dear_john Posted April 13, 2011 Report Share Posted April 13, 2011 So I am an active LDS member, and am 18 years old. I've had one boyfriend before and have had problems controlling my physical needs with him. Our relationship ended quickly, and thankfully we never actually got as far as having sex, but we were very close. After that I was able to talk to my bishop, repent, and get my life back on course. This was only a few months ago. But now, even though I have repented and have promised never to do it again, I have been leading into sexual thoughts and fantasies that I have very little control over. I even got to the point of masturbation. At the time, I didn't believe that what I was doing was wrong because I wasn't having sex, but now I know that it was a very wrong and selfish act. I guess what I am asking is if I will be able to repent of this sin on my own. I really don't think I need to talk to my bishop and really don't want to. I know he can help me, but I want to do this on my own. Is that possible? Is masturbation too serious to handle on my own? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted April 13, 2011 Report Share Posted April 13, 2011 It can be if its addictive and you can't stop. I'm on the team of it if it were a few times and you think you can stop and control yourself, don't pull in the bishop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted April 13, 2011 Report Share Posted April 13, 2011 And I'm on the team that if you are asking....then you should talk to your Bishop and let him be the judge if it is serious enough to go any further. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lizzy16 Posted April 14, 2011 Report Share Posted April 14, 2011 I'm Switzerland. Okay, I've always wanted to say that lol. However, if its a growing problem and if you know your having sexual desires I'd see the bishop. If it was a one time thing...and you know 10000% you won't do it again, for myself, personally, I wouldn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
estradling75 Posted April 14, 2011 Report Share Posted April 14, 2011 The part that stands out to me is when you say you have very little control over it. You need to get control over it, and yes it will be difficult. Are you at a stage in your life were you can master one of the bodies most powerful drives (now that it has been stirred up) on your own? The Bishop can help. In fact he will probably work with you over a period of time and the idea that you might reporting to him on a regular basis could be a very powerful motivator to stop. Which is something you need. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gatekeeper Posted April 14, 2011 Report Share Posted April 14, 2011 See Jacob 2:28. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hyohko Posted April 14, 2011 Report Share Posted April 14, 2011 See Jacob 2:28.Ok - let's see that:For I, the Lord God, delight in the chastity of women. And whoredoms are an abomination before me; thus saith the Lord of Hosts.And this:whoredom (ˈhɔːdəm)n1. the activity of whoring or state of being a whore2. (Christian Religious Writings / Theology) a biblical word for idolatryAnd this:whore (hôr, hr)n.1. A prostitute.2. A person considered sexually promiscuous.3. A person considered as having compromised principles for personal gain.intr.v. whored, whor·ing, whores1. To associate or have sexual relations with prostitutes or a prostitute.2. To accept payment in exchange for sexual relations.3. To compromise one's principles for personal gain.A little bit extreme to start calling people whores, isn't it? I'm not sure her case fits the description of whoredom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarginOfError Posted April 14, 2011 Report Share Posted April 14, 2011 Ok - let's see that:And this:And this:A little bit extreme to start calling people whores, isn't it? I'm not sure her case fits the description of whoredom.I think his intent was to emphasize that the Lord delights in the chastity of women*.*He also delights in the chastity of men, just for the record. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grandshahi Posted April 14, 2011 Report Share Posted April 14, 2011 I have been trying to figure this one out. There seems to be a huge prevalence of masturbation among people in the church - in fact, the data suggest that it falls in line with the rest of the country. The most definitive thing I have seen is President Kimball once said that it is an indiscretion that is not approved of by the Lord nor his church. I don't recall if he was president or a 70 when he said it. Certain manuals written by committees say it is a sin. That doesn't mean that because it is a sin, one must confess to a bishop. There are many sins that we can commit (just read the beatitudes in the sermon on the mount) but that we don't need to bother out bishops with. I would work with my bishop if it was an addiction. Now, by addiction I mean that it interferes with my life functioning (i.e., the textbook definition of addiction). There are people that masturbate multiple times per day, cannot have normal relationships, etc. In these cases it isn't even about sex. Masturbation feels good because God created our bodies