i think im bi sexual? :(


abigail95
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please help me, im 15, im a member of the church for about 3 months now, im the only member in my family. i dont have a relatioship with my birth mother, and the transexual dad who wants to be a women is having a impact in my life. He slleeps with alot of people and because i was brought up by my dad and my sister lives with my birth mum.

i dont want to say the thoughts i have, i mean, i dont want to be bisexual, i have a boyfriend who i love very much, and i want to marry a guy of course.

i need some advice on beating this please, ive prayed but its so hard :'(

and i sorta told the bishop but he didnt give much advice, just praying. i do pray of course, but i just feel so bad it wont go away. my boyfriend doesnt know this, please help! :'(

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First of all Abigail, calm down, my dear.

You should know first and foremost that God loves you, your parents love you, and there are many many members of the church who love you. The Lord is there to help you understand what he has prepared for you, and is willing to weep with you and be there for you when you are at your lowest lows.

This is not your fault, and there are communities in the church who will be supportive of you. It might take you a long time to figure out what you want to do, and that's ok!

The church just released the new edition of the handbook of instructions, and it emphasizes that what you are feeling is not sinful. You have done nothing wrong.

Focus on your relationship with the Lord. He will help you. You may have some unique challenges to face (and let's admit it, some stupid people both inside and outside of the church), but you can do this. With the Lord's help you can be happy.

There are tons of people on these forums, including myself, who are here for you. You are not alone.

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The stance of the Church that homosexual attractions are not a sin in and of themselves applies to bisexuality just as well. I'd use the same techniques you use to control lustful thoughts about the opposite sex but if you find yourself unable to be freed from your desires it doesn't have an impact on your worthiness (assuming of course you don't act on them).

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One other thing I would add is to consider getting your patriarchal blessing ( I was 14 when I rc'd mine) that too will give you comfort.

I would add a big strong cautionary red flag to this statement. A patriarchal blessing should not be sought when one is unsure and in need of comfort. A patriarchal blessing should be sought when one has reached a point of emotional maturity and has prepared oneself to receive it. One should be able to understand and appreciate it. The OP might consider seeking a different Priesthood blessing first. It sounds like her dad is not a member of the Church, so she might seek one from a home teacher or another brother in the ward with whom she might have a relationship.

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GaySaint started this off on a great note. I'd re-read that post when you start feeling overwhelmed.

15 is a crazy age... I mean, when I was 15, I got myself into a lot of trouble just out of plain rebellion. Looking back now from a lofty age of.. ahem... okay, well into my middle-age... I can see how I could have done things better. For one, I would have pared down all the things that I cared about to just the most important things. I mean, I couldn't believe I was so torn up by some guy because I thought I was in-love with him - and he was one of my best friends, so I couldn't tell him... it was amazingly big that it occupied most of my journals. Now that I've been married for 13 years, love sure feels entirely different.

I mean, I wouldn't call it "wasted energy" or anything like that, because it was a "growing up" moment and it was special. Puppy love and First love never dies and all that stuff...

But, I wish I would have known that love/attraction/crush/sex at 15 is really not what love/attraction/crush/sex is at 24. And love/attraction/crush/sex at 24 is even much deeper at 40.

What I'm trying to say is - don't worry about all that right now.

1.) Concentrate on your studies - those are important - it's one of those things that when you hit 21 and is trying to look for a job that you slap your head saying, "I wish I paid attention to my trigonometery teacher!".

2.) Concentrate on your relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. This time is a wonderful moment in testimony building - the challenges you face today and the way you deal with them will be the foundation of your testimony that will be unshakeable when you get older.

3.) Build meaningful friendships - the bff kind... You're going to look back to this time and remember the people that brought joy to your life. Lasting friendships will be there for you all throughout your life. This is the moment to build those experiences. Our primary president was on vacation last Sunday visiting her high school friend 1,200 miles away. That kind of friendship is forever.

4.) Have fun! The good kind of fun that won't smack you with regret later... like yeah, some high school kids think being mean to the kid with acne is fun... that has the potential of biting you later when the kid with acne becomes a manager at the company you are trying to get a job in...

