Why do people stop attending church?

[Maureen]

These are my reasons:

1. Not sure where I would want to attend. As an experiment, I could go to the church of my youth or I could attend the church in my neighborhood; but it's hard to go alone.

2. When my kids were little I attended a Pentecostal church and really enjoyed it because I loved the Pastor, his preaching/teaching style. Then he moved back to his home province and the inspiriation wasn't quite the same. This same church is now in a different building which I've never been in, so that could be incentive - curious about the new building and seeing people there that I haven't seen in a while.

3. It's hard to venture into new surroundings when you go alone. It's not impossible, it's just hard somtimes.

4. It's easiest to stay in my comfort zone, stay with my usual Sunday routine.

5. My religious views have changed as I've gotten older and I would have to evaluate what would be my reasons for attending church - would it be beneficial spiritually, emotionally and socially?

M.

[bytor2112]

The people

[Mute]

I'm in the middle of a huge brainstorming and thought building process about this. I want to spark some discussion on the topic. Answers don't have to be specific to people leaving the LDS church, or even a Christian church. I just want some hypotheses thrown at me.

As fair warning, I'm likely going to respond by nitpicking over the hypotheses, challenging them, finding fault, and hopefully refining a few. I encourage all to engage in these activities. My goal is selfish--I personally want to understand this better and a little collaboration would help me.

And lastly, let me say that no theory is too minuscule to mention. I don't believe there is a single, unifying theory to explain this. The reasons are likely varied and complex.

So thanks for your help, and please, lay your hypotheses on me.

I'm not going to go into the reasons for why I'm no longer lds but I will tell you why I didn't enjoy going growing up. There were a lot of reasons for why I didn't enjoy going. None of them had to do with doctrinal issues or anything like that.

It was largely to do with my father. My father forced my siblings and I to go to church and read scriptures. He spent most of his free time with church. I was unfortunately very neglected growing up and church seemed like the most important thing to my father. I felt very unloved. It felt like you just weren't in the click unless you sided with his beliefs and liked what he did. It made me sad and angry but communcation wasn't our strong point. I believe one of my brothers went on a mission primarily to gain his approval. My brother didn't believe in the church really before he went. When he came home, he and my father became closer than ever.

It made me very bitter towards the church because I felt like the only reason my father was showing such attention to my brother now was because he had gone on a mission. I blamed the church for my father's actions. I swore I'd never go on a mission after that. I didn't want to be loved for my deeds. I wanted to be loved simply because I was his son. I have a much better relationship with my father now. He is retired and spends virtually 100% of his time helping people in the church before his own family but I love him either way. I know he loves us and he's more tolerant of me not believing as he does now. I'd be lying though if I said I didn't sometimes wish he had stayed an atheist before I was born. I don't blame the church anymore for my father's actions but I believe he would have spent more time with me if he didn't have the church. At least I like to believe he would have.

Being forced to go to church also turned me off a lot. I would have gone happily if I had of felt loved. I just didn't want to be forced. I usually didn't even go to class. I knew church was something my father cared about. Not going or skipping class was my way of getting back at him.

I also didn't enjoy going to class because of many of the teachers I had. I was kicked out of class by more than one teacher because I apparently asked too many questions. They thought I was trying to be a smart alec when really I was just overly curious. Then they sent me to the high priests with my father and not everyone in there liked me either. This just resulted in me wanting to skip classes even more.

There was also the matter of more than one bishop accusing me of things I had never done. I didn't understand why this was until many years later. My brother apparently told the bishops all the things he was doing and said I was probably involved in the same things so the bishops naturally assumed I was doing something really wrong. This made me really hate going. Then the bishops or different adults would come looking for me to go to class but the teachers didn't even want me in class so it was a no win situation lol.

Another reason was I found myself bored. I didn't have any friends at church. I had a few adult friends but I didn't go to their classes. Mostly I just walked the parking lot or sat in some empty room after sacrament. Church just wasn't pleasant for me. It was actually very unhappy for me. I know that's not the case for everyone. I honestly liked learning about scriptures though. I found them interesting. I enjoyed hearing the stories or reading them on my own.

