How bad would it be if I....

[MarginOfError]

It's that time of year again where the bishop might think to ask me if I have a plan for Mother's Day. The past couple of years, we've purchased Lindt chocolate bars and tied a bow around them to give to all the sisters in the ward. Total cost to the ward has been about $150.

This year, our budget is running a bit tighter and I'm trying to encourage the auxiliaries to use their budget money in ways that provides more efficiency per dollar than we have in the past. I'll leave it at that, since I could go on for pages about ways this ward could improve their use of budget funds.

So, here's what is going on this year. The young women are doing a fundraiser in which they plan to make and sell truffles for Mother's Day. People can place their orders ahead of time and the young women will have boxes of truffles ready to distribute on Mother's Day. The majority of adults in our ward are students, and almost everyone has a spouse. There are maybe 5 - 7 single sisters.

In my cheap skate fantasy, we would strongly encourage the brethren to purchase a box of truffles for their wives to support the young women in their preparation for girls' camp. Then, we would review the list of orders and identify any sisters for whom a box had not been purchased. The bishopric would then order a box for each of these sisters, so that no one is left out.

Now the question--is this going to ruffle too many feathers if the women aren't getting the traditional Mother's Day gift from the bishopric? How would you feel if your ward did something like this? Good idea? Bad idea? Tell me what you think. I need to figure out what I'm going to recommend to the bishop in the next few weeks.

[RipplecutBuddha]

In my mind, any reminder is deeply appreciated by mothers. It's also been my experience that it's the thought that counts rather than the mode of expression.

In wards I've been to, it's always been a fresh flower for each mother, or something non-food of similar nature.

[Jennarator]

The single sisters might wonder who bought theirs and if someone tels, the husbands that had to buy them might feel cheated.

Unless you tell them it was purchased by someone anonamousely (sp?).....hmmmmm....I know some husbands that might figure it out and feel cheated.

[Jennarator]

Not quite the same, but in my ward, every Valentine's Day the ward provided a nice dinner for couples, no kids. Each year we really look forward to it. THis year they did it as a fund raiser for girls' camp. They charged 35 bucks per couple. We couldn't afford it. No date for Valentine's Day.

There might be husbands that can't afford it, and they might fell the pressure. They might feel awkward then if they see the ward bought it for him, and the other husbands bought one for thier wife.

I think a smaller gift for everyone might be better. But that is just me.

Hershy's Kisses wrapped to look like roses? Kinda cheesey but a nice effort knowing someone took the time to make them. I lived in a ward where they did big homemade cookies.....that was yummy.

[hiddentreasures]

I don't know. A small "gift" is a rememberance that someone appreciates them. Good to be appreciated by your husband and the bishopric too.

[Winnie G]

when I was a single mother or married to a loser the gift from the bishop was all I ever got.

[pam]

In my cheap skate fantasy, we would strongly encourage the brethren to purchase a box of truffles for their wives to support the young women in their preparation for girls' camp. Then, we would review the list of orders and identify any sisters for whom a box had not been purchased. The bishopric would then order a box for each of these sisters, so that no one is left out.

Of course you might have several other brethren who have this same cheap skate fanatasy and won't purchase them. Then the ward is still spending more for purchasing for those sisters that none were ordered for.

[Guest mormonmusic]

I think the fact that someone bought a gift and paid personal money for it adds more value to it than if it was simply paid for out of Ward funds. I would be more touched. No need to describe where the money came from to provide any of the gifts though -- whether to a mother or non-mother or not. We believe in anonymous service. In fact, why not encourage families to also buy a gift for the non-mothers? Just mark the gifts purchased generally, without a specific mother in mind, and let the Bishopric "assign" that gift to a sister who doesn't get a gift specifically purchased for her.

This could up the YW's profits and further save the Ward budget at the same time.

[jayanna]

Okay, I have an idea

How about a pot luck where the men do all of the cooking, preparing, setting up and cleaning up? Maybe even the priesthood being waiters. :)

If the youth want in, they could do a presentation/play/skit/video for them to watch while being served

Total cost to the ward...paper goods, and utilities...

Maybe the bishopric could just get a 'Happy Mother's Day' sheet cake for the dessert?

[jayanna]

One year, the priesthood got together as a choir to sing to us. They practiced for weeks, they were actually pretty good.

[pam]

I was always happy just getting the geraniums each year. Though I know many have complained about this. I was happy getting anything at all.

[rameumptom]

What do the sisters and ward do for the men on Father's Day? I haven't yet been in a ward that does anything for Father's Day, but do it for Mother's Day. Personally, I do not think it is the ward's responsibility to do this. Spend the money on truly important things that will make a real difference. A candy bar or flower does not give true appreciation. If we were to give a gift truly worth a mother/wife's value, we would bankrupt the stake.

There are easy ways to show them thanks. Have the husbands make cards for their wives to hand out after Sacrament. Have the Primary kids make cards for all the sisters in the ward, and hand them out after Sacrament, etc.

[ruthiechan]

If the husbands buy the chocolates to be given at the ward they probably will not feel the need to do something else for their wives. Can you imagine a wife wondering why her husband forgot to get anything only to hear, I did, I bought the chocolates give out at church? Not the same thing, and bad idea.

Also, get rid of the food idea. There are people with medical issues that prevent them from consuming high sugary foods etc.

If you want to do donations, ask for people to donate flowers from their gardens or business (if they have a floral shop or something) to give to the women and then buy what's left.

