i have a problem.. and need help.

[wonderwoman1115]

so i attend the singles ward but my bishop is really getting on my case about it.. i love my home ward dont get me but i do not feel the spirit there we have no youth no one to talk to other than my sister who is a year older.. i am 18. 19 in a couiple days and i understand the manual says that to stay in your ward until your 21 but why would 18 and up be invited to the ysa activities if we cant attend the ward. i do not feel the spirit in my home ward i have had the oppurtunity to be around people who understand exactly what im going through in the singles ward.. my testimony has grown so much being in the singles ward and my bishop has told me that i will not recive the proper revelation for something im doing wrong.. which made me really mad because i am actually going to church now how is that bad? i know my heavenly father has blessed me incredibly for this.. i respect my local leaders but if heavenly father is telling me one thing and bishop is saying something else im always going to listen to my heavenly father. and now i just feel like i cant even go to my home ward anymore because i dont want to be looked down on for going to the singles ward. please help me understand what to do.

[applepansy]

I doubt you'll be "looked down on" for attending a singles ward. I understand your wanting to be with young people your age. That's normal.

I also know that when we are obedient to our local leaders, regardless if we agree or not, we are blessed in wonderful ways. Be patient. There will come a time when attending the singles ward with your peers will be the right thing to do.

[Wingnut]

...i understand the manual says that to stay in your ward until your 21...

I've never heard that.

[miztrniceguy]

Go where you feel it is right for you to go.

[Gwen]

i'm with wing, never heard such a thing. i've heard you can't start ysa (or singles ward) till you have left high school. that only applies to ppl that have failed or bdays are such that they don't graduate "on time".

my dad was called as branch pres for a branch an hour away when i was 18 (out of high school). i was given the choice if i wanted to move my records with him or stay in my own ward (even though i still lived with him).

if that is used as a base i'd say there is no reason you can't go to the local singles ward. i'd ask to see where that policy is written in the handbook. or talk to the bishop of the singles ward for clarification on the rules that apply to it.

[wonderwoman1115]

well my singles ward bishop totally disagrees i have an assignment in the ward since i cant really get called to a calling.. i dont know why my bishop would lie to me about the handbook.. i beleive him that its there.. but its like i do not feel the spirit in the home ward and before i went to singles ward i was going to go inactive because of how i felt nothing for it i mean i knew it was true i just never felt good about being there.. its not about my peers.. i have no problem having no friends its just the difference in spirit in the wards... everyone in all the other stakes can transfer there records out but mine.. i just dont understand.. why during my temple recomend interview i was pretty much wasw made to feel like that im not doing anything good in my life and i wont get any revelation for not doing good.. the only thing wrong i do is feel the spirit at the singles ward.. i respect my bishop i do... i just need help understanding it all..

[Gwen]

the singles ward bishop says you are supposed to have your records moved there?

all i can think of (and i'm missing a lot of facts) is it's a numbers issue or something your parents have said to the bishop (i'm assuming your parents are in you "home" ward).

i would get straight up facts from the singles ward bishop and then go talk to the other bishop directly, find out what the issue is. if it's still an issue i would request the singles ward bishop call and talk to him. if you still can't get the answers you need to have it resolved i would go to the stake pres and share everything that happened.

[MarginOfError]

Participation in a singles ward is voluntary and at the discretion of the member. If you qualify as a young single adult, you may choose to attend either the singles ward (if one is assigned to your area) or the conventional ward in which you reside. Your bishop's claim that the handbook says you must be 21 is entirely fallacious. It simply doesn't exist in the handbooks.

Ask your parents if they'll support your bishop in getting your records transferred, or talk to your stake president. If your bishop has a specific reason for not wanting you to attend the singles ward, he should be up front about it and not make up policies that don't exist. You can also ask him to show you where in the handbook it says that you must wait until you are 21.