[Carl62]

One thing that the church should do is actually assign two or three people the specific calling of going to the inactives homes and see if they would like to talk about why they went inactive and what can be done about them coming back. If they are on an absloute 'no contact' list, then by all means, don't contact. If you're going to say home teachers then forget that. That can be a joke. I never saw one home teacher in all the 15+ years that I was inactive. Not one person ever showed up on my doorstep to ask me back or ask why I was inactive. Shows how much they cared about me being there. If just one person would have reached out and given me the chance to explain what I went through and why I went inactive, then maybe my attitude would have turned around and I would have gone back to church a lot earlier. But there was never any of that. What I think the church needs more of is people who sincerely do care and whose hearts are into really wanting to help people return to the church as opposed to those who are 'assigned' and who go through the motions just to fill a quota.

Edited December 10, 2010 by pam

[hordak]

Bacon

When a Muslim or Jew leaves their religion for Christianity i suspect they are doing so for the new found freedom it brings in comparison to their old laws. The few non practicing Jews i have met, and they are a few, have seemed to enjoy pork.

In all actuality it's probably more likely that their new beliefs/ lack of old beliefs make it so they no longer feel bound by the old laws, but since we don't give this benefit of the doubt to our own group i don't think we should give it to others.

I sometimes wonder if other churches/ religions look at those who leave in the same way we sometimes do.

"Did you hear, Steve Goldberg, has become a Mormon"

"Yeah, i saw him picking some ham for one of their potlucks"

"Well we know why he converted then don't we"

When Anatess left Catholicism do you think her family thinks it was for the birth control?

I think people leave because they have a lack of belief, I believe this is especially true of religions like Jewish, Mormonism, Catholicism, where the religion is also a way of life and the church is the same.

As a non denominational Christian you can leave the local church for another or even none, because, you don't like the drive, the people, the way it is run, the sermons or another thing and still be saved. Leaving the LDS church, or Catholicism, as far as i know, can interfere with salvation because of Priesthood authority and the specific rites, communion, and confession for Catholics, sacrament for us.

So leaving these churches has more risk, and therefore takes stronger reason IMO.

That is not to say some don't leave for simpler reasons but i think we do a great disservice not only to others but to ourselves when we assume they left for some petty reason.

[mrmarklin]

There are many encuses but only one reason - sin.

The Traveler

That's not a reason. Sinners are the ones who should be going.

[Guest]

Bacon

When a Muslim or Jew leaves their religion for Christianity i suspect they are doing so for the new found freedom it brings in comparison to their old laws. The few non practicing Jews i have met, and they are a few, have seemed to enjoy pork.

In all actuality it's probably more likely that their new beliefs/ lack of old beliefs make it so they no longer feel bound by the old laws, but since we don't give this benefit of the doubt to our own group i don't think we should give it to others.

I sometimes wonder if other churches/ religions look at those who leave in the same way we sometimes do.

"Did you hear, Steve Goldberg, has become a Mormon"

"Yeah, i saw him picking some ham for one of their potlucks"

"Well we know why he converted then don't we"

When Anatess left Catholicism do you think her family thinks it was for the birth control?

I think people leave because they have a lack of belief, I believe this is especially true of religions like Jewish, Mormonism, Catholicism, where the religion is also a way of life and the church is the same.

As a non denominational Christian you can leave the local church for another or even none, because, you don't like the drive, the people, the way it is run, the sermons or another thing and still be saved. Leaving the LDS church, or Catholicism, as far as i know, can interfere with salvation because of Priesthood authority and the specific rites, communion, and confession for Catholics, sacrament for us.

So leaving these churches has more risk, and therefore takes stronger reason IMO.

That is not to say some don't leave for simpler reasons but i think we do a great disservice not only to others but to ourselves when we assume they left for some petty reason.

Hordak, very true!

There is a difference, though, between those who become inactive for a spell and those who are gone for good.

Like, I think SoulSearcher is gone for good (or at least, gone in the foreseeable future). Then there are those like my husband who became inactive for 4 years but never lost his testimony.

I left the Catholic church for good. There's just no going back to that because then I would have to deny my testimony.

[Last_Daze]

HORDAK:

I think you make really good points. The only caveat I would add to that is to ask what exactly precipitates the loss of belief? It certainly is true that some people just cease to believe, and many do so for perfectly legitimate reasons.

