Temple Concerns


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Hi, I'm new to this site as I found it when I was trying to find some research or anything to help me with my issue. I've been an active member of the church my entire life. My husband is a convert and he is struggling with church...it has been a sore spot in our marriage big time. However, I try to be understanding because I don't want to push him away. We also have a child together who is the light of our lives.

My question is about temple marriages and sealing of the families. Even baptisms for the dead. I have not gone through the temple and feel a good amount of pressure about going there. But I can't wrap my head around this. I think because of my situation and that we have a child together, it just hurts me the theory that if we weren't sealed together and married in the temple, we will be single in the eternity and separate. I know my husband is nowhere close to going to the temple, if he ever will be, and I also am just questioning certain things, not out of selfish reasons, but because I really, really want some advice. When I ask my mom, she just waves me off and dismisses it saying it's not that big of a deal when told of my concerns. :( So please, can you tell me, why is it that good people who are living a righteous life would be single in the eternities and without their families if they aren't sealed or married in the temple first? I understand baptism, although part of me wonders why it has to be an LDS baptism to count... I just am confused and my heart won't let me focus on a goal to go to the temple when I am feeling so weird about everything. And really, it's like a terrified hurt feeling to think that if something happens to us, I won't be with my son or my husband as a family unit. I guess I don't see how God would really do that? Until someone on earth does it for you...

Please can someone give me consolation or help here. It has been bothering me for so long. Also, if I do decide this is what I want and my husband never will, my son won't be "my son" in heaven because we can't be sealed as a family?? I really am seeking clarification.

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So please, can you tell me, why is it that good people who are living a righteous life would be single in the eternities and without their families if they aren't sealed or married in the temple first?

Doctrine and Covenants 132:5, 7 (Though 1-25 is worth going over). Additionally there are covenants and responsibilities in association with the blessings of sealing as husband and wife and what you propose (that proper authority, ordinance, and teachings are't necessary) is that someone could unwittingly enter someone into an agreement, by acting in God's name without his permission, to certain responsibilities and duties of which they aren't aware but by which they will be bound regardless. You don't expect someone to realize the promises from God portion of a covenant without being upheld to the promises to God portion do you? This applies to baptism as well.

I guess I don't see how God would really do that?

I think you are suffering from confusion about Love and Law. Elder Oaks gave a very good talk on the subject. You can read it here: Love and Law The examples he address are further out there than yours but the basic idea is the same, namely the thinking that God's love negates his law, which is false.

Edited by Dravin
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If you and your spouse die before getting sealed, it doesn't necessarily mean you stay apart in the eternities. That's why we do ordinances for the dead (including sealing) to give people like you a chance to accept the ordinance in the spirit world.

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I understand baptism, although part of me wonders why it has to be an LDS baptism to count...

You may want to review 3 Nephi 11 and the restoration of the priesthood.

D&C 1:30

30 And also those to whom these commandments were given, might have power to lay the foundation of this church, and to bring it forth out of obscurity and out of darkness, the only true and living church upon the face of the whole earth, with which I, the Lord, am well pleased, speaking unto the church collectively and not individually—

This area needs to be addressed before you start thinking about the other aspects of eternal families. This is more of the "foundation" of your testimony before the other esoteric aspects of the gospel.

Study, ponder and pray about this. Ask the missionaries for help too. Review the Gospel Principles manual.

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Thank you for the responses. I appreciate being able to talk to some people about this.

Dravin, I read the article that you linked and it did bring an understanding to me about love and law. The examples given make me understand more what love and law is. So being married in the temple and sealed is a law by God? I will be honest, I have never read D&C. I don't have a testimony of the Book of Mormon yet and the other books.

anatess, that does make me feel better if my husband never agrees on earth to go to the temple and my family is not sealed.

skippy740, I think that is a big issue...my testimony. I need to find it and strengthen it. When my husband went inactive, it has made it harder for me (not a justification, but I feel I lost support). I already have the hardest time in the world reading scriptures...praying is easy for me, I can do it all the time no problem...reading scriptures? It is very, very hard for me to sit down and try and focus on something that is often very hard for me to understand. I NEED to read them. My testimony of the church right now is basically on how I love how it raised me and the morals and good people I am around...I love the teachings and I do believe in a prophet whole-heartedly. I am just behind in the principles of the church.

