Not sure how to handle this


Mistie
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I was going through on Facbook adding "Like" pages (mormon.org, mormonvidz.com, etc) and I got an instant message from my landlord (whom I'm friends with on Facebook). I was trying to be careful as to say something to turn it into a bad situation, but I'm not sure how to handle issues like this. I'm a newly active convert and still learning.

How do I handle this type of situation?

Her -

Mistie, are you out of your mind? Mormanism is a cult. You should run as fast as you can AWAY from them!!

Just trying to help you out. If a church has any leader (John Smith) other than Jesus Christ, it is not correct in their beliefs.

Me-

I have done much research on the church/religion. I don't believe it is a cult (lots of prayer went into my decision, and I was a member of the church since 2000 and just now became active again). I know that there is a lot of stigma with the church though!

Joseph Smith was who created the church, but is not the leader. The church is centered around Jesus

Her-

They believe that they can be just like Jesus and that there is no hell. That is clearly stated in the Bible

Tracy studied all the other religions while she was in college at Evangel. They were taught all the things that are wrong with all those other religions.

Me-

Oh...

I like the church and the community there. I've done lots of praying to find the truth about it. I know I'm where I need to be

Her-

That doesn't make me feel very good, knowing that you are making a mistake like that.

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"Thanks for your concern. I'm touched that you care so much about my well-being. I am quite sure I'm doing the right thing, though, so you need not worry."

Any further conversation from her side borders on harassment. Be kind but firm. Don't negotiate with her, and don't respond directly to her silly allegations. She "knows" all about the Church because it's what she has been told. Don't engage in debate.

My advice, fwiw.

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Never friend people on facebook that you have a financial relationship or dependency with - such as a banker, creditor, landlord, boss, supervisors...

You don't want to give people a casual way to "discriminate" against you.

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Then the relationship is different than what you posted. When I think of a landlord, I think of a business relationship with a contract.

Religious affiliations should have NO bearing on employment or housing concerns by law. (That doesn't mean that it doesn't happen though.)

What you have is a personal relationship with someone who also happens to have a financial contract with you. (I hope you're a good tenant and that she's a good property manager.)

We only have what you post to go on.

I still stand by my advice. You just have a different situation.

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I second the "Thanks for your concern". No point in going all-crazy-Mormon on her, it will just confirm her beliefs. And end the conversation there. I highly doubt she'll do much more at the risk of upsetting the friendship relationships.

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You probably know this already- but the best guidance you can get is from the Holy Ghost, so make sure to pray about it in faith. If it's concerning enough to you, perhaps make it a matter of fasting also. But I agree with the others- don't get into any debate with her. You seem to be handling it pretty well so far.

Just curious, do you often have personal contact with her? Would it be something to be worried about her bringing it up? If so, try to just tell her you don't want to debate religion with her- maybe share a real brief testimony with her- but you don't need to discuss any more than that. If she doesn't bring it up, or if you don't have personal contact with her, than you probably don't need to ever bring it up either.

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Her -

Mistie, are you out of your mind? Mormanism is a cult. You should run as fast as you can AWAY from them!!

Just trying to help you out. If a church has any leader (John Smith) other than Jesus Christ, it is not correct in their beliefs.

Well, if I was you and I read her first message I wouldn't bother to reply since I don't think she was actually asking you anything but like she said she was just trying to "help out" and since her advise wasn't requested... I would have totally ignore it but that's just me.

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@Loudmouth_Mormon.... I did save it. I copied it and inboxed it to myself just for that very reason!

@everyone else, thank you. This was part of the reason why I became inactive years ago after converting. All of my friends and "family" (my now ex husbands family, whom I still happen to be close with) were all the same way, saying the same stuff. I let it get into my head and gave me doubts. I don't have any doubts anymore and I'm trying to get a handle on my life (in all aspects) and I think I'm closer to Him now than I ever have been. I just don't like confrontation and never know how to "defend" myself or the church to the nay-sayers.

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I was trying to be careful as to say something to turn it into a bad situation, but I'm not sure how to handle issues like this.

Nothing may come from this, but considering the landlord's attitude, I'd keep a copy of this exchange in case you have to sue this person for breaking your lease due to your religion. Of course, the landlord will never come out and say it, but if everything has been fine before now, and then all of a sudden the landlord becomes problematic, stops doing repair work, whatever, you need to keep evidence of this person's opinions.

Other than this, I'd follow the other suggestions here. I'd especially put a quick and sure stop to any further conversations about religion. You don't owe the landlord any explanations of your faith.

I'm new too, and I'm careful with whom I share my beliefs. On one hand, I'd like to be more open, on the other, I don't need problems with employment, living situation, whatever, either.

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Mistie,

First of all welcome back.

Facebook is a complicated forum with its good and not so good issues. The good thing about Facebook is it allows you to stay in touch with a lot of people at many different levels in a minimal amount of time. The not so good part is that often too much information is posted on such a public forum, giving others the opportunity to offer unsolicited comments and opinions that are not welcome.

I would simply say "Thank you for your concern, but this is a personal issue regarding my faith and not something that I wish to defend or debate."

And then leave it at that. Any further dialogue can be responded with no response, or the message delete button. It it begins to border on harrassment, then perhaps the "friend removal" optional is in order.