to function in that manner. We need to learn how to channel those feelings for the good of our spouses and, in your case, our future marriages. I just read a dissertation from an LDS therapist that described the shame that many women feel about their past masturbation behaviors. These shameful feelings led to marital and sexual functioning problems. As for feeling sexual and thinking about sex. Your body is supposed to work that way. There is no shame in feeling sexually aroused or attracted to members of the opposite sex. Preoccupation with sex is considered a sin, and again, if you cannot function in a normal life, if you cannot date without thinking about only sex, then I would say go to a bishop. One of the problems that many people have is control: that is, people think that they can control their own thoughts using tactics that end up making problematic thoughts worse. For example, if I try not to think about garbage, and I say in my head: "don't think about garbage" I am bringing garbage to mind, and ruminating on it. The thoughts that come into our head are just thoughts. It is not a reflection of who we are. Think of your thoughts as leaves drifting down a river. Look at them, examine them, wonder, for a moment, where they could have come from, but don't ruminate on them. Once the thoughts have passed, as leaves floating down a river, they are gone. They may come back. We live in a world where we are literally bombarded with sex. If you finding yourself thinking about sex, it is either a delayed response to something you saw on TV or a direct response to something. Try not to control your thoughts because doing so only makes things worse. Over time, the thoughts will not appear so frequently if you stop trying to control them. There is a large amount of current research in this area if you care to know any of it. In conclusion, if you can handle yourself now, in the aftermath of a relationship for which you repented, I would say: live your life and don't sin. Pray for strength if you need it. My concern is that if you go to a bishop for an intermittent problem that is difficult to control, then you will feel more ashamed, you will have less faith, and have more problems with church stuff if you do the problem again. Bottom line: I don't consider masturbation to be a huge sin that needs to be dealt with a bishop unless you are doing it with another person or in the presence of porn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted April 14, 2011 Report Share Posted April 14, 2011 The most definitive thing I have seen is President Kimball once said that it is an indiscretion that is not approved of by the Lord nor his church. I don't recall if he was president or a 70 when he said it. He was President of the church when he said it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ultrarunnerjay Posted April 15, 2011 Report Share Posted April 15, 2011 Sexually energy is one of the most powerful energy forces we have. If you can redirect or transmute that energy to something else like school or a career or a great idea. You can achieve unlimited potential. Releasing sexual energy by submitting to premature desires is wasteful. Unfortunately, most people aren't able to master transmutation of this energy to something productive until after the age of 40. Stay strong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grandshahi Posted April 15, 2011 Report Share Posted April 15, 2011 Ultrarunnerjay is talking about something that is called transsublimation - many people think that the shakers (a movement that was big around the time of the founding of the church, and well known for furniture) were celibate and were able to transfer their sexual energy to productivity. Sounds interesting. Maybe I will understand that one better after age 40. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swampgeek Posted April 15, 2011 Report Share Posted April 15, 2011 Not to make light of such a serious subject, but it's just too much... You can get married, they seems to kill the desire for sex for many women! But seriously, the aforementioned advice about when you feel like you are out of control and are having anything start to take over for "normal" everyday functioning, you should seek help from all sources available. Exercise, scripture study, an activity to remove your mind from the situation. I have two teenage daughters and I have actually had many talks with them about the sanctity of there bodies. Don't take it lightly, but don't dwell on it too detraction, neither is healthy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ruthiechan Posted April 15, 2011 Report Share Posted April 15, 2011 What music do you listen to? What movies and TV shows do you watch? What books do you read? What language do you use? Music that incites sexual feelings or has suggestive lyrics, stop listening to them. Movies and TV shows that have suggestive content, or sex them in, stop watching them. Books that are suggestive and have sexual content in them, stop reading them. Swearing (you know what words I'm talking about) and making sexual jokes makes you think about sex. When other people make those jokes ask them to stop and if they do not, leave. Eventually they'll get it and be cool with it. If you are an artist, switch to abstract art or animals, nothing that draws the mind to sex. Distract yourself with service. Go help other people when you begin to have those feelings. Get on your knees and pray when you have those feelings. Do something that will help you feel the Spirit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gatekeeper Posted April 15, 2011 Report Share Posted April 15, 2011 I think his intent was to emphasize that the Lord delights in the chastity of women*.