Should i go for retribution?

[FormalMan]

Okay guys, I definitely complicated things for myself after a facade that just happened.

So many of you followed my story. It's been 1 month and a half of NC! It was all good, I was happy, I was getting over her, and then I made the mistake of attacking her.

Within this month, she has contacted me twice. Nothing big, just her wanting some stuff back she let me borrow. These are things I intended to give back, but just didn't find the time (or care) to do so. The first item i could understand why she wanted it back, the second one was the one that confused me!

It was just $10-15 oven bake clay. She texted me saying "I need that clay I let you borrow. Can you bring it to my house tomorrow?" My first initial reaction was "really?" Why can't she buy another one herself? I thought about how to deal with this: meeting somewhere neutral, me just dropping it off in her mailbox, having her pick it up at my house. All these reasons being motivated by my ego/pride.

Me, trying to be the "chivalrous man" here (Rouge4Rent... i know i know) I thought I'll just be a man about it, just give it to her say hi, smile and leave. For some reason the back of my mind kept thinking "maybe she wants to talk, maybe she wants to invite me" as i drove there. Exactly the opposite: one of those awkward greetings and exchanges.

Okay, so I'm thinking "yay its over, I can move on." It actually began to dawn on me that I was having closure, that she's still the stubborn, stick-to-her-guns, kind of person.

Went home, happy. Thinking about my move, how happy I'm going somewhere new. And then I think to myself, I think I'm ready to sell her b-day present.

Bad idea.

So i list it on Facebook Market, wrote the description of the item, the cost, and then it asks for a reason. "Why?" I simply put, "Don't need it." All is good right? Moments later I write, "It was supposed to be a gift."

Someone later comments on it, someone saying how nice it is. I respond my saying, "Yeah its nice. It's going to a better home."

Worse idea.

I'll admit, those statements were motivated by resentment, anger. Also, I saw as being a neutral statement also (a way to fall back in case it gets misread). Lol

Apparently I missed 3 calls from the mother throughout the day, each time leaving me messages to call her back in a very stern tone. Finally, I realized how much I've missed, and call her back. And the rest you really don't want to know.

Let's just say she went off on me. There was quite a range of topics she covered: how disrespectful I was, how she let me into her home, treated me like a son, "I thought you loved her??", what did you mean by these statements, how much she respected me before but now doesn't, how I crossed the line, pretty much telling me to stop what I'm doing. And yeah, my fall back didn't work either; "I'm not stupid!"

She asks me to remove all the messages, removes me and my family as friends (keeps my father a friend for some odd reason).

Okay, I know I'm in the wrong here. I've definitely hurt her and the mother. Ruined any chances to being friends again (woohoo?). No desire to be with her. Fortunately eliminated any hope of us getting back.

I know as a human being, i need to apologize. I'm thinking of writing both of them a letter, a quick but sincere apology. My intention is just to at least keep things clean, leave things on a good note.

Is this a good idea? What should my letter really consist of?

[slamjet]

I've not followed your story, but just from this post, I suggest you find all the stuff she gave you or you borrowed and ship it back then cut it off. Letters will only drag things out. There are times when you need to cut your losses, especially when mommy get's involved. And from what it sounds like, even if things become patched up, there will still be an underlying layer of hurt and resentment that will be difficult, if not impossible to overcome.

Drop it and chalk it up to experience.

[rameumptom]

I also have not followed your story. However, I would say that acting like a jackass is NOT the way a Christian nor saint should act. Regardless of how they've treated you, you are responsible for your own actions. Now, man up to it. You were a jerk, whether intentional or not is immaterial.

You definitely need to send them both a letter of apology. Be sincere, and make it all about YOUR shortcoming. Do not send a letter that slaps at them, by saying, "yes I was wrong on this, but I did it because you did it first." Doesn't work. Apologize sincerely. Explain that the break up was hard on you, and you occasionally have poor lapses in judgment on dealing with it. Keep it short.

I would also place a note on Facebook apologizing to everyone for your lack of decor, as well.

[FormalMan]

Oh, a quick recap of our story was that

-5 years of being together she was 17 and i was 18

-got engaged on New Years

-Messed up her birthday

-took up a a break

-didn't work because still saw each other, it was really awkward

-i told her "we haven't had time to grow up by ourselves. We always knew each other as being with the other person"

-Finally broke it off (sort of mutual) because she agreed with that I had said.

@rameumptom i'm torn on what to do. People tel me to just leave it be and just end it. Part of me thinks I'm going to be accountable for that on judgement. I've already wrote an apology, but its just a matter of sending it.