Out Of Control Kids

[MBASS]

Does anyone else have to deal with out of control primary children!? I teach achievement girls and they are wild banshees. They run through church, scream, hit eachother, etc. Plus the parents dont care! I spoke with the primary presidency and they said the whole primary is like that! What is wrong with these parents?! My mom woulda beat my lil you know what if I ever thought about misbehaving at church sunday, wednesday, or any day!

[BenRaines]

Our RS President gave a talk in RS last Sunday on reverence. We have over 100 2 and under children in our ward. After the sacrament is passed you might as well take a nap, if you can over the racket. She encouraged them to use the 3 second rule. If you child is making noise for more than 3 seconds take them out. If that doesn't do it I am going to move to an area where there are a bunch of old people with no children.

Ben Raines

[miztrniceguy]

If that doesn't do it I am going to move to an area where there are a bunch of old people with no children.

Ben Raines

might i suggest the pioneer stake in slc...it's the "oldest" stake in the church, i was told....in more ways than one.....i think avg age of males about 65

lol

[BenRaines]

There you go. Once I can get my walker out of the backseat of the car I will be shuffling my way to that building. Thanks for the offer. :)

[miztrniceguy]

There you go. Once I can get my walker out of the backseat of the car I will be shuffling my way to that building. Thanks for the offer. :)

sure thing, Ben

[Guest Monica]

From a very young age, as soon as a child can understand speach, they should come to know that God loves us and what He expects of us. You dont have to go into a sermon about it. Just tell them Jesus is happy when you do this, or Jesus will feel sad if you do that. Keep it simple. :)

Pro 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

[MBASS]

Yes that would work if the parents backed me up! But they dont care what their kids do! ARGGHH! I guess I will train my kids better!

[Josh M]

My ward is full of Newlyweds and NearlyDeads =\

[Guest MrsS]

My ward is full of Newlyweds and NearlyDeads =\

Oh My Gosh, Josh ~ I thought my Sis was the one who "coined" that phrase. She really is in a ward like that. There are no Young Men and Young Women or Primary children at all. Once a child is 3 the entire family is moved into the Family wards.

My husband and I are looking for a NearlyDead ward/branch. The children in our ward are so loud and disruptive we really can not hear what is being said from the pulpit. We aren't the only ones either ~ I see most of the older members sitting forward and straining to hear. It would be so easy for our stake to form a NearlyDead ward. We have more High Priests than Elders!

[Guest Monica]

Yes that would work if the parents backed me up! But they dont care what their kids do! ARGGHH! I guess I will train my kids better!

Quit then. Jesus tells us that we are to follow HIM and not caste pearls to swine. If they arent serious about serving God then you shouldnt have to enable their children's bad behavior. Let one of them take over and see what its really like.

[Heather]

I agree. You are unable to fulfill your calling due to their bad behavior and lack of respect. It's not your responsibility (nor your place) to teach them how to behave. Just as I agree that children should not be allowed to go to primary to are sick with a cold, nor should those who can't behave, because they ruin it for everyone else. March them to Gospel Doctrine and tell his/her parent in the hallway, "I'm sorry, but "name's" behavior in primary is unacceptable and he/she won't be allowed back until she can respect the teachers and the other children."

Maybe once their are more children in Gospel Doctrine then adults, they'll get a clue.

[lilered]

I believe that all of us as members have a responsiblity while we are in the church to act accordingly. Sacrament Meeting should be approached with reverance. As for Primary, let me relate to you an expierence which has repeated itself a number of times.

The first time I attended Primary as a teacher, I was appalled at the behavior of 3 children. They happened to be from the same family. Guess What? My assignment, you guessed it was to teach 2 of the 3. To make matters even better, my wife who also was called to teach, had the 3rd one. After the 1st class day, on the way home we both wondered what we done to deserve these Primary Callings. Then we both found out later that these two classes were being restaffed every few weeks because of these childrens behavior.

Both my wife and I prayed very hard for direction over the next few weeks. We both came to the same conclusion. These kids needed a lot of love, attention, and gentle dicipline. To make a long story short.

