Sign in to follow this  
Indyrm03

I need advice and support

Recommended Posts

Hello, as was stated I need help and advice. My boyfriend and I have been talking alot about marriage and I feel that I am going to be engaged very soon and married during the summer. My mom is a convert and no one in her family are members and they partake in MANY worldly pleasures. Although my Mom goes to church and the temple, there are things that she questions about the doctrine and standards of the church. My Mom's Mom passed away last week so my Mom went to be with her family. She has been gone for about a week and hasn't called us yet and that is definatly not like her to not call every night.

Today I learned through my cousin Bridget, whom I trust compleatly, that my Mom has been getting drunk all week with her family. My mom told Bridget not to tell my sister and I, but Bridget knows about the standards of the church. Bridget said she thought we should know about mom not living up to the standards. I am SOOOO UPSET and DEVESTATED to know that my Mom COMPLETLY broke the Word of Wisdom and is not worthy to go to the temple for my wedding. I have NO IDEA what to do or tell her.

We aren't suppose to know that she has been drinking all week. I don't know how we can get her to repent without letting her know that Bridget told us. I don't think I can let her come to my sealing if she is not worthy to be at the temple. I am so heartbroken and so confused about what to do about her and my wedding.

Edited by Indyrm03

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wait, is this boyfriend the same guy you were talking about in October? The guy with Aspergers? If so it sounds like things have been moving quickly considering that he wanted or seemed to want to move slowly. Congratulations though! As for your mother, I think the best thing to do is to be honest with her. She needs to understand, especially if you are planning a wedding. She needs to know what the results of her choices are. And I think the best way for you to move into your wedding plans is to make sure that she knows what is going on and what may be the results of her week of drinking.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Your mom slipped up. We all make mistakes. This is not something she can't repent of before you get married in the temple provided she wants to, of course.

I'm sorry. I know the pain of watching a loved one do things that you know will make them unhappy down the road.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello, as was stated I need help and advice. My boyfriend and I have been talking alot about marriage and I feel that I am going to be engaged very soon and married during the summer.

Here's my help and advice: Based on the details you shared on your other thread, I wouldn't spend much time worrying about your mom attending your temple wedding, until you have a ring and a date from your boyfriend.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest

Here's my help and advice: Based on the details you shared on your other thread, I wouldn't spend much time worrying about your mom attending your temple wedding, until you have a ring and a date from your boyfriend.

And I'd like to add to this one:

Even when you have the ring and the date, I think you should let your mom worry about her worthiness and you concentrate on a successful marriage.

I know it will hurt like the dickens if she is not able to attend the sealing in the temple but that is only secondary to this big step that you are taking to be married for eternity. So, if you are not comfortable "ratting out Bridget" to your mom, just let your mom be and let her decide what to do with her worthiness while you concentrate on your "forever marriage".

I believe in worrying only about things you have control over and let other things you have no control over worry for themselves.

Congratulations and best wishes!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Good advice from all, I'd just like to add that your mom loosing her mom might have devastated her. When people get into an emotion state like that they make rash decisions. Especially with her being around family, people regress into old habits and feelings. Memories start flooding back. Under high stress they can regress into a more childlike state. Since she is a convert she might just be falling back into old habits to deal with the stress of loosing her mom. I know it's hard to take. Try and have compassion and empathy for what she's going through. I wouldn't tell her you know. I'm sure she'll want to be at your wedding in the temple and will probably repent. Either way, just focus on your happiness. Good luck!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Good advice!

Your mother's behavior and your wedding are two entirely separate issues. Let your wedding be about your marriage, not about who shows up (I speak from experience).

And, while it's good for you to support your loved ones, your mother does not answer to you, and it's not your job to "get her to repent," especially if your main concern in the process is YOUR wedding.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this