miswol Posted June 1, 2011 Report Share Posted June 1, 2011 I love him still . with all my heart.he gave me no other choice. my heart broke into pieces asking him for a divorce. 18 years. i would of followed him to hell and back. he drank.he cheated on me emotionally with women he met on the Internet and skype. he passed out drunk at our daughters 8th birthday party(4yrs ago). we were always in debt. always lying abt money or borrowing it from family or friends. i dont think he ever payed tithing.Now that i am on my own i pay it regulary like clockwork. he took his best friends side when he defiled our home and our childs room. and i just found out his friend was looking at porn on our family computer in the middle of the day in the middle of our kitchen,my oldest son walked in on him.he wasnt always like this. something has changed him. he would come home,(his job has him moved away for now.)and just make me miserable, he was good sometimes tho, he never hit me or the kids, went to all the boys football games. we always had a roof over our heads. counseling was out of the question. we talked to our bishop a couple of times 3 yrs ago and he said he was all for counseling. but we never went. I know i did the right thing. but looking on these boards now i wonder if i didnt try hard enough. did i try everything? this is the man who i started my life with this is the man who gave me four beautiful children who cut their cords.who climbed into bed with me after my emergency csection and cried together because we didnt know if our baby was gona live. he was my best friend. he was my hero. and now that i have asked and we r in the process, 2 months ago. He has girlfriends, he visits and skypes and facebooks. as soon as i asked he was gone out the door.,.And i miss him. i miss my friend. i miss holding his hand.And he is angry and hates me. we cant be in the same house together. now i wonder reading this what the heck is wrong with me?but on the other hand he is my husband and i took vows infront of god to be with him for eternity. and i take my vows very seriously.He is not the same man. but i know that he is in there somewhere i know that he can be that man again. soo i just want some advice.Do i just let him go. do i fight for my family and marriage. I cannot make him change. and maybe he doesnt want to change. maybe he likes this new self. i was a good wife,I didnt cook all the time or put laundry away,i yelled at the kids. but i never once looked or thought of another person besides my husband . I am as loyal and faithful as they come. there are days when i just cry and then there are the days when i just cant beleive how blessed me and the kids are. its like we are living in this beautiful paradise and the only thing we are missing is him. I think how could anyone walk away from this, look at this home we have made. look at this family. who walks away from this without a fight?.. enough ranting. some advice please. thanks . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
classylady Posted June 1, 2011 Report Share Posted June 1, 2011 Miswol, I'm sorry for the pain you are going through. I don't have a lot of advice. Divorce is hard. And marriage can be hard too. I'll always remember something that my cousin said to me after she went through a divorce. "It takes two to make a marriage work. He wanted out, so what could I do? I had to let him go". You mentioned "I know I did the right thing". Trust you instinct. Right now you are grieving. You are grieving for the loss of your marriage, your dreams, and hopes. You loved your husband. But, it sounds to me that he was not living up to his covenants that he made with you. From what you said, you already gave him chances to change, but he has chosen not to. If he was unwilling to be committed to your relationship, even if you chose to stay, you would not have a covenant marriage. I'm sorry you are hurting. I'm sending hugs your way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miswol Posted June 1, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 1, 2011 You Know I would take him back, IF he went to AA and went to talk to his Bishop and went to counseling for a year strait.but... i know he would never agree to that. he wouldnt do that. he dosnt think he has a problem. I know i need to let go, its so hard. how do you just let go?how do i just let go of 18 years?. i think i need a handbook Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMinja Posted June 1, 2011 Report Share Posted June 1, 2011 Sometimes, people get stuck in a rut that only they can get themselves out of. If he is not willing to do his part of the work, there is nothing you can do. I would make sure it is clear to him that you want to honor your vows, that you want to maintain your eternal marriage, but that it is a two-way street. This is a partnership, and he has to pull his weight. Tell him what you want him to do. Make it clear what you feel his "weight" is. Make sure he knows you want him to go to AA, talk to the bishop, and get counseling. If he is willing to do it, do your part to help him through it. If he is not willing to do it, then it would seem divorce is the only option to escape the destruction this addiction is causing your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miswol Posted June 1, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 1, 2011 Thank you all for your advice""."It takes two to make a marriage work. He wanted out, so what could I do? I had to let him go"""". thats kinda what i did, he is no where near the gospel, he was raised in the church in utah valley. he knows what is right and what is wrong.he has been gone for a long time,his heart was not in it, so i just let him go. But ohmy heck. the pain is killing me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennarator Posted June 1, 2011 Report Share Posted June 1, 2011 Thank you all for your advice""."It takes two to make a marriage work. He wanted out, so what could I do? I had to let him go"""". thats kinda what i did, he is no where near the gospel, he was raised in the church in utah valley. he knows what is right and what is wrong.he has been gone for a long time,his heart was not in it, so i just let him go. But ohmy heck. the pain is killing me.So sad for you. Divorce is painful and hard, even if it was the best thing for one or both of you. That doesn't make the pain go away. Pray hard and get lost in service. My prayers are with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torrence Posted June 9, 2011 Report Share Posted June 9, 2011 miswol, Keep your spirits up. Go to the Temple, love your kids, love your friends. Let them know their father is a loving person. Get a blessing. You gave your life to this person; he let life get in the way of eternal progression. Remember the person you married and the wonderful children you created in that love. Keep praying for his well being. Maybe someday, whether in this life or the next one you can be together; the choice is yours. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsMagnolia Posted June 10, 2011 Report Share Posted June 10, 2011 Getting a divorce is like going through the grief process... I have been there... I felt like there had been a death but no actual funeral. It was the death of the covenant and the death of a marriage. It takes time and lots of prayer. The hardest part for me was realizing that I had no control over his repentance process. If Heavenly Father would have let me I would have done it for him. We cannot control another person's personal choices. My prayers are with you and know that you are not alone. Pray and go to the temple and read your scriptures. My thoughts and prayers go with you. Mags Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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