What is an appropriate age to use social networks?

[Bini]

Social networks being: MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, etc etc..

I believe all of these require users to be at least 13-years of age or older to register. What is an appropriate age to use social networks in your opinion? Is it really an issue of one's age or one's maturity? Should some social networks be more restrictive than others? At what age did you first start using social networks? And what age will you allow your children to start using them?

[mightynancy]

I let my son start using Facebook when he was 13. I know lots and lots of my students and nieces/nephews who have facebook, even wee kids (like age 7). No, thank you.

I have my son's password and can log in anytime to see what's going on. If he ever changes the password without letting me know, or posts inappropriately, the account will be closed. I'm cool like that. 8)

[slamjet]

No one uses Facebook unless they are 16, show responsible behavior with computers and internet and are closely monitored.

My youngest are 9 and are on the internet. I have my ways of turning off the internet from 1600 miles away if I don't get all the sites, accounts, and passwords. I use opendns.org to keep track of where they are at. They decided to try me out and I shut it down for a full day. It was very empowering. Generally, haven't had a problem since.

[JohnnyRudick]

No one uses Facebook unless they are 16, show responsible behavior with computers and internet and are closely monitored.

My youngest are 9 and are on the internet. I have my ways of turning off the internet from 1600 miles away if I don't get all the sites, accounts, and passwords. I use opendns.org to keep track of where they are at. They decided to try me out and I shut it down for a full day. It was very empowering. Generally, haven't had a problem since.

What of they start using a friends computer?

I remember back in the early 80's when my lids were watching

movies at homes of their friends because I had no idea what was in

most of those movies as we never went to see most of them in the theaters or

watched them on cable or VHS.

I was shocked when I was talked into getting a Tape machine in 1984

and my daughter brought home a favorite movie from a friends house.

SHOCK:eek:

Soooooooooooooooooo, what if your child uses a friends computer?

[slamjet]

Soooooooooooooooooo, what if your child uses a friends computer?

The whole reason for what we do is to teach and get them into the habit of what is appropriate and inappropriate computer use. So far it's worked out. I've only had to pull the cut-off trigger but a couple of times. Not a whole lot we can do about it when they're not at home. But we have to trust them sometimes. Plus, I've gotten good at spotting them lying eyes. Like me, my kids are horrible liars.

[JohnnyRudick]

The whole reason for what we do is to teach and get them into the habit of what is appropriate and inappropriate computer use. So far it's worked out. I've only had to pull the cut-off trigger but a couple of times. Not a whole lot we can do about it when they're not at home. But we have to trust them sometimes. Plus, I've gotten good at spotting them lying eyes. Like me, my kids are horrible liars.

At least they know what is expected and how you and yours feel about it.

[mightynancy]

Kids will sometimes make a second account - one that is parent-safe, and one their parents don't know about. Lucky for me, my kid is just generally good as well as a lousy liar.

My other kid is better at subterfuge - good thing she's not old enough for facebook.

[Dravin]

No one uses Facebook unless they are 16, show responsible behavior with computers and internet and are closely monitored.

I'm not sure about 16, but I think they do need to demonstrate a certain maturity and suaveness before I'd okay them on a social medium such as Facebook. If for no other reason than they need to understand what information it is okay to give out and what information you need to keep private. And they need to understand that what they throw out there become public. Same would apply to message boards.

[WindRiver]

40+

[Guest]

My kids are 7 and 9 with the password to my facebook account (which I don't really use much) to play Farmville and MyTown. They have their own computers in their own bedrooms. When my kids ask, "Does your blood shake when you burp?", I can tell them - go ask your computer.

Yes, we are computer people - so we know our way around the system and would know what kind of stuff they're doing on the computer - which the kids know we can do because my husband is a server admin and I'm a programmer...

We had computer/TV/video games/movies/songs/books lectures for years during family home evening and still do. We have premium channels in our TV and I have a stack of inappropriate for kids books (yes, I got Twilight too) in my bookshelf. So, the rule in the house is - ask permission before picking up a book, check the rating on the TV show, ask if not sure, change the channel when you get a bad feeling - regardless of rating. Same for the computer. Same for the video game. And everything else.

The concept is - we teach them how to listen for the Spirit in everything they do so they can police themselves.

