Feel Feeling guilty wanting a divorce (never was in love)


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Accepting the consequences of our actions hurts sometimes. It is part of the repentance process to feel sorow for the sins we have commited.. not sorrow that we got caught... sorrow that we offended our Father in Heaven. Another step in the repentance proccess is to make restitution for our sins and then forgive ourselves after our Heavenly Father has forgiven us.

Dear sister, you have received some wonderful advice about going to your father in prayer. Only Heavenly Father knows the entire situation and yours and your husband's hearts. I can only add one thing. If you and your husband are not currently attending the temple together or have current temple reccomends... get them. Use them. go together and plead with your Father in Heaven inside those sacred walls. The cleansing process that occurs as we prepare to attend the temple worthily is heart changing.

Just my thoughts,

Mags

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Hey Rochphoto,

While I agree with a lot that is being said here, I do feel for you and your predicament....

I married a wonderful man who I wasn't "in love" with, but whom I love dearly and who loves me with all his heart. It truly is a marriage of grace and sweet, true love.

If the man you are married to now truly still repulses you, who are we to tell you not to end it? If you really feel you cannot give him your fidelity and commitment, that is being unfair to him, and to yourself.

It sounds like he has some serious problems with pornography and immorality. If this is still things he indulges in, this gives you a good reason to reconsider your marriage to him. Is he kind to you? Why does he repulse you so deeply? It sounds like you may have some good causes to feel this way.

Maybe you aren't presenting the whole picture to us as to why you dislike him so deeply. Maybe there are valid reasons for you to feel this way.

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If you and your husband are not currently attending the temple together or have current temple reccomends... get them. Use them. go together and plead with your Father in Heaven inside those sacred walls. The cleansing process that occurs as we prepare to attend the temple worthily is heart changing.

Just my thoughts,

Mags

He slept with a chick while married with me. He is not Temple worthy. I am; have been going by my self ever since he did that to me. Why is it fair for me to stay with a guy who did this to me just because I don't care about him and I was able to forgive him in 24 hours? How can I trust him? He still has a porn probblem I think it will only lead to cheating on me again.

Edited by rochphoto
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Hey Rochphoto,

While I agree with a lot that is being said here, I do feel for you and your predicament....

I married a wonderful man who I wasn't "in love" with, but whom I love dearly and who loves me with all his heart. It truly is a marriage of grace and sweet, true love.

If the man you are married to now truly still repulses you, who are we to tell you not to end it? If you really feel you cannot give him your fidelity and commitment, that is being unfair to him, and to yourself.

It sounds like he has some serious problems with pornography and immorality. If this is still things he indulges in, this gives you a good reason to reconsider your marriage to him. Is he kind to you? Why does he repulse you so deeply? It sounds like you may have some good causes to feel this way.

Maybe you aren't presenting the whole picture to us as to why you dislike him so deeply. Maybe there are valid reasons for you to feel this way.

I never fell in love with him. I care for him as a brother and that's it. Yes he has a huge problem, He got help and says he is fine but I have caught him with a fredricks of hollywood mag. no they are not nude and it isn't porn but I know he looks at it and finishes himself cause there proof of that. I just don't love him. I don't dislike him; I don't understand how he could use his kids names as passwords to porn sites, how he went to strip clubs, and how he could sleep with a chick on his baby girls first birthday and at the time I was begging him to try to make our marriage work. All this because I was unahappy after we were married due to I didn't want to marry him. Something is wrong with me for wanting to break our covedent. I never loved him, now I can never trust him, and I am supose to try to see the possitive in him. He has only stop being verbally abusive with me for 1 month. Just because of the kids sake. I have prayed about it for a while now I feel good about divorce but the bishop has been so kind to me and didn't mean to but has made me feel I am not doing what I should be doing. so feeling confused I just posted this question. You guys have helped me. I want to pray about it some more.

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He slept with a chick while married with me. He is not Temple worthy. I am; have been going by my self ever since he did that to me. Why is it fair for me to stay with a guy who did this to me just because I don't care about him and I was able to forgive him in 24 hours? How can I trust him? He still has a porn probblem I think it will only lead to cheating on me again.