We both worked with these 3 kids a lot. Hugged them a lot. Complimented them when they participated in class or reverent a lot. Ask them to help us with the class duties or presentations etc. a lot. Ask them to help us with while singing a lot. I offered both boys I would buy them their own scriptures (they had none), if they would attend all of their meetins for two straight months. (Parents did not attend church). They both achieved and earned their own scriptures with their name engraved. My wife even put their name on a cloth scripture carrier. Slowly over several months, they all three ended up becoming the best behaved kids in church. Often times sitting with our family at Sacrement Meeting.

The point is they needed to be loved and taught how to be reverent, respectful and what was required when they came to church. As we got to know the kids, we became aware that their father was in the State Pen., their mom worked and was not active. Her method of diciplining these kids was to scream at them and send them outside. If the parents aren't teaching them, someone has to.

For those kids who are left to run thru the halls etc. without Adult Supervision - I have found the best way to handle them is to stop them. Kneel down beside them, look them in the eye and calmly explain to them in a loving tone "Why it is so important to be reverant.

What I don't think works is to yell or scream at them, nor take them to their parents. They get enough of that at home, what they don't perhaps get is good training, love, understanding or patience. Especially if the parents are part of the problem. Sometimes if they are small I pick them up and take them to their teacher, parent, or a member of the Bishopric or Presidency with the request that they see that the child finds the correct class or their parents.

As for the entire Primary Group - I would suggest talking with the Primary Presidency again and come up with a plan to address the problem. Some ways to do that would be to have someone standing at the door to remind the kids to fold their arms and be seated. Another way is to move the noisest classes to the front and then solicit the help of the teachers and Presidency to encourage those who disrupt to fold their arms. Only call on children who are listening and raise their hands. Stop Primary each and everytime a child is disruptive and lovingly teach them to be more reverent. Teach them the time it is appropriate to be less ret Prverent. It will take everyone pulling together. Another idea that works is ask a parent of the most disruptive to help with that Primary Class to improve the reverance. Another is to ask for help from the Bishopric, especially the 2nd Counselor by attending Primary for a few weeks. These are just a few ideas.

I always try to ask myself sometimes "What would Jesus do?.

[utcowboy]

I think its funny that we are so afraid of hurting someones feelings that we won't say anything to the parents. (Maybe this is just me)..... I remember growing up and if I was doing something wrong, any adult near me would correct me (Knock me upside the head if nessesary). And my parents would thank them for their help and desipline me further when we got home. Also, if a young child was making noise in sacrement then the parents would take them out.... Now a days it seems that the parents aren't that smart. And if someone suggests it they tend to get mad.

Parent need to learn to be parents... We are there to teach our children what is right and expected and not to let them run wild because Dr. Phil said you can't swat the kid on the butt... I'm not saying beat the kid, it never hurt anyone to get a swat...

Anyways..... just my opinion

Add on: I have to disagree with Heather... I think it is every adults responsiblity to help parents raise their kids. Not day in a day out but to be a good example and to let them know that their behavior is not exceptible.

[mightynancy]

So, you're teaching the weekday achievement activity?

I would make sure the activities are really engaging for the girls. Get them in on the planning (one girl at a time would probably be best, so she'll participate in the planning and not goof off as much). Find the "ringleader" and make a special effort to bring her around.

A lot depends on why they're behaving the way they are. Are they spoiled brats? Neglected and needing attention? Raised by wolves and don't know better? ADD/ADHD? Insecure? Each cause will need a different solution.

[MorningStar]

I think its funny that we are so afraid of hurting someones feelings that we won't say anything to the parents. (Maybe this is just me)..... I remember growing up and if I was doing something wrong, any adult near me would correct me (Knock me upside the head if nessesary). And my parents would thank them for their help and desipline me further when we got home. Also, if a young child was making noise in sacrement then the parents would take them out.... Now a days it seems that the parents aren't that smart. And if someone suggests it they tend to get mad.

