The Impact of Pornography on families


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i recently uncovered that a good friend of mine and her husband are swingers. they are active lds and i am at a loss to what to do.

I have some thoughts on this as many posts today have circled things that created so much pain in my life.

First off my ex-wife’s brother was sent home from his mission and disfellowshiped due to sexual indiscretion. His first wife left him for a woman and his second wife and he live the swinging lifestyle. Regardless of his ever indulgent and weak willed sexual nature he and his wife are very successful from a worldly standpoint. Their swinging lifestyle lulled another sister in law over, causing the divorce of his brother and also undermined in some ways my ex-wife’s testimony as she was jealous of their worldly success. She left our family for this type of lifestyle and has since repented and come back to semi-activity in the church.

My point is simply that in my experience, this is a very dangerous lifestyle and it hurts far more than just the "swingers". The people I have come across that are engaged in this are always on the prowl and they sniff out other couples like glassy eyed Amway salesmen. They come on acting like your best friends. They groom families like child molesters, feeling for any weakness and then slowly dig away at your values until they spring their lustful desires on you. It’s very serious and if anyone in a ward were engaged in this the Bishop ought to know. I’d steer clear of these people like they have the plague, because they do spiritually. If there are children in any of these families they are going to be hurt.

?Watch with Me? - Liahona July 2001 - liahona

The Savior prayed to His Father for strength. In the midst of His agony, He returned to Peter to teach him what it requires for all who would watch with Him:

“And he cometh unto the disciples, and findeth them asleep, and saith unto Peter, What, could ye not watch with me one hour?

“Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Matt. 26:40–41).

There is a reassurance and a warning in that simple exchange of the Master with His shepherds. He watches with us. He who sees all things, whose love is endless, and who never sleeps—He watches with us. He knows what the sheep need at every moment. By the power of the Holy Ghost, He can tell us and send us to them. And we can by the priesthood invite His power to bless them.

But His warning to Peter is to us as well. The wolf who would kill the sheep will surely tear at the shepherd. So we must watch over ourselves as well as others. As a shepherd, we will be tempted to go near the edges of sin. But sin in any form offends the Holy Ghost. You must not do anything or go anywhere that offends the Spirit. You cannot afford that risk. Should sin cause you to fail, you would not only be responsible for your own sins but for the sorrow you might have prevented in the lives of others had you been worthy to hear and obey the whisperings of the Spirit. The shepherd must be able to hear the voice of the Spirit and bring down the powers of heaven or he will fail.

The warning given to an ancient prophet is a warning to us as well:

“So thou, O son of man, I have set thee a watchman unto the house of Israel; therefore thou shalt hear the word at my mouth, and warn them from me.

“When I say unto the wicked, O wicked man, thou shalt surely die; if thou dost not speak to warn the wicked from his way, that wicked man shall die in his iniquity; but his blood will I require at thine hand” (Ezek. 33:7–8).

In light of this understanding I would warn your friend and notify the Bishop.

Edited by Windseeker
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you are right, i cannot judge others.

You can judge the actions of others. If they are "active LDS" and are "swingers" (and you know this for a fact), then they are hypocrites of the first order. I don't know what the appropriate course of action is. In such a case, I doubt I would castigate them, but I also can't really see myself being close friends with those who would mock and abuse so badly what should be a holy relationship.

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Guest Chri77pher88
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Wow, what a beautiful video. I sent it to someone I love very much who is doing everything he can to combat pornography. I will try my best to remember to check back on progress... :-)

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  • 3 months later...
Guest ElenaIuliana
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I think pornography that affects families in our days very much! Be sure that this factor will affect as well the generation to come. Thank you very much for the info shared!

social

family

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  • 2 weeks later...

Could you help me? I just found out my husband of 8 years has a problem with this. His anger has been getting out of control for a long time and I have just had it. Now this. This is where the anger comes from. He can't feel the spirit, doesn't ever bear his testimony, does not understand the scriptures, and other things I cannot describe here.

I am 59. No job. No money. No education. Nowhere to go. I feel the need to get out. He is denying things and I know where this leads. This is a second marriage and I had the same and worse problems before. Am I just destined to be alone in the eternities?

God told me that in no uncertain terms am I to let this marriage fail. Am I under condemnation if

I throw in the towel? What about his part?

I was spent on the first divorce, and this will most certainly mow me down!

What should I do?

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  • 3 months later...
Guest George
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Hi I'm George, and I am a porn addict. I was first exposed when I was 6 and that is about the same time i learned to masturbate. I never really understood that that porn was a sin and i didn't really have access to it so i was only exposed a couple of times over the next five years. I did however continue masturbating because i didn't know it was wrong. When i was eleven i found out that it was wrong and i have been trying to quite ever since. unfortunately when i was eleven i discovered internet porn. I am 22 now and still addicted. i don't blame anyone for my addiction, it was my fault. i was ignorant and curious and as a result i have ruined most of my relationships with my girlfriends and other friends in general. quite simply when i would relapse, i just stopped caring about real relationships and so they fell apart.