What might be the best thing for him is for you to leave with the kids. Most men, especially addicted ones only know one thing - tough love. Sexually addicted men are master manipulators. You cannot fix him. He needs to fix himself. Your responsibility is to you and your children if he doesn't shape up. In the law there's a legal concept used for when spouses are put before the children, it's "failure to protect" and if he gets into legal trouble, you will be dragged into it right along with him.

Another think to worry about is if he's bringing home communicable diseases. You need to protect yourself. When it comes to any kind of addiction, you're dealing with real world dirt, at it is ugly. You need to start worrying about this. If he's done it before and not making any serious effort to stop (counseling, SA group, ARP group, meeting with the Bishop) then you need to leave with your children.

Pornography is the most insidious evil to pervade the home. It will give a person permission to do anything, and I really mean it when I say anything. You need to ask him to sit down together with the Bishop, and then him alone. If he feels no need to do that, then you need to shift your focus and separate. If he still playing games, end it. It now becomes not your issue but his alone. Your issue and job will be to take care of yourself and take care of and protect your children. Even if that means supervising any visits between father and children.

And I seriously doubt you forgave him after 24 hours. More likely, you dismissed it and set it aside. In the therapy world, it's called "denial." You need to have your Bishop refer you to Family Services to get counseling. If you're area has it, find an LDS Addiction Recovery Group that has a pornography arm to it. If they do, they should have a group for spouses and loved ones who are dealing with this issue.

You need to evaluate your situation, but please do it prayerfully and with the help and support of your Bishop and Relief Society President. You have a long, hard road ahead of you. But if you stay close to the Church and the Lord, you will be more than OK. It may not seem like it, but the Lord does love you and know you personally. After a time, you will see his hand in all the moments and decisions you will be making. He is much more involved in our lives than we think. Go ahead and talk to him, yell at him, tear into him. He want's to hear it, he want's to help. Of that I can guarantee.

Edited by slamjet
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Guys...

If your wife is repulsed when you kiss her, wouldn't Fredericks start to look really appealing? Even another chick?

I don't know. This thing is just too crazy. I think any advice given outside of "love God with all your heart mind and strength" is going to be misguided ones.

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Guys...

If your wife is repulsed when you kiss her, wouldn't Fredericks start to look really appealing? Even another chick?

Still does not give a man a reason to step out on her. There are other ways of dealing with it.

I don't know. This thing is just too crazy. I think any advice given outside of "love God with all your heart mind and strength" is going to be misguided ones.

Just giving the benefit of the doubt. One never knows. Thus far, the posts seem reasonable.

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Rochphoto,

You seem to be making a series of bad choices, all based upon one specific thing: your own selfish desires.

You married your first husband because he made you happy. Then you divorced him because he wasn't a Mormon. You slept with someone who is LDS, so you married him so you could be sealed in the temple. Then that wasn't enough, because you also wanted the happiness of the first marriage. Then you added kids to the issue.

Yes, your husband is a sleaze bag for sleeping around. But you are not without guilt in this, as your history shows you influenced it. He entered the marriage believing he would also have a happy and loving experience, but you've denied him that.

For some reason, you consider yourself the victim in all of this, when you are one of the guilty parties. You display unsettling patterns.

Can you leave him for infidelity? Of course. But will that truly make you happy? Or will you just jump into another poor decision? A good LDS man should think twice before marrying a woman who has been divorced twice, with kids. Especially when neither marriage displayed any serious abuse, etc.

Besides, why should the Lord allow you a "happily ever after" when you deny it to those you marry?

You will have to make your own decision on whether you will stay or go. But know this, the Lord cannot be pleased with how you are mistreating the men in your life, nor how you are not taking your covenants seriously.

If you do choose divorce, I hope you will take time to truly fix yourself mentally and emotionally, prior to dating any more guys. I'd hate to think you went into another relationship unprepared, and brought sorrow and sadness to another.

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Sounds to me like your mind is made up and you are looking for support. I'm going contradict what most will say and give you that support. I do not believe in being married for the kids. My wife and have taken a few marriage classes and seminars (an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure) and in every one, one of the main things emphasized is the importance of being Mr and Mrs, and not just mom and dad, which leads to problems in the best of marriage. If you and your husband are "strangers" living in the same home and have no love the kids will pick up on this and personal i see no difference between

Mom over here , dad over their, whether in the same home or separate homes.