The wizard behind the curtain of course has the parental controls on the TV and computer among other things.

The problem with these things is, we only get one shot at parenting - I won't know if our "method" is going to work until the kids are 20 and it would be too late to change it then...

Edited December 28, 2010 by anatess

[lizzy16]

I would say 16 is too late. Teenagers need to understand the correct uses of technology and while monitoring the internet is a good idea doing it to the point of controlling kind of...disgusts me.

My parents never monitor/ed me. Ever. And, i've never had any problems.

Over monitoring to the point of controlling shows your lack of trust for your kids.

I've been at friends houses when they were doing somewhat inappropriate things online. I pointed this out to them, said I wasn't comfortable and they stopped. My parents didn't monitor me, I monitored myself. And in the end, I could more easily defend my beliefs and explain to my peers what they were doing was wrong. If my parents monitored me I think i would have sat through it all because I would have been curios and not under my parents 'grasp.'

My parents have always been very trusting of me. We have a healthy relationship and I can easily go to them whenever. I find it easy to talk about topics my friends find uncomfortable. If i felt my parents tried to control me, my actions and how I react to things I think I would rebel because I don't like being controlled.

Teenagers can make their choices and having their parents control their decisions doesn't help them grow.

If you want to monitor your children's internet go ahead, but don't do it obsessively. Because in the end they could be put into a situation and be so curios and because daddy wasn't their to 'pull the plug' they could make a few mistakes. Monitor it, talk to them about it. They might not have realized a certain site was inappropriate until they clicked around a bit.

Once, I was on a website when I was 12, It was a blog of some sort. I found it by 'link surfing' from my cousins blog and her efy friends. What i was doing was harmless, I started reading a few entries and realized after the 5th on that their was some inappropriate content. At that moment my parents walked by. They could have freaked but instead sat down with my and asked about it. I explained and they left it at that.

Trust your kids, because as corny as it sounds in the end its all you have.

After being raised by my parents i think the best thing you can do for a child is teach them correct principles when their younger and then ease up and eventually give them so to speak 'full access'

I don't have any rules from my parents. By now, my rules are all my own. My parents never told me I have a curfew, they've never assigned chores, never grounded me or made any rules about going to friends before homework is done. None of that.

And, Me and my brother (now 19 and leaving on his mission soon.) have taken that 'loose parenting' and never had a problem with it. We help out without being assigned, get good grades, have quality peer relationships and never cause any problems.

Over controlling leads to problems in every area.

And in response to Bini

I believe all of these require users to be at least 13-years of age or older to register. What is an appropriate age to use social networks in your opinion? Is it really an issue of one's age or one's maturity? Should some social networks be more restrictive than others? At what age did you first start using social networks? And what age will you allow your children to start using them?

Whenever the site lets them legally register I say go ahead unless they prove to be too immature. At 13 most are mature enough to know how to act online. If their parents see inappropriate actions they can talk about it and give them another chance knowing what they more fully expect. I say no on myspace all together. Its considered the 'drug scene' of social networking. A few years ago it was fine but Facebook more closley monitors everything. Which, is a plus. Maturity trumps age but I still think under 12 is too younger.

I was 12 when I joined Facebook. When my kids are mature, show an interest and are over the age of 12 I'll let them go ahead. Theres not a huge difference between 12 and 13.

Edited December 28, 2010 by lizzy16

[slamjet]

Farmville

You're kids should be banned for this alone

[mightynancy]

Lizzy, you have a point. When I went to university, I saw so many kids who were finally out from under their parents' thumb and went nuts because they had never tasted freedom. The ability to make choices and face consequences must start early.

That said, parents need to do this where the stakes are low. Leave your third-grade spelling homework on the counter? No rescue (and no biggie in the long run). I wouldn't allow that same third grader the possibility, though, of a very damaging mistake.

[Backroads]

I didn't get into Facebook until a few years ago. However, I've been goofing around on the internet since I was 11, going to forums and what not. I actually sent a Book of Mormon to a kid I met on an Animorphs forum when I was 13 and we became pen pals. I'm still Facebook friends with him and we've met once. (And I don't wanna hear stuff about befriending people you meet online and how dangerous they are, I know!)