I guess I am stressed out because I feel like I should be ready RIGHT NOW and we should be going to the temple and living this way that we are supposedly supposed to...and since we aren't, we're not doing right in God's eyes...and I'm worried because I don't know how long it will take to get to that point. :(

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Start here:

Gospel Principles 

You can download the entire manual in a PDF document, or do it chapter by chapter.

The lessons are just easier to understand when they follow a logical progression and outline.

Don't worry about reading the entire Book of Mormon or other scriptures. I'd study by topic right now.

It's called Eternal Progression. (Sometimes, it requires REgression before you can PROgress.)

Downloading the book is a step. That's progress.

Opening the book is a step. That's progress.

Reading and cross-referencing the scriptures with the lesson. That's progress.

If you're in California and you want to get to New York, are you going to be disappointed if you left San Diego and you're barely in Orange County? (It's only 100 miles difference.) You might feel that you have so far to go, and yet, somehow, you should have been there by now.

The Gospel isn't "instantaneous gratification". If you don't do some work at it, you'll lose it. Time to do some "gospel exercising" so you can rebuild your testimony. Just start at the basics and let yourself be patient with yourself and your progress.

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I guess I am stressed out because I feel like I should be ready RIGHT NOW and we should be going to the temple and living this way that we are supposedly supposed to...and since we aren't, we're not doing right in God's eyes...and I'm worried because I don't know how long it will take to get to that point. :(

It will take as long as it will take.

You need to remember that because of God's love for us, that his level of expectation for us is to to progress in due course, not all at once. If it were not so, it would rob us of the time needed to learn all those lessons of life that are so essential for us to know. He also understands the human condition all to well. He knows that we will all be struggling to find our way back to Him. This life is much more than a time of testing. It is first and foremost, a time of learning.

From what I read in your post, you not only are struggling, but it is in your mind that there is something more you need to be doing, but are not sure what path to take. I honestly think that your condition is not only Satan yelling doubt into our minds, but also God's Spirit whispering to us, making us uncomfortable in our current status in life, prodding us to take a corrective course that will lead us back, closer to God and Eternal Life. Which Spirit is whispering to us that there is so many more good things in store for us. But as the scriptures say, line upon line, precept upon precept. It's a process, nothing more than that.

Read your scriptures, especially the Book of Mormon. Pray at least twice daily. Attend church and be actively involved. Your testimony will happen and you will begin to feel the course of action you need to take. This life is not a sprint to the finish, it's a journey with milestones and markers along the way. So long as you are pointed in the right direction, you'll be OK.

And your son will be yours. Your Father in Heaven would never take that away from the mothers of the world. He loves you too much.

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I am in the ending stages of divorce and have many questions about my kids by this last marriage. We didn't get sealed and adopted a lot of kids. Will I see them in the next life or will they be given to someone else?

She started an affair with another guy 2 months after I walked out, the stress in the relationship was just to much. She got her temple recommend and all kinds of help from the church.

I got almost nothing, no I am not perfect and have issues that are being worked on and maybe in a few years when I get finances in order I can think about asking for a temple recommend but not now I have to much to accept and get rid of because of what has happened.

I drive now 120 miles each way twice a month to get my kids and have some time with them. It breaks my heart to answer some of their questions and do so in positive manner. they are not the problem it is others who pushed things to the breaking point, yes the divorce was her idea not mine I would have stayed with her until the end of time. Yea I know some things are just not meant to be.

I don't know if I want to try another relationship again or not, the questions me 5 year old son's ask really hurt.

Mom has a new man do you have a new woman? Why did mommy not want you anymore? and I don't know myself, When am I getting married again? mom and her new man are getting married as soon as they can after the final divorce papers are done?

We are still legally married and my son told me that he can't go in his mother's bedroom when the new guy is there and this is at night when he gets scared sometimes, what he gets is spanked and taken to his room.

Oh well life is not to be all fun but some would be nice. I will keep working to get closer to my heavenly father and hope I get it right fast enough. I know I maybe shouldn't say this here but it is just so upsetting to see someone do what is wrong in the church and get rewarded for doing it. she gets all kinds of help from the church I got a bed, she got her temple recommend just recently and I have to work for mine. she got a lot of her bills paid by the church and I am retired she is working at a good paying job.