The next 3 years are going to be one of your greatest years! I still look back to that age and wish I could go back to that point in time (without the curfew) and relive those moments. Sit back, relax, enjoy.

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First off, please don't frown about being bisexual. You've done nothing wrong and there's nothing broken about you. You just have attractions to women, and there are thousands of people that share these same attractions.

The Church has published a pamphlet for people attracted to the same gender. I encourage you to read it. It is titled God Loveth His Children. Read it online, get a copy, carry it with you, review it often. Also, if you get the courage, you may choose to speak with your bishop about this. If you can, take the pamphlet with you. He may not have much experience with your situation and so having something to turn to for guidance could be a help for him too.

Above all else, I encourage you to learn and incorporate the Young Women Theme into your life. Living by those principles will be far more effective in defining your character than focusing on your sexuality.

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I have a couple of replys to what some of you say.

I was told not to focus in relationships right now, I'm not, as my bf is on his mission, so ill be 18 when he's back. And i do try to focus on the gospel but its hard becauee I don't feel worthy.

I now know thatthere is nothing wrong with what I'm feeoing but will it go away? I feel more attracted to men but I just want the other part to go away so i want to be normal with men. Not that anything isn't normal but I just want these thoughts To go away because its upseting me . Can I still goto the temple or should i give my limited reccomend back?

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I have a couple of replys to what some of you say.

I was told not to focus in relationships right now, I'm not, as my bf is on his mission, so ill be 18 when he's back. And i do try to focus on the gospel but its hard becauee I don't feel worthy.

I now know thatthere is nothing wrong with what I'm feeoing but will it go away? I feel more attracted to men but I just want the other part to go away so i want to be normal with men. Not that anything isn't normal but I just want these thoughts To go away because its upseting me . Can I still goto the temple or should i give my limited reccomend back?

If you're living the law of chastity and can answer all of the other temple recommend questions appropriately, there is no reason to give your temple recommend back.

These feelings may or may not go away. There's no way to know. You don't get to choose the people you're attracted to. You only get to choose how you will respond to attraction and to whom you will commit yourself.

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Abigail: I spent years wishing and hoping and praying and fighting with the Lord over my unwanted feelings. I would encourage you to do the same, only because then you and your Heavenly Father will have some great talk time, and you will learn how to talk to Him and how to listen to Him. Don't get discouraged if he doesn't take these feelings away. The fact is that most of the time He doesn't (although there are the rare occasions!).

But that doesn't need to make you lose hope. There is a great self-power and self-learned-lesson in accepting your feelings, loving that part of yourself just as much as you love any other part of yourself, and then, instead of asking God to remove them from you, asking Him, "Ok, I've accepted myself as and this challenge as part of me. I am still your daughter. Now what?"

I admit that I know a lot more bisexual women than I do bisexual men. Personally, I think this has to do with how the Lord has given women the ability to be more compassionate, more loving, and more understanding (more emotional, haha) than most men (except us fabulous gay boys, that is, hehe).

He didn't make a mistake, and I have no doubt that your feelings and attractions will play a larger role throughout eternity. We don't really understand everything about same-sex attraction yet, but that doesn't mean that God can't reveal to you His purpose FOR YOU in this life.

If I could go back and tell my 15 year old self one thing, it would be not to cry myself to sleep every night over this. I would tell myself that I was ok, and that it's ok to love myself and be proud of the fact that I am different.

I leave that same encouragement for you. If these feelings don't go away, trust yourself and your Heavenly Father enough to know that you will learn how to deal with them. And that's ok. If anything, the closeness this issue will cause you to get with your Heavenly Father makes you even MORE worthy, MORE beautiful, MORE humble, MORE understanding, and MORE compassionate - just like everyone's personal struggles do for them in their own way.

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Abigail, those feelings might go away. And then again, they may not. Many heterosexual people have strong feelings towards more than one person, but that does not mean they are miserable with just staying faithful to one person. It means they have to learn to properly manage all relationships within the bounds the Lord establishes for us.

Temptations hit all of us in one thing or another. You aren't alone there. The key is to remember the whole picture, and not just the moment of desire. The whole picture means thinking about eternal life with a spouse, family, friends, and other loved ones that will make all the temptations we now experience seem very small in the long run.

