I can't attend church - perfume

[classylady]

I don't have a problem with scents, but at one job, there was a coworker who, I swear, must have doused herself with cologne--not just once or twice, but every single day. You could smell her cologne even when you were in a different room. I once had a friend who was allergic to scents, so I was sensitive to how others who do have allergies would be reacting to this coworker's overpowering smell. I simply cannot understand this need of hers to douse herself with her particular brand she liked. Maybe she didn't have a sense of smell? I don't know. It's been over 30 years since I worked at that particular job, and I don't remember a lot of people there. But, I remember her. And her smell.

[Vort]

I never understood what people were whining about when they didn't like someone's cologne until the day I went to the opera with my wife and we sat beside an older lady who smelled like she had been swimming in perfume. It was literally nauseating, and also gave me a pounding headache. I actually asked to be relocated, something I had never done anywhere, because the smell was so bad. So now I have a bit more sympathy for those with sensitivity to cologne.

[Sali]

I used to really like perfume and I still have some, but all I can do is look at it in the pretty bottles nowadays. I just can't stand it anymore. If I am around someone with perfume on, I get an awful migraine. I really feel for people who have it worse than that. Is it something that they have added to perfumes in the last decade or so? I don't really think any of them smell pleasant anymore.

At our last Stake Conference, my DH and I sat down on one pew and the perfume smell was so strong that I told my husband that I needed to move, so we hopped over to another row. Also, if I am close enough or comfortable enough with a person, I explain the situation to them and ask that if we are together would they mind not wearing it. Most people are pretty understanding and do try to remember.

Aren't we asked not to wear these products in Temples now? I thought I heard something about it, but I am not sure.

[Guest DeborahC]

Some Temples host a fragrance free session. I think people are asking for this more and more. It's painful to be stuck in a room, even a few pews away, if the perfume is strong. It permeates the room by osmosis after a bit. Even in Sacrament, when I sit in the overflow area with the curtain just barely cracked, I'm in pain by the end of the meeting.

I heard of one ward that was fragrance free and they even posted the doorways (which I loved!). I'm praying the church leaders are listening...

[Mommers]

Does anyone talk about the fragrance problem in church any more? I'm so frustrated with LDS women who are constantly talking about ministering to the one or little acts of kindness but refuse to acknowledge or help with MCS. I've tried kindly asking them to come fragrance free. Some have but most don't care. I have to isolate myself to the  foyer (if the air is good) or listen from the kitchen or go home.  I've been nice for some years but now I find myself becoming cynical, feeling hurt and disliking the sisters.   I know it's wrong to feel this way and I don't like the feeling but  it's getting worse. Any advice?

 

[zil]

9 hours ago, Mommers said:

Does anyone talk about the fragrance problem in church any more? I'm so frustrated with LDS women who are constantly talking about ministering to the one or little acts of kindness but refuse to acknowledge or help with MCS. I've tried kindly asking them to come fragrance free. Some have but most don't care. I have to isolate myself to the  foyer (if the air is good) or listen from the kitchen or go home.  I've been nice for some years but now I find myself becoming cynical, feeling hurt and disliking the sisters.   I know it's wrong to feel this way and I don't like the feeling but  it's getting worse. Any advice?

Have you talked to the RS president?  As one, I would gladly make (and repeat) a request at the start of RS each Sunday for women to come to Church scent-free (doubt it would work to ask everyone to stop using their normal soap, shampoo, hair gel or whatever as scent-free versions can be hard to find, expensive, and/or not work well for one's skin/hair type; but surely they can refrain from applying perfumes and whatever other products they use for the sole purpose of applying an artificial scent).  And I would hope the Primary and YW presidents would do the same.  And I would do this every week for at least a quarter (and put it in any mass-communication emails, newsletters, whatevers) because people have to hear / see something 7 times (so say the researchers) before they internalize it.

Were I a bishop, I would gladly make that request (repeatedly) in Sacrament meeting and ask all the auxiliaries / quorums to do the same.

I suggested this in my ward, but the sister in question has issues with every chemical, down to the carpet cleaner and whatever they use to coat the gym floor, so apparently even if the members were to come scent-free, she wouldn't be able to stay the whole time.

NOTE: Realistically, I suspect a few members will ignore the request, so if one is too many, it may be a futile exercise, but I would try it anyway.

