Spiritual Implications of Civil Marriage Before Sealing


ryanh
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Guest LDS_Guy_1986

Me an my wife are not sealed yet, we were married when I was inactive and she wasn't a member at all so there was no temple marriage for us (of course we were not living the law of chastity either before marriage so a temple marriage was out of the question anyway).

I am active again and my wife is a newly baptized member of the Church we are planning on being sealed soon after he 1 year mark if things go according to our plans!

This is how my situation is right now and there are two things I think of in regards to this topic.

The first is the teaching of Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:9 ". . .for it is better to marry than to burn." I know this is referring to missionaries in the early Church but I think this is wise council for this situation too.

Of course try and do a temple marriage instead of a civil then temple but, it is better to do a civil now and temple later and not commit a grave sin by giving into temptation.

Also remember that Christ is a loving and forgiving Savior, he is understands our temptations and has full understanding of each of our situations. He will provide mercy to all who do not reject the Holy Ghost.

So yes it is important to control our temptations and wait to have a proper eternal marriage performed in the temple, but it is better to get married civilly now and not sin, instead of sinning while waiting to get a temple marriage.

Just my two cents on the topic, the most important thing is to get a temple marriage as soon as you can to ensure you are sealed for time and eternity.

The situation surrounding the temple marriage will be different for each couple and I see no need for us to judge or hold anything against them. We are taught by the savior "Judge not least ye be judged"

I know I have plenty of mistakes so I have no grounds to judge others!

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I have heard a number of opposing opinions, and hope to hear many more from this site. I have searched the archives, and did find a couple threads that tangentially touched upon the topic of choosing civil marriage before temple sealing, but not sufficiently to address what I am looking for.

I suppose that like so many things in the Gospel, the exact particulars of what is expected of a person in relation to choosing the route of marriage is custom tailored by the Lord to their situation. Still, like many ordinances, I would also expect some absolutes to be applicable also.

I can see a few reasons for choosing to first marry civilly rather than within the temple in a sealing ordinance.

1 - Country of residence does not recognize a temple sealing as a legitimate marriage, and requires a civil marriage first. The HoI and common sense covers this pretty clearly. No spiritual implications so long as the couple immediately makes their way to the temple.

2 - Sealing ordinance is not of importance to one or both partners. I think this is probably the most cut and dried situation (other than #1) for understanding spiritual implications. President Kimball's 1973 BYU Fireside - Marriage is Honorable - pretty well addresses this. King Benjamin's address (now is the time to perform the labors of this life) also provides some basis for evaluating the implications.

3 - Non-member family considerations. I know there are some that have chosen to be married civilly in order for non-member family to be able to participate. Some of the past threads on .net touch upon this. It seems that there would be at least some level of spiritual implications related to this decision as the couple, while following noble desires, at least in some small part is putting worldly decisions ahead of spiritual choices with eternal implications.

4 - Fear of / escape from temptation. This is something I have been facing myself. For those that have never been in the situation of considering remarriage - let me just say you likely have no clue how hard it is. The temptations the first time around, when young and still a virgin, absolutely pale in comparison to the temptations of two previously married individuals attempting to court enough to make the decision, and once the decision is made, then wait for a period while paperwork is being processed. I've come to realize this is not an uncommon reason for people to consider a civil marriage prior to seeking a sealing ordinance a year later - to avoid very serious transgression.

5 - Transgression. The couple has become unworthy to enter the temple, and may be unworthy to do so for at least a year. They and their Bishop(s) know that once a proverbial pandora's box has been opened, it is incredibly difficult to close it for an extended period of time.

For reasons 3-5 where the implications are not so clear, what are your thoughts on the spiritual implications? Does the choice to enter into a civil union first have negative spiritual repercussions? Or do you think it is just as valid and honorable as marrying in the temple first? Why?

The only repercussion i can see is entering into a civil one first but failing to be diligent in getting a temple sealing after when the option is open to you.

A civil marriage is a valid and honorable marriage, the only catch is that its limited to here on this earth and mortality.

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The only repercussion i can see is entering into a civil one first but failing to be diligent in getting a temple sealing after when the option is open to you.

