Finding Faith to find that Special Someone


FormalMan
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Alright,

I no better way of saying this, I know that Heavenly Father has someone for us to marry, with enough effort on our part as well.

I'm having trouble having faith in this. I believe it, but not with faith. It's not something that can easily be found in the scriptures (at least maybe I'm not looking hard enough), but I just feel like I won't be able to "top" the woman i was with for 5 years.

Maybe its a combination of her being my first relationship, or that the break is still fresh.

I hear the story of Job, and I feel like I'm going through the same situation having lost a lot of friendships and her as some kind of test. I feel like my faith is actually being tried after all these years of "laid back" churching (if thats a word). I still feel that when he lost his wife and got a new one, it doesn't really "restore" what he had lost.

I guess my question is, does He really have someone planned for all of us? How are some ways I can build more faith into actually believing it?

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Are you talking about the idea of soul-mates? That God has picked one person on the planet which whom you will be most happy? Or even more extreme; the only one with whom you can be happy? If so my answer is no, such is not doctrine that you should be developing faith in it.

Edited by Dravin
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Well I'm not saying that there are "soul-mates" or what not. I guess what I was asking was if he really is looking out for our happiness.

I know we are all capable of being just as happy with one person to another person, don't get me wrong. It's more about finding the best. Does He leave that to us? Sometimes I wouldn't mind the idea of having stumbled upon the person I could live the best possible life with, because we all are different and nothing will be the perfect 'soul-mate'.

I need to brush up on my knowledge of the whole Plan of Salvation, I guess. Because if Celestial marriage is part of the Plan, then surely with all our own efforts to try and find someone we will achieve that.

Just reading a lot of stories on how divorces are prevalent even in temple marriages. It's not really a guaranteed thing. Then again, nothing is guaranteed in this world, right?

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I'm betting you won't find a new happiness if you're still lamenting about the loss of the old happiness. The best choice for an eternal mate is the one that also chooses you.

Look at it this way, you may have ended up a divorce statistic if you had married someone who was not positive of the relationship. Be thankful she ended it now and not after a "trial" marriage.

Btw, five years seems a long dating cycle. Could she have gotten tired of waiting? Or did you propose? Were you ready for the commitment?

I usually don't ask such personal questions, so feel free to decline an answer.

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Hi Formal Man,

I feel exactly the same as you at the moment, broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years earlier this year, since then I feel really kind of like i don't know what Heavanly father wants me to do or be. I had so much hope in the relationship.

I do however believe that one day we all will find someone that you'll just look at and realise why the past relationships didn't work out because you'll see this woman/man was made for you.

Have an awesome day :)

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@Bensalem we were actually engaged almost for the whole year. So we were together since June 2005 and i proposed this year on New Years.

What broke the camel's back was that I messed up once again on her birthday and she just got tired of the same problem in the relationship. I say it was a mix of cold feet and her finally realizing my flaws and the marriage label attached to it. But oh well.

At this point, I really don't want to "look for her," but more just wait for her to come to me.

@fueledbysarah thanks for your reply. It's good to know that someone had a similar trial. It's funny, my brain knows logically that I'll find someone better one day, its just my dang heart that doesn't want to participate.

I'm honestly working to get my Patriarchal blessing just to give me some kind of direction.

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People, you cannot expect to leave a committed relationship of such a length of time (3 yrs or 5 yrs) and then be instantly ready to jump into a new relationship. It takes time to heal. In my experience, I knew I was healed from my long term relationship when I genuinely wanted what was best for him and I had absolutely no thoughts of us getting together again. Each individual's healing time is different, but I think it's gonna be longer than a couple of days, some weeks, or even a few months.

That isn't to say you should stay home and "wait" for the healing to end. But, to expect yourself to be ready to head right back into a long term relationship is unrealistic, in my opinion.

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Does He leave that to us?

Yes. He'll help no doubt as we seek guidance about the matter. And he can help us develop those qualities that makes us worthy of a 'high quality spouse' (not the best term but work with me).

Just reading a lot of stories on how divorces are prevalent even in temple marriages. It's not really a guaranteed thing. Then again, nothing is guaranteed in this world, right?

Divorce is less about finding the 'right person' (for instance attitudes on divorce matter, as well as a certain level of compatibility) but about staying the course and how you act once you are married. Any marriage, no matter how great the start, if not properly nutured can wither and die. And even a marriage with a rocky start if both spouses (which is the important part) are willing to expend the effort and energy into making it work can end up happy and successful.

Please don't mistake me for trying to say it isn't important who you choose, it's just not the end factor. It's a starting place that makes other factors harder or easier but as you say, picking the right person is no guarantee. Heck even if you somehow picked the magical person for whom a problem down the line would never be influenced by them you can stumble and fall later down the line if you don't guard yourself against it.

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A few years back my wife and I ran into a man and his wife at a Christmas production in our area. He happened to recognize me but I had to be reminded who he was. In essence he and I had competed for the same young lady back in college. This man had kind of “beaten” me out and become the lady’s main dating option. Since I do not believe in playing second fiddle with such things I had moved on but had remained friends with this lady but not even to the point of sending Christmas cards but I had seen her at her mother’s funeral (actually her father is someone I have been hunting and skiing with so I went more for the father than the daughter – the father was my dad’s best friend)

Anyway this other guy was still wishing he had married our mutual friend even though she had found someone more to her liking. I could not believe it. He said things in front of his wife that I felt was hurtful and silly – so I took it upon myself to tell his wife how impressed I was with her – how beautiful she was; even to the point of saying that I felt this guy was missing out. My wonderful wife caught on and said some things as well.

My point here is that we all should be less concerned with who we marry and more concerned with who would marry us. Forget about finding the perfect match or best option for our self and concentrate on being the best possible match for someone else. If anyone feels their spouse is the lesser partner – it is you that error – it is you that is failing – it is you the needs to pick up your game.

Build a bridge and get over it. Make your spouse glad that they picked you - Prove you are their best option and they will become your best companion. Never forget – a great relationship and marriage all begins with you – not them.

The Traveler

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@Bensalem we were actually engaged almost for the whole year. So we were together since June 2005 and i proposed this year on New Years.

What broke the camel's back was that I messed up once again on her birthday and she just got tired of the same problem in the relationship. I say it was a mix of cold feet and her finally realizing my flaws and the marriage label attached to it. But oh well.

At this point, I really don't want to "look for her," but more just wait for her to come to me.

Good luck and good spirits.

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Guest mirancs8

my point here is that we all should be less concerned with who we marry and more concerned with who would marry us. Forget about finding the perfect match or best option for our self and concentrate on being the best possible match for someone else. If anyone feels their spouse is the lesser partner – it is you that error – it is you that is failing – it is you the needs to pick up your game.

Build a bridge and get over it. Make your spouse glad that they picked you - prove you are their best option and they will become your best companion. Never forget – a great relationship and marriage all begins with you – not them.

amen!!

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My patriarchal blessing says essentially that I will marry the lady of my choice. The Lord has a sense of humor since I'm really indecisive, and sometimes it feels like he's throwing women at me. Like he wants me to hurry up and get married. I'm not saying this to brag, simply out of experience. In my case, I could marry virtually anyone, because I'm such a chill person and get along well with mostly everybody.

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