Sorry for the rank the post just touched a sore spot with me. I will try to do better

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You're in a tough spot. Let's start here:

I am in the ending stages of divorce and have many questions about my kids by this last marriage. We didn't get sealed and adopted a lot of kids. Will I see them in the next life or will they be given to someone else?

They are YOUR kids. You legally adopted them. They can be sealed to you. Of course, you will need to be sealed to a woman who is worthy for that blessing.

She started an affair with another guy 2 months after I walked out, the stress in the relationship was just to much. She got her temple recommend and all kinds of help from the church.

I got almost nothing, no I am not perfect and have issues that are being worked on and maybe in a few years when I get finances in order I can think about asking for a temple recommend but not now I have to much to accept and get rid of because of what has happened.

I drive now 120 miles each way twice a month to get my kids and have some time with them. It breaks my heart to answer some of their questions and do so in positive manner. they are not the problem it is others who pushed things to the breaking point, yes the divorce was her idea not mine I would have stayed with her until the end of time. Yea I know some things are just not meant to be.

I don't know if I want to try another relationship again or not, the questions me 5 year old son's ask really hurt.

Mom has a new man do you have a new woman? Why did mommy not want you anymore? and I don't know myself, When am I getting married again? mom and her new man are getting married as soon as they can after the final divorce papers are done?

We are still legally married and my son told me that he can't go in his mother's bedroom when the new guy is there and this is at night when he gets scared sometimes, what he gets is spanked and taken to his room.

Oh well life is not to be all fun but some would be nice. I will keep working to get closer to my heavenly father and hope I get it right fast enough. I know I maybe shouldn't say this here but it is just so upsetting to see someone do what is wrong in the church and get rewarded for doing it. she gets all kinds of help from the church I got a bed, she got her temple recommend just recently and I have to work for mine. she got a lot of her bills paid by the church and I am retired she is working at a good paying job.

Sorry for the rant the post just touched a sore spot with me. I will try to do better

I don't know your story, but I can feel the fatherly pain you must have for your 5 year old. How lonely it must be for him! How abandoned he must feel at times.

[i'm separated from my wife too. But she isn't seeing anyone. I know how my 5-year old son is, and if he was treated that way, it would literally break my heart.]

It's one thing to be separated, and it's another to know that you're trying to live up to your integrity, yet the other seems to get all the "reward" - including church assistance and the blessings of the temple.

Parents can be rather selfish when they split up and choose new relationships.

IMO, the needs and welfare of your kids come FIRST before hooking up with anyone new. Your kids need YOU and they need to know that YOU are always looking out for them and their needs. If Mommy gets a new man, and Daddy gets a new woman, then the kids from the first marriage can feel "squeezed out" of the family unit. They could feel like nomads between two different family units. Especially adopted children.

BTW, your wife (since you're not divorced) is seeing someone while still under the marriage covenant (regardless of temple marriage or not). I would bring this up to her bishop. IMO, the church should not be giving financial assistance to anyone not living in accordance with gospel living. Explain how you feel about your kids and that you're concerned about the living environment for them.

Beware of the fact that child abuse typically happens when there is an unrelated parent in the picture. That abuse can be physical, emotional and sometimes even sexual.

You need to do all you can to help protect your kids. You may need to consider moving. I know the economy is really rough right now, but even quitting/transferring your job to be closer should be looked into. Your kids need you - just to know that you're closer will help.

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skippy740

read my responses and sort of read between the lines also in some places

life is not to be easy but sometimes it gets real hard and I am there right now and will be for a long time

They are YOUR kids. You legally adopted them. They can be sealed to you. Of course, you will need to be sealed to a woman who is worthy for that blessing.

[i have to have her permission to do that and I don't think she would ever allow it as I would never allow her to be sealed to them with another guy]

IMO, the needs and welfare of your kids come FIRST before hooking up with anyone new. Your kids need YOU and they need to know that YOU are always looking out for them and their needs. If Mommy gets a new man, and Daddy gets a new woman, then the kids from the first marriage can feel "squeezed out" of the family unit. They could feel like nomads between two different family units. Especially adopted children.

