Why do people stop attending church?


MarginOfError
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There's a lot of truth to this! I'm thanking you because this is EXACTLY what's going on with me and kind of the reason I joined this forum.

In response, I really think the Church could help just by being a little more open with history, having its points on these early history/doctrinal thing available. I've known a lot of people that find out such things and go inactive, while I feel more secure because I've known so many things since childhood.

But on that same note... I think that some people want Sunday at church to be a wealth of information and not a time of public worship. They wonder why things aren't being brought up, and get offended that way.

You hit the nail on the head Backroads! I just read the story of one missionary in Oakland who said that whenever they get one of those rare moments of being able to give a first discussion with somebody just off of tracting, it usually gets killed off by the second appointment because they've done research on the church via the internet. Television isn't helping matters either. When you've got shows like South Park, House, PBS 'The Mormons' special, and Big Love that go out of their way to try and derail peoples thinking of the church, then we've got a PR war on our hands like the church has never seen. These shows can do a TON of damage in just one hour! I have no idea what the church can do about this, but it seems like some sort of a different approach has to be taken to somehow explain these things and at the same time, find ways to bring more people in the church and keep them active then what we're doing now.

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I have to disagree. Sometimes heatlh issues are a reason to stop attending church.

Health issues are not a sin nor an excuse.

The sacrament can be brought into the home or place where a person is sick which is in essence “attendance”. Usually this only happens upon request. Also it was my understanding that we are not taking about a single absence over a prolonged period of time but rather a number of Sundays in succession creating a trend – to which bringing in the sacrament is always an option for devoted Saints.

The Traveler

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When you've got shows like South Park, House, PBS 'The Mormons' special, and Big Love that go out of their way to try and derail peoples thinking of the church, then we've got a PR war on our hands like the church has never seen.

I disagree that all of these shows are out to 'derail' people's view of the church. Starting with South Park, I assume you're referring to the episode when a Mormon family moves into town and they tell the story of the Joseph Smith and the Book of Mormon. They may have presented the church in an irreverent manner but the historical facts presented in that show are pretty accurate, and the Mormon family, though exagerated and corny, is shown in a positive light.

Regarding House, I don't watch that show regularly so I'm not sure what the reference is.

The church participated heavily in the PBS show, even having some apostles interviewed for it, overall I think it was a fairly balanced show. Did they talk about some of the more controversial aspects of the church and its history like blacks in the priesthood, polygamy and Mountain Meadows Massacer? Of course they did, but those things are part of our history and can't be ignored.

Big Love is not a show I watch either, but from what I've read from those who do watch it, they make a distinction between the beliefs and practices of the family in the show and the mainstream LDS church. That distinction may be lost on the general public but even when the fundamnetals are in the news people get confused between us and them.

I would agree that the Church has PR issues, but trying to hide things like Joseph Smith using a hat to translate the BofM, or MMM, or Blacks in the Priesthood doesn't help our cause. People are going to find out about these things when investigating the church. It's best to tackle these issues head on, and I think the Church has been trying to be more open about such things.

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Regarding House, it is that one of the less-endearing qualities of the main character (a doctor) is that he is an outspoken atheist who frequently belittles the religious beliefs of his patients. It is not a major part of the show, but there are several episodes that center around those themes; fans of the show call them 'House vs. God' episodes. Personally, I find them rather tedious. Additionally, there was briefly an LDS character on the show, a black man, who was known as the 'Black Mormon' or to House as 'Big Love'. At one point in the show, House referred to Joseph Smith as a "horny fraud" and the Black Mormon slugged him, tired of the constant abuse heaped on him by House.

Regarding Big Love, one of the underlying conflicts in the show is the ongoing tension between the mainstream LDS church and the Mormon fundamentalists who make up most of the show's main cast. The mainstream church is generally not represented either unfairly or negatively, although there is a story arc in which the fundamentalists and the mainstream church are both after a set of historic documents which allegedly validate the lifestyle of the fundamentalists, and both sides resort to some pretty iffy tactics to get their hands on the documents (which, it turns out, were fraudulent anyhow).

The South Park "All About Mormons" episode lobbed soft bombs, as the show does with most religions (except Scientology; they really let them have it).