But oftentimes (and this is true for any church that makes any kind of tangible truth claims), the person in question suffers some kind of wrong at the hands of someone in the church. Sometimes it is a trivial slight, sometimes not, but to them it seems big, and the thought process is that no church where something like **** happens could possibly be true, so that is their reason for ceasing to believe. Leaving to the side how illogical that is (and who ever said humans were logical?), I think it really happens to a lot of people, and the interesting thing is that it really has nothing at all to do with the tangible truth claims of the church.

[UtahJakey]

Many Youtube links go under moderator review. It is currently under review.

Should I assume now a day later my benign post and link did not pass moderator review? I could understand deleting something anti-mormon or offensive but this baffles my mind.

Jakey

[Guest]

HORDAK:

I think you make really good points. The only caveat I would add to that is to ask what exactly precipitates the loss of belief? It certainly is true that some people just cease to believe, and many do so for perfectly legitimate reasons.

But oftentimes (and this is true for any church that makes any kind of tangible truth claims), the person in question suffers some kind of wrong at the hands of someone in the church. Sometimes it is a trivial slight, sometimes not, but to them it seems big, and the thought process is that no church where something like **** happens could possibly be true, so that is their reason for ceasing to believe. Leaving to the side how illogical that is (and who ever said humans were logical?), I think it really happens to a lot of people, and the interesting thing is that it really has nothing at all to do with the tangible truth claims of the church.

This is not true in my case.

I was Catholic - happy to be Catholic - completely believed that I would die Catholic. There is nothing in the Catholic church that "hurt" me or "slighted" me. I love the Catholic church until today.

I left because, although the church has truths, it was not complete and I found the LDS church had the complete gospel.

Is it possible for me to leave the LDS church? Yep. And the only way that would happen is if God reveals more truths to me that a "higher" church is out there.

[Last_Daze]

ANATESS:

:) I'm glad to hear it; I have generally warm feelings toward the churches I have left as well. To me, discovery of the 'fulness of the gospel' in another place is a perfectly good reason (not that I'm in much of a position to judge) to leave one church for another.

But I think the scenario I described does play out pretty frequently; I've seen it happen more times than I'd like to remember. Actually, what it really comes down to in a lot of ways is the age-old trope that "Well, Christians kind of act like d**ks to people, so there is no way their religion is true." Now, I would never say that Christians should not be nice people, but my niceness or lack thereof does not reflect on the ontological truth or falsity of the church I attend. It may say something about the quality of my personal faith, but that is another matter altogether...

[FlaviusHambonius]

I think that there are many people that grow up in the church and have a testimony only to find out usually later in life that there is a lot more to the church than the sanitized version of what was taught. I'm referring to mostly the historical aspects but even more specifically to the foundational history.

Sometimes people feel deceived or angry -- but those feelings usually come after much research and reading -- but then I suppose some of those people feel at peace after such a journey because of the realization that they only need the Saviour -- instead of what they perceive as all of the legalisim as some call it -- in the LDS church.

It can become quite a anxious journey for some who are truley searching for the truth in there own mind and heart -- especially when it comes between something they have believed or all they have known all of there lives.

Some LDS members attend church who have come to the belief that Joseph Smith was not who he claimed he was -- but yet they still attend and make sure that they're children attend and are involved because they love the people and the social aspects and that it is a good way to bring up kids in such an environment -- even though they do not believe in the doctrines of the church -- either secretly or in the open.

Anyway, I think that foundational history and issues that some become aware of can cause one to become inactive or eventually leaving the church.

Some members when going through such a journey can also resolve some of these issues and even become stronger in their faith after going through such turmoil.

[Soulsearcher]

Hordak, very true!

There is a difference, though, between those who become inactive for a spell and those who are gone for good.

Like, I think SoulSearcher is gone for good (or at least, gone in the foreseeable future). Then there are those like my husband who became inactive for 4 years but never lost his testimony.

I left the Catholic church for good. There's just no going back to that because then I would have to deny my testimony.