[ I am in no rush to get married again as I know how much my 5 year old son and 4 year old delayed daughter want daddy time. If you could see how much they need to be loved, feel safe and here them when it is time to go back to mom it would break your heart every time , you have no idea how many times I leave them with mom and find a place to cry before going back to my empty house. I would like a lady friend to hang with when the kids are not here but beyond that just can't see anything. You should read some of the comments when ladies find I am in my 60's and have little kids, think leaper in the dating world]

BTW, your wife (since you're not divorced) is seeing someone while still under the marriage covenant (regardless of temple marriage or not). I would bring this up to her bishop. IMO, the church should not be giving financial assistance to anyone not living in accordance with gospel living. Explain how you feel about your kids and that you're concerned about the living environment for them.

[the bishop knows but because she doesn't say anything she is a good mommy and should be taken care of and that jerk of a husband deserves nothing]

Beware of the fact that child abuse typically happens when there is an unrelated parent in the picture. That abuse can be physical, emotional and sometimes even sexual.

[you have no idea of what maybe just around the corner when she finally moves in with the new man, yes I do and hope I am so wrong]

You need to do all you can to help protect your kids. You may need to consider moving. I know the economy is really rough right now, but even quitting/transferring your job to be closer should be looked into. Your kids need you - just to know that you're closer will help.

[ I have considered moving but for me when I finish college my chance at work is where I am and my lawyer knows this and even said we need to let her move, so I am]

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Dravin, I read the article that you linked and it did bring an understanding to me about love and law. The examples given make me understand more what love and law is.

I find it a useful article myself to remind myself. It is easy to fall into the trap of "If you really love me you'll let/approve me do(ing) X!"

So being married in the temple and sealed is a law by God? I will be honest, I have never read D&C. I don't have a testimony of the Book of Mormon yet and the other books.

Yes, God operates by Law and not only is the temple sealing itself governed by it so is who can performed that temple sealing.

I guess I am stressed out because I feel like I should be ready RIGHT NOW and we should be going to the temple and living this way that we are supposedly supposed to...and since we aren't, we're not doing right in God's eyes...and I'm worried because I don't know how long it will take to get to that point.

I'm gonna throw some more scriptures at you if that's okay. Even though you don't necessarily have a testimony of them I figure they carry some 'umph' when we explain how we understand things.

30 For behold, thus saith the Lord God: I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my counsel, for they shall learn wisdom; for unto him that creceiveth I will give dmore; and from them that shall say, We have enough, from them shall be taken away even that which they have.

(He's quoting Isaiah but you'll note differences in exact wording from the KJV)

Progression, repentance, perfection, these are all processes not moments that occur. The most important thing is that you move forward at the pace you can sustain. However as you move forward keep in mind that:

27 And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order.

Steady consistent diligence beats spurts of periodic frantic effort followed by relapse, and the Lord (I can't speak for those around you, sometimes people are impatient) does not expect you to move faster then you have strength to do so. Change takes energy and while Christ can help us change it still requires effort. Also, if you build faster then your foundation is strengthened you end up with a beautiful mansion on a foundation that is unable to bear the weight of what rests upon it.

Before you worry about the temple, worry about the covenants you made at baptism, and before you worry about the covenants you made at baptism worry about developing faith in Jesus Christ and repenting (not to accuse you of some great sin, we all have need to repent). You need to come to live the way you will not because it is how you supposedly figure you are to be living, but because it is how you believe Christ wants you to live.

Poster's Note: While I said not to worry about X before Y, that isn't to say you need to perfect X before working on Y in a linear fashion. Such could easily become an excuse if you allowed it. It's just as your understanding of X improves then you have the foundation that you can now more effectively work on the Y that rests on that portion of the foundation of X.

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Dravin, I love what you just wrote to me...I am going to highlight those scriptures because it's exactly what I needed to hear.

Also, to the other responders, your words were what I needed, too.

Thank you so much.

Line upon line, precept upon precept. You guys are absolutely right. I need to start building my foundation from the bottom up, not the opposite way. And I can see now that the Lord will understand that I am trying and doing my best at THIS time.

I really, really appreciate these words of advice. I am so glad to have found an LDS board that is not anti- and that I can express concerns or just have a friend to talk to on here.

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serenity-

You've received some great advice already. I'm just going to add my two cents.