My wife went though something like this as a youth, her mother spent 10 years with in a loveless marriage (on both sides) because he was a good provider, and she thought she was doing what was best for my wife. My wife could tell.

My folks on the other hand were married 30 some years, until my mother passed, and it wasn't that they were together in the same house, that gave me something to strive for in my future, but that they were together, emotionally and spiritually.

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QUOTE=rameumptom;565094]Rochphoto,

You seem to be making a series of bad choices, all based upon one specific thing: your own selfish desires.

You married your first husband because he made you happy. Then you divorced him because he wasn't a Mormon. You slept with someone who is LDS, so you married him so you could be sealed in the temple. Then that wasn't enough, because you also wanted the happiness of the first marriage. Then you added kids to the issue.

Yes, your husband is a sleaze bag for sleeping around. But you are not without guilt in this, as your history shows you influenced it. He entered the marriage believing he would also have a happy and loving experience, but you've denied him that.

For some reason, you consider yourself the victim in all of this, when you are one of the guilty parties. You display unsettling patterns.

Can you leave him for infidelity? Of course. But will that truly make you happy? Or will you just jump into another poor decision? A good LDS man should think twice before marrying a woman who has been divorced twice, with kids. Especially when neither marriage displayed any serious abuse, etc.

Besides, why should the Lord allow you a "happily ever after" when you deny it to those you marry?

You will have to make your own decision on whether you will stay or go. But know this, the Lord cannot be pleased with how you are mistreating the men in your life, nor how you are not taking your covenants seriously.

If you do choose divorce, I hope you will take time to truly fix yourself mentally and emotionally, prior to dating any more guys. I'd hate to think you went into another relationship unprepared, and brought sorrow and sadness to another.

You seem to get the whole situation exactly. I don't agree I made my decision's selfishly. I prayed about leaving my first husband and felt good about it. I didn't want to divorce my first husband. I just wanted to be in good standing with the lord. Doesn't the church say not to marry outside the church. I felt bad that I chose that;it was the first time someone loved me and I loved him. I know I was doing what the lord wanted me to do.

I agree I go from one poor decision to another.

I know no one is going to tell me what I should do. I just made a huge mistake.

He still is getting over a porn addiction and still have money problems. I don't trust him. He calls me cruel names and treats me like trash alot of the times. He is a jerk a lot of the time due to the relationship is one sided. I have been forceing feelings all along. I can't do it anymore. I don't want to kiss him, hug, and everything else. All I can think of is when I really wanted and begged for him to give us a try he cheated on me.

Edited by rochphoto
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Sounds to me like your mind is made up and you are looking for support. I'm going contradict what most will say and give you that support. I do not believe in being married for the kids. My wife and have taken a few marriage classes and seminars (an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure) and in every one, one of the main things emphasized is the importance of being Mr and Mrs, and not just mom and dad, which leads to problems in the best of marriage. If you and your husband are "strangers" living in the same home and have no love the kids will pick up on this and personal i see no difference between

Mom over here , dad over their, whether in the same home or separate homes.

QUOTE]

I couldn't agree more. thanks!

Edited by rochphoto
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Hello, Rochphoto,

Sorry it's taken so long for me to respond~the library computers have been quite slow and I haven't been able to get on LDS net easily......

While it's not up to me to tell you what to do concerning your marriage, I do feel I should warn you that statistics show that people who indulge in pornography have a much higher rate of being child molesters. This is a true fact. I am worried for the safety of your children with your husband's addiction and infidelity to you.

While I am concerned that you perhaps haven't made the wisest choices in your marriages, I do not agree with the statements that you have been selfish, mistreated the men in your life, or have not truly honored your covenants.......I would suggest that you continue on in therapy though. There are some red flags with two failed marriages....My own husband is not a member of the LDS church, as I am; but, I would not leave him nor dishonor the marital vows I made to him six years ago simply because he is a christian. However, I would definitely leave him if he had the signs you say your husband has; pornography addiction (with the chance he could begin molesting our children, if we had any), infidelity, lack of temple worthiness, etc. The fact that you felt coerced into your marriage is a very shaky, untrue foundation to begin with. Right now, I feel like yelling, "Run Girl, Run, as hard and fast as you can." I know you've already been married. The only thing I would say is to try and learn from these experiences. Don't rush into another marriage. Truly repent of the poor choices you have made in the past, and go from here......

