Missionaries leaving :(


BluePlastic
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I am really bummed out right now. For the past year, we have had female missionaries in our ward (different ones, obviously, but always with one staying and a new one coming in). Now, they are being double-transferred out and I am really upset. I only joined six months ago so all I have known is sister missionaries and I am really upset that we will be getting elders now. I don't relate well to young boys like that (they scare me for some reason and make me feel really shy) and anyway, it would be really hard for them to meet with me since I am a single woman and they would always have to have a guy with them to meet with me. I will really miss my weekly meetings with the missionaries. How do people deal with this? It's so depressing. :(

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:( I am a former missionary that grieved leaving places. I would say that you should seek out the comfort of the Holy Ghost through prayer and scripture study. Turn your weekly meeting of the past into a weekly letter writing to all the missionaries who have served in your ward.
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Also realize that Full Time Missionaries need to focus on people investigating the church, brand new to the church or no longer active in the church. If you have been a member for six months you are at the stage where the missionaries would start to pull away to focus on others who have need of their mission.

Your Ward is responsible for helping you feel warm and welcome. If you are shy then it can be hard to feel you are accepted even if efforts have been made to do so. Talked to your Relief Society President and see what things are available to allow you to be around members more often. In our Ward we have adult seminary once a week, some members come simply for the companionship. Other members get together in each others homes for "play dates" with or without kids attached. When I was Mission Leader we had bi-monthly Missionary Activity Social Nights to encourage member and non member interaction. Or single adults family home evenings or activities are often put on in Wards.

Last, if you find your Ward doesn't offer anything then see what you can start, I can almost bet that there are others in your ward who feel they are missing something.

Missionaries, no matter how great are only a temporary prop, your Ward is where you find the continual support and where you can be a support to someone else. I can be hard to put yourself out to the Ward members, sometimes you can get burned by thoughtless people but I have learned that there are always others who will be there to help you.

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First of all, thank you for your posts, netgood and LDSValley. :)

Lest you misunderstand, the people in my ward are very, very nice people who are very friendly to me. But, since most of them are parents of little kids or busy career people, they don't really have time to hang out or a lifestyle that has much in common with me (31, unmarried, no kids, graduate student). I am also geographically separated from almost all of my friends from outside the church, so I really treasured my time with the sisters for social reasons.

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Dear BluePlastic,

I feel your pain. It's so busy when the missionaries are visiting, they call often, they do blessings, they invite you to church for events and then.......they leave. Yes, the church is there and others from your ward and yes the Relief Society is a wonderful thing to be a part of that I assure you will keep you busy which will help push away that lonely feeling but I can relate to your situation. NetGood and LDSValley offer good advice especially much prayer and staying in scripture. Maybe praying for the Holy Ghost to help you with this specific issue would help. Also try to focus on what the missionaries were doing while they were visiting you. They were doing everything they could to get you closer to Heavenly Father. To teach and show you the many awesome blessings we can have when we are close to Him. It is His love that sent them to you and it is His love and mercy that will sustain you. Seek someone like the Mission Leader for your area and ask if there is a Bible study group for women in your age group. It may be hard for you at first if you are shy but it will be worth it. If you need any of us we are always here for you also. :)

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I am really bummed out right now. For the past year, we have had female missionaries in our ward (different ones, obviously, but always with one staying and a new one coming in). Now, they are being double-transferred out and I am really upset. I only joined six months ago so all I have known is sister missionaries and I am really upset that we will be getting elders now. I don't relate well to young boys like that (they scare me for some reason and make me feel really shy) and anyway, it would be really hard for them to meet with me since I am a single woman and they would always have to have a guy with them to meet with me. I will really miss my weekly meetings with the missionaries. How do people deal with this? It's so depressing. :(

Do not forget any of your struggle - someday (perhaps soon) you will meet someone that will need your friendship even more than you need the sister missionaries.

The Traveler

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Perhaps there is a singles ward or university student ward in your area where you will find people more in common with you in this phase of your life. Also, see if there are institute classes nearby (these are like LDS college courses).

