Morally Bankrupt

[TrevorLay]

I have been inactive now for about 15 years, I have done many things I wish I did not, Drank, went to strip clubs, become an addict to marijuana , porn, now I have a baby girl 4 months, I need help, I need to find the happiness I once had I am having a Very hard time quiting smoking weed right now, and I am scared of the depression that comes with going off of it, I am also always working on a porn addiction, I have been doing better, but not perfect, Where Can I find more help and people like me?? I feel Like the worst person and I don't deserve forgiveness, how can I Find forgiveness for myself when I cant forgive me??

[Backroads]

Do you have anyone with whom you can talk? Even prayer can do wonders for your feelings... there are support groups all over the place for these sorts of things.

[Roseslipper]

hi, i think one of the hardest things is to forgive yourself and love yourselfbut maybe in time that comes. congradulations on ur babygirl, having a baby girl is special, all babies are, but a little girl to love, nursh does something special to daddies I beleive. Ive found out that we all seek for happiness, success, fullment and when we dont have it we go into the world searchingfor it but we only find more misery The truth is we already had the best we just didnt realize it, happiness real happiness and fulfilment comes to us from with in the gospel. Is life easy? no. Do u get all u want, even within the gospel, by living a righteous lifeas much as we can? no but its the best way to go. Not much in life is easy but walking in the ways of theLord is the best way which will give us the most happiness. Go back to church, talk to your Bishop hewill help you. He will walk you thru whatever you need Good Luck. I now you can do it You might slip and fall from time to time I think most of us do Hey no one is perfect. Just get up again.

[selek]

I feel Like the worst person and I don't deserve forgiveness, how can I Find forgiveness for myself when I cant forgive me??

Hi Trevor-

I want to let you in on a little secret: NONE OF US deserve forgiveness.

Redemption and salvation are a gift. We cannot buy it, we cannot create it, we cannot earn it.

It comes solely through the love and compassion of our Lord and Savior.

In many respects, salvation is a lot like bankruptcy: you cannot pay the debt, you can only ask forgiveness and stop spending what you don't have.

Turn your life and salvation over to Christ- and work towards changing your life- and it will be well with you.

No one expects you to convert from sinner to Saint overnight. The addictions with which you are dealing are very real and very difficult to overcome- but the direction in which you are moving is critical.

My advice is as follows:

Trust in the Savior and know that he CAN- and WILL- forgive you.

Place your burdens and weaknesses in his hands.

Take every day one at a time.

Know that you WILL falter and fail- but pick yourself up and keep moving.

Don't become complacent- keep striving to be better.

Remember, Christ loves you, and wants to help you.

Let him.

[TrevorLay]

thanks for the quick replies and advice! I am scared to talk to my Bishop one on one, Can my wife go with me?

[JThimm88]

Are you thinking of getting in contact with your local ward? I know this always seems like the typical response, but if you are starting to attend church again, you could always speak with your bishop. They seem to know how to handle these situations and are there to give you help and guidance. :)

As for the marijuana, the Church does have an addiction recovery program. I've heard wonderful things about it, so that might be something to look into. They have local support groups, so that would help in regards to getting in contact with people who are struggling as you are.

When it comes to forgiveness, pray, pray, and then pray some more. Heavenly Father will give you the peace that you seek, one way or another. It might not be instantaneous and happen in the blink of an eye (well, heck, it never really is, it seems), but if you are truly seeking out forgiveness, truly seeking out help, it will be given. Just know that nobody is perfect. We all face trials in our lives, so try not to be too hard on yourself. Just keep pushing along and working at making your life better for yourself and for your daughter and remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel if you're willing to try and reach for it.

Edited January 26, 2011 by JThimm88

[selek]

thanks for the quick replies and advice! I am scared to talk to my Bishop one on one, Can my wife go with me?

I doubt that would be a problem- but you have no need to fear your Bishop.

He's not there to judge or condemn you, but to help you onto (and to stay on) the path that you've already decided you want.

First and foremost, a bishop is supposed to be an advisor, a counselor, and a friend- just like a good fitness trainer.

You might not always like what he has to say, but he's got your best interest at heart, and I guarantee he wants to see you succeed.

[Roseslipper]

your not alone i think alot of us are scared to talk to our bishops but their there to help us not hurt us what ever they, the bishop does its to help us. I dont think it would be wrong to have ur wife go with you she can sit outside in the hall or if u want go into the bishops meeting with u i dont see a problem with that. ask your bishop if she can. Im not married so I dont know

[TrevorLay]

I can't work up the nerve to find out how to even set up an appointment with the Bishop, Maybe I should go to the meetings and sober up a bit before I do?

[NeuroTypical]

Trevor, I just wanted to say congratulations.

I am having a Very hard time quiting smoking weed right now

Do you know how many people go through life never even admitting that they have a problem? Some people get stuck in denial and stay there. It sounds like you've chosen to own your problems, and admit that you need help. Those are two BIG THINGS! Hold on to them - they will help you as you move forward.

Yes indeed there is help. From people who have been there, from people who have read about it, from people who have access to spiritual guidance for you. Yes indeed - go talk to the Bishop. If your wife is willing to help you go through this process, that's good. A healthy support system is also a big thing. And if she is willing to help you and travel some of this road with you, then you are ahead of the game a third time. Make sure you thank her for sticking with you as you seek to improve your life. The best reward she will get, is watching you do it.

