Help...

[labellavita]

I'm having one of those "end of the world" moments. I literally don't think i've been so depressed in my entire life. It's like I can barely move from all this pressure on me. So here's my story: I graduation from college a month ago. I had parents begging me to go home, and a boyfriend begging me to move back to the college town I had been living in. But either of those options left me with no freedom, and I would have felt like I was moving backwards. So I made the hardest decision of my life...I decided to move to the city where I accepted a job. I flew in last week, and when the plane set down, I had a panicking moment. I realized that I hadn't thought this through as well as I thought I had. I'm working in a place where the buses pass infrequently, and I didn't have a place to live. I had asked my brother and his newlywed to stay with them. My brother and I have never been close though, so I feel like i've been only a burden to them ever since i've been here. I don't have a car either. I don't have anyone to help me get a car. My Dad won't co-sign on a loan, and I don't have enough credit to get one on my own. I'm hitching a ride with my brother to work everyday, but it's expensive and it's out of the way. I hate being a burden...that's why I came here. I feel like whatever situation I touch since I came home from my mission 5 months ago turns to well...dirt. I've never felt so far from God, even though I read and pray daily. My boyfriend has been understanding, and he's the only rock I have, even though I keep hurting him because i'm so emotionally unstable. I don't have a ward either...I can't get to church unless I go with my brother. I wish it was all over. My job is great, but i'm definitely on the bottom of the heap as an intern. Nothing is going right. I don't even know why i'm really on here. I just don't feel like there's anyone I can talk to anymore. I kinda want to shut myself off from everyone. None of this is like me either...i'm the straight-A student, returned missionary, social and happy-go-lucky girl that has her head on her shoulders. But right now I feel like anything but that. It's taking everything inside of me to hold myself together and not fall apart. I don't know what to do anymore.

[Guest]

I'm having one of those "end of the world" moments. I literally don't think i've been so depressed in my entire life. It's like I can barely move from all this pressure on me. So here's my story: I graduation from college a month ago. I had parents begging me to go home, and a boyfriend begging me to move back to the college town I had been living in. But either of those options left me with no freedom, and I would have felt like I was moving backwards. So I made the hardest decision of my life...I decided to move to the city where I accepted a job. I flew in last week, and when the plane set down, I had a panicking moment. I realized that I hadn't thought this through as well as I thought I had. I'm working in a place where the buses pass infrequently, and I didn't have a place to live. I had asked my brother and his newlywed to stay with them. My brother and I have never been close though, so I feel like i've been only a burden to them ever since i've been here. I don't have a car either. I don't have anyone to help me get a car. My Dad won't co-sign on a loan, and I don't have enough credit to get one on my own. I'm hitching a ride with my brother to work everyday, but it's expensive and it's out of the way. I hate being a burden...that's why I came here. I feel like whatever situation I touch since I came home from my mission 5 months ago turns to well...dirt. I've never felt so far from God, even though I read and pray daily. My boyfriend has been understanding, and he's the only rock I have, even though I keep hurting him because i'm so emotionally unstable. I don't have a ward either...I can't get to church unless I go with my brother. I wish it was all over. My job is great, but i'm definitely on the bottom of the heap as an intern. Nothing is going right. I don't even know why i'm really on here. I just don't feel like there's anyone I can talk to anymore. I kinda want to shut myself off from everyone. None of this is like me either...i'm the straight-A student, returned missionary, social and happy-go-lucky girl that has her head on her shoulders. But right now I feel like anything but that. It's taking everything inside of me to hold myself together and not fall apart. I don't know what to do anymore.

Welcome to the world of grown-ups!

Okay, I know it's a bummer right now... but keep your chin up! Look at all of the blessings you have received - a great job, a patient brother, a career path, good health, brilliant brain, etc. etc. Yeah, count your blessings.

God never promised that life will be easy. It is through these challenges that you can have the opportunity to grow.

Yes, it feels really bad to be completely dependent on somebody else. But, everybody at one point or two in their life had to accept help to get ahead and have the means to serve somebody else... Pass it Forward, you know. The great thing about being the needy one - it gives your brother the opportunity to serve the Lord through service. Don't deny him that blessing.

So, what you do now - take this opportunity to get closer to your brother. Don't take what he is doing for you for granted. Provide him service as much as you are able - love him and care for him and his family. Work hard at your job - be the best that you can be. Save all your money and constantly look for opportunities to gain some independence.

Your boyfriend is the least of your worries right now. If you can't meet this challenge, it will be even harder for you to meet the challenges of caring for somebody else - a boyfriend/husband/children... So, be the best you can be so that you can be the best girlfriend/wife/mother that you can be.

Love God, let His Will Be Done. Take a ride with your brother to his ward and bask in the spirit of the sacrament.

We're here for you. Good luck.

[rameumptom]

Learn to relax, think positive, and realize you are having panic attacks. They are treatable, and I suggest you study them online.

Next, you do not need a brand new car. Save up and buy a $1000 car. It only has to be reliable enough to get you to and from work. One of my best cars I ever owned cost me $1500 and I would still be driving it today if some kid didn't drive over it in his father's monster truck. No loan needed to buy something that inexpensive, and many people still sell them.

Then, set goals for your future. Look at prices for apartments/rooms in the area, and then plan on when you can have enough saved up for a down payment, etc.

Set other goals, such as schooling, etc. Set long term goals, and then shorter goals that guide you towards accomplishing the big long term goals. Then patiently work towards all those goals.

Doing this, you will not feel like a huge burden on others, because you will be working towards your own independence. I'm sure they'll be glad to assist you as long as you are being responsible in doing this.

[Martain]

Seniorita,

As a guy the first thing I want to do is 'fix' this. I don't know whether you're looking for solutions or empathy but I do have a suggestion.

You need to see your bishop. Explain to him everything you're going through. Ask for his help and guidance. Ask him for a blessing.

This means finding out who your Bishop is. Is he the Bishop of your brother's ward or is there a singles ward you could otherwise be attending? Find out by going here and typing in your address. If there is another ward, contact a member of the bishopric and tell them you want to attend but would need a ride and I assure you, someone WILL be able to pick you up and bring you to church.

You indicate you have a hard time relying upon your brother so rely upon the Lord instead by relying upon his authorized representatives on the earth. Your Bishop can and will help you if you reach out to him.

Second, if there is a temple near where you live, make an effort to attend. The blessings will make all the difference in your ability to manage the stress you're under.

I hope this helps,

/Martain