If you really want to get clever, request a copy of your Individual Ordinance Summary from your ward clerk. Then take this to the singles ward. With the information on the IOS, the singles ward can retrieve your records from the conventional ward. Bishopric approval is not required for this (except in exceptional circumstances). If the bishop of your conventional ward requests it back, let me know and I'll tell you how you can block his access to your records.

If you can't get your IOS, your address, full name, date of birth, and the name of your conventional ward will be enough information to retrieve your record.

[tubaloth]

I went to a Singles ward for over 7 years, We had 18 (out of High School) and older Men and Woman in the ward. Actually our Bishop made a big deal each Fall when new people would come into the ward to make sure they would feel welcome.

I got home from my mission and was put to teach the deacons. I was fine with the calling and did what I could. One of my friends was going to a Singles ward (by the university) I went with him once. It felt strange going to church at the institute. But I could see how it would could be good. Some time went by and was having an interview with my bishop (who sent my on my mission). I talked to him about going to the singles ward, and told him I really hadn't made up my mind. I was actually pretty shocked that my Bishop was pretty adamant that I stay in the singles ward. Tell me that that Singles that live at home are supposed to stay in their home ward. Which was kind of the policy before they started having more singles ward.

I stayed in the ward. I think it was a year later. We had a new bishop who was not only my next door neighbor. But had been a bishop in a singles ward. I again in some halfhearted way brought up the idea of going to a singles ward. The bishop was all for it! He said something like, if you feel its best for you, they are great! At the time the Bishop of the singles ward was from my home ward and I knew him from Young Mens.

I would pray about it. I'm not sure the best way to handle this situation. I don't know if you have talked to your parents about it. I have never heard the age limit of 21.

There is another issue here that I am worried about. You talk about feeling the spirit. Each ward does have a "spirit" and sometimes its not a friendly place. Sometimes people do feel out of place. But that should be independent of you feeling the spirit. The Spirit or Holy Ghost is something that comes because of Truth, because we are growing closer to Heavenly Father. This, in theory, should happen no matter what ward we go to. (Some are easier then others). Regardless of what happens in the short term, the long term you are going to be in a family ward. You aren't always going to be able to pick and choose your ward. You should be able to feel the spirit which ever ward you go to. That is something in your control. Something we all come to learn how to do.

I would talk to the Single ward bishop. I would get his advice on what to do. If he also feels you should follow your home ward, then so be it for now. You go to home ward, but go to Singles ward Actives for a while. If the singles ward bishop feels like the choice (agency) is up to you. Then see if Single ward Bishop would be willing to call the Family ward bishop.

Good Luck! My only regret is that I didn't go to the singles ward sooner (now I'm back in a family ward).

Edited October 30, 2010 by tubaloth

[bl8tant]

Participation in a singles ward is voluntary and at the discretion of the member. If you qualify as a young single adult, you may choose to attend either the singles ward (if one is assigned to your area) or the conventional ward in which you reside.

Having said that, in some stakes there is a concerted effort to get young singles to attend the singles wards. In one area where I served as ward clerk, the bishop encouraged every new young single who moved into our boundaries to attend the nearby singles branch instead. Some did, some didn't; it was never coerced, but it was offered as an option and encouraged.

Doing so helps to build critical mass; you need enough singles to keep the ward callings filled and to provide a large enough social pool for the ward to be attractive. Fail to do that and you end up with a ward composed only of those folks who don't want to or cannot go back to their original "home" ward.

[johnnylingo]

I have heard this rule before: Stay in your family ward until you're 21, unless you're away from home (for example, if you move to another city for university). I am surprised though that your bishop would refuse to transfer your records!

Maybe you could ask your parents to back you up and get your records transferred? But in the mean time, maybe you can try to appreciate a family ward. I go to a singles ward, and I miss having the opportunity to interact with people of all ages. I miss my old calling in primary, I miss the older and wiser ladies in Relief Society, I miss people who go to Sunday school instead of hanging out in the hallway. Also, all the gossip and drama of a singles ward can be frustrating. And for better or worse, a singles ward is very marriage oriented (at least, mine is) and that can be hard to deal with if that's not where you're at.