My name keeps popping up in places :) lol

I kinda feel bad saying , while i am gone from the LDS church forever, i was never really in it. I joined for another person. I never believed in the prophets, never believed in the BOM, heck after i walked away from the Catholic church i really didn't have much belief in Christ being the son of god. So while i left the church i don't really feel there was ever a true reason to me going aside from trying to impress someone. Now if we get into why I left the Catholic Church it was simple, i didn't find comfort in the answers. I have found in both LDS and Catholics, when they believe they have a certain comfort. This doesn't mean life is easy, or there are no trials, but the faith lifts them and gives them something. I had it as a child in the Catholic church, but i find it's for the same reason a lot of LDS kids have it. They know nothing other than that. As i grew, studied the church, prayed for my own reasons and answers aside from just the school prayers or what mom and dad kinda lead, i found i had no comfort from any of it. I went looking for that comfort and found it in other places. Don't use it as an excuse to sin or make excuses for life, just use it to get to a place where i find that comfort in life.

[tefor]

I have never actually stopped going to church, nor do I plan to, but there are weeks when my social anxiety gets the better of me, and I feel that staying home, praying, and reading the scriptures would help me feel closer to God than sitting in a chapel and feeling like I don't fit in. Some weeks are better than others, and of course the weeks that I teach Elders Quorum, I go mainly out of a sense of duty. Some of us just have a harder time being around people than others.

[Elphaba]

Most people who fall into inactivity have a testimony of the gospel.

I've seen you say something similar to this in other posts and I always wonder, how do you know that? Most of the people I've known who left the Church did so because they no longer had a testimony.

Compared to the entire number, I've only talked with a very few former members, and thus, my experience may be meaningless. So, I'm not necessarily saying you're right or you're wrong. I'm just saying it's impossible to know.

Elphaba

Later: Wing helped me to see that maybe you're talking about a different population than I am. You did say "inactivity" as opposed to "left the Church," which is what I meant.

If I misunderstood you, then just ignore this post--or respond and clarify. I'm just saying I see my post might not be relevant.

Elph

Edited December 11, 2010 by Elphaba

[Wingnut]

I've seen you say something similar to this in other posts and I always wonder, how do you know that? Most of the people I've known who left the Church did so because they no longer had a testimony.

Compared to the entire number, I've only talked with a very few former members, and thus, my experience may be meaningless. So, I'm not necessarily saying you're right or you're wrong. I'm just saying it's impossible to know.

Elphaba

I guess it depends on one's definition of an "active member." Is that one who has a strong testimony, or one who attends church regularly? Usually we think of it as the latter, though obviously the two are not mutually exclusive.

I have a friend at church who is a workaholic. She and her husband often both work on Sundays. She works in a field that does a lot of weekend events. She loves her work. She doesn't have children, and her work gives her purpose in life. She is at church whenever she can be, but often leaves early because she has events at which she must appear or work (we have afternoon church this year, so next year the leaving early could change). I've heard this woman share her testimony with me privately and from the pulpit during testimony meeting. She does missionary work and keeps an extra copy of the Book of Mormon in her car. Yet, when the Ward Council discussed "focus families" earlier this year, she and her husband were one of the first names to pop up, because of the sporadic church attendance. The missionaries were sent to their house to teach them the discussions again. She kind-of laughed when they called to set up an appointment. She knew exactly what was going on. She's an active (testimony) member, who just doesn't come to church as often as people think she should.

Just one example.

[Elphaba]

I guess it depends on one's definition of an "active member." Is that one who has a strong testimony, or one who attends church regularly? Usually we think of it as the latter, though obviously the two are not mutually exclusive.

I have a friend at church who is a workaholic. She and her husband often both work on Sundays. She works in a field that does a lot of weekend events. She loves her work. She doesn't have children, and her work gives her purpose in life. She is at church whenever she can be, but often leaves early because she has events at which she must appear or work (we have afternoon church this year, so next year the leaving early could change). I've heard this woman share her testimony with me privately and from the pulpit during testimony meeting. She does missionary work and keeps an extra copy of the Book of Mormon in her car. Yet, when the Ward Council discussed "focus families" earlier this year, she and her husband were one of the first names to pop up, because of the sporadic church attendance. The missionaries were sent to their house to teach them the discussions again. She kind-of laughed when they called to set up an appointment. She knew exactly what was going on. She's an active (testimony) member, who just doesn't come to church as often as people think she should.

