embarrassed and crying


prettyrose
 Share

Recommended Posts

I don't know what is wrong with me lately. I feel embarrassed and have been crying lately. Some of my family wants to come look at my apartment but I dont want them there because I have no money for a kitchen table or any furniture in my living room.

The DI order that the bishop gave it is very basic. One mattress with no box spring so its on the floor basically. I get one cup one plate one fork one spoon etc.

but i have nothing in my kitchen and my living room whatsoever. I'm so embarrassed and have been crying about it that i dont want my family or anyone to really see my place.

I don't know why I'm feeling this way. Has anyone ever been in this situation before? I just feel like a complete failure.

My dad laughs at me every time my debit card gets declined. I'm embarrassed to ask my dad for food because he a very insensitive person that doesn't care. I'm embarrased to ask my bishop for a food order cuz i spent all my money getting into my apartment.

I dont know why I've been crying so much lately. I basically left an abusive situation with the clothes on my back.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Furniture does not make a home. Love and laughter do.

My wife and I started with little furniture. We bought our first couch at a yard sale for $25. Our beds sat on buckets and boxes of food storage.

Invite them over. Ask them to bring food and you can all sit on the floor and have a big laugh, and rejoice in knowing you now have your own place.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You left an abusive situation, and your father laughs at your troubles? Holy.

Keep asking for food orders - they don't cost the ward much and you need to have a good diet. That's what the storehouse is for.

Have you met with your RS president? I bet she could discreetly arrange for people to help you get the other things you need. In ward council one week, we were informed of a family who needed a dining table, a washing machine, and other things, and people asked around to find things that people could pass along.

Best wishes to you! Invite supportive people to your home - I think I'd leave Dad out of it for now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Our Relief Society president will announce in our RS e-mails what sisters need. You never know when someone is wanting to get rid of something to buy something new. Also try freecycle. People post things they want to give up for free.

When we were newlyweds, we had a twin futon that was our bed and our couch. Most people struggle at some point. Nothing to be ashamed of.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Subscribe to The Freecycle Network

Pick your city as there are people giving things away for free. The whole point of the site is to reduce the amount of garbage in our landfills. I'm currently subscribed and I have received furniture, clothes, filing cabinet, treadmill, and sporting event tickets.

Just be mindful of the rules and be considerate to those who give. I love the site as I think it helps people get rid of things they no longer need and it also helps the environment.

I hope you do get some further help from your ward but this site is a great place to start to get the things you need.

Don't be embarrassed, you should be proud. It takes courage to be out on your own, you've accomplished much so far.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

*hugs*

Transitions are difficult. I've had to ask for food orders a few times. It's there to help those in need.

Some people are going to be thoughtless or callous. I remember having little furniture (and right now, the bed my husband and I sleep on has no frame, we're *finally* able to save up to buy a new bed and frame! So there's no shame in that.). Some people were cool and groovy with all the boxes, other people were not so nice.

I WISH I had thought to ask the Relief Society President if anyone was getting rid of furniture! That would have helped so much.

I find that when I am having emotional troubles, breaking down crying randomly, I read my scriptures and pray to Heavenly Father, and now I also listen to the hymns too (free on lds.org).

*hugs*

You're in my prayers sister.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

While I haven't quite been through exactly what you're going through, I did leave an abusive situation with pretty much just the clothes on my back. I had a five month old baby at the time and packed everything I could that I knew he would need into the bottom of his stroller, which didn't leave much room for anything for me.

Fortunately, I had the support of my family and they helped me through my transition period and got me back on my feet, which is where our situations differ. I know it would have been much much harder for me if I didn't have that support. Hang in there. Don't be afraid or embarrassed to rely on the church for help. General counsel is to seek help from family first, but if your family is not able to help or is unsupportive, church members will be more than willing to do what they can to help you.

I went through several months relying on food from the storehouse. It can be hard to deal with the embarrassment of needing that help, but just know that nobody looks down on you for being in a hard place and as long as you are striving to better yourself this will only be temporary.

There's nothing wrong with having very little. I think having little can help us appreciate what truly matters in life. Part of what makes having so little difficult is society. We live in a society that expects everyone to have everything, even if it means going into debt. The church advices people against this, and most members live very frugally. My parents accumulated all their furnishings and belongings slowly over time, when they could afford it.

Just stay strong. Keep giving it your best, and don't fret about needing help here and there. Some day you will be the one with the means to be helping someone else, and I'm sure they will appreciate the fact that you truly understand what they are going through since you've been through it yourself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I had a pretty good paying job and a nice one-bedroom apartment...

My mom visited me and SHE cried on the floor and I'm pretty sure she was embarrassed. I had no furniture except for a hammock that I slept in, nothing in the fridge (I always ate out), plastic crates I got from the back of wal-mart... and that was it.