Focus on the healthy relationships and feelings, and when the other feelings hit you, just calmly remind yourself of the big picture. You do not need to beat up on yourself for such feelings, as they are not a sin, just a normal part of mortal life.

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please help me, im 15, im a member of the church for about 3 months now, im the only member in my family. i dont have a relatioship with my birth mother, and the transexual dad who wants to be a women is having a impact in my life. He slleeps with alot of people and because i was brought up by my dad and my sister lives with my birth mum.

i dont want to say the thoughts i have, i mean, i dont want to be bisexual, i have a boyfriend who i love very much, and i want to marry a guy of course.

i need some advice on beating this please, ive prayed but its so hard :'(

and i sorta told the bishop but he didnt give much advice, just praying. i do pray of course, but i just feel so bad it wont go away. my boyfriend doesnt know this, please help! :'(

I usually say the least advice is the best advice. The reason I say this is because someone telling you the "right course", which is usually just their opinion, may end up causing more harm than good and some "help" isn't help at all. It can especially cause harm if they're not careful in how they offer assistance.

I have a bisexual niece. It created a lot of problems between her mother and her. The whole subject is very difficult because it's such a controversial subject. It's not the same as just asking what should I do to fix my car. I don't even honestly know if you can make those feelings go away. I do know I never judged my niece or thought any less of her. I would have accepted her no matter her choice. It wasn't mine to make and I wasn't going to try to tell her to be one way or the other. I honestly don't know the "right" choice when it comes to this or if there even is one.

In my opinion, the best thing family can really do for you is not so much offer advice but just be supportive of you. A good listener is a lot better than a person that never ceases to give advice. That is my opinion.

Who is the person you're most comfortable with and open with in your life? If it's a family member, then that would be even better. From what you've said, you don't have a relationship with your mother and your father doesn't believe in the lds faith? How is your relationship with your sister? Would you be comfortable talking with her about it?

If your father knows your a member and you're only 15 years old, it means he has to be at least accepting of views that are not the same as his. I say that because you wouldn't have been able to be baptized with out his consent. If you're close to him, you could try talking to him and ask him to help you with your situation. Even though his views may not be the same as yours, it doesn't me he won't be supportive for you. The important thing is you decide what you feel is right. He doesn't even have to speak and it may be better if he doesn't and simply listens to you.

In my opinion, you don't need someone to tell you what you should do. You need someone to be supportive of you while you go through this because I don't believe there is a easy way to "fix" this. I honestly don't believe anyone is going to have a "here do this" to fix it type answer. I understand you want to get rid of those feelings and I hope you can. If you can't then try not to let it get you down. They may go away later. Either way, I wish you the best.

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It's fine to be attracted to other women as long as you put it in perspective. This would be the same when you finally marry and you meet an awesome guy that you are attracted to.

Just because I'm married doesn't mean that I have not met men that I am attracted to - even men who have endearing qualities that are not present in my husband. But, I can tell you that for every one of those men that I met, I can honestly look them in the eye and tell them, "you are one great guy, you are going to make some girl very lucky someday, but you are not for me. My husband is my eternal companion.". Quite a few of those men are in my circle of great friends even until today.

So, it's really all about understanding who you are, accepting who you are, then making the choice.

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Personally I think it's more common than not, for girls (possibly boys too but I'm female) to be attracted to other girls. When I was a teen I experimented with both boys and girls, I wouldn't label myself as "bisexual" but I suppose my behaviour would have reflected so. Could I be in a relationship with a woman? Maybe. The idea isn't sickening to me, in fact, there are times when I wonder if another woman would "get it", when my husband doesn't :] Still, like you, I prefer men over women but that attraction to females has always been there. It just isn't overwhelming for me. BUT I know for some, it is a matter of strictly being attracted to the same gender and NOT the opposite gender to any degree.

I like GaySaint's post too. Don't panic and beat yourself up. These feelings may dissolve or be lessened later on, and they may not. Either way, it's knowing how to live a fulfilling life and being able to find that delicate balance of living by Christ's standards (which everyone struggles with regardless of what gender you are attracted to).

