend is totally wrong on his being on a higher level more like a lower level because he is trying to rub the poor judgment on both your parts to being all your problem as he is already ahead of you. What he has failed to realize is that his stating he is on a higher level than you is gloating and somehow I don't see that as one of the talents we are to learn here.

As to your relationship I personally would be very careful to move forward or even spend much time with someone who belittles me and he is putting you down because you have not started the repentance process. If he will do this over this event what will he do when you are married and things get really tough?

There is a church song that goes "do what is right and let the coneqences follow" or something like that

look out for your own salvation and get started it will only get harder the longer you wait.

Best of luck and remember the LORD only gives us adversity that we can handle.

[Gemma]

Definately ask him what he meant - could be, his bishop emphasized the fact that, having started the repentance process, it was even more important for him to be responsible than it was for you - higher levels of knowledge meaning higher levels of responsibility. This doesn't mean that he's better than you, just that he's realised he needs to take responsibility for his actions as an individual and not let it be something thats a joint responsibility.

Anyway, most of the time when something my sweetheart says hurts my feelings, its because I've misinterpreted, or he just didn't realise that it would hurt - we're not all sensitive about the same things. So I have a rule that I always ask at the first opportunity, then explain that I know he didn't intend it to be hurtful but it was, and explain why I felt that way. I usually end up laughing at myself for being silly!

Gemma

[shdwlkr]

At best he did not really state his case very well and needs some more input. At the worst he does have a problem.

Totally forgot it could be his bishop and his responsibility in the issue being greater because of his priesthood status.

The whole thing boils down to it should never of happened and both need to repent and take a hard look at the relationship and where to go with it.

[wonderwoman1115]

you need to be upfront with him. you need to talk to him about it and not ask a bunch of people who dont know the whole story. the worst that could happen is that youll break up big deal youll find another or it will give you a chance to better yourself away from a guy.. i hope i dont sound rude in anyway i just really think that you will be more at ease if you talk to him about it. .

[Jazok]

You are on different levels. He's repenting, you're not.

For the posters that are blasting the poor guy, my take is entirely different. I see OP as feeling guilty for not starting the repentance process and projecting her guilt onto her boyfriend. You don't have to wait for records to arrive to repent; you just have to go to your bishop and start. Unless you don't really want to.

[twort]

Live your life, repent, be happy, 7 months isn't a long time so if it doesn't work out find someone else!

twort

[Backroads]

You are on different levels. He's repenting, you're not.

For the posters that are blasting the poor guy, my take is entirely different. I see OP as feeling guilty for not starting the repentance process and projecting her guilt onto her boyfriend. You don't have to wait for records to arrive to repent; you just have to go to your bishop and start. Unless you don't really want to.

I don't think that's the situation. The OP is not saying she doesn't want to repent, she just feels awkward doing it during a transfer process, which is understandable. As has been said, there are situations where a bishop might not want to talk to anyone until they are officially in the ward.

However... I think you can beg "unofficial" advice.

I can see this two ways: Your boyfriend and bishop are merely saying they are at a different level in the repentance process. True, no argument there. He has confessed, you have not yet done so.

Yet if you are sincerely desiring repentance, I don't see how the situation makes your bf any more spiritual.

[Korrotassa]

Its likely been said already. But hey, I gotta say something.

That guy sounds like a nuisance. He doesn't sound worthy of any woman, and needs a dose of PrideOff.

If I were him- No, bad comparison. If I were him I would have never said something so to someone who's spirit I endangered.

If I were you, I would tell him that that is not something to say to someone who he could have doomed for eternity, And that with that boastful statement that he might be right. Your above him quite a bit.

[bert10]

We are all on different levels Spiritually. Jesus said if there be two intelligences together....one will be more intelligent than the other. It is the way of things. So do not worry about this. Such assertions if they were meant that he is superior to you, normally comes from fear. And God calls fears darkness.

The Repentance process? One does not need to wait on a Bishop to do this. One should begin immediately upon knowledge of sin. Why? we cannot guarantee how long we will live. Death can come to any of us at any time.

It is my experience that women are generally more spiritual and forgiving in nature than men. So they are always ahead of the game.

IF your boyfriend thinks he is higher spiritually just because he has begun the process...he does err.

The law of heaven on remission of sins is also dependent by how much we are forthright in forgiving others, and having a serving nature and being meek. Most women are already there now.

All they need to do is to forsake all behaviors that are ungodly and to repair their relationship with GOD.

bert10

So, I have been dating my boyfriend for about 7 months now, and we both are LDS. We had a slip up and were not chaste in our relationship. My boyfriend has already talked to his bishop about it, and started the repentance process. I am in the middle of moving from to a different ward so I have to wait till' my records are in the Ward so I haven't started the process. Now that my boyfriend has talked to the bishop he said we are on "different levels" now. I took it as he was boasting and almost he was better than I. He said this is what his Bishop stated to him, because he has started his process; I haven't. I am feeling a bit down that I can't start the process yet, and would like someone to explain the "different levels" phrase. Does this mean that I am not as good? Does this mean our relationship is at risk? Shouldn't we be supporting each other no matter what in this difficult time not comparing?

Thank you

Edited January 29, 2011 by bert10

[moocow]

When I was the first one to go to the bishop and my significant other waited for a while, I felt like we weren't "together" and weren't on the same page. I wished he would have been going through that with me. And I felt like he wasn't as willing to try to fix it as I was. So maybe that's how your b-friend is feeling. He might take you not repenting as you procrastinating. It might just be a misunderstanding. Show him that you are on the same page as him. If you aren't, try to meet him there.