I didn't see what the big deal was. It was the very first time I've ever been on my own and I was pretty happy that I'm "independent". The lack of furniture didn't define me. My freedom to come and go as I please without having to ask for permission from somebody was pretty powerful enough. Okay, so I was very scared that first night, jumping out of my skin everytime I hear the rustle of leaves or something... good thing I had good neighbors - one of which was a Coast Guard - otherwise, I don't know if I would have lasted long enough to get comfortable.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is - this is not the time to impress somebody. This is the time to celebrate YOU. I wouldn't care what others think. I would count what I've accomplished so far and not worry about anybody else.

And if you need help - please ask for help! People need to have opportunities to exercise their charity and if you don't give them an opportunity, then how can they serve? Ask for help now until you get back solidly on your own two feet, then you can pass it on by serving somebody else who is in dire straits then. That's how this all works.

Edited by anatess
Link to comment
Share on other sites

It seems that you need to look at your life from a different direction. What do you have?

- Your independence.

- Your own place to live.

- The strength to walk away from an unhealthy situation.

- The strength to tell yourself that you can make it on your own.

- The wherewithal to acknowledge you can, and the drive to make it on your own.

Everything else, and what everyone else thinks is way down the list.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Don't ever be ashamed of your home. Plenty of people have been where you are. Anyone who thinks being broke is something worthy of condemnation is just a jerk. Don't worry yourself over their perception of you. Just do what you have to do to stay afloat.

And please, if you are having trouble getting fed properly ask the bishop for help. He isn't going to tell anybody, and that's what the LDS church has fast offerings for. The worst he can say is no. If you can't (for whatever reason) get food from him there are tons of resources for you. Don't let pride get in the way of keeping your tummy full.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh, yeah, I've been there. Although, I kinda had a party. I rolled on my empty floor, took a shower without a shower curtain 'cause I didn't have one, and dried off with a t-shirt. And rolled on my floor some more. :)

I remember feeling so free! Free! FREE! Pieces of sheets for curtains, my bed was not on the floor, it was a mattress on a sheet of plywood sitting on 4 concrete blocks. A danced around, it was ridiculous. I had $25 a week for groceries. Ugh, that part was hard.

Luckily you have a bishop and and rs pres. That is what they are there for. If someone was in my ward and needed stuff, boy oh boy, would I load them up with stuff in my garage! If you had a fully loaded garage, would you donate? Of course you would! You will someday....you will look around your place and say, "OH, WOW, how did I end up with all this junk?"

Go to the Bishop and the rs pres. Let your ward mom and dad fuss over you a little, sweetie.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If you're crying all the time you might be clinically depressed. It would explain why something seemingly insignificant, i.e., the lack of furniture, makes you feel like a failure.

Most people don't understand how stressful leaving an abusive situation is. They think that the leaving is the hardest part, and that the ensuing freedom is a time of relief and happiness. Sometimes that's true, but often it's not. Starting a brand new life when you're still broken is terribly hard, and depression is common.

If your crying continues, I would talk to your bishop and ask for some mental health help. Sometimes depression abates on its own, but sometimes it doesn't, and when it doesn't, seeking help can be a lifeline.

Good luck to you!

Elphaba

Edited by Elphaba
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Alana

You're Father in Heaven knows you, and how you feel and wants to bless you, and he knows the best ways to do it. If you're rich in friends, turn to them, if not, be the best friend you can to others to bless their lives. What our Heavenly Father thinks of us is what matters, not what others think.

Best of luck. I know life is HARD, but you're strong enough and can do hard things. Hang in there. It's ok to have a hard time sometimes.

Edited by Alana
Link to comment
Share on other sites

No worries, my first apartment was pretty bare too. And now I've got a house and I still don't have a kitchen table other than a folding card table and chairs. Suits my purposes. :) My bed is on the floor, though with a box spring. You'll accumulate "stuff" over time. It's all part of getting started in life. Don't be ashamed by an empty apartment.

My first couch was a freebie that I found out by the dumpster. Old granny floral pattern, sagging cushions, no legs so it was really low on the ground. But hey, it was a start. Now I've got two nice couches, both also free. And some nice end tables and a coffee table that were old and worn wood that I re-finished to look nice; total cost about $5. And an entertainment center that was given away for free. And a TV that I found at the dumpster. And a microwave I found by the dumpster. Don't despair. In 8 years I've collected quite the mass of "stuff" and 80% of it was free. Go to the nearest college down during the last days of finals week and search the dumpsters. People throw out all sorts of perfectly good stuff. Especially behind sororities. The point is, there's no reason to be ashamed of not having the nicest stuff. It works. Invite people over. Maybe someone you invite over will say, "hey, I've got a chair sitting in my garage that you can have. Do you want it?"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No worries, my first apartment was pretty bare too. And now I've got a house and I still don't have a kitchen table other than a folding card table and chairs. Suits my purposes. :) My bed is on the floor, though with a box spring. You'll accumulate "stuff" over time. It's all part of getting started in life. Don't be ashamed by an empty apartment.