I've heard a lot of criticisms of the The Mormons PBS documentary, not the least of which is that while numerous representatives of the church were interviewed, and the church cooperated heavily, the majority of the 'pro-church' interviews ended up on the cutting-room floor, while those skeptical of or hostile to the church got the lions' share of screentime.

Edited by Last_Daze
clarification
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My wife and I watch "House" from time to time. I saw those episodes with the black doctor and I didn't think anything of it. House's character is extremely critical of everything and very condescending. If he met the guy and said, "Oh you're mormon? I really like what you guys do and want to learn more about your church. Let's discuss after helping this patient." it would have been extremely out of character. Never saw this as some attack by Fox to go after mormons.

Mormonism is actually pretty interesting, hilarious, and scary considering the history. Poking fun at yourself is good from time to time IMO.

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You know why I skip church sometimes?

Because I am plain exhausted. I work full time, my husband works long hours and I homeschool my four kids.

By Saturday night, I am almost sick with exhaustion. Some Sundays I do Ok and other Sundays, getting everyone up, cleaned up, fed well, dressed neatly and in the car ON TIME is enough to put me over the edge. I'm only one person. My husband helps me but reality is, most of the Sunday stuff does fall on the mother. My husband cannot braid hair or find the pretty church dress and he is really bad at jamming tights on a wiggly 3 year old. :D Stuff like that. By the time we get to church, I'm feeling really tired and just worn out. Then I have to be cheery and friendly and sometimes I don't feel like it. i feel like dropping my kids off and going and getting a bagel and just sitting in silent car for an hour so I can decompress. I'd happily sit in my car and quietly read my Bible. Sometimes all the people and stress of getting there is just too much for someone who is overstressed to begin with.

I realize I can set all this up on another day so it's ready on Sunday, and yes, I'm human and sometimes I don't do that.

I think to myself, "if I join this church, I'm going to get a calling and cannot handle one more thing. I just can't" That scares me about the LDS. What if I can't handle a calling? I know that is bad if you say no to a calling. I almost feel like I'm afraid to get involved.

We all have different seasons in our lives and my season now is a tough one, like many families. You have parents working and the responsibilities of a family and we feel called to homeschool. I don't think I can handle any more in this season. When we did not have children, I did all sorts of things in my church. Now? It feels overwhelming. I do instruct my children at home and I read my Bible often. I'm not leaving God or leaving my faith...I feel like saying "I'm human, I'm tired and I need to be alone right now and collect myself"

Maybe being an introvert also affects me. Three hours of people is A LOT for me. i come home and I'm more exhasuted than ever and the kids are all jazzed up from having fun in Primary etc. They jump out of the car after church and literally fly around the house. I have to get them under control and then start cooking Sunday dinner. Again, my husband is not lying around, he is right here doing everything with me but he's tired too.

So, that was my explanation for why we miss church sometimes. Right or wrong, I'm putting it out there since someone really wanted to know. I find Sunday to be the most stressfull day of the week. :mellow:

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When I was on one of those LDS singles sites awhile ago, I listed myself as one who attends church most of the time.

I do try. I think it's important to go to church. I just don't know why I have to every single week.

Sometimes... I stay home from church and work on my writing.

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One thing that the church should do is actually assign two or three people the specific calling of going to the inactives homes and see if they would like to talk about why they went inactive and what can be done about them coming back. ... I never saw one home teacher in all the 15+ years that I was inactive. Not one person ever showed up on my doorstep to ask me back or ask why I was inactive.

I thought that one of the duties of the missionaries was to go to inactives and try to get them to return to church. Is that incorrect?

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I thought that one of the duties of the missionaries was to go to inactives and try to get them to return to church. Is that incorrect?

We often send missionaries to do this, and it's a more effective use of their time than going door-to-door, but this really ought to be something the members are involved with.

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We often send missionaries to do this, and it's a more effective use of their time than going door-to-door, but this really ought to be something the members are involved with.

Too often you have people thinking someone higher up should be in charge of things when it really isn't the responsibility of the higher up power. Not just in religion, but in everything. It's never your responsibility...:whistling:

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We often send missionaries to do this, and it's a more effective use of their time than going door-to-door, but this really ought to be something the members are involved with.

As a general rule, the Senior Couple Missionaries and Ward/Branch Couple Missionaries are the ones who do this. A more effective use of the Elder/Sister Missionaries is to proselytize door-to-door, to plant the seed, nurture seeds that have ben planted, and to harvest those seeds when they have matured in fertile soil.

