Grandparents' rights to visitation


baver3
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Ok, I am sure everyone is getting sick of my issues with my ex but these things keep coming up. Im hoping that maybe someone has gone through something similar and can give me some advice.

My ex is threatening to sue me so that his parents can have additional visitation time with my kids. They want to be able to call and talk to the kids whenever they want and I have cut them off from contacting me (except email). They dont like that they cant call whenever they want and now are extremely angry.

They are also angry that the current visitation for our infant does not allow for the baby to be away from me and that my ex's visitation with her cannot really be disputed or set up until she is 1 year old, at which time will be reviewed. My ex's parents want to just be able to take the baby when she is 1 year old and be able to visit with her when I am not around. My ex has never come to visit her and has not made any attempt to make a bond with her.

Basically the grandparents get to see the kids WHENEVER their son has visitation with them. They also are allowed to call the boys WHENEVER their son has visitation with the kids. How is the relationship with their grandparents MY RESPONSBILITY???? He is their son and to me it is HIS responsibility to allow his parents the time to talk to the grandkids and to schedule it so that they can see them.

A few weeks ago my ex's mom emailed me asking if they could take the boys for one week (above and beyond what is in the visitation schedule) because my ex had set up his 'vacation' with me and did not consult with them and they didnt think they would be able to make it to see them. They live far away and would have to fly to see them. I told them it was unfortunate he didnt consult with them but I cant take my kid out of school additional days. He would be missing out on too much and would be on the verge of being kicked out of his program if he takes too many personal days. So they then rearranged their schedule so that they could come visit the kids during my ex's 'vacation' that he had planned.

Basically I want to know what rights do they have? And am I doing anything detrimental?

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I "think" the only way they have "rights" is if they go to court and get them. I had a relative who was in a situation where this happened. In that situation, however, the father did not get any "visitation" so the grandparents went to court and got it instead. Regarding a week of vacation, that sounds ridiculous to me. It seems that they should definately see the kids when they are with their father. I agree with the pp that you should contact an attorney to find out what is ok and what is not.

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i don't know the laws for your area but as i understand it, unless the grandparents have been primary care givers at some point, they don't have any additional rights. you are correct it is his responsibility to maintain that relationship. the only time i would say you have an obligation (ethical) to work with the ex-in-laws would be if the ex never exercised his visitation and so by default they would never have that chance to bond with their grand kids. they are still the grandparents and unless you have reason to believe a visit would be harmful in some way i would think it's best for the kids to get to know them. but if the ex is taking his visitation then yes it's his responsibility to see the grandparents.

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My ex is threatening to sue me so that his parents can have additional visitation time with my kids.

I assume this is an ex-husband, not an ex-boyfriend. What do your custody arrangements specify? If there is specific wording about the grandparents, then your ex probably doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Perhaps the best person to ask about rights would be an attorney who can provide what the states laws are on the matter.

And who is familiar with your divorce proceedings.

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Like Pam says, it depends on what state you're in. Here in Utah (which is the only place I'm licensed--you really should talk to a lawyer in your jurisdiction) there is a grandparents' rights statute; but the grandparents have to bring the court action themselves and courts very often will still break in favor of the custodial parent over the grandparents.

My gut response, if I were in a situation like yours, would be to tell the ex-inlaws that if they think they have a case, then I'll see them in court.

But bear in mind, when asking legal "can they do this?" type of questions--the answer is often "no", but that "no" is contingent on your actually showing up in court to defend yourself. If a lawyer tells you "no, they can't do that", that doesn't give you free rein to contentedly ignore a court-stamped Petition for Grandparent Time if/when it is served on you. (Not saying you personally would do that, but I see an awful lot of people who just ignore whatever legal paperwork comes their way and then complain that they shouldn't have to pay their judgment/live with a bad parent time decision because they "never got my day in court!")

Edited by Just_A_Guy
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Laws are different in every state on this issue. And there is often buzz about changing them, based on whoever is hollering the loudest at the time. I remember in SLC back in the early '90's, one of my coworkers was all excited about a possible new law that would give her the right to see her grandkids against her kid's wishes. No idea wether that law made it through, or has changed since.

So, I'm assuming that you're not really getting along well with the in-laws either? Because if they're nice people and it's good for your kids to be around them, then what's the problem?

Assuming it's not in the kid's best interest to see the grandparents on your time: If I were you, whenever the subject came up with any of them, this would be the first thing out of my mouth:

Basically the grandparents get to see the kids WHENEVER their son has visitation with them. They also are allowed to call the boys WHENEVER their son has visitation with the kids.

"Sorry, but it's not like your parents have no access. We got a full schedule when I've got the kids - they'll have to make do with your visitation."

LM

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I don't know your background...

I'm just wondering, why are you against the grandparents visiting or calling your child anytime they want?

I understand about the week out of school. That is not going to fly good with me either. But, I would explain this as - sure, you can have the children for a week but can we wait until they're off school? They really can't miss school anymore. Education is important to my children. How about you come over and visit them here? You can take them with you after school lets out, make sure they do their homework and bring them by before bedtime.

I really don't like rejecting relationships - especially if the people wanting to have the relationship has nothing to do with the fight between the exes. When my sons eventually marry, I would hope and pray their wives would let me be a big part of my grandkids' lives regardless of how their marriage is faring.

This really shouldn't have become a matter of legality. This should have remained a matter of civility. My mother in law is a difficult person to deal with. But, I still love her no matter how difficult it becomes - without her, I wouldn't have the blood coursing through my children's veins. She will always be a precious part of my children's lives.

Edited by anatess
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I really don't like rejecting relationships - especially if the people wanting to have the relationship has nothing to do with the fight between the exes.

That's not the case here. At least, not according to the OP's side of the story. Check out this thread for more background: http://www.lds.net/forums/marriage-relationship-advice/35295-question-re-visitation-my-infant-my-exs-mistress.html

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