A civil marriage is a valid and honorable marriage, the only catch is that its limited to here on this earth and mortality.

I would suggest you listen to the talk linked to above - Marriage is Honorable - before being so sure of that conclusion. Elder McConkie’s - Celestial Marriage - is another very important one for an understanding.

Rest assured, there are repercussions. Any and all choices have repercussions. Even the choice to not go to church once has some level of repercussions (even if not measurable to us). I cannot agree there are no repercussions other than if the couple never follows through.

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For some reason, I have it in my head that I prefer the term 'consequences' over 'reprocussions. But as I sit here and think about it, I can't for the life of me explain why.

To my mind at least:

Repercussions: Instituted by an outside force or in relation to an outside force. The US bombs Canada, that has repercussions as Canada (and the rest of the world) gets angry and does things to the US

Consequences: A natural result of a behaviour or situation. You left the ice cream out all night and as a consequence of doing so it melted.

It's one of those world feel things, and it certainly isn't a denotive definitional distinction.

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Guest LDS_Guy_1986

For some reason, I have it in my head that I prefer the term 'consequences' over 'reprocussions. But as I sit here and think about it, I can't for the life of me explain why.

Repercussions implies punishment automatically, consequences is neutral you have good consequences (you work hard and produce consistently good work, you are promoted and receive a pay raise) and bad consequences (you decide to party late, over sleep, are very late to work, and lose your job).

I have never heard of good repercussions, it is a very negative and judgmental word in my opinion. Because to the evil nature of this word I highly prefer consequences over repercussions!

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  • 1 month later...

we went in to speak with her bishop on Sunday and he said August was when we could look at getting married.

...

I do think that it is utter crap and am still quite angry about it.

Simply put, we do not want to wait

...

My question then is would it be a folly to get married civilly and then have the sealing done in a year?

Fine by me. But if your mindset doesn't change, you won't be getting sealed in a year either, unless you choose to lie in the temple recommend interview. Sealings and temple attendence are for people who have decided to deepen their covenants with God - not for people who get ticked off when told they can do something later, but they really really wanna do it right now.

Does it not make much more sense to allow us to be married so we can avoid having to wait 5 more months and risk the possibility of another mistake?

With the maturity level you're showing here, I'm thinking it makes much more sense, because more mistakes are heading your way.

Was petting from 5 months ago really such a heinous sin so as to keep us from entering the temple? We both feel very misunderstood and quite miffed about the whole thing. Any advice or counsel?

The word 'heinous' doesn't belong there. The church leaders you've been talking to sure didn't use it. You throw it in there in order to add melodrama and sensationalism into something where it doesn't belong. And you're ticked off about it.

Obviously people will say to go to bishops for counsel, but mine is out of town and we don’t feel much of anything good for hers right now.

Well of course not. He told you something you didn't want to hear, so now you're ticked off at him. My 7 year old does the same thing when I make her eat her peas. She gives me the silent treatment and the evil eye, and goes and hangs out with Mamma.

Really, there is nothing wrong with getting married. It makes physical intimacy a covenental thing, as two people have promised to live life together. Of course, a marriage requires patience, hard work and sacrifice to be sucessful. You're showing how much patience you have, which doesn't bode well. Are you a hard worker and willing to sacrifice for your bride? There's hope for you if you are.

Probably the best advice and counsel I can offer, is please, for the love of pete, have backup forms of birth control. Married or not, sealed or not - I advise and counssel you to not make babies for a few years. Use that time to grow and mature.

Edited by Loudmouth_Mormon
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My story: I’m a 23 year old student at a church university. A year and a half ago I started to date a wonderful young woman and had a beautiful relationship with her. We decided to end our relationship around 6 months ago as we were not progressing like we wanted to and I was still working on overcoming an addiction to pornography. During that time apart, we ended up finding ourselves alone and still quite attracted to each other got into some trouble involving petting. We stopped, ceased contact with each other, and began the repentance process.

Two months ago, I finally felt the reassurance that my sins had been forgiven and that I should work on getting back to the temple. My bishop encouraged me to take the sacrament and to plan on March 13th for an interview. I also decided around that time that I wanted to reestablish contact with the lady. In short, we arrived at the conclusion that we wanted to give it another try and soon decided to marry with the tentative date of April 8th..