Members are encouraged to be Member Missionaries also, to invite friends, coworkers, neighbors, family to come to church, to give the names, address's, phone numbers of friends, neighbors, coworkers & family who are interested in learning more, to the Elder/Sister Missionaries.

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The sacrament can be brought into the home or place where a person is sick which is in essence “attendance”. Usually this only happens upon request. Also it was my understanding that we are not taking about a single absence over a prolonged period of time but rather a number of Sundays in succession creating a trend – to which bringing in the sacrament is always an option for devoted Saints.

The Traveler

I am talking about an absence from meetings for an extended period of time.

Taking the sacrament into someone who is ill is a wonderful service.

There are other health issues that do not follow under the label of "sick." Making a blanket statement that "sin" is the only reason someone would stop attending is naive.

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Hello, MarginofError

It's interesting....as I was skimming through some of these posts, the question that came to my mind was, "why am I still going to church?!" After all, for me, church is such an experience in painful feelings of feeling judged/criticized/gossiped about by others. Also, the complacent attitude of "we've got it made, why try for more?" leaves me with emotions of being unfulfilled, restless and bored. It brings me a chuckle to think of the people there actually possessing, and then showing, the pure love of Christ.

I've long had my struggles in remaining "active" in the gospel. And, unfortunately, thus far I have lost that battle more often than won it. So, the why of my still going really becomes the question.

I go because I know God lives. He has often reassured me of His deep abiding love for me. I believe Him and in Him. I go because He has told me that being a member of this church and the requisite striving to keep the covenants I have made there is what He wants me to do. For me, this has been the most difficult thing I have ever tried to do in my life. In the process of striving to remain active, I've learned some things along the way that I hope will be helpful for others.

I'm learning to let go of the expectations I've placed on the people around me to act in a certain way (i.e. kindness, friendliness, love, etc.) so that I will allow myself to feel more comfortable. I'm learning to love and become more comfortable with myself regardless of what other people do around/towards me. Along with this comes reaching out to those who are more open and positively receptive to who I am and what I have to offer.

Another thing I am learning is to become more self reliant in developing my spirituality. It's up to me to pray and read the scriptures every day. It's up to me to strive to be blessed with the pure love of Christ so that I can love my enemies and do good to those who despitefully use me and/or persecute me. The more I prepare myself through the week for the dreaded experience of going to church meetings on Sunday, the more likely it is that the experience will come have positive tones to it. At least I will have more of a peace through preparing than not.

I am learning that I rely way too much on the arm of flesh, rather than on God's arm, to survive the social climate of church. I'm learning that it is much more about worshiping Him than it is anything else.

I hope this helps others who are struggling with the same issues I have....

Dove

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When I stop going to church it's almost always for one of two reasons:

1)Pure laziness. Not wanting to get out of bed that early, get dressed, live by the rules, etc.

or

2)I have to work on Sundays. For the past several months I've been in that boat. After looking for work for a year and being told by more than one employer that they need people who can work Sundays, I finally accepted a job with a Sunday requirement out of sheer desperation. If we could have survived without that income I wouldn't have done it, but with our mortgage four months past due (not to mention several other bills) and our electricity about to be shut off, I had no choice. Even our bishop told me to take a job even if I had to work Sundays because my husband already has TWO jobs and we still couldn't make ends meet. You do what you have to do for the survival of your family.

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When I stop going to church it's almost always for one of two reasons:

1)Pure laziness. Not wanting to get out of bed that early, get dressed, live by the rules, etc.

or

2)I have to work on Sundays. For the past several months I've been in that boat. After looking for work for a year and being told by more than one employer that they need people who can work Sundays, I finally accepted a job with a Sunday requirement out of sheer desperation. If we could have survived without that income I wouldn't have done it, but with our mortgage four months past due (not to mention several other bills) and our electricity about to be shut off, I had no choice. Even our bishop told me to take a job even if I had to work Sundays because my husband already has TWO jobs and we still couldn't make ends meet. You do what you have to do for the survival of your family.

I often dislike giving advice because advice is so easily taking incorrectly. However, I would suggest that you ask you bishop if there is some way you can receive the sacrament on the Sundays you must work. If he is not of help - I suggest you contact your Stake President - If you feel he will not help I suggest you contact an Apostle. If I was your home teacher I would use all influence I have to see your wish granted.