Parent need to learn to be parents... We are there to teach our children what is right and expected and not to let them run wild because Dr. Phil said you can't swat the kid on the butt... I'm not saying beat the kid, it never hurt anyone to get a swat...

Anyways..... just my opinion

Add on: I have to disagree with Heather... I think it is every adults responsiblity to help parents raise their kids. Not day in a day out but to be a good example and to let them know that their behavior is not exceptible.

I'm not afraid of hurting the parents' feelings, but the majority of the time when I have had to tell a parent their kids are being rotten, they just don't care. That bothers me even more than their kids acting up. At a ward activity, this kid was kicking my son repeatedly in the shin unprovoked. My son was holding his hand out for him to stop - didn't even kick him back or anything. Then he started limping away and the kid kept going after him. I wanted to run down that hill to the field they were on and smack him one. I told his dad later and he said, "Oh, boys!" Um, no, your son is a bully! I can't stand that kid. I'm glad I'm not his teacher because I don't know how I could handle it.

[MorningStar]

Oh yes, I was also shocked to hear from a friend that her philosophy during Primary is that it is the teacher's job to deal with her kid if he is being naughty. She said, "That's my time to get a break." Ugh!!!!! I always tell my kids' teachers, "Don't ever be afraid to tell me if my kids are acting up. I will deal with them. Your job is not to discipline them, but teach them."

[Elgama]

I have a book how Talk so Kids will Listen and How to Listen so Kids will Talk, I have used the principles in it with a variety of children from a variety of backgrounds and it is very dog eared I am sure local library would have it. I've just given my copy of the one about Learning to a friend can't remember what its called. Both books make me really stop and think about how I am speaking and interacting with children, and I have had very little trouble in any of my classes even with children others struggle with - just hope they don't call me too teach the current primary lol although they are all beautiful children they are all confident, bolshy and loud, its not often you get 15 like that in one room usually you get 2 or 3 and they are a joy to teach in a small group with other children. And the 5 coming up for nursery are just as fun.

-Charley

[utcowboy]

I know Morningstar, it would be really nice to knock some of these parents upside the head and tell them to open their eyes. I remember when my brother left on his mission, my mom got up (this was back when they had missionary farewells) and said that she knew her son wasn't perfect and knew that he would need all the help heaven would send him. I remember others in the ward telling all of us how good their kids were and how they'd do so great. I thought the contrast at the time was funny, but my mom never claimed us kids were any good, in fact if someone told her we were doing something we shouldn't we'd be in big trouble!!!

Parents need to quit defending their children and actually raise them. They aren't meant to be your friend they are your children and our responsiblity is to teach them correct principles, not cover up mistakes. It is easier to correct behavior and mistakes when they are young!! Anyways I'm rambling and most likely not making much sense.

[MorningStar]

You're making perfect sense! Some parents feel too cruel disciplining their kids. I had a friend who let her kids do anything as long as they were happy. She let her daughter change her clothes 5 times a day and take a bath in her clothes. That's not horrible, but she let her do it because she would cry if she didn't let her. I would tell my kids I'm not going to be wasteful and have to do that much laundry. She also had a cupboard of junk food for the kids to get into whenever they wanted. *sigh*

[lilered]

It is important for all of us who "teach" in the church to remember we are teaching children or adults who are living in an imperfect world. Many children and adults come from broken homes. Many children are raised by poor examples etc. Thus, we have a great opportunity to impact in a good way on their lives. Heavenly Father loves them all no matter. We as teachers can be positive roll models in there tender lives by teaching, caring and loving them. Pray, patence, time, and love will do wonders towards healing their spirits and positive reenforcement goes a long way towards helping them and giving them bits of peace and happiness. It is often the ones that cause the most problems that have the greatest potential if someone can just develop it.

The adults are a larger challenge but never the less, they still need the same things. Sometimes it takes a united effort from the entire ward to work with parents on a case by case basis.