That all makes sense. Maybe I misunderstand exactly to whom Ram was referring.

Elph

[Backroads]

The internet could be playing a big part in this these days. It takes less than a minute to get on any anti site or youtube video that talks about the early doctrines or history of the church that may go against what we teach today, thus causing people to have serious doubts/questions that they sometimes can't get answered and therefore end up going inactive. I honestly believe this is becoming more and more of a problem. I wish the church could somehow figure out a way to do damage control on this.

There's a lot of truth to this! I'm thanking you because this is EXACTLY what's going on with me and kind of the reason I joined this forum.

In response, I really think the Church could help just by being a little more open with history, having its points on these early history/doctrinal thing available. I've known a lot of people that find out such things and go inactive, while I feel more secure because I've known so many things since childhood.

But on that same note... I think that some people want Sunday at church to be a wealth of information and not a time of public worship. They wonder why things aren't being brought up, and get offended that way.

[applepansy]

There are many encuses but only one reason - sin.

The Traveler

I have to disagree. Sometimes heatlh issues are a reason to stop attending church.

Health issues are not a sin nor an excuse.

[applepansy]

The question was: Why do people stop attending church? Not: Why do people leave the church? or why do people becone inactive?

There are many reason and excuses for not attending church. Someone who is not actively attending meetings is not necessarily an apostate or "inactive" member. I remember once being described as "less active" LOL My testimony was as strong as ever and in some ways became stronger, but attending meetings was very difficult.

Life happens and sometimes getting to church every week becomes difficult for many reasons. I think its best not to judge without knowing what is on a person's plate.

Just my

[Iggy]

<<snip>>

While there may be some value to your suggestion, it's too simplistic. The other thing I don't like about it is it places all the responsibility on the inactive member. Although I recognize that it is their responsibility to return, they left for a reason, and many times, that reason has to do with the atmosphere at church. I think that again, before we start proscribing solutions that are entirely based in their action, we have to look at ourselves and evaluate if there's anything we are doing that might be inhibiting their desire to return.

Hear, Hear! I totally agree with you.

note:Just clicking on the Thanks button was just NOT enough.

[Iggy]

I've seen you say something similar to this in other posts and I always wonder, how do you know that? Most of the people I've known who left the Church did so because they no longer had a testimony.

Compared to the entire number, I've only talked with a very few former members, and thus, my experience may be meaningless. So, I'm not necessarily saying you're right or you're wrong. I'm just saying it's impossible to know.

Elphaba

Later: Wing helped me to see that maybe you're talking about a different population than I am. You did say "inactivity" as opposed to "left the Church," which is what I meant.

If I misunderstood you, then just ignore this post--or respond and clarify. I'm just saying I see my post might not be relevant.

Elph

Elph, I and my husband went into inactivity- yet we never lost our testimony of the Gospel.

We disliked the atmosphere of the ward AND the stake where we were. Our Bishop was a callous and hard man. He still is, he just isn't our Bishop anymore (thank goodness). When ever we did show up at Church, either Sunday or for a Ward funtion, we were treated awfully by our Bishop. I always received a visit from my VT- she I liked and respected. But for the RS- I never saw her, met her or heard from her in any way - shape- or form. As for my husband, he never heard from the HPQ Leader or any of his officers. the Bishop knew us- yet he never called, emailed, snail mailed, or visited us. Nor did any of his councilors.

We hadn't even moved into this Branch in Oregon that my husband was called to meet with the HPQ Leader. Our records hadn't even been received here yet!!! He was given a HT Companion (which never happened in a Ward of 300 people), this Branch has only 60 active members!!!!!!! Two sundays ago, our records finally arrived and last Sunday Husband accepted his HT assignment gladly. If he wasn't given a priesthood holding companion he was going to refuse the assignment and request he be given one. In Casa Grande, he was NEVER given a priesthood holding campanion- he was told to take his wife with him. Well, his wife had to work, and had her own duties to do. We only had Sundays and Mondays together, and his assignments didn't want him to come on Sundays and Mondays.

Here his companion has already set up their meetings with their families for the second Saturday in January!! They have already done their visiting for December.