The Traveler

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Hello, MarginofError

It's interesting....as I was skimming through some of these posts, the question that came to my mind was, "why am I still going to church?!" After all, for me, church is such an experience in painful feelings of feeling judged/criticized/gossiped about by others. Also, the complacent attitude of "we've got it made, why try for more?" leaves me with emotions of being unfulfilled, restless and bored. It brings me a chuckle to think of the people there actually possessing, and then showing, the pure love of Christ.

I've long had my struggles in remaining "active" in the gospel. And, unfortunately, thus far I have lost that battle more often than won it. So, the why of my still going really becomes the question.

I go because I know God lives. He has often reassured me of His deep abiding love for me. I believe Him and in Him. I go because He has told me that being a member of this church and the requisite striving to keep the covenants I have made there is what He wants me to do. For me, this has been the most difficult thing I have ever tried to do in my life. In the process of striving to remain active, I've learned some things along the way that I hope will be helpful for others.

I'm learning to let go of the expectations I've placed on the people around me to act in a certain way (i.e. kindness, friendliness, love, etc.) so that I will allow myself to feel more comfortable. I'm learning to love and become more comfortable with myself regardless of what other people do around/towards me. Along with this comes reaching out to those who are more open and positively receptive to who I am and what I have to offer.

Another thing I am learning is to become more self reliant in developing my spirituality. It's up to me to pray and read the scriptures every day. It's up to me to strive to be blessed with the pure love of Christ so that I can love my enemies and do good to those who despitefully use me and/or persecute me. The more I prepare myself through the week for the dreaded experience of going to church meetings on Sunday, the more likely it is that the experience will come have positive tones to it. At least I will have more of a peace through preparing than not.

I am learning that I rely way too much on the arm of flesh, rather than on God's arm, to survive the social climate of church. I'm learning that it is much more about worshiping Him than it is anything else.

I hope this helps others who are struggling with the same issues I have....

Dove

As I read your post I thought about a lesion in a High Priest Group once. The instructor asked the Group why they had attended that given Sunday. A member of our Stake Presidency was in attendance and responded that he had come for inspiration. To this the instructor asked the member of the Stake Presidency, “So if you are not inspired you will quit coming?”

The class went rather quiet so the instructor asked a person that had been excommunicated and was trying to again become a member why he had come. In tears the man answered that he had come because he promised the L-rd that he would do so.

The Traveler

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  • 2 years later...

I've been a member of the Church now for almost 12 years and I just don't think it does a fantastic job of fellowshipping. Yes, it feels like work, but I also don't feel like I belong there. Maybe I just don't have a strong and firm testimony that it's where I'm supposed to be.

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I'm in the middle of a huge brainstorming and thought building process about this. I want to spark some discussion on the topic. Answers don't have to be specific to people leaving the LDS church, or even a Christian church. I just want some hypotheses thrown at me.

As fair warning, I'm likely going to respond by nitpicking over the hypotheses, challenging them, finding fault, and hopefully refining a few. I encourage all to engage in these activities. My goal is selfish--I personally want to understand this better and a little collaboration would help me.

And lastly, let me say that no theory is too minuscule to mention. I don't believe there is a single, unifying theory to explain this. The reasons are likely varied and complex.

So thanks for your help, and please, lay your hypotheses on me.

Many years ago Apostle Le grand Richards was visiting our mission and interviewing all the missionaries. I was asked to drive Elder Richards several hundred miles across the state to his next area (mission Zone) in our mission. Not only was this a great honor but it gave my companion and I several hours of one on one time with an Apostle.

One question I had concerned this very subject. I asked Elder Richards what was the reason people do not come to church. There was a specific individual I was asking about and I explained this individual's circumstance. Elder Richards was very stern and specific with me as he answered this question - I would point out here that this question did catch his attention and change his demeanor in our discussion. I remember well his very penetrating tone when he said to me, "There is only one reason that a person does not attend church to renew their covenants on the Sacred Sabbath of the L-rd - that reason is sin."

The Traveler

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There was a specific individual I was asking about and I explained this individual's circumstance. Elder Richards was very stern and specific with me as he answered this question - I would point out here that this question did catch his attention and change his demeanor in our discussion. I remember well his very penetrating tone when he said to me, "There is only one reason that a person does not attend church to renew their covenants on the Sacred Sabbath of the L-rd - that reason is sin."