Eventually, hopefully through therapy, you will grow to where you self esteem is strong enough that you can take accountability for your actions, love and forgive yourself through the Savior's grace, and go forward.

I strongly believe that nothing is going to be fixed by staying in a verbally abusive/abusive generally marriage where your children are at risk at being deeply scarred by your husband's actions.....

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Thank you for your response Dove. It is helpful to hear both sides. I am scared what Divorce will do on the kids. I am scared what our marriage will do to our kids. I feel stuck. I just know given another chance I wouldn't jump to the next man that wants to marry me. I will take my ever loving time. If I never remarry that is fine. I am just so unhappy. I have been crying so hard at just the thought of trying to make things work again.

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Ok, first of all visiting porn sites does not mean you are a child molester, Dove. Wow. 2 very seperate problems, 1 is a problem that maybe half of society has, the other is on the fringes of society.. wow.

Rochelle - I read a lot of these posts, and it sounds like you want out. You should leave. Your husband has problems with the marriage (probably fueled by the lack of connection with you, since you aren't in love and don't love him like a romantic partner should) and you have problems with him - it sounds like you really resent how your life has gone since you married him. Do you really want to feel like you've wasted 18 years of your life instead of just 9? Or maybe your whole life? You are 32 years old. You have your children and probably some good memories. If you've been in counciling for a year and a half and still don't feel resolved about your situation, I don't see how you could stay? It's not fair to either of you. Cheating is never justified, but he probably did not feel a connection at home so he went looking...

Many of the posters here will probably discount what I say because of a problem they know I have, but I guess I can say I can relate to your problem. Pray, talk to your parents, but seriously think about getting out while you are still young-ish ;-) - There are a lot of narrow minded people who have posted on here, and you don't seem particularly stable, but I know how it is to feel unstable because your mind is in turmoil.

Anyway, I thought I'd throw that out there. Good luck!!

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Ok, first of all visiting porn sites does not mean you are a child molester, Dove. Wow. 2 very seperate problems, 1 is a problem that maybe half of society has, the other is on the fringes of society.. wow.

Rochelle - I read a lot of these posts, and it sounds like you want out. You should leave. Your husband has problems with the marriage (probably fueled by the lack of connection with you, since you aren't in love and don't love him like a romantic partner should) and you have problems with him - it sounds like you really resent how your life has gone since you married him. Do you really want to feel like you've wasted 18 years of your life instead of just 9? Or maybe your whole life? You are 32 years old. You have your children and probably some good memories. If you've been in counciling for a year and a half and still don't feel resolved about your situation, I don't see how you could stay? It's not fair to either of you. Cheating is never justified, but he probably did not feel a connection at home so he went looking...

Many of the posters here will probably discount what I say because of a problem they know I have, but I guess I can say I can relate to your problem. Pray, talk to your parents, but seriously think about getting out while you are still young-ish ;-) - There are a lot of narrow minded people who have posted on here, and you don't seem particularly stable, but I know how it is to feel unstable because your mind is in turmoil.

Anyway, I thought I'd throw that out there. Good luck!!

Thanks, We had no good memories, That is why is just doesn't seem hopeful at all. The only good times were the births of our children. That is the only joy I have had in our marriage. He said he cheated on me so I will file for divorce. That night he cheated on me he came home he was very late I just thought he was working. He through a sock at my face and said "I just slept with a strip club girl. I want a divorce!". I'll never forget. Before that I was begging him to go to marriage counceling. I begged him to give us one more try. Lets talk with the bishop. Then he goes and does that plus maxes out all our credit cards on strip clubs. I don't know why I kept tring after that. I wish I did leave. I guess knowing I fueled the fire I felt responsible. But I still think that there is no reason to do that to someone. I know I will never trust him again. How can you build a good marriage with out trust? I don't see it.