Yep - bishop, AA/NA, LDS Social services, good things. If you want to hit a few meetings and work up your courage, fine. Understand that you won't be the first time the bishop has talked to someone with problems like yours. But whatever steps you take and in whatever order you take them - stick that foot out and shift your weight onto it - then move the other foot forward. That's the only way it works.

God bless.

Edited January 27, 2011 by Loudmouth_Mormon

[Blackmarch]

thanks for the quick replies and advice! I am scared to talk to my Bishop one on one, Can my wife go with me?

I don't see why she can't... If you go that route I'd say let your wife know about stuff before they come up in the bishops office so she can have time to prepare for it.

In my personal opinion bringing ones wife observe the confession and process of repentance shows trust and humility.

[TrevorLay]

thanks for all the support!

[g8trjasonb]

I just read your post and just wanted to relay that you aren't alone. I stopped attending church when I moved out of my parents house at around 20 and have probably lived a similar lifestyle to yours...weed, porn, and other immoral behaviors. Like you, I realized that these things don't lead to happiness. At the age of 32, I finally decided to read the Book of Mormon last summer, through this website (The Book of Mormon - plainBookofMormon.com) and decide for myself if it was true. I didn't tell anyone what I was doing. Half way through my reading, the sister missionaries called me out of the blue. I hadn't talked to missionaries in years and took this as a clear signal that God was paying attention to me. I welcomed them to my house and began going to church again over the course of the next several weeks.

It wasn't easy at first. As a single man that didn't know anyone, I felt out of place. However, there were moments when I really felt the spirit touch me, which further strengthened my testimony that this is God's church and He has a plan for each of us if only we will do our part and seek it out. While I did quit smoking pot several years ago, I've struggled with pornography for many years now and continue to battle with this horrible addiction. Getting rid of addictions are rarely stopped overnight, rather its typically a gradual process that requires hard work, determination and will power. Sometimes even this isn't enough, as I have found out, which is why it is important that you have Jesus Christ in your life. He is the One that WILL help you through this but you have to reach out to Him first and take His hand. Just like the rest of us, you have fallen to sin during your time here on earth. The atonement of Jesus Christ is a gift for EVERYONE that allows us to wipe the slate clean. However, that feeling of unworthiness you feel, while derived from personal guilt from your sins, is further heightened by Satan, who WANTS you to feel unworthy so that you don't repent and seek out Jesus Christ. You have to find the strength to fight this. The first time praying in a long time is not easy, but it must be done for you to find happiness.

There are a couple of books that I would highly recommend. The first deals with addiction to pornography and is written by a member of the church that overcame a 30 year addiction to porn. Here's a link: DeseretBook.com - Clean Hands, Pure Heart: Overcoming Addiction to Pornography Through the Redeeming Power of Jesus Christ

The second book is written by Glenn Beck, radio and TV personality. Whether you agree with his politics or not, Beck is a convert to the LDS church and is a recovering alcoholic. This book talks about he overcame his addiction to alcohol and became an active member of the church. Here's a link: Amazon.com: The 7: Seven Wonders That Will Change Your Life (9781451625516): Glenn Beck, Keith Ablow: Books

Finally, here's an 8 min youtube clip of Beck speaking about his addiction and conversion to the church and how it changed his life.

There is a longer video out there called "An Unlikely Mormon", which has Beck going through his entire story and conversion. I highly recommend it.

I promise you that you will find happiness if you make the effort to find it. The process will be much easier if you have a personal testimony that this is truly God's church. This can be obtained by reading the Book of Mormon and asking God whether or not it is true. I know that you will receive that answer in some fashion, just as I did. Once you have gained this testimony, you can strengthen it by continuing to read, pray and attending church. When I started going back to church, I started by just attending sacrament meeting then later decided to stay for Sunday school as well. Like I said, changing habits is a gradual process. If you do these things, breaking yourself of your addictions will become MUCH easier. It will still be hard, but I promise it will be worth it. Finally, don't be afraid to seek out the missionaries. They are here to help and will lift your spirits during those periods when doubt begins to set in and you begin to question your faith again, because that will happen too (Satan is relentless).

You can do this. Jesus Christ wants you to return to Him, but He isn't going to make you do anything. You must exercise your agency and seek him out. While you may have lived the last 15 years in deep sin, your story isn't over. You can still close this chapter and begin a new one by seeking the truth and repenting, which will bring the happiness into your life that you are seeking.

If you ever need someone to talk to that has walked in your shoes, feel free to PM me anytime and I will respond.

Jason

[Guest JustAnotherGirl]

Trevorlay, we are all sinners. I know that I, also, am a sinner--and lost. But, Trevorlay, there is hope for those who are lost. There is One who hopes to find us--if we are willing to be found. Check out Luke 15:

4What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it?

5And when he hath found it, he layeth it on his shoulders, rejoicing.

6And when he cometh home, he calleth together his friends and neighbours, saying unto them, Rejoice with me; for I have found my sheep which was lost.

7I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.

So there shall be joy in heaven when we repent. Isn't that wonderful?