Sexting


babyhonu
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Is sexting ok between a husband and a wife who are separated for long periods of time? No, pictures, just words? Any thoughts?

You mean like writing sexual things to each other? Or you mean taking photographs of your genitals to remind your spouse what they look like? I'm not sure either is a particularly great idea, but the latter is much more dangerous than the former.

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It's been discussed before, though the thread is in the open forum to which you may have to ask pam for access to (assuming you are over 18).

http://www.lds.net/forums/adult-advice/36532-intimacy-marriage.html

The opinions on this subject are varied. The end conclusion for me is that it's something each couple needs to work out between themselves. If either person is uncomfortable, no matter the reason, then the answer is don't. If it's really bothering you and you need the outside counsel then talk to your bishop.

Though I personally believe there is nothing inherently wrong with spouses talking "dirty" to each other....... there are the standard cautions.... I really like the "if you wouldn't ever want it to be read in court then don't hit send" advise. Remember things sent over cordless devices are not secure, even conversations can be overheard. Make sure you delete things (and remember you aren't the only one with a copy). I'm sure I've left something obvious off but you get the idea.

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oh and who owns your phone? If it's a phone supplied by your work don't do it. The owner of the phone has the legal right to access all call lists, messages, etc from that phone (just because it's deleted to anyone holding the phone doesn't mean it can't be retrieved somewhere). Your company may not care if you want to talk "dirty" to your spouse but they may not like it being on company time or property (would be a stupid thing to get fired over).

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Gotta say, I have never understood the whole "talk dirty to me" idea. While I have no problems being as explicit as occasion requires, why would anyone want to pollute his marriage intimacy with coarse or vulgar speech?

But then, I have always been disgusted by those who reference sex as "doing the dirty". Maybe those are the people who use vulgarity in their sex life, and maybe they do it because they think sex really is dirty. If that is the case, then I am sorry for them.

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I second the idea that "talking dirty" in the way I interpret isn't the best thing to do in a married relationship.

That being said... I think there can be intense flirtation that could qualify as sexting in that you probably wouldn't want a kid/teen reading it.

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However, do you really want to be turning your spouse on when you're "separated for long periods of time"? That seems like a short road to trouble.

Right on! I got myself in SO much trouble with this when my husband and I lived apart for 3 years (he was going to school, I was working). You arouse those feelings...and then what? Ugh. It makes you miss them more, and it can lead to some very bad choices as you struggle to find an outlet.

I suggest texting love notes instead of lust notes. Marriage is based on emotion, and the physical relationship is there to support those emotions, not vice versa. My husband and I text each other every day with little notes like, "Missing you!" or "Thinking about you, babe." or even simply "Love you!" Sometimes we get into extended discussions about why we suddenly started thinking about the other person. It makes me feel a lot less alone when we're apart.

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So how exactly does one get access to this?

message pam, let her know you would like access, you are over 18. all the same site rules apply it just contains discussions that may not be appropriate for teen members of the site, more adult content, nothing explicit or inappropriate.
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Advice from my brother to his son: Before you hit "send," ask yourself, "would I be comfortable reading this in court?"

That's his advice for sending anything electronic: email, text, twitter, facebook.......

Excellent advice. A lot of people don't realize that what you say, type, send or print can eventually come back and bite you in the behind.

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  • 1 month later...

Well I guess I have a different approach to all of this. I have not served in the military but have friends whom have and have told me that receiving text, email, video etc of there spouse was a common practice. They said it was arousing yes but kept them from looking at Porn etc which is very prevalent in the Military bases. I totally agree with him that is 100% fine to do as long as both parties are comfortable with it. If you spouse isn't into it then you shouldn't ask for it. I think its awesome personally that they feel comfortable enough with each other that they are able to do this for one another. Am I way off target here? I don't think so. After reading the book "Between Husband and Wife" I have come to the conclusion that it is just that, "Between Husband and Wife." Do I feel it's pornography? Nope. It's your wife, your not lusting after another woman and I think it can be healthy for a relationship if both parties are on the same page. Read the book. It gave me some other interesting points that I never thought about like how not all women can reach climax from regular penetration and that other methods may need to be used to make sure that Love making is both enjoyable for not only the Man but for the Woman also. We have asked a Bishop before about battery operated devices and he also told us the same thing. If both of you are comfortable then have fun. Love making is to be enjoyed, not a chore.. Your opinions may vary but this is how I feel. As far as finding these conversations, photo's, video's in court, why would they ever end up there? We own our phones and don't send stuff to other people so I don't get the whole show it in court theory.

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Me too lacofdfireman.

Talking sexually and talking dirty are two different things in my book. You can be sexually overt with your words without it turning to some kind of degradation of sex.

I also think, and this is just my opinion, that phone sex is okay with your spouse when you're separated for long periods of time.

I figure, you want your spouse to think of YOU sexually, not someone else. If you're not the one providing it, then it may come from somewhere else. And it's nice to hear your spouse tell you "I want you" when you haven't seen each other for a while.

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Private phone conversations are one thing, but chatting/IM/facebook-ish things make really nervous. How often do you hear about private information getting out, no matter how careful the senders are? For me, I'd be most concerned about accidentally texting sexual information to the wrong person. One wrong digit entered or one scroll entry off, and my info is sent to my coworker, insurance agent, or favorite restaurant. I'm paranoid about modern technology, though :)

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That's true! I once complained about someone to my sister via text and accidentally sent it to the person I was complaining about! Good thing we were both in good humor about the whole thing, neither of us had been having a very good day. LOL!

I can imagine the embarrassment if it's something sexual in nature. Egad. :eek:

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lol i love all the funny comments.

though they are funny, lets try to stay on subject. the post was directed at "would it be religiously appropriate for "sexting"". yes it would be unwise to post sext related posts on facebook... work cell phone... etc.. but Under God, is it alright?

Though im not a bishop, i believe i do know enough to say yes its fine, pictures and all. everybody enjoys different things.. Someone in here had a great post saying something along the lines "only if youre both comfortable with it" which is a HUGE deciding factor. Many people have posted things such as "is this okay to do as a married couple" ranging from (and im trying to be as PG as possible) intimate positions to intimate activities.

many if not all have gone to their bishops and the bishops have all said "what happens between a husband and wife is just that.. between the husband and the wife. Both must be ok with whatever it is though, because forcing someone to do something they dont want to do is definitely not Gods way lol.

SO, sexting? if youre married and obviously you've seen eachother naked or have said fun suggestive comments to each other to lead to activities, why not?

for someone to say you can say what you want to each others face and see eachother without clothes wihen youre married... but doing those same things over the phone is somehow wrong.. doesnt make any sense lol.

So i say green light.

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  • 1 month later...

Is sexting ok between a husband and a wife who are separated for long periods of time? No, pictures, just words? Any thoughts?

Many posters mentioned "talking dirty" but that wasn't what was stated even if it is the common convention for sexting.

What is wrong with writing good old fashoned love letters to your spouse? Look as some of the love letters in the historical archives written between husband and wife separated for work reasons. Read them closely and you can feel them seething with passion, yet they are very tame in verbage.

P

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I guess I am just a bad person. I see nothing wrong with it if you are very careful. Double check before sending it, and don't get to outa hand. Make sure your spouse is not in a awkward place.

Also I wouldn't want him to get too turned on....not unless he isn't coming straight home to see me within a few minutes....and if he is far away, then he isn't. So I guess I sorta change my answer, I wouldn't do it if he is far away. But if he is coming home, I would consider it foreplay.

Edited by Jennarator
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