I have prayed about it. My answer was I can stay or leave and the lord is fine with that. I then prayed and fasted twice about divorce I feel good about it. I even feel comforted that I will find happyness with that choice. I just worry about the kids. I know divorce isn't a fun thing to go through. Then the bishop and stake pres have told me to stay for the kids. I want to listen to their councel but I did get an answer to my prayer. That is why I felt confused.

Edited by rochphoto
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I don't agree. This is my second marraige. I was married before, in love, very happy. I just married a non member and was too worried that he would never join the church. A part of me wishes I never ended that marriage. I was happy and in love for a year. I know what it is like. I don't have it at all. I can't develope it. I don't understand how anyone can be happy in a arranged marriage. Plus how can I trust him he slept with a chick and spent 30,000.00 on pornography and strip clubs. That should be enough for a divorce.

I want to do what is right. I will do what rameumptom said to do. It will not be easy. I don't want to be at odds with the Lord.

And this isn't the first thing you brought up in the thread?! Are you often talked into major things you don't want to do? If so, can I borrow $10,000? :P

It sounds like you have made your decision, but please don't get married again until you have practiced the word "no" a lot more.

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Ok, first of all visiting porn sites does not mean you are a child molester, Dove. Wow. 2 very seperate problems, 1 is a problem that maybe half of society has, the other is on the fringes of society.. wow.

Hello, twort,

Actually, no, they really are not two very separate problems.... I have studied on this topic and yes, as I said, there is a much higher rate of child molesting among people who are addicted to pornography then there are in the general populace.......

While there may be people addicted to pornography who are not at risk for molesting children, it seems (IMO) that boundaries are often blurred in sexual sin.

Can we agree that pornography is just plain wrong? I don't want to offend you and I don't say things that I don't believe are true and, unless it's my feelings, don't say things that I haven't found to be backed up by evidence.

Regardless, hope no hard feelings. The best in your postings.....

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Thank you for your response Dove. It is helpful to hear both sides. I am scared what Divorce will do on the kids. I am scared what our marriage will do to our kids. I feel stuck. I just know given another chance I wouldn't jump to the next man that wants to marry me. I will take my ever loving time. If I never remarry that is fine. I am just so unhappy. I have been crying so hard at just the thought of trying to make things work again.

Rochphoto,

So sorry for your grief~ My heart goes out to you in this difficult time. It really sounds like you are unhappy in your marriage and confused as to what to do. As has already been posted.....try to follow the Spirit's counsel. You're husband has serious problems. I'm not saying you do not have problems; but, his seem to be quite serious.

Give yourself time and space to be alone and in quietness. Maybe some time for scripture study and contemplation. Do what's in the best interest of you and your children. I said "you" first for good reason. From what limited psychology I've had in school, children do not thrive in a poor environment.

Please feel free to send me a message if you'd like to talk more.....I truly want what's best for you and your family....

Dove

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Hello, twort,

Actually, no, they really are not two very separate problems.... I have studied on this topic and yes, as I said, there is a much higher rate of child molesting among people who are addicted to pornography then there are in the general populace.......

While there may be people addicted to pornography who are not at risk for molesting children, it seems (IMO) that boundaries are often blurred in sexual sin.

Can we agree that pornography is just plain wrong? I don't want to offend you and I don't say things that I don't believe are true and, unless it's my feelings, don't say things that I haven't found to be backed up by evidence.

Regardless, hope no hard feelings. The best in your postings.....

I am curious about this as well. I don't like to take this thread off topic, but I feel it does relate to what is being discussed as your claims could strike very unnecessary fear into people.

Firstly, where did you get your statistics from? Studies can be made to show whatever was the intended outcome in the first place, in order to get media coverage.

Secondly, this sounds like the equivalent of saying "people who are legally blind statistically don't have a driving license, so that suggests those who don't have driving licenses are statistically more likely to be bind". That just sounds silly. While technically true, there are many other reasons why people don't have a driving license other than being blind. To assume being blind is the reason would be absurd.

People who have a sexual desire to molest children will most likely resort to pornography as a way of relieving their desires. I'd imagine most of them know what they want to do is wrong, so go for the lesser evil. When that doesn't work, they go on to the actual thing. This does not mean that the statistic works the other way around.