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please help me, im 15, im a member of the church for about 3 months now, im the only member in my family. i dont have a relatioship with my birth mother, and the transexual dad who wants to be a women is having a impact in my life. He slleeps with alot of people and because i was brought up by my dad and my sister lives with my birth mum.

i dont want to say the thoughts i have, i mean, i dont want to be bisexual, i have a boyfriend who i love very much, and i want to marry a guy of course.

i need some advice on beating this please, ive prayed but its so hard :'(

and i sorta told the bishop but he didnt give much advice, just praying. i do pray of course, but i just feel so bad it wont go away. my boyfriend doesnt know this, please help! :'(

Hey. Wow. It's okay.

I am sure you already have a lot of excellent advice, and I am really not trying to advise you in this post. I am just going to relay how I dealt with it.

In my more religious days, I ignored it. I did become depressed because of that, but it was nothing anti depressants couldn't handle.

When I met my fiance, I was starting to become more agnostic in my beliefs. That is when I started trying to find answers about what I am and not what I should be. I was so scared to tell my fiance, but I did. At first he was confused, but he loves me the way I am.

You are only 15. You have so much time! I didn't deal with any of this until I was 17. I didn't tell my best friend until I was 19.

Did it change anything? Yes and no. I have never been with a woman, and I am still with my man, but I can be myself around him, and that makes a world of difference.

No decisions need to be made now, and nothing needs to be decided yet. You don't need to talk about it with anyone until you know yourself what is going on with you, unless you think it would make you feel better. You can always message me, and Bini also seems to have experience with same sex attraction. I am sure that if you felt you needed to, you could message her.

The only solid advice I am going to give is to not stress about it. :)

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Sometimes it's a matter of "as a man (or woman) thinketh, so is he/she." Sometimes seeking to divert focus away helps. Sometimes realizing that Satan is trying to trick you into believing you are something that you are not is all it takes. This has been true from what I've seen a few times with people very close to me who had the beginning glimmer of same sex attraction.

Sometimes it's just a trial that doesn't go away just because we want it to. The attraction is still there and never seems to go away. Your duty to God is the same regardless. You don't let impure thoughts about boys remain on your mind's stage when you find them there. Likewise you don't let impure thoughts about girls remain on that stage either. You're at an age where your hormones are going crazy so it's not easy. If you can honestly say you're doing your best, that is all that God asks.

Above all else, I think you need to know in resounding fashion that God loves you anyways. I would focus a lot of prayer into getting that answer above all else. You need to know it right down to your bones.

We all have our weaknesses. Some are because of bad choices that we made, some are just thrust upon us. We all need to have a burning knowledge inside of us that God loves us anyways. It is with that knowledge clearly in our minds that we can pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and keep moving forward. The same is true of the drug addict, the alcoholic, the physically handicapped, the mentally ill, etc. Everyone can confront their trials best after they realize that God loves them no matter what.

One thing is clear enough in all cases: God does not make us feel worthless, miserable or hopeless. Those feelings come from Satan, who seeks to make everyone just as miserable as he is. Recognize the source and pray for negative and despairing feelings to depart from you. Learn for yourself that your Father in Heaven loves you no matter what. All he asks is that you never give up and keep striving to do what is right and the Atonement of Jesus Christ will take care of the rest. It's possible that this trial is taken away from you, but if it is not then just remember he loves you and never lose hope. God is merciful, he loves you, and he will take care of you as long as you simply never give up and never stop trying.

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I don't really understand bisexuality. If attracted to both sexes, do they feel a void if not with someone of each sex? If not, I would say to treat it the way you would if heterosexual. Let's say you get married and are attracted to men other than your husband. You just have to choose to be faithful to your husband and stay away from temptation. In your case, you would need to keep your distance from women you are drawn to.

Keep praying and remember that what matters is whether you act on those feelings or allow yourself to entertain immoral thoughts.

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I don't really understand bisexuality. If attracted to both sexes, do they feel a void if not with someone of each sex?

No.

If not, I would say to treat it the way you would if heterosexual.

There are still challenges. I once stopped attending a class because I had a crush on a girl that was getting pretty bad.

Let's say you get married and are attracted to men other than your husband. You just have to choose to be faithful to your husband and stay away from temptation. In your case, you would need to keep your distance from women you are drawn to.

I agree. :)
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