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my husband and i have been married almost a year now. he was sealed to his first wife but i wasnt sealed to my first husband. his ex is completely crazy, involved in drug use and distribution, is sexually active with multiple people she wasnt married to, drinks & smokes, has been convicted of child abuse and neglect and, no big surprise, became completely inactive. but before she dove into the crazy pool, she had 3 wonderful kiddos with my husband. (all of which i am raising full time since we have full custody and she only gets limited and supervised visitation) my husband is seaking a cancellation at my request because i cringe at the idea of being with her in eternity. i am a convert of 2 years now and i know i dont have all the answers, so if this is wrong, please educate me! is it wrong of me to not want to be sealed to him while he is sealed to her? and what are the chances they wont grant the cancellation? his ex is also severly ill. (lupus that has lead to kidney and heart failure and diabetes apparently) i feel so torn on the issue! i desperately want to be sealed to my husband, but the questions about his ex are overwhelming me. what if she gets her act together and we are both sealed to him? is there some way she could work out her salvation after death? as in...if she dies living the way she is now and still sealed to my husband, could she somehow work out her awful choices on earth and become worthy to enter the celestial kingdom? therefore ending up with us in eternity? i am kinda banking on, if we are only granted a clearance and they wont grant a cancellation of his sealing to her, her not living worthily to enter the celestial kingdom. nut can she reverse that after she dies? i am soooo confused! and all my bishop and husband can say is "have faith. there is order in heaven and Heavenly Father is just." but i know the verses about that which is bound on earth shall be bound in heaven. how do i take the words of men over the scriptures?

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The first thing you need to understand is that sealings are not the eternal equivalent of marriages. The sealing covenant is only in place and of benefit to an individual as long as that individual keeps the covenant. Sealings come with temporal blessings to the individual and not just the couple.

The joint parts of the covenant between your husband and his ex, it would seem, have been rendered invalid. The Church prefers not to cancel the sealing so that your husband can maintain the promises of his covenant and have the benefits it provides for leading his family, and so that his ex may gain those same individual benefits should she repent. I don't know of any church leader, past or present, who believes that being sealed to a person locks you into an eternity with that person should you decide you don't want to be with them.

Agency exists in heaven just as it does here.

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I know the Church doesn't like giving out cancellations, but my fiance and his ex are no longer sealed. Both are worthy, she is actually currently serving a mission... so if a cancellation was granted in their case I don't see you wouldn't be granted one.

And if the sealing is still in place in the eternities and she is worthy, well, is that such a bad thing?

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I would take heart that all will be made right in the end. The Millennial reign is more than just finishing up temple work, it's also to deal with mistakes and to set right what need to be fixed. While it's prudent to have things taken care of now, there are some complicated situations that need to have a more eternal perspective placed on them.

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my husband had been sealed before and this was a concern of mine. my stake pres reminded me of some doctrines and how they apply that put me at ease.

the sealing covenant isn't a guarantee of anything. it's the potential of an eternal marriage. if you divorce you have walked away from being able to live the marriage covenant and thus the sealing covenant. what is the scripture (not an exact quote) "when you do what i say i am bound. when you do not what i say you have no promise"? there is no promise.

the other is about the higher and lesser laws. the lesser laws are there to prepare and test us, if we can't live them we won't ever be asked to live the higher. for example tithing and law of consecration. if you can't pay tithing you will never be asked to live the law of consecration. temporal marriage is the lesser law to celestial marriage. if you can't make the one work you won't get the chance at the other. obviously they didn't follow the lesser law.

will she ever get the chance at an eternal marriage? i can't say. i do feel confident in saying if she does it won't be to your husband.

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I understand your concerns because I have the same issues. My husband was sealed to his first wife and after she had several affairs and was excommunicated from the church he divorced her. He received custody of their two young children. We married civilly and were later sealed in the temple. Prior to our sealing my husband requested a sealing cancellation from his former wife. The answer he received was "It is not necessary". That was over 28 years ago. So, even though I went to our sealing with some misgivings I'm grateful that my husband and I were sealed together. I'm grateful that our five children that we've had together and my two step-children that I've raised have the blessings of the sealing covenant in their lives. This is truly a blessing in their lives and in mine.

But, with that said, here are some of the concerns. First, I believe that I cannot judge his ex-wife. I have to assume that she will repent and will some day have her temple blessings restored. And whether if it's in this life or the next, I do not know. From my understanding of the gospel there is repentance in the next life. And we have been promised that those who have strayed, who have the sealing covenant in their lives, will some day hear the whisperings of the spirit and return. Also, along with not judging, I do not have a full understanding of what has happened in her life for her to make the decisions that she did--perhaps she was never taught correctly, or maybe she has a mental dysfunction, etc. It is not my place to judge. So I have to assume that she will inherit the highest degree of glory in the celestial kingdom. My step-children love their mother and are so concerned for her. And because I love my step-children as my own, their sorrows and joys are also my sorrows and joys. I will rejoice along with them when she has her temple blessings restored to her. I also know that when she asks my husband for forgiveness, that he will give it to her. That is only right, and I wouldn't expect anything else from him.

So, where does that put me? Will I be placed in the position of being the second wife in the eternities? My husband and I have discussed this in depth. He claims that even though he has already forgiven his ex-wife, he has no desire to have her as a wife in the next life. And we have been promised that we will not be forced to be with anyone we don't want to be with. I just have to have the faith that this is what will happen. And I need to exercise faith that everything will work out for the best and we will have true joy and peace in the next life.

There is no doubt in my mind that being sealed is one of the greatest blessings that our Father has for us. I am so grateful for the sealing covenant. Several years ago our nineteen year old daughter was killed in a car accident. I can't imagine the sorrow I'd feel if we hadn't been sealed. There is so much peace and comfort in knowing that we can be an eternal family. Isn't that what you want for yourself? Place your doubts and fears in the hands of the Lord. He will guide you. He will bless you. And sometimes, like me, we go ahead and do the right thing, even when there are a few misgivings. Bless you. I hope all goes well.

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