A couple of questions:

1. Was he speaking about this particular individual or he was talking about any person who doesn't attend Church?

2. Since you stated the same thing in a previous post, do you believe this or you was merely repeating what he shared with you?

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I've been a member of the Church now for almost 12 years and I just don't think it does a fantastic job of fellowshipping. Yes, it feels like work, but I also don't feel like I belong there. Maybe I just don't have a strong and firm testimony that it's where I'm supposed to be.

One of my favorite talks of all time:

LDS.org - Ensign Article

I have said before, and I repeat it, that every new convert needs three things:

1. A friend in the Church to whom he can constantly turn, who will walk beside him, who will answer his questions, who will understand his problems.

2. An assignment. Activity is the genius of this Church. It is the process by which we grow. Faith and love for the Lord are like the muscle of my arm. If I use them, they grow stronger. If I put them in a sling, they become weaker. Every convert deserves a responsibility. The bishop may feel that he is not qualified for responsibility. Take a chance on him. Think of the risk the Lord took when He called you.

Of course the new convert will not know everything. He likely will make some mistakes. So what? We all make mistakes. The important thing is the growth that will come of activity.

As a part of this process of giving responsibility, it is proper and very important that the new convert, if he be a man, is ordained to the Aaronic Priesthood. Then before too many months, he may be ordained to the Melchizedek Priesthood. He will have the fellowship of the elders quorum. He will become one of a vast body of priesthood throughout the world, men of integrity and faith who love the Lord and seek to move forward His work.

3. Every convert must be “nourished by the good word of God” (Moro. 6:4).

It is imperative that he or she become affiliated with a priesthood quorum or the Relief Society, the Young Women, the Young Men, the Sunday School, or the Primary. He or she must be encouraged to come to sacrament meeting to partake of the sacrament, to renew the covenants made at the time of baptism.

Not long ago, I listened to a man and woman who spoke in my home ward. This man had served in many capacities in the Church, including that of bishop. Their most recent assignment was to fellowship a single mother and her children. He stated that it was the most joyful of all his Church experiences.

This young woman was full of questions. She was filled with fear and anxiety. She did not wish to make a mistake, to say anything that was out of line that might embarrass her or cause others to laugh. Patiently this man and his wife brought the family to church, sat with them, put a shield around them, as it were, against anything that might happen to embarrass them. They spent one evening a week with them at their home, teaching them further concerning the gospel and answering their many questions.

They led that little family along as a shepherd leads his sheep. Eventually, circumstances dictated that they move to another city. “But,” he stated, “we still correspond with that woman. We feel a great appreciation for her. She is now firmly grounded in the Church, and we have no fear concerning her. What a joy it has been to work with her.”

I am convinced that we will lose but very, very few of those who come into the Church if we take better care of them. They may not be thoroughly converted. How can they be, having had only six lessons? They may not meet all of the desirable qualifications. But they have been awakened to a new sense of values and opportunities. They have been taught that they are sons and daughters of God. They have been baptized in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Ghost. They have been confirmed members of the Church and received the gift of the Holy Ghost.

It's a problem EVERYWHERE. At the same time, the solution lies in these 3 steps.

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In my particular instance, though you may not be looking for it, I grew up in a Christian church and stopped going because I stopped believing in a deity. This was a slow and gradual process that played out over several years and involved much study and contemplation. I reached the conclusion I hold today, and thus continued presence at a Church became unimportant (for obvious reasons).

I am not a unique case, of course, and this is something that happens to many.

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"There is only one reason that a person does not attend church to renew their covenants on the Sacred Sabbath of the L-rd - that reason is sin."

The Traveler

I find this highly offensive. It is simplistic, arrogant, and sounds very "Holier-than-thou".

My wife is going through a faith crisis at the moment and I know that if someone told her this, she would never set foot inside a church building again, and probably neither would I. My wife had a strong testimony until she read some factual stuff about Joseph Smith. Not from anti souces, but from credible sources (Bushman's book Rough Stone Rolling). She has made it her goal to avoid anti sites because she knows how biased they are. Her testimony is weaker now and doesn't always attend, but it's not because of sin. It's because the church hasn't been fully up front with it's history.

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