Edited by Mahone
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I am really confused and wondering if maybe there is something else going on here with you. Have you seen a psychiatrist its possible you may have some mental disorder.

You have the willpower to divorce your 1st husband whom you loved for what you felt was right but not the willpower to say no to your 2nd husband for what you felt was wrong...

Also how long has your husband been addicted to porn/gambling/cheating/abusive?

Place yourself in your husbands shoes he married you expecting certain things. For 9 years he has been getting the unattached, unloving, uncaring wife from what it sounds like correct me if im wrong just trying to get a better picture. From what it sounds like there is probably little to no intimacy or affection at all in your relationship?

You may think he doesnt notice your feelings of disgust and repulsion but I will tell you right now you are most likely wrong. Im sure he senses every bit of it and is heartbroken to the very core of his being I know I would be.

Im not trying to make excuses for your husband as what he did is wrong. Can you really blame him for seeking any type of relief physical/ emotional from wherever he could get it? Maybe his destructive behavior is a cry out for attention a cry out for ANY sort of reaction, anything to show him that you care at all?

Its hard to really say anything without a clearer picture, follow the advice already given pray about it.

Now this is between you and our Heavenly Father and your bishop but it was nagging me you said you are temple worthy yet whenever you kiss your husband or hug him you said you think about other men thats the only way you can get through it... this just made my jaw drop please think on that.

Unonditional Love is to love someone regardless of the loved ones qualities or actions this means all the time not just for a month and then it gets too hard... It sounds to me like you never even gave trying to love your husband a chance.

You are in a bad place so know we are here for you I know you are reading things you dont wanna hear but sometimes hearing what we dont want to hear is just what we need.

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Hello, Mahone;

I've been on the internet to study and see what's what. I found this article here; USATODAY.com - Who are the child molesters among us?, which does seem to support what you are saying rather than what I said.

One paragraph in the article reads; The link between child pornography and child molestation is strong. "Not everyone who reads porn acts out, but everyone who acts out does read child pornography," Burton says.

This strongly supports what you said in your paragraph....what you said about all people who are legally blind do not drive; but, this does not mean that all people who do not drive are legally blind.....

Another article I found here may prove of interest to you; How Pornography Harms Children. One paragraph from this cite states; Pornography's Relationship to Child Molestation

In a study of convicted child molesters, 77 percent of those who molested boys and 87 percent of those who molested girls admitted to the habitual use of pornography in the commission of their crimes.iii Besides stimulating the perpetrator, pornography facilitates child molestation in several ways. For example, pedophiles use pornographic photos to demonstrate to their victims what they want them to do. They also use them to arouse a child or to lower a child's inhibitions and communicate to the unsuspecting child that a particular sexual activity is okay: "This person is enjoying it; so will you."

Honestly, where I first heard statistics like this was during a council meeting in a restaurant where I worked at. It was there that I found the statistics of the correlation between porn stores and the rise of child molestation......This was many years ago and I have lost the paperwork that cited this. So, I will keep studying. I agree that the facts are important to back up the seriousness of claims like this.

Hope these help...

Dove

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Thanks for all your responses. It helps. I will look at the resources you gave. Thanks!

To clearify, I was weak I thought no one I would love would love me back in that same way. I was scared to be alone my whole life. This guy came we talked for 20 min. Then he stared to kiss me and it went to far. I didn't like him I felt guilty I let him go to far with me. I didn't want to marry him but did it out of lonlyness and guilt. I have never felt anything for him. I hate to kiss and everything else with him. I have to think of old boy friends I had loved in my past in order to kiss him. I feel guilty for that. I had kids in thinking it would develope love. But it made things worse. I have been going to a conslor for 19 months. He doesn't believe me that I never loved this guy. But it is true. I spent 9 years trying to love him. I can't. I think it either is there or it is not. I see other couples in love and you can tell they love each other. I just want that I want to look in the eyes of my husband and know we love each other. Having our awkward moments or our favorite moments together. I am mad at myself for giving up and settleing.