[Wingnut]

Lizzy, you have a point. When I went to university, I saw so many kids who were finally out from under their parents' thumb and went nuts because they had never tasted freedom. The ability to make choices and face consequences must start early.

I was one of them.

[pam]

(And I don't wanna hear stuff about befriending people you meet online and how dangerous they are, I know!)

Oh believe me I know. I go armed to every lds.net get together that we have. Those people that go to those are crazy.

[Backroads]

Oh believe me I know. I go armed to every lds.net get together that we have. Those people that go to those are crazy.

Thanks for the heads up.

[JohnnyRudick]

I would say 16 is too late. Teenagers need to understand the correct uses of technology and while monitoring the internet is a good idea doing it to the point of controlling kind of...disgusts me.

My parents never monitor/ed me. Ever. And, i've never had any problems.

Over monitoring to the point of controlling shows your lack of trust for your kids.

I've been at friends houses when they were doing somewhat inappropriate things online. I pointed this out to them, said I wasn't comfortable and they stopped. . . .

Is it possible that your friends parents have too much trust in their

children to "do the right thing"?

It is a good thing for them they have a friend like you:cool:

I can remember when I had children at home and I practiced the "Teach them correct principals"

at the home level and let them do what they will with them.

Meanwhile the kids at school, their mother, their School Teachers, etc were teaching them other principals.

I have seen it work out better in other homes.

My kids are in their 40's and still trying to unravel the mixture taught them in their teens and younger.

Edited December 28, 2010 by JohnnyRudick
Afterthought:-)

[lizzy16]

They had way more rules then I did. So, I doubt it.

[Guest]

Is it possible that your friends parents have too much trust in their

children to "do the right thing"?

It is a good thing for them they have a friend like you:cool:

I can remember when I had children at home and I practiced the "Teach them correct principals"

at the home level and let them do what they will with them.

Meanwhile the kids at school, their mother, their School Teachers, etc were teaching them other principals.

I have seen it work out better in other homes.

My kids are in their 40's and still trying to unravel the mixture taught them in their teens and younger.

See, brother Johnny... you trust your teen-ager but you never forget they're teen-agers. You kinda have to always remember what being a teen-ager is like - I mean, I was once a teen-ager and believe you me the kind of rebellion I did when I was a kid...

So, yeah, trusting a teen-ager is the deal - but it takes a giant responsibility on the parents to be "aware". Trusting and having a blind eye don't go hand-in-hand in parenting, in my opinion.

Establishing that comfortable communication from the moment they're born is important here. So that, it will have a better chance at remaining open once the kids start to go through their "parents just don't understand" age.

Edited December 28, 2010 by anatess

[JohnnyRudick]

They had way more rules then I did. So, I doubt it.

Were they rules or guidelines?

Seems to me they were trusted to keep the "rules".

What do you think?

Should you raise children without borders?

My ex thought so.

[slamjet]

Lizzy, wait till you get to BYU-I. They have severe restrictions and filters on their internet. So much so, even the hotels in the area are heavily filtered. You won't be able to use social sights after a certain time of night. It's draconian. My geeky side is appalled.

[Wingnut]

Oh believe me I know. I go armed to every lds.net get together that we have. Those people that go to those are crazy.

Guys, believe her. She's not joking. Pam beat me with a stuffed Gingy once.

[Guest]

Were they rules or guidelines?

Seems to me they were trusted to keep the "rules".

What do you think?

Should you raise children without borders?

My ex thought so.

You raise children to follow rules. That means - you don't save them from the consequences of breaking them. Of course, you have to have clearly outlined to them the consequences of breaking the rules so they know what's at stake.

Okay, true story...

My 9-year-old kid got a remote control helicopter for Christmas. He was soooo happy and excited and super duper cloud 9 for it. We opened presents at midnight. The rc had to be charged, so my husband told my son we are going to fly it in the morning, but he has to wait until my husband can teach him how to work the controls because it is very tricky.

Now, my son has the act-first-think-later personality. He is the type who would ask, "what would happen if..." but instead of thinking about what goes after if... he finds out by going ahead and doing it. So, I told my husband, you need to put the controller up on the top shelf because that kid will fly that helicopter right when he wakes up. My husband said, well, I told him not to so if he does, then so be it.

