Needing support


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I have been a church member for almost 2 yrs now and am going to have church disciplinary action.I am meeting with the bishopric on Sunday.

My membership has been the most emotional period of my life and I wouldn't want to leave for any reason.I have gained a deep testimony and I am a True convert in the sense that, though I make mistakes, I will never truly forsake God.I cannot blame him for what I do...But in there lies also my biggest dilemma cause I am so so hard on myself.

I am the only one who understand right from wrong in my family and have been alienated from them for a long time now.

My missionary came home early.I sent him back.

I was dating an amazing man who wanted me to become his wife and I walked away from him to rejoin this missionary because I couldn't accept someone else's word when saying that me and this missionary couldn't work out.It led me back to my previous sins and after 3 months of not going to church I have started to talk to my bishop again and will be receiving church discipline.

I feel ashamed, I feel like I shouldn't have left the man I was dating while the missionary was on his mission...I regret so much and I am afraid.I can't say I'm not because I haven't taken sacrament in a year and a couple months now and I'm okay with knowing that there is consequence but it's a matter of accepting this time as my friend (and a time to heal) rather than my enemy.

I don't need to be told what I have to do...I just need genuine support.

As for the people dealing with the LOC, I am glad to see you're here looking for help.I'm just like you and I know we know there is only one way.This road is long, hard, and can get lonely.I am glad to hear I am not alone and I pray all of you the strength to endure.

I would love to get in touch with at least one of you so that we can become anchors to each other.Support groups aren't there for no reason and neither are forums :)

Please respond.

I feel really alone and Ill probably get dis fellowshipped- I know I'm doing the right thing...I just hope you understand.This is hard.

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First of all, I have to commend you on taking the steps you have to go to the bishop. I know that is really hard to do and takes a lot of humility. You should be pleased with yourself for making the right decision. I broke the LOC with my husband before we got married and we were put on informal probation for close to a year. Basically we could not take the sacrament, speak in church, give public prayers. We had to read the miracle of forgiveness and meet with the bishop individually to discuss what we were learning. I never felt anything from the bishop other than love and support. At the end of the process I was able to take the sacrament again and feel good about it because I knew I had repented, been forgiven and I was ready to make those covenants again. Read your scriptures and PRAY, pour your heart out to Heavenly Father, those are the things that will get you through this. Heavenly Father loves you, even when you transgress, and I'm sure he is happy that you are repenting. He sent His son to die for you knowing that you would need to use the atonement to return to Him. So use it.

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Perhaps I should not say this but I will anyway. If you have only been a member for 2 years, have not been through the temple, I highly doubt you will be disfellowshipped. Its up to your bishop but my husband and I had intercourse prior to marriage, he had even been through the temple, and we were not disfellowshipped. We confessed voluntarily and he could tell we were repentant. We didn't have a disciplinary council either, it was just between the bishop and us.

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Hi Hheinze,

Yeah, I see that avatar you've picked. Go sit in the bishop's hot seat. Do what you need you have to. After it's over, you'll probably feel like changing your avatar to something with bigger wings and a head held higher.

Getting disfellowshipped (or whatever church discipline it ends up being) can be one of the most freeing, liberating, cleansing processes you ever go through. The more open and honest you are with your bishop, the more he can help you.

I sat in that hotseat once. It was very hard. But worth it.


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Right now, you need to focus on getting yourself back on track with the bishop's help. Whether you end up on probation or disfellowshipped, use the time to focus on your own spirituality and cleansing.

Do not focus on relationships right now. There will be plenty of time for that later. Stay away from the ex-missionary that caused this down fall for you. He left his mission and went into sin. This tells me he is not the eternal marriage type. And if your testimony of the gospel is as important as you say it is, you'll stay away from anyone that prevents you from achieving a celestial marriage.

People sin. There are many wonderful young people in the Church who have sinned, repented, and with their bishop's assistance have made it back into full fellowship and activity. Many of these go on to find wonderful and faithful spouses, and having a 'forever family.'

These should be your goals. But don't put the cart before the horse. First, focus on regaining your full standing in the Church. Work on becoming the kind of person, daughter of God, you know you should be. When you have worked through all of this, it is very possible that the Lord will bring a wonderful man into your life.

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Dear Hheinze,

Someone once said that if Satan keeps reminding you of your past, be quick to remind him of his future!

Stay the course. The people helping you in the disc. council will be there to help, love and guide you. The church is not vindictive or vengeful. I've been in the same boat.

Satan loves to convince people that they are the only sinner on the face of the planet when, in reality, we are all sinners. We all need the healing balm of the Savior's Atonement.

One talk you really need to read which helped me immensely was Elder Neil Andersen's talk "Repent...That I May Heal You." It was given in the Oct. 2009 General Conference.

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Your particular situation hit home for me. So much so that I signed up just so I could reply. I've felt exactly this way. So I can understand how you're feeling. I know the burning desire to get married and have the white wedding. I almost got married to a wonderful girl for the wrong reasons. It's great to have that desire. You can and will get there. It takes time, careful planning and tons of patience.

What rameumptom said is dead on. That advice is similar to what my friends and leaders told me. I followed it, worked on myself first and now I've found a great girl who is more wonderful than I could every imagine. I had to take care of myself first so I could be the man of her dreams, just as she is the woman of my dreams.

Here's some food for thought that I've learned along my journey. Take it or leave it, but I hope it will help.

- A solid relationship with the Gospel/Heavenly Father/Jesus is the foundation for a solid marriage.

- Lasting Happiness in Marriage? Here's the formula.

- Everyday your choices move you closer or further from your goals.

- The gospel is a guardrail, not a fence.

I found the key to life is not being perfect, but learning the lessons from my mistakes which helps to grow your maturity. Maturity meaning: Making enough mistakes that you have fewer new ones to choose from.

As for the disciplinary council; you made a mistake, great, now you know the feelings and thoughts that led you there. Celebrate! You're wiser now. Learn from it, grow from it, these are your defining moments in time. What you choose to do next will have a greater effect on your future than the outcome of the council.

I hope this helps and shows my support for you. Good luck, please keep in touch and let us know how you're doing. You'll be in my prayers.

Thank You, everyone for your comments.I want an eternal marriage in the temple so bad...I want to be married and a pure beautiful bride so bad :) The disciplinary councils been moved to two weeks from now.

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