I also agree that such messages should be first saved to file just in case you encountered an issue regarding your rental arrangement.

Other than that, if you "friend" someone on facebook then treat them as friends, and expect them to treat you accordingly. Friends are people that support you and uplift your spirits even when they do not necessarily agree with you.

Edited by LDSJewess
spelling errors
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Mistie - I agree whole-heartedly with Vort & LDSJewess...they gave the best comeback phrases that are both polite, yet firm. It is always such a sticky situation when someone throws those types of statements at you. But by standing firm in your beliefs & feelings is the best way to handle the situation. I'm a convert to the Church (joined in 1982) & received simular responses by non-member family & friends of mine...in actuality, it showed me that I truly was on the correct path & made me determined not to let their inaccurate statements bother me.

Wishing you the best in this situation.

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It's hard to listen to people who don't even know how to spell "Mormon". I would go with Vort's suggestion too. I think there is a way to customize chat on Facebook too, only appearing online to those you want to. Also, you should now "like" as many Mormon things as possible. :D In fact, maybe I'll start a group called "People who know how to spell 'Mormon' correctly" and you can join it.

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Guest saintish

WOW! I think it is incredibly bold for someone, even a close friend, to criticize the religious preference of another adult. I think the best course of action it to vocalize your outrage (in a gentle manner) and to educate, to the best of your ability, what Mormons actually believe.

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You can also tell her that Mormonism is the 4th largest Christian denomination in the United States, and that it is safe enough so that we actually have many as leaders in industry and government.

Then state to her, "sadly, there are many who misunderstand the Church, hearing only half-truths and then sharing them as whole truths. The same thing was done towards Jesus in his day. It wasn't good then, and it isn't now. If you would actually like to know what the Church is about, I can get you in contact with people who can explain what we actually believe."

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There was a time when my friend went to a furniture store to see if they had a refridgerator box that she could have to use for a sharing time during primary. The salesman went and got it and was carrying it to her car.He asked her why she needed it and she told him.He started telling her about how our church was a cult and he was reluctant to give her the refriderator box. When she told me I called the manager and told him what had happened.He apoligised all over the place and said he would speak to the salesman.I then told every one in the church I could think of and THEY called the store also. That store heard from a lot of us that day. I would save every message you get .Stand your ground for what you believe in!

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There was a time when my friend went to a furniture store to see if they had a refridgerator box that she could have to use for a sharing time during primary. The salesman went and got it and was carrying it to her car.He asked her why she needed it and she told him.He started telling her about how our church was a cult and he was reluctant to give her the refriderator box. When she told me I called the manager and told him what had happened.He apoligised all over the place and said he would speak to the salesman.I then told every one in the church I could think of and THEY called the store also. That store heard from a lot of us that day. I would save every message you get .Stand your ground for what you believe in!

I think that I don't agree with this approach. Surely shouting down the offending salesman (or business) is not as Christ would have us act. I am all for standing up against bigotry, but somehow this example strikes me as the wrong way to go about things.

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I agree with speaking to the manager, and it's for the benefit of the employee. Were the employee to make that mistake repeatedly, he could lose his job for harassment. It is the job of the manager to make sure the employees do not treat people that way. I'm not sure if calling everyone in the ward to have them call is the best approach, though. One notice is plenty.

Sometimes you just have to let it slide. I had a lady some months ago call up my office searching for a local Boy Scout troop for her son. Apparently she had some problems with the LDS one the boy had been attending and took the five minutes while I was drumming up some possible contacts for her to complain about the Church. I didn't bother to mention I was LDS and that she was ragging on my church. The way I figured it, she probably had nothing all that personal or hateful against Mormons--she just had a bad experience with some people and was feeling frustrated and upset and I happened to be the person she was venting to. I think me bringing up the fact I was LDS would have been awkward all the way around. I would daresay the employee with the fridge box wasn't all that hateful, just not very tactful.

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I need to clarify.I didn't shout at noone. I called him and asked him if he had something against mormons shopping at his store and he replied no and asked why. When in passing with my friends I told them the story they on their own called the same manager.There was no yelling or shouting. If I owned a business I would want to know if my employess were being discrimminating against other people. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

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I need to clarify.I didn't shout at noone. I called him and asked him if he had something against mormons shopping at his store and he replied no and asked why. When in passing with my friends I told them the story they on their own called the same manager.There was no yelling or shouting. If I owned a business I would want to know if my employess were being discrimminating against other people. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

When I wrote "shouting down", I did not mean literally screaming at the guy. Rather, I meant a whole bunch of people calling up to tell his manager what an idiot he was. Of course, maybe this wasn't really how you and your friends approached the manager, but that was the picture I got from your description. I was musing that perhaps going that route wasn't the best way of approaching the problem.

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No thats not how it was AT ALL.In fact I was laughing with him telling him "All I wanted was a box" and I laughed and he laughed to and he calmly said I will talk to the employee and soory this happened.No big deal we actually had a nice conversation about it.

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No thats not how it was AT ALL.In fact I was laughing with him telling him "All I wanted was a box" and I laughed and he laughed to and he calmly said I will talk to the employee and soory this happened.No big deal we actually had a nice conversation about it.

That's good, though part of me really hopes the employee was written up for it.

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