Edited May 25, 2018 by zil

[anatess2]

9 hours ago, Mommers said:

Does anyone talk about the fragrance problem in church any more? I'm so frustrated with LDS women who are constantly talking about ministering to the one or little acts of kindness but refuse to acknowledge or help with MCS. I've tried kindly asking them to come fragrance free. Some have but most don't care. I have to isolate myself to the  foyer (if the air is good) or listen from the kitchen or go home.  I've been nice for some years but now I find myself becoming cynical, feeling hurt and disliking the sisters.   I know it's wrong to feel this way and I don't like the feeling but  it's getting worsea Any advice?

 

I am so sorry you are having this life challenge and I hope and pray the good Lord will bless you with comfort and healing.  I am sympathetic to your plight and if I was in your ward, I'd happily go without my scent even if that is something very difficult for me to do.  My husband's scent is part of my comfort too.  There are many days when things are not going well and my husband comes home and the first thing that hits me is his scent and it's like every care in the world just flows off my body with his scent as a balm.  I would give him this big extended hug just to envelope myself with the comfort of him.  When I'm not with him and I smell the scent on somebody else, the pang of homesickness hits me like a ton of bricks.  When my sons turned 12, part of the "ritual" of them turning 12 in addition to receiving their priesthood is a trip to the mall to find THEIR scent.  The thing that becomes part of their presence.  But all of us - my husband, kids, and I - will gladly go without our scents for you to be able to make it to all 3 hours of Sabbath worship.

The rest of what I'm going to say may be difficult to hear because I'm just going to say it like it is.

You talked about ministering - how people in your ward aren't ministering to you.  That's unfortunate but the Church is a hospital of sinners and not a ward of celestial beings.  But you could minister to others by simply understanding that for some, if not most, going without their scents is going without comfort or a part of their identity - in the same manner that you're asking a kid attached to his security blanket to go without it.  Yes, it can be done by slowly weaning oneself away from such security.  It would be better if the effort to do so is acknowledged as a major sacrifice instead of just dismissing them as "terrible ministerers" (looking outward instead of inward).  You're basically asking an entire ward to do this major sacrifice for the comfort of one with a condition that is not very well understood when we are still trying to stop ourselves from not judging people who park in handicap parking with "invisible disabilities".  This is not an easy thing to do. 

So, this is my advice... you are going to be happier if you look outward instead of inward.  You have this cross to bear.  It is hard.  We all have our own unique circumstances - our own crosses to bear.  Expecting people to carry your specific cross with you in addition to their own crosses is not going to go well because you can't control imperfect people.  You can only control yourself.  So look at their perfumes as YOUR service to them.  Ask them for service - to go without their perfumes - but if they can't then it becomes your service to them to allow them their comforts while you work with your doctor and your bishop to figure out coping mechanisms and ward cooperation to hopefully get you to sacrament meeting.

 

Edited May 25, 2018 by anatess2

[omegaseamaster75]

10 hours ago, Mommers said:

Does anyone talk about the fragrance problem in church any more? I'm so frustrated with LDS women who are constantly talking about ministering to the one or little acts of kindness but refuse to acknowledge or help with MCS. I've tried kindly asking them to come fragrance free. Some have but most don't care. I have to isolate myself to the  foyer (if the air is good) or listen from the kitchen or go home.  I've been nice for some years but now I find myself becoming cynical, feeling hurt and disliking the sisters.   I know it's wrong to feel this way and I don't like the feeling but  it's getting worse. Any advice?

 

You resurrected a 5 year old thread.

What is MCS?  wait i just googled it. Multiple Chemical Sensitivity. I like how you assume that everyone should just know the acronym. 

I also see that MCS isn't even a real disease. While I am sympathetic to your plight I think it is obnoxious to ask everyone to change to accommodate you. Have you tried wearing an air filtration mask?

In context I hate cheap shoes, but i constantly see men in black sneakers or some rubber soled trash, wrinkled used to be white short sleeve shirts and a polyester suits and declare it their "Sunday best" It makes me physically ill, despite all of my complaints no one seems to care. 

[NightSG]

Around here, several wards have Spanish speaking missionaries translating the service in realtime over the RF headsets.  I know these will receive at least as far as the RS room, and likely to at least the parking spaces nearest to the transmitter.  The Church has also been encouraging wards to have at least a few headsets for those with hearing difficulty and a transmitter for the regular audio.  I'd expect that the bishop could make arrangements to reserve a parking space within range, and have a headset brought out.