[lilered]

It is important for all of us who "teach" in the church to remember we are teaching children or adults who are living in an imperfect world. Many children and adults come from broken homes. Many children are raised by poor examples etc. Thus, we have a great opportunity to impact in a good way on these childrens lives. Heavenly Father loves them all no matter. We as teachers can be positive roll models in there tender lives by teaching, caring and loving them. Pray, patence, time, and love will do wonders towards healing their spirits and positive reenforcement goes a long way towards helping them and giving them bits of peace and happiness. It is often the ones that cause the most problems that have the greatest potential if someone can just develop it.

The adults are a larger challenge but never the less, they still need the same things. Sometimes it takes a united effort from the entire ward to work with parents on a case by case basis .

[Flyonthewall]

My child(ren) is one(some) that get(s) out of control in primary, and because of it, they have come to priesthood with me on many occasions. They don't appreciate the serenity of the HP quorum, so they seem to try harder the next week. This is not a permanent solution, but at least it gives their teacher a break, and me peace of mind knowing they are not goofing off in class. Some day, they will learn.

I have been a primary teacher for the 11 year old scouts, and one particular boy was rotten. He came from a home where the father was inactive or not a member so never came to church, and the mother did come to church. Needless to say that the boy preferred to stay home with his dad so tried to be disruptive in class so I would talk to his mom, who would make him stay home the following week, because she didn't want to deal with the issue.

Kids are difficult for different reasons. Get the parents in on where they will be helpful, and the Primary presidency and bishopric where the parents aren't so helpful.

Good Luck on this.

[a-train]

I heard about a man who spoke at length in Elders Quorum about how hard he worked on parenting his children. He bore a long thoughtful testimony of the efforts he employed and the resulting good behaviour and success of his children. He praised their high level of obedience and respect.

Upon finishing his lengthy testimony, an older man rose and said: 'Well, the LORD must not have though too much about you seeing he gave you nothing but easy kids to raise!'

-a-train

[MorningStar]

I think the worst thing about being with out of control kids is being with those out of control kids in the presence of their parents who aren't doing anything and I have to bite my tongue. I went with the cub scouts as an additional chaperone and this kid's mom was driving. The whole ride it was, "Strap in! Don't stick your head out the window! Don't throw that water on the other kids! Strap in! Close the door! Don't push!" We were in a Suburban with the kid opening the door while driving! If I had been driving, I would've pulled over, taken him out, and given him a talking to until he showed some sign of understanding that I'm not going to put up with that nonsense. If it were my kid doing that, I would call my husband and tell him to come get him so the rest of the kids could enjoy the trip. Someone from the stake primary presidency asked if I would be interested in doing cub scouts. I told her, "Uhhhh ... No, I have 5 callings right now." What I was thinking was, "Shoot me. I do not want to deal with that kid. My 5 callings are a breeze compared to doing that!"

[Elgama]

Ok this is not meant to offend i was thinking about this question on a 4mile walk to church praying about it - firstly I wouldn't give up you have this calling and the keys to it and you are entitled to revelation. Heavenly Father wants you to get something out of this calling.

Secondly this is going to sound harsh its not meant that way in order to deal with these children you need to learn to love them, and the change has to come from you, you are their leader, showing you love children changes the way they respond to you, forget their parents (Unless you need help) its how you respond to them that counts, if the parents have in your eyes given up then its even more important you don't. The best thing about my primary callings is when a good looking Young Man who I haven't spent much time with recently walks up gives me a big hug and says I am glad your here I missed you. I know with all my kids even the so called trouble makers I have a wonderful relationship with and know they are great kids, some of our children come without parents so we can't call on them to discipline and for me its the last resort to call parents in because it diminishes my relationship with them. I of course get permission off the parents first and explain to the parents how discipline works in my classes.

Some suggestions: little things like sending the girls a letter each telling them how much you appreciate them in your class if you can something that you love about them, maybe having a meeting with them to make up primary rules, choose the biggest trouble maker as class president and place her in charge of reverence, give them all assignments. Don't go into every class assuming they will misbehave (they'll pick up on it and they will) pray for help and guidance, if the girls feel loved in their class and respect you, their relationship with their parents doesn't matter so much. Don't shout yourself and tell them that way of speaking is not appreciated in your class.

-Charley