Or buy some bags of pearls such as these: Cultura Decorative Pearls in Bulk

You can nab party favor bags or boxes from Michael's, put some cotton inside with the pearl on top and a note on top of the pearl. Perhaps it could say something like this:

Mother: a pearl of great price, cherished always.

or:

Mother/Wife: a treasure of heaven here on earth.

It should only cost the ward about $50 or so.

[ruthiechan]

What do the sisters and ward do for the men on Father's Day? I haven't yet been in a ward that does anything for Father's Day, but do it for Mother's Day. Personally, I do not think it is the ward's responsibility to do this. Spend the money on truly important things that will make a real difference. A candy bar or flower does not give true appreciation. If we were to give a gift truly worth a mother/wife's value, we would bankrupt the stake.

There are easy ways to show them thanks. Have the husbands make cards for their wives to hand out after Sacrament. Have the Primary kids make cards for all the sisters in the ward, and hand them out after Sacrament, etc.

Let me tell you though, women do not want a gift from a man that does not give voluntarily. If any sort of coercion is implied it won't mean much.

[john doe]

Let me tell you though, women do not want a gift from a man that does not give voluntarily. If any sort of coercion is implied it won't mean much.

And men do appreciate a coerced gift? That IS what you're implying, isn't it?

[miztrniceguy]

Rameumptom I have wondered the same thing every year. Why is nothing done for Fathers, but every year chocolate or flowers for mothers.

[beefche]

My ward makes brownies or cookies for the men on Father's day. Last year, Dravin was visiting me and I made him make the cookies (the person who was supposed to flaked out). I organized about 6 people to make cookies and we delivered them the next Sunday with apologies for not having anything to them. Dravin's cookies were the hit--I saw some people bartering for them.

[Iggy]

In my ward in Arizona, all the women of RS age received a snack baggie with 4 mini chocolate bars. Meh, I refused mine.

On Fathers day, all of the men got 4 home made monster cookies. I was jealous.

Now, in my little branch in Oregon, all of the women received a flower plant in a 4" pot. Assorted flowers: pansy, viola's, snapdragon, marigold, etc. For the 4 years I was there, I always took a snapdragon plant.

On Father's day, I planted it outside on the south side of the house. After 6 years, they are still there- they have grown HUGE and will be blooming in two months. Deep purple-red, white and vibrant pink.

I hope they are still doing it- For Father's day, all the males- no age limit- get a mini loaf of sweet bread (poppy seed, banana nut, apple raisin, etc.) Home made - the young women and the primary girls activity days do this together. We are a small branch, have more YW & Primary leaders than students!

[applepansy]

In our ward the RS brings juice, sweet rolls and fruit for the men for Father's Day. Its served in Priesthood meeting and the women make sure that those Priesthood holders who teach primary are able to go to Priesthood meeting that Sunday.

Then our RS President had a good idea: why not do this for the sisters too. :) It was a big hit. The men brought the food (with a lot of help from their wives)... even so, it was a big success and they taught the primary so all the sisters could attend RS that Sunday too.

I always appreciated the geranium or pansy when that has been done too.

As a grandma... I think cards made by the Primary kids would be really special. Making the cards could be a Primary activity. The YM/YW could be involved to help the younger children.

[MarginOfError]

I appreciate all the descriptions, and the more people talk about it, the more I feel like my ward is doing way, way too much. Let me describe what Mother's Day has been for the past three years.

• At the end of Sacrament Meeting, the women are given a gift. While I've been clerk, it's been the chocolate bar. But past clerks have tried different things.
• The men teach all the primary classes so that all the women can go to Sunday School and Relief Society.
• The Elders Quorum brings brownies or cookies for the women at the end of Relief Society. One year, they even baked the brownies during church so that the women could smell them as they baked.

The Relief Society does the brownies thing for the men, too for Father' Day, although last year they did a nacho bar. All of this is paid for by the ward or Elders quorum budget. Perhaps a bit overkill?

[pam]

MOE in reading what your ward has done, and if I had my choice of what would mean the most, it would be the men teaching the Primary classes so that all the women could enjoy RS together. I worked in Primary for years and that was the one thing that I missed quite often. Just being able to associate with the other women.

I think the acts of service are so much nicer. I've been in wards where the women expected a gift and it was not pretty. Especially if we were given the same thing two years in a row.

Edited March 26, 2011 by pam

[Wingnut]

How about a pot luck where the men do all of the cooking, preparing, setting up and cleaning up? Maybe even the priesthood being waiters. :)

Truthfully, if all the men were doing all the cooking, I don't think I'd be all that excited about attending this meal.

If the youth want in, they could do a presentation/play/skit/video for them to watch while being served

But then who babysits the kids, if all the women and all the men are there?

[ruthiechan]

And men do appreciate a coerced gift? That IS what you're implying, isn't it?

*blink*

Uh, no. It is not.

But in the context of the discussion I was thinking of women in particular, and of some old painful memories.

[Guest Alana]

We've had linger longers after church. For mothers day, the men were in charge of bringing the food, serving and helping with little ones while women sat and ate. For the men, the rolls were reversed. I like this a lot. My husband is inactive, but I still got to participate in each thing and feel loved and give service.

I do like it when we get a fresh flower on Mothers Day.

If the truffle thing was going on, if my husband was active, we probably wouldn't buy one because of cost. If it was from the Bishopric, it would feel 'remembered.'

[Gwen]

our rs always gives the men cookies on father's day.

mother's day they purchase home made bread of some kind from the mennonite bakery. mmmmm