Have you had your March 13 interview yet? That is an awfully quick turn around. Give it 'another try' by getting married? Give it another try by dating again, and not allowing yourselves to get into the same situation - alone and lacking self-discipline.

When she talked to her bishop, he told her it might be doubtful, but he would pray about it and talk to the Stake President. ..

First of all...you bought plane tickets anyway? You made plans before getting an answer from the STAKE PRESIDENT?

So we began making the plans knowing that we had been forgiven and feeling a firm confirmation that this was right. ..

Because what you did wasn't that bad anyway...does that sound like Godly sorry to you?

We are not marrying for sex alone, we know each other much better than many married couples know each other, the plans are in place, plane tickets are purchased, and we want to get married in April...

PLans you should not have made, plane tickets you should not have purchased. Dude, it takes time to get a living ordinance recommend and set up a time with the temple. Do you really think you could set a date without calling the temple and making an appointment?

My question then is would it be a folly to get married civilly and then have the sealing done in a year..

YES

Does it not make much more sense to allow us to be married so we can avoid having to wait 5 more months and risk the possibility of another mistake? Was petting from 5 months ago really such a heinous sin so as to keep us from entering the temple? We both feel very misunderstood and quite miffed about the whole thing. Any advice or counsel? ..

If there is a possibility of another mistake, you haven't repented yet. Petting from 5 months ago is heinous enough for your Bishop and your Stake Pres. to say wait, as well as a warning from HF in the Bishop's prayer! You have already recieved both advice and counsel...and you aren't listening because you can't wait to have sex....what other reason do you have? That you 'know each other', what does that have to do with waiting for August? You aren't waiting for August so you can get to know each other, but to overcome this impulsive nature and sexual temptations.

but I have no idea how he would feel about a civil wedding, it was just an idea we thought of a few hours ago. Thanks.

He's gonna hate it. Wait, let your precious bride know that you want to marry her whether you can have sex or not. Learn how to excercise self discipline. You know, you will still be tempted by pornography and women after you get married.

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As an outsider.. I don't see what the big deal is. Can anyone explain why it's a big deal? It doesn't seem to be outside of the U.S...

I'm trying to get a feel for why a rational person would discourage marriage between two adults because of a slap on the wrist where you have to wait a year to get sealed in a temple. What you do in the eyes of the government should have little bearing on your spiritual well-being and if the Christian God would punish a couple for becoming man and wife.. well.. He needs to get his multiple personality disorder treated.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Well, In a ideal world, I will meet a nice girl who also has a Recommend, and when we decide to marry, it will be a simple affair of going to the temple and getting sealed and married.

However, the reality is that at my location, finding a unmarried mormon over 18 years old is tough, let alone one that also has a temple recommend, It may very well be that I meet a non-church member. It is hard enough to wait when your young and virginal, but those who are already married or lived a secular life, it is 100x harder, and I wouldn't risk transgressions waiting a year when you know you intend to marry.

There is nothing wrong with a civil marriage, it is just that you have blessings from the sealing that you do not get with a civil marriage.

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Here in the UK we don't have the choice we have to have a legal ceremony before a Temple sealing.

So we get to do the walking down the aisle part in front of friends & family before heading off to the Temple.

A member of my family was married a couple of years ago.Her health was such that she could marry civilly but she has still not been well enough to attend the Temple for a sealing to her husband.The Temple is several hours drive away & she has just not been fit enough to do so.They are planning that it will happen soon,that it may take them a week to do it-travel,resting,her endowment & their sealing as a little family of three- they have a little baby too now a little miracle who she was advised she would never have.

I know that Heavenly Father will not deny them any blessings they would have been sealed if possible but it just wasn't.

I have sympathy for those who have problems in getting clearance etc & I understand it can take years & you can still be denied a cancellation of sealing(for the women).

Each person has to be guided as to what is right for them-the Lord does not want us to be commanded in everything we have to work out what is the right path for us-but it should not be just for expediency of an intimate marriage relationship.Sometimes we have to exercise self-control-after all there will be times in a marriage where sexual relations are off the menu-what do you do then?

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