I have not been given a VT assignment. At least I don't think I have. One of the Sisters said she was my VT- but she mumbles so I am not sure exactly what she said.

A quick email to my RS Pres will clear that up. OR I guess I should email her secretary instead.

So, Elph- one can easily go inactive ( just like I had been inactive during my first marriage), but still keep a testimony of the gospel and of the Church.

My oldest brother has been inactive for nearly 50 years, and he has no desire to ever be excommunicated or have his name be removed from the records of the Church. He has been blessed by having the same HT for 35 years too!

[catalyst]

Personally,

If my wife wasn't as active as she is I'd probably go once a month. I just don't find it very fulfilling. Never really have. My wife enjoys it and our little children seem to enjoy it (except for the youngest in nursery-he pretty much cries the whole time.)

[Elphaba]

Elph, I and my husband went into inactivity- yet we never lost our testimony of the Gospel.

We disliked the atmosphere of the ward AND the stake where we were. Our Bishop was a callous and hard man. He still is, he just isn't our Bishop anymore (thank goodness). When ever we did show up at Church, either Sunday or for a Ward funtion, we were treated awfully by our Bishop. I always received a visit from my VT- she I liked and respected. But for the RS- I never saw her, met her or heard from her in any way - shape- or form. As for my husband, he never heard from the HPQ Leader or any of his officers. the Bishop knew us- yet he never called, emailed, snail mailed, or visited us. Nor did any of his councilors.

We hadn't even moved into this Branch in Oregon that my husband was called to meet with the HPQ Leader. Our records hadn't even been received here yet!!! He was given a HT Companion (which never happened in a Ward of 300 people), this Branch has only 60 active members!!!!!!! Two sundays ago, our records finally arrived and last Sunday Husband accepted his HT assignment gladly. If he wasn't given a priesthood holding companion he was going to refuse the assignment and request he be given one. In Casa Grande, he was NEVER given a priesthood holding campanion- he was told to take his wife with him. Well, his wife had to work, and had her own duties to do. We only had Sundays and Mondays together, and his assignments didn't want him to come on Sundays and Mondays.

Here his companion has already set up their meetings with their families for the second Saturday in January!! They have already done their visiting for December.

I have not been given a VT assignment. At least I don't think I have. One of the Sisters said she was my VT- but she mumbles so I am not sure exactly what she said.

A quick email to my RS Pres will clear that up. OR I guess I should email her secretary instead.

So, Elph- one can easily go inactive ( just like I had been inactive during my first marriage), but still keep a testimony of the gospel and of the Church.

My oldest brother has been inactive for nearly 50 years, and he has no desire to ever be excommunicated or have his name be removed from the records of the Church. He has been blessed by having the same HT for 35 years too!

Thank you Iggy!

Actually, I had completely misread the intent of this thread. I HATE when I do that. I thought Ram was referring to people who left the Church, not just those who went inactive, so my post was irrelevant. Still, I appreciate your perspective. I always enjoy your posts.

I am sooooo happy that you are in Oregon! Not only because you'll have a bed waiting for me (grin), but because it's not just the weather that will be refreshing. It sounds like a great ward, and I know how much that means to you. New starts can be so fun!

Elph

Edited December 14, 2010 by Elphaba

[Carl62]

The question was: Why do people stop attending church? Not: Why do people leave the church? or why do people becone inactive?

There are many reason and excuses for not attending church. Someone who is not actively attending meetings is not necessarily an apostate or "inactive" member. I remember once being described as "less active" LOL My testimony was as strong as ever and in some ways became stronger, but attending meetings was very difficult.

Life happens and sometimes getting to church every week becomes difficult for many reasons. I think its best not to judge without knowing what is on a person's plate.

Just my

Were not saying that EVERYBODY who stops attending is an apostate who no longer believes in the church. Believe me, I feel your pain on this because my mom is in the very same boat. She only has 50-60% hearing in one ear left and therefore hardly attends at all (about 2x a year) because of the frustration of having to hear the speakers, yet she hasn't missed a tithing payment in over 20 years. The thing is though is that if you leave the church, then generally you're going to stop attending right? So the inactive/apostate part does fit into this question. The apostate part is just one of many reasons people stop attending.