*He also delights in the chastity of men, just for the record.Thanks for your help. But I have a feeling they know what this scripture means. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gatekeeper Posted April 15, 2011 Report Share Posted April 15, 2011 And I'm on the team that if you are asking....then you should talk to your Bishop and let him be the judge if it is serious enough to go any further.You seem to be a fair judge, Pam. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dclaw Posted April 15, 2011 Share Posted April 15, 2011 · Hidden Hidden And I'm on the team that if you are asking....then you should talk to your Bishop and let him be the judge if it is serious enough to go any further.Great advice Pam. Yeah, an 18 year old girl really needs to confess to her Bishop that she has been masturbating a few times.I mean seriously, come on!Now if she was jamming 12 inch black sausages up there 10 times a day, watching gay porn, and snorting meth, then yeah, she should tell the Bishop.But tickling the pussycat every once in a while does not warrant a talk with the Bishop. Link to comment
dear_john Posted April 19, 2011 Author Share Posted April 19, 2011 · Hidden Hidden Thanks everyone for the advice. I think I'm gonna try to handle it on my own. I've been staying away from anything including movies, music, etc that would bring up those thoughts again. Its been a week now, and doing that along with prayer and scripture study has really helped me a lot. I feel like I'm doing a lot better, and I'm in the repentance process. I feel like if I do go back to where I was, which I really don't think I will ever let myself do that again, then I will talk to my bishop, but I think I can do this. Link to comment
dear_john Posted April 19, 2011 Author Share Posted April 19, 2011 · Hidden Hidden Thanks everyone for the advice. I think I'm gonna try to handle it on my own. I've been staying away from anything including movies, music, etc that would bring up those thoughts again. Its been a week now, and doing that along with prayer and scripture study has really helped me a lot. I feel like I'm doing a lot better, and I'm in the repentance process. I feel like if I do go back to where I was, which I really don't think I will ever let myself do that again, then I will talk to my bishop, but I think I can do this. Link to comment
DougFunny Posted April 20, 2011 Report Share Posted April 20, 2011 I have the same issue. I just masturbated a little - on the side, and I didn't tell anyone. It never hurt anyone so I never told my bishop. I don't masturbate anymore, my right hand was disfigured in an industrial bailer. Serves me right, I suppose, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daplautz Posted April 23, 2011 Report Share Posted April 23, 2011 And I'm on the team that if you are asking....then you should talk to your Bishop and let him be the judge if it is serious enough to go any further.Yep. Don't feel bad because you are supposed to feel bad. Feel bad because masturbation is breaking one of the Lord's commandments. Council from the Bishop can only help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rufuswhitman Posted April 27, 2011 Report Share Posted April 27, 2011 He was President of the church when he said it.... as a reminder, though, this does not mean the statement is inherently any more or less true... perhaps more likely true, but not inherently more true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Echo2002 Posted June 5, 2011 Report Share Posted June 5, 2011 I'm going through the same situation. I just think me being a single female it's embarrassing to talk to a man I barely know about masturbation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torch Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 Council from the Bishop can only help.I strongly disagree. I would NEVER have my daughter talk behind closed doors with one man about her sexual feelings and actions. Certain things as well as accusations can and have happened with very poor outcomes in the church. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 I strongly disagree. I would NEVER have my daughter talk behind closed doors with one man about her sexual feelings and actions. Certain things as well as accusations can and have happened with very poor outcomes in the church.Things that can hardly be due to such simple factors as a man behind closed doors. For your argument to make any sense you would have to determine this outcome to be the majority.I also hear that you're saying you don't trust your daughter to make her own decisions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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