Things like baptism, endowments, and temple sealings are covenants that we make with Heavenly Father. It is a physical act to express a promise we are making with Him. There are certain things that are expected of us with such a promise, and when we uphold our end of the bargain, the Lord blesses us. Certain blessings are connected with certain promises, but know that the Lord loves to bless us and much of what He offers on His end is so great that we will hardly have "room to receive it".

Now, God will not hold us accountable for things we do not know. This is why we are given so many chances and opportunities to learn about and accept the gospel. Even in death, we are blessed with the opportunity to learn the gospel and either accept or reject it. We have the opportunity to make these promises with our Father in Heaven even after we leave this world. He loves us so much that He will not withhold any opportunity to receive His blessings. If you are still struggling to understand everything, that's okay! You will not be punished for not understanding. You will have the opportunity to learn and accept.

The urgency you are feeling is probably a little spiritual prodding from the Holy Ghost. There are many scriptures warning us not to "procrastinate the day of our repentance". If you have an opportunity to learn and you pass on it, that's your loss. You are likely feeling the reality of your mortality. Just do not "run faster than you are able". As others have mentioned- take it line upon line, precept upon precept. As long as you are making progress, you are moving in the right direction, and it is the direction that matters most to the Lord- not where we currently stand.

shdwlkr-

I cannot tell you how much your post makes me think of my brother. I guess he's been on my mind a lot today, because some other threads I've looked at and responded to reminded me of him as well. Your story is not exactly the same, but it is so very similar. He is constantly comparing his own situation to that of his "ex"-wife (divorce is not finalized). He feels as if she has done so much worse than him in many things, but she always gets off easy while he gets the brunt of everything. It hurts him to see that she got off with nothing but probation and a charge of assult for having sexual relations with a minor. It hurts him to see she has not been excommunicated while he has. It hurts him to see her getting away with using her parents SSI for her own purposes and getting everything she wants while he has to work two jobs just to get by. I could go on and on.

When he complains to me about all this, I try to explain to him that he will only find peace in his situation when he stops comparing himself to her and wishing she would receive her "justice". The Lord keeps an accurate account of all His children, and we will all have to answer to Him in the end. The struggles he is going through now can make him stronger if he will but learn from them.

As far as your children are concerned- you need to do whatever is best for them. If you think they may be getting abused in the current set-up with your "ex"-wife and this other man, do whatever you can to remedy that. That is probably the one area where my brother has stayed strong and kept his head about him- he has custody of his kids and he makes sure they are well provided for and treated properly. If your current set-up really is what is in their best interest, continue as you are spending what time with them you can and making sure you never skimp on giving them whatever love and attention you can. It must hurt terribly to not be a constant part of their life, but all you can do is make sure they don't ever think you don't love them.

Divorce is hard and there is no way to not be emotional about it, even when everything is handled "easily". Just do what you can for your kids, and focus on the good things in your life. Do what you know to be right, and try not to compare yourself to your "ex".

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Judo

I am working really hard on letting things go the way they are supposed to and hope that I am also moving in the right direction for me and for my kids. You have no idea the things that have been bothering me this week and just what is the right direction for me to go.

My kids are so precious to me that I am doing things for them as much as I can and hope I am not making bad decisions.

My greatest wish is for something good to come out of this divorce and no I don't have a clue what that is.

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Judo I am working really hard on letting things go the way they are supposed to and hope that I am also moving in the right direction for me and for my kids. You have no idea the things that have been bothering me this week and just what is the right direction for me to go. My kids are so precious to me that I am doing things for them as much as I can and hope I am not making bad decisions. My greatest wish is for something good to come out of this divorce and no I don't have a clue what that is.

I am glad to hear you are doing all you know and have in your power to do, and I understand just how hard it can be sometimes to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can assure you that God has a plan for you, He cares for you and hears your pleas. Someday, all will be made clear, but for now you just need to trust in Him and continue making the best you possibly can out of your circumstances.

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Judo

I know God has a plan for me I just wish he gave a few more clues as to the direction that I am suppose to go. It is a little bit like walking down a dark tunnel and water starts running in and you can only go one way and the water is getting deeper and colder yet you keep going as you really have no choice because if you stand still the water will still keep coming in and if you go on there is a chance you will walk out of it.

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