There is nothing wrong with being alone ... to often members of the church equate being single to being unfulfilled .... nonsense. If you are not happy within yourself no one else in the whole world can make you happy. You have to be happy and at peace with you and with the Lord ... once that is accomplished then you can add to. Listen to the Spirit, do what is best for you and your children .... and then let the Lord work it out. Being single has never been a problem for me ... aslong as I do what I need to I have been promised that alll will betaken care of to my benefit. I am single at 57, happy and the result of marriage 61 years and counting ... my fondest memory of childhood is seeing my parents kneeling together holding hands and praying ... settling has never ever been an option. But if the relationship you are in isn't the way you want it at your age ... make it what you want it or move on because trust me after 61 years you have a whole different set of issues to deal with and only true eternal love is going to get you through. Remember who you are ...

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Hello, Mahone;

I've been on the internet to study and see what's what. I found this article here; USATODAY.com - Who are the child molesters among us?, which does seem to support what you are saying rather than what I said.

One paragraph in the article reads; The link between child pornography and child molestation is strong. "Not everyone who reads porn acts out, but everyone who acts out does read child pornography," Burton says.

This strongly supports what you said in your paragraph....what you said about all people who are legally blind do not drive; but, this does not mean that all people who do not drive are legally blind.....

Another article I found here may prove of interest to you; How Pornography Harms Children. One paragraph from this cite states; Pornography's Relationship to Child Molestation

In a study of convicted child molesters, 77 percent of those who molested boys and 87 percent of those who molested girls admitted to the habitual use of pornography in the commission of their crimes.iii Besides stimulating the perpetrator, pornography facilitates child molestation in several ways. For example, pedophiles use pornographic photos to demonstrate to their victims what they want them to do. They also use them to arouse a child or to lower a child's inhibitions and communicate to the unsuspecting child that a particular sexual activity is okay: "This person is enjoying it; so will you."

Honestly, where I first heard statistics like this was during a council meeting in a restaurant where I worked at. It was there that I found the statistics of the correlation between porn stores and the rise of child molestation......This was many years ago and I have lost the paperwork that cited this. So, I will keep studying. I agree that the facts are important to back up the seriousness of claims like this.

Hope these help...

Dove

Correlation does not imply causation. I think you need to look at it differently: Child molesters are more likely to be pornography addicts. Pornography addiction may help bring out the child molester in the potential child molester, but looking at anyone with a pornography addiction as a child molester is a horrible habit. The huge huge majority of people with pornography problems look at child molesters just the same as we do. Pornography doesn't turn a regular person into a child molester. It is an addiction to lust, and that lust can fuel someone who was already having disgusting thoughts to take action. That is all, change your outlook, fast. :)

As for rochphoto:

Divorce him. It may seem right for people to tell you to try and honor your covenant, that is normally the right advice. It doesn't apply to you, though, because you dishonored that covenant before you even made it. The transgression is done. Marriage is supposed to be sacred. The sanctity was ruined before it even began. Keep in mind that God wants us to be happy. He expects people to honor their marital covenants, but he also expects people to marry someone they truly can and do love. Get a divorce, find happiness. Don't ever take a covenant with God so lightly again. Your kids will be fine if you love them the way you need to. My mother was in a situation very similar to yours, in that she wasn't in love with my father and felt pressured into the marriage. They got divorced and are both very happy and were fantastic parents after the divorce. My father got remarried in the temple, and my mother has a fiance. God does not want us to spend an eternity with someone we cannot love as a husband/wife. Only after finding that person we can love is the sanctity and honoring of marriage supposed to come into play. You need to make it work between you and the person you love. You don't need to make it work between you and the person who almost repulses you. Staying in that marriage is in itself a sin. It's leading to the ruin of both of you. I hope everyone understands the difference between making a marriage work and prolonging something that should never have happened. The covenant was broken from the beginning, you won't break it again with divorce. Pray long and hard about everything, faithfully. There are very real and tangible blessings from God. He knows EXACTLY what you are feeling and the options you are choosing. He knows every thought in your mind and hears your prayers. Divorce him, repent heavily, live happily. :) And yeah, what everyone else said: Don't you dare do this to yourself or anyone else again.

P.S. You haven't wasted your life. You may not realize it now, but your entire life on this Earth isn't an atom in the Sun of your lifetime. You have an eternity to spend with a husband you'll really love. Go find that husband.

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