The nearest YSA ward is an hour away from me, and there is institute about 45 minutes away but it is only for people 18 to 30, so I am too old.

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My visiting teacher is a very nice lady, and I probably should get together with her, but she is a mother in her 50s so I don't know how much we would have in common.

I want to say a couple of things here. First, I am feeling the same way you are. I 'lost' one set of missionaries and am with my 2nd. I learned today they will be around for another 6 weeks, then that's it. Also, since I'm getting baptized, I gather I will see them a bit less - tho I have been feeding them and we all want to continue dinners at my place. :D That said, I guess that they will be moving on mentally to other people once I've been confirmed. :( We do get attached and they are so sweet. Those of you who recall my earlier misgivings about young missionaries being able to move this heart of stone may disregard those statements made in ignorance.

So, I feel your pain. I am feeling sad already. I don't even know if they will sit with me any more at church after this weekend. :( And yes, others have asked me to sit with them, but so far I've been able to sit with the missionaries.

All that said, I agree that you should probably be meeting with your home and visiting teachers. I want to take a little offense at your saying that a woman in her 50's wouldn't have anything in common with you. I'm a college prof in my 50's and socialize with grad students all the time. I have a son older than most of them. I know their issues, I'm still relatively 'cool,' and don't get bent out of shape or shocked easily. I say this in a nice way, but you might want to examine your ageism before you make such comments about older people. I don't know what you are getting your degree in, but do you plan to only work with young people? I know that I don't have that privilege, especially in this age of non-traditional students.

Except for age, I'm in a situation similar to yours. I'm a widow in a family ward in a university town where most of the congregation is grad & medical students and their (very) young families. I put a smile on and talk to folks of all ages and try to get to know people. I got an invite today to go visiting (which you ought to have time during the day to do, at least sometimes, as a grad student). I didn't go today, but I will at some point.

The missionaries are going to move on. It's sad for those of us who've been closest to them, but that's the name of the game. Get their emails and keep in touch, but start building your life in your ward. I hope I can take my own advice w/o crying too much when my fellas leave.

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We seek true friendships from people we have common personality traits with more so then physical or time line connections with. As you grow in the church you will begin to notice that you have a common connection with all Ward Members that you simply don't have with non members, the LDS Gospel. Most of my wife's friends in the church (she's early 40's with 3 children 11-15) are older and without children at home. She finds she has more in common with them then those in her age or stage of life groups.

dahlia

While the Missionaries will slowly over time begin to wean you off of them it is not like a slammed door. You don't get baptized and then that is it. Much depends on how well you interact with the current set of Missionaries, how full their list of new people is, and how well you appear to be fitting into the Ward.

For both of you

One personal experience I have found is what my attitude is, meaning how I perceive my interaction with the Ward is. I once told a Bishop I felt like an outsider in our Ward,that I didn't really fit in or have much association with Ward Members.

He looked at me and told me I was crazy. He said he saw me every Sunday laughing and talking with members. Members coming over to me and greeting me and interacting with me. Members asking me or our family to go and do things etc.

He made me pause and really look at my interactions over the next couple of Sundays and I realized he was correct. The problem was not my fitting in it was my feelings. I had emotional blinders on that was preventing me from seeing the clear picture simply because I felt like I didn't fit in.

I promise you both that there are other members in each of your Wards who feel like they have little in common with others, that they don't fit in, or that they are lonely. Women, especially with children, often feel "stuck" in child mode and would love interaction with adults. While they may not be as mobile as a single woman with no children at home, they will mostly be willing to have others in whom they can talk to about anything other then children!

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There are also Single Adult groups in the church ... around here we laughingly call them old single adults ... which includes me at 57. We have Home Evening every week in a members home or go to dinner or a museum or what ever. Fast Sunday we have a break the fast dinner after church and a speaker. If this sounds harsh I am sorry but ... you get out of the church what you put into it ... someone out there needs you ... hit the ground running! Good luck and ENJOY!!!!!

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