We woke up at 8AM to the sound of screaming kids. The helicopter was sunk in the middle of the lake not even 5 minutes after my kid flew it.

So, my son felt the consequence pretty fast.

Which is well and good because what is the long-term harm of losing a helicopter? My husband thinks it is a hard consequence that a 9-year-old can survive.

What if it was something like crack cocaine? I can definitely see my kid try it just to see what would happen. That's why right now at this age, he has seen through pictures and books what happens to somebody who is addicted to crack cocaine. So that, hopefully, by the time he goes high school and some punk tries to sell him crack cocaine, he would have already known what would happen and not have to wonder, "what would happen if...".

Communication is key.

When I was a kid - sex was not something you talk about. It was always in whispers in some corner and not talked about in the open anywhere. I don't agree with that - sex is something we talk about in my house. Even when they were young. The explanations may start out "kid style" but the communication is there. I don't pretend that we can filter their computer enough to block sexual content from appearing on my kids' monitors. Especially when they're at their friend's house. But, we have talked about it and they know what it is and the consequences of not heeding counsel.

If after all that they still go and do bad stuff - that's their choice and their consequence. They will need to face up to their choices because I will not be there to do it for them.

When I was a kid, I did really bad stuff. I survived it without help from my parents. My husband's sister did not. She died at age 21. I don't blame my mother-in-law one bit for what happened. I didn't listen to my mother, neither did my sister-in-law.

[JohnnyRudick]

You raise children to follow rules. That means - you don't save them from the consequences of breaking them. Of course, you have to have clearly outlined to them the consequences of breaking the rules so they know what's at stake.

Okay, true story...

My 9-year-old kid got a remote control helicopter for Christmas. He was soooo happy and excited and super duper cloud 9 for it. We opened presents at midnight. The rc had to be charged, so my husband told my son we are going to fly it in the morning, but he has to wait until my husband can teach him how to work the controls because it is very tricky.

Now, my son has the act-first-think-later personality. He is the type who would ask, "what would happen if..." but instead of thinking about what goes after if... he finds out by going ahead and doing it. So, I told my husband, you need to put the controller up on the top shelf because that kid will fly that helicopter right when he wakes up. My husband said, well, I told him not to so if he does, then so be it.

We woke up at 8AM to the sound of screaming kids. The helicopter was sunk in the middle of the lake not even 5 minutes after my kid flew it.

So, my son felt the consequence pretty fast.

Which is well and good because what is the long-term harm of losing a helicopter? My husband thinks it is a hard consequence that a 9-year-old can survive.

What if it was something like crack cocaine? I can definitely see my kid try it just to see what would happen. That's why right now at this age, he has seen through pictures and books what happens to somebody who is addicted to crack cocaine. So that, hopefully, by the time he goes high school and some punk tries to sell him crack cocaine, he would have already known what would happen and not have to wonder, "what would happen if...".

Communication is key.

When I was a kid - sex was not something you talk about. It was always in whispers in some corner and not talked about in the open anywhere. I don't agree with that - sex is something we talk about in my house. Even when they were young. The explanations may start out "kid style" but the communication is there. I don't pretend that we can filter their computer enough to block sexual content from appearing on my kids' monitors. Especially when they're at their friend's house. But, we have talked about it and they know what it is and the consequences of not heeding counsel.

If after all that they still go and do bad stuff - that's their choice and their consequence. They will need to face up to their choices because I will not be there to do it for them.

When I was a kid, I did really bad stuff. I survived it without help from my parents. My husband's sister did not. She died at age 21. I don't blame my mother-in-law one bit for what happened. I didn't listen to my mother, neither did my sister-in-law.

Your reasoning here sounds just like me:)

For a short example.

I have seen kids "hit" for "spilling milk"[metaphor].

I think that really stinks.

My kids knew not to do that on purpose

and I assumed that if they did "spill milk"

it was not purposeful.

I would only say (if anything), "You

know where the mop and the clean-up

rags are. 'Nuf said, 'nuf done:D

Stuff happens:cool:

But what throws a monkey wrench into it?

If mom insists right at the spot to jump up

and clean it up for him/her.

O-well:huh: