How did you get over a pornography/masturbation addiction?


billybob00
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I'm in sort of a bind here. I'll try and keep this as brief as possible. I'm 30 years old, single, and am struggling to overcome an addiction of pornography/masturbation. As the years have passed and social success hasn't come, I find it harder and harder to put up a "fight" when the temptations arise. It doesn't help that I'm a huge introvert (I get along well enough with people on the surface, but I don't have too many people I would call "friends"), and get exhausted just being around people in general. I feel that the only way I'll get over my social problems is by regular temple attendance, but it is frustrating because I can't stay "clean" long enough to regularly attend -- thus, the vicious cycle.

Anyway, I'm posting this to see if I can get some ideas on how to overcome this. Basically, for about the past year, it has been a 2-3 week cycle -- I'll be good enough to go to the temple, then bam, I relapse. Masturbation has become increasingly more frequent, and pornography viewing down a bit, but often go together.

One thing I tried recently, which worked for about a month and a half without a relapse (relatively good for me), was a sort of twisted, ingenious idea that was crazy enough to work, but kinda backfired on me. I used my bishop as my accountability person, and if I did either of those things, I would pay a sum of money towards a church charity program. I was going good and everything seemed to be working, then all of a sudden one night I gave in, even with full knowledge of the penalty. After that, my thoughts went along the lines of "well, now I'm in the hole, I'll just keep doing it". The relapse continued all week. It was almost like I was "making up" for the time I was clean. Its especially frustating because I felt like I was doing everything right (I've read the scriptures almost every day for the past two months -- something I haven't done since my mission).

Some other ideas I've had but have yet to try out:

-Make the sum of money lower for each infraction (it was way to high), but add an additional burden that isn't money -- say, I have to give service at the storehouse. My worry is that in the 'moment' I don't think straight, and I could see myself saying "ah, fair trade"

-I've considered that for any pornography viewing, afterwards I have to write down each site I went to and the content. I have to give this to my bishop. Basically, I want to make it so I'm too embarrassed to sin. I also thought of having him forward it in an email to my dad (my dad knows about my struggles)

-Get married (sort of 'haha'. I realize getting married won't solve all my problems, but I obviously need to work on it. I have pretty much a zero social life)

-The 12 step church program. I'm kinda weary about attending a public thing like that.. I dunno, maybe its time?

For people who have struggled with this -- what has worked for you? What didn't? Any thoughts on my ideas?

Thanks

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-I've considered that for any pornography viewing, afterwards I have to write down each site I went to and the content. I have to give this to my bishop. Basically, I want to make it so I'm too embarrassed to sin. I also thought of having him forward it in an email to my dad (my dad knows about my struggles)

DO NOT do this! Bishops are NOT immune to the affects of pornography too. They don't need to know the intimite details of such things.

-The 12 step church program. I'm kinda weary about attending a public thing like that.. I dunno, maybe its time?

If you have to ask, then yes, it's time. I've been to a few. Just realize that you are not alone with such problems and issues. That's one of the nice things about meetings like this.

You have forgotten who you are and the worth of your own soul.

There is no magic cure for this. It will take a combination of things. The link is for a 7 "CD" set of someone who helps to coach others through this. I think you'll find it useful.

A Better Mormon - Become Part of the Solution of Pornography Addiction

Don't forget the "pink elephant" syndrome. That syndrome is the one that says "Don't think about pink elephants". And what do you do? You think about pink elephants.

You need a new focus to help occupy your time, talents, energy & service. You can't just try to avoid the negative. You need to embrace something positive. Perhaps a calling? More volunteering? A way to focus on someone else - besides yourself.

A combination of the above will help, but won't cure. This will be a daily thing. You'll never be completely rid of it. But you need to get to a point where you can manage it and keep it under a disciplined control.

Wish you luck!

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As a testicular cancer survivor, I can tell you that things still function the way they should so that won't work. :)

<shrug> Works for me. My Testosterone level drop has made a significant difference.

HJ

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This may sound a little crazy to some people but I will tell you how I stopped looking at pornography and how I did it without exerting any self discipline or struggle whatsoever. Ready?

I overindulged in it! I looked at all the pornography I could find. The kinkier, the more bizarre, the better!

Yes, I know how bad this sounds but the result was that I have lost all interest in porn of any kind whether it be pictures, movies, or books. Sex is actually very tedious and watching other people having sex is about as exciting as watching someone eat a big plate of spaghetti. It really is such a dull repetitive process... I hope that one day you will open your eyes and see this for yourself and regret all the time you have wasted; I know I have.

I suppose the only down side of it is that, if you try this strategy and succeed as I have, you might loose all interest in sex and become celibate. But then, it isn't as if humans are an endangered species...

Edited by Origen
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This may sound a little crazy to some people but I will tell you how I stopped looking at pornography and how I did it without exerting any self discipline or struggle whatsoever. Ready?

I overindulged in it! I looked at all the pornography I could find. The kinkier, the more bizarre, the better!

Yes, I know how bad this sounds but the result was that I have lost all interest in porn of any kind whether it be pictures, movies, or books. Sex is actually very tedious and watching other people having sex is about as exciting as watching someone eat a big plate of spaghetti. It really is such a dull repetitive process... I hope that one day you will open your eyes and see this for yourself and regret all the time you have wasted; I know I have.

I suppose the only down side of it is that, if you try this strategy and succeed as I have, you might loose all interest in sex and become celibate. But then, it isn't as if humans are an endangered species...

Not entirely crazy. The same philosophy works in other areas.

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This may sound a little crazy to some people but I will tell you how I stopped looking at pornography and how I did it without exerting any self discipline or struggle whatsoever. Ready?

I overindulged in it! I looked at all the pornography I could find. The kinkier, the more bizarre, the better!

Yes, I know how bad this sounds but the result was that I have lost all interest in porn of any kind whether it be pictures, movies, or books. Sex is actually very tedious and watching other people having sex is about as exciting as watching someone eat a big plate of spaghetti. It really is such a dull repetitive process... I hope that one day you will open your eyes and see this for yourself and regret all the time you have wasted; I know I have.

I suppose the only down side of it is that, if you try this strategy and succeed as I have, you might loose all interest in sex and become celibate. But then, it isn't as if humans are an endangered species...

Sounds to me like a case of the cure being much worse than the disease.

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Sounds to me like a case of the cure being much worse than the disease.

It can lead to a lack of motivation. The desire for money, fame, and power usually has it's root in the libido since most women prefer rich, powerful, and famous men. If you no longer desire women, then what reason do you have to pursue these things?

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***WARNING! VORT'S NON-DOCTRINAL OPINION ALERT!***

Masturbation is bad.

Having no desire for sexual relations is very much worse.

If you as an unmarried young adult were given the choice between two people to marry, one of whom had high libido and had masturbated, the other of whom had very low libido and had never masturbated, which would you pick? 100 times out of 100, I would choose the masturbator. Better someone who has a desirable characteristic that s/he occasionally misuses than someone who lacks the characteristic altogether.

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This may sound a little crazy to some people but I will tell you how I stopped looking at pornography and how I did it without exerting any self discipline or struggle whatsoever. Ready?

I overindulged in it! I looked at all the pornography I could find. The kinkier, the more bizarre, the better!

Yes, I know how bad this sounds but the result was that I have lost all interest in porn of any kind whether it be pictures, movies, or books. Sex is actually very tedious and watching other people having sex is about as exciting as watching someone eat a big plate of spaghetti. It really is such a dull repetitive process... I hope that one day you will open your eyes and see this for yourself and regret all the time you have wasted; I know I have.

I suppose the only down side of it is that, if you try this strategy and succeed as I have, you might loose all interest in sex and become celibate. But then, it isn't as if humans are an endangered species...

:o

But isn't your head now filled with garbage you can never erase?

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But isn't your head now filled with garbage you can never erase?

Yes, it is; but it wouldn't be the worst of what I have to live with on a daily basis. I hardly ever think about it and I have to admit that some of it was so absurdly grotesque that it was funny. Pornography degrades sex, yes, by mocking and ridiculing an act that is supposed to be beautiful and intimate. However, it's been said that laughter is surest means to breaking any spell and I think that is why it had the effect on me that it did. Sex holds no more appeal for me because I see through it's charms. It's kind of like falling out of love with someone and realizing they aren't the hero you had been worshiping all this time - though not quite as soul rending.

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Quick and easy. Scriptures and prayer before bed. Huge picture of Jesus right in your line of sight from bed. Say to yourself, "I am choosing not to do this". Talk to yourself. Now, I am going on the computer. I am going to look at this site but not at that site. All the best,

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Thanks for the replies. I have to say, the over-indulgence might work for some people, but I don't think its a route I want to go down.

Like I said before, I actually have been really good at consistent scripture reading for the past few months, more so than probably my mission -- and yet, there was one night were I just felt like I had gone as far as I could go. I felt like I could no longer resist and push the feelings beneath the surface. And, unfortunately, I succumbed that night.

What's weird about "sin" is that sometimes it can propel you to do good. For instance, after my last relapse, I realized how pathetic it was, and started out socializing a bit more than I normally do. Of course, it can be a dangerous line of thinking all the same, as you can rationalize doing it again telling yourself it will help you.

Anyone have experiences at the 12 step ? I think it would just feel weird walking in there and possibly seeing familiar faces...

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Hi Bilybob :)

Question for you: Have you talked to your bishop about it? If not, you need to. I know, it's no fun. But he is there to help you through it.

I've struggled with a mb and pn addiction for many years. I finally asked to be sent to counseling (one-on-one, not group), and the therapist gave me some tools that helped me a ton. Here's a few ideas to try:

- Install K9 web protection on your computers and have a trusted friend choose the password. If you don't have any trusted friends, use a password generator (like Security Guide for Windows - Random Password Generator) and don't write it down. If you really need to unlock stuff later, you can recover the password. It's all free, and it cuts off access to most bad stuff.

- If you feel the urge, do NOT sit around and try to talk yourself out of it. It never works. Reading the scriptures wasn't even enough for me. Get up and get out of the house. Go where people are. Go see a movie. Go to the library or bookstore. If it's late at night, go for a walk. I've taken a lot of midnight walks.

- Do the following writing exercise: Write all the short-term positive effects of mb and pn, like it feels good and it's a release. Write the short-term negative effects, like guilt and hits to self-esteem. Write your long-term goals and how pn and mb could destroy them. Then, when you get the urge, pull out the paper and read it. Visualize those short-term negative feelings until the urge goes away. Then read the long-term goals and remind yourself why you are resisting. (Do this as you walk...see above. Don't sit on your couch and do it.)

- Lose yourself in something you enjoy. Remember, sexuality is only one facet of who you are. If you have something else to look forward to that you love (for me, I write short stories and novels and created 3D animations), sex seems less important.

Things that don't work, and why:

- Marriage. Sad as it is, pn and mb have nothing to do with a healthy sexual relationship. I've been married 13 years and it hasn't fixed the problem yet.

- Flooding (what Origen described). It might work temporarily, but what it's really doing is exceeding your tolerance levels. Give it a few weeks or months, and your tolerance levels adjust. You'll go back to old habits, but now the simple stuff isn't enough. You're in even worse trouble, and you'll never get that stuff out of your brain.

- Punishing yourself. Sexual addiction is very powerful, and when the urge comes, the threat of having to give up something (like money or time) is not enough to prevent you from giving in. It will always seem like a fair trade.

- Beating yourself up. If you're like me, I tend to indulge when I'm feeling depressed or upset. It's a release and a short-term high. Getting down on yourself for slip-ups makes it worse. Stay positive, and if you slip, pray, apologize, ask for strength, and move on.

Hope this helps!

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This may sound a little crazy to some people but I will tell you how I stopped looking at pornography and how I did it without exerting any self discipline or struggle whatsoever. Ready?

I overindulged in it! I looked at all the pornography I could find. The kinkier, the more bizarre, the better!

Yes, I know how bad this sounds but the result was that I have lost all interest in porn of any kind whether it be pictures, movies, or books. Sex is actually very tedious and watching other people having sex is about as exciting as watching someone eat a big plate of spaghetti. It really is such a dull repetitive process... I hope that one day you will open your eyes and see this for yourself and regret all the time you have wasted; I know I have.

I suppose the only down side of it is that, if you try this strategy and succeed as I have, you might loose all interest in sex and become celibate. But then, it isn't as if humans are an endangered species...

This is very dangerous. I'd highly advise against this.

Edited by Blackmarch
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BillyBob, I notice that nobody really seemed to answer your question about the church sponsored 12 step program. I'm 18 years old and have struggled with masturbation addiction since before I can remember. Pornography has been a much lighter but still ever present problem, especially with my desire to attend the temple once again. The addiction recovery program is life changing. It has helped me so much in learning about the application of the atonement in my life. I highly recommend the program to ANYONE who struggles with any kind of addiction. We all make mistakes, and tragically, they can take control of our lives. In my personal experience, becoming close enough to certain friends so that I could admit to them the nature of my addictions made it so much easier for me to abstain. The friends that come to know you and your shortcomings will develop love and caring for you that will help you to conceive the smallest degree of the infinite love of our father in heaven. Once you find out just how much one of our brothers and sisters cares about us and our spirits, finding faith in the healing power of the atonement will bring you closer to wholeness and peace of mind... one day at a time.

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  • 1 year later...

The solution to masturbating to pornography addiction is to address the root cause. Pornography did not reach out, grab you, put a gun to your head and make you view it. It is not responsible. There was a hole in your heart, or a problem in your life that you decided to use pornography to try to soothe. You may not even be concious of the issue yet. Therapy can help. I'd suggest starting off reading a book called No More Mr Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover. Do not let the name of the book fool you. It is a great book at getting to the heart of guy's issues. It focuses on childhood issues such as abandonment, neglect, abuse, etc and shows you how these issues manifest themselves in acting out behaviors like compulsive pornography/masturbation and presenting yourself as something different than you are to garner attention from women. It also gives you a roadmap to fix the issue(s).

Secondly for those who are married AND those who are not, after reading No More Mr Nice Guy, get the Married Man Sex Life Primer by Athol Kay. This should be REQUIRED reading for all males to graduate high school. It is marriage oriented and NOTHING in it is contrary to the teachings of the church. It has sections about choosing a mate that could be critical to those who have yet to get married, and plenty of help for those who are already married.

Once you have a HEALTHY outlook on sex, and aren't using sex and orgasms to medicate yourself from other pains, and especially after having entered into a HEALTHY sexual relationship with a partner who also has a HEALTHY outlook on their sexuality, the pornography and masturbation problems WILL disappear. You don't have to "control" any urge, they NEVER happen. Ignore people who say "I've been married for X years and still have a pornography problem. They do not have a HEALTHY sexual relationship nor a HEALTHY outlook on their sexuality.

Edited by x1134x
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This may sound a little crazy to some people but I will tell you how I stopped looking at pornography and how I did it without exerting any self discipline or struggle whatsoever. Ready?

I overindulged in it! I looked at all the pornography I could find. The kinkier, the more bizarre, the better!

Yes, I know how bad this sounds but the result was that I have lost all interest in porn of any kind whether it be pictures, movies, or books. Sex is actually very tedious and watching other people having sex is about as exciting as watching someone eat a big plate of spaghetti. It really is such a dull repetitive process... I hope that one day you will open your eyes and see this for yourself and regret all the time you have wasted; I know I have.

I suppose the only down side of it is that, if you try this strategy and succeed as I have, you might loose all interest in sex and become celibate. But then, it isn't as if humans are an endangered species...

Some people dont work this way. Like an alcohol addiction, some can try every beverage there is and still not stop. I know you are just offering up a opinion to help, but this sounds dangerous.

The way I conquered this addiction is by controling my thoughts. What usually leads to these actions is innpropriate thinking. To control actions one must control there thoughts aswell. It is very hard. But it was the only way i found to be a soultion. continuting to view more would just further indulge myself. People have different weaknesses to sin, mine was this. Good luck, I know its hard. Its espeacilly hard when the world tells you its normal.

Animals masterbate due to instinct. We have instinct too, our hormones etc. We are childeren of God though and need to act more than just an animal. Although if you find yourself in this situation its not entirely bad. Dont think lowly of yourself. The point to avoid masterbation i feel is to teach temperence and learn it in this life. People learn this trait in different ways. Being a master of yourself.

But heck dont beat yourself over this. Do what you can and it will come. Just dont give in to it and control your life. You were doing good and then fell back in. I did the same thing and then one day i managed to take control. So my opinion and advice is to control your thoughts and to not give up. Oh and dont beat yourself up to hard.

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  • 6 months later...

I know that nobody's posted here for a while, but I'm just disgusted at what I'm seeing and can't help but say something!

I don't care if overindulging works or not- it's wrong either way!!! Listen to yourselves!!! Do you really want to stand before the Lord with all that filth in your mind, and try to explain to Him why you thought it was okay to purposefully sin over and over again?

Libido is a desirable characteristic? You wouldn't even consider for a moment taking a woman with a low libido? Good riddance! Sex means NOTHING from an eternal perspective. And from a temporal perspective, it should mean next to nothing if you have a marriage based on what actually matters! That's disgusting that you would take that into account when choosing an eternal companion!

And as far as decreased testosterone levels being your way out of your masturbation problems, if that's the real reason why you gave it up then you shouldn't mention it. I am struggling with masturbation and Id like to say that first of all I'm about to get OFF a medicine that made it easier not to masturbate because I want to ACTUALLY overcome the problem, not cheat my way out of it! Second, you're making the situation sound hopeless. He asked how people had overcome masturbation and pornography, and the only people who had "overcome" it who responded were a guy suggesting the best way out is to find some way to decrease your testosterone levels, and, worse, a guy telling him to just give up on overcoming it and wait till he loses interest because he's done it so much.

I really wish there was ANYONE on this site who would actually share a story of how they overcame the problem for real!

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