My first couch was a freebie that I found out by the dumpster. Old granny floral pattern, sagging cushions, no legs so it was really low on the ground. But hey, it was a start. Now I've got two nice couches, both also free. And some nice end tables and a coffee table that were old and worn wood that I re-finished to look nice; total cost about $5. And an entertainment center that was given away for free. And a TV that I found at the dumpster. And a microwave I found by the dumpster. Don't despair. In 8 years I've collected quite the mass of "stuff" and 80% of it was free. Go to the nearest college down during the last days of finals week and search the dumpsters. People throw out all sorts of perfectly good stuff. Especially behind sororities. The point is, there's no reason to be ashamed of not having the nicest stuff. It works. Invite people over. Maybe someone you invite over will say, "hey, I've got a chair sitting in my garage that you can have. Do you want it?"

I had a college friend who was the king of "dumpster furniture". Whenever people were coming and going from the dorms, he would always find the best stuff. I wasn't really able to do this, as I was traveling to and from college on an airplane and had no place to put any useful furniture, but one time I found something really nice that I liked and asked if he'd be willing to hold on to it for me. The apartment he is in now is full of furniture he collected from what people in the dorms threw away.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't know what is wrong with me lately. I feel embarrassed and have been crying lately. Some of my family wants to come look at my apartment but I dont want them there because I have no money for a kitchen table or any furniture in my living room.

The DI order that the bishop gave it is very basic. One mattress with no box spring so its on the floor basically. I get one cup one plate one fork one spoon etc.

but i have nothing in my kitchen and my living room whatsoever. I'm so embarrassed and have been crying about it that i dont want my family or anyone to really see my place.

I don't know why I'm feeling this way. Has anyone ever been in this situation before? I just feel like a complete failure.

My dad laughs at me every time my debit card gets declined. I'm embarrassed to ask my dad for food because he a very insensitive person that doesn't care. I'm embarrased to ask my bishop for a food order cuz i spent all my money getting into my apartment.

I dont know why I've been crying so much lately. I basically left an abusive situation with the clothes on my back.

Simple. It is now YOUR place. If you don't want them to come yet, just tell them you want some time to settle down. When YOU feel you are ready and YOU want to invite them over THEN is time. Don't let others pressure you to do something you don't want to do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest SisterofJared

Don't forget to check out the "free" section on Craigslist. Depending on where you live, it could be a gold mine. When I lived in the Seattle area, I could furnish an entire block of houses daily on what was given away free... some pretty good stuff!

Don't be embarrassed about not having stuff... we almost all go through that, and sometimes more than once. It's okay. But DO ask for a food order. You may sleep on a mattress on the floor, but you can't go without food. So get the help you need and know that members everywhere have helped pay for that help and want you to have it. What goes around comes around, many of us have been where you are.

God bless you, dear sister!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I can't imagine a father laughing at his daughter's plight after leaving an abusive situation. I'm sorry, but that man almost does not deserve the title of father.

Having said that, hold your head up high that you made an incredibly tough decision. Keep it high because Heavenly Father is rejoicing with you that you got out of that mess when you did. He is eager to help you get back on your feet, so keep talking to him. Pray every chance you get, and reach out to the resources that are there for you.

Anyone that judges you as less than worthy because of your situation needs to be strapped to the front of a semi and driven through as many bug clouds as possible in a week.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I slept on the floor the first six months I was independent. I ate a lot of beans and rice! This is what life is all about - it takes time - and lots of help! - to accumulate everything - it takes time! And accept the help when it is there! Giving someone a gift of something they need makes you feel good, doesn't it? Give someone the gift of accepting what you need from them and understand that one day you will be the giver.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

One night as I was destitute and had taken up sleeping in my brother's storage room, I contemplated the scripture in Matthew 8:20.."the foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head." I realized my Saviour could relate. I understood him better. Just remember that the Savior can relate, he understands, and he loves you.

Having said that, the Lord has given us the Church Welfare Program for a reason. Pick up the phone and call your relief society president. Let her know your concerns. Talk....to anyone. Ask for a blessing if needed. You are not being a burden. You are one of the reasons we pay our Fast Offering. Open up to people and let them help you.

Hold tight. Crying all the time. I know. Been there. Done that. Talk to someone you can trust. It is not abnormal to cry over difficult things. However, don't be afraid to ask for help emotionally if you need it. You've been through difficult times and have every reason to feel the way you do. Just remember the blessings too.

Good luck.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Don't ever be ashamed of your home. Plenty of people have been where you are. Anyone who thinks being broke is something worthy of condemnation is just a jerk. Don't worry yourself over their perception of you. Just do what you have to do to stay afloat.

And please, if you are having trouble getting fed properly ask the bishop for help. He isn't going to tell anybody, and that's what the LDS church has fast offerings for. The worst he can say is no. If you can't (for whatever reason) get food from him there are tons of resources for you. Don't let pride get in the way of keeping your tummy full.

Ditto to your comments. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share