Ive read all the posts on this thread.... and I'm not going to lie, i cried. I know what this addiction does to people and i know what it has not only ruined my childhood but my sisters marriage (her husband has a problem.)

svm8yrsn2m you are not at fault for your husbands addiction. i do not know all the circumstances of your marriage and cannot pronounce judgement on your condemnation or lack thereof. All i know is, is that it is never the wife's fault if her husband chooses to engage in viewing porn.

im sorry that porn addiction has caused so many problems for so many. i... am not married, and quite frankly i have made the decision to never marry as long as i am an addict. no woman deserves to have to deal with this problem. im probably going to hell and i dont want to drag anyone else with me. for me there is no ethical way for an addict such as myself to ever marry.

I guess what im saying is that women do not need to worry about dying alone. A righteous woman will not be denied any of the blessings God has to offer. if she does not marry in this life, she will be given a righteous husband in the life to come. A porn addict like myself is most likely going to go to the telestial kingdom and live alone forever. svm8yrsn2m if you do divorce, don't frett. you will be with the one you deserve eventually.

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george dont give up. do you seek help for the problem? have you gone to addict meetings? If there arent any in your area there are online groups. Even LDS oriented online porn addict groups.

Yes you are George. And yes you are an addict. Now its time to move on and be clean. SoCal_Counceler posted a link you might want to try just above your posts.

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Guest George
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Hey thanks for the encouragement. I actually checked myself into therapy about 7 months ago. it was good and bad, but my problem has just stayed the same. as far as support goes, i told my ex girlfriend and one of my best friends about my problem so that i could call them if i was tempted and they could give me some support. but that didnt really do much for me either, it just made me not want to talk to either of them because i was ashamed.

im not giving up. im going to check myself into therapy again... i just dont think this is something that will ever leave me. ive been trying for the last 12 years and no matter what i do... it always comes back.

i love the church, and i love God. One of my life goals is to be a temple worker (worthily). i want everything that most normal people want. i want to marry in the temple and be the best husband and father ever. those are my goals, and they are what keep me going. but i have to come to terms with reality. and the reality of my situation is that i will always have this addiction. even if i manage to be sober for a few years, the likelihood that i will relapse is really high. what happens if i marry and then i relapse a few years into marriage? what happens if i relapse while my future wife is pregnant? what happens when she thinks that i dont love her? what happens when i hate myself for betraying her?

i dont know... i just... wish i could be free. and i wish i could trust myself.

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The solution to a masturbating to pornography addiction is to address the root cause. Pornography did not reach out, grab you, put a gun to your head and make you view it. It is not responsible. There was a hole in your heart, or a problem in your life that you decided to use pornography to try to soothe. You may not even be concious of the issue yet. Therapy can help. I'd suggest starting off reading a book called No More Mr Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover. Do not let the name of the book fool you. It is a great book at getting to the heart of guy's issues. It focuses on childhood issues such as abandonment, neglect, abuse, etc and shows you how these issues manifest themselves in acting out behaviors like compulsive pornography/masturbation and presenting yourself as something different than you are to garner attention from women. It also gives you a roadmap to fix the issue(s).

Secondly for those who are married AND those who are not, after reading No More Mr Nice Guy, get the Married Man Sex Life Primer by Athol Kay. This should be REQUIRED reading for all males to graduate high school. It is marriage oriented and NOTHING in it is contrary to the teachings of the church. It has sections about choosing a mate that could be critical to those who have yet to get married, and plenty of help for those who are already married.

Once you have a HEALTHY outlook on sex, and aren't using sex and orgasms to medicate yourself from other pains, and especially after having entered into a HEALTHY sexual relationship with a partner who also has a HEALTHY outlook on their sexuality, the pornography and masturbation problems WILL disappear. You don't have to "control" any urge, they NEVER happen. Ignore people who say "I've been married for X years and still have a pornography problem. They do not have a HEALTHY sexual relationship nor a HEALTHY outlook on their sexuality. They have not addressed the root cause. Pornography usage and masturbation are SYMTOMS of a deeper issue. You have to deal with the deeper issue, or like a weed you simpy break off at the surface of the ground, the still living roots will simply grow another plant.

Edited by x1134x
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Pornography is a problem.

However, it is not an excuse to divorce your spouse, any more than your spouse having a drinking or smoking problem is an excuse to divorce your spouse.

These are problems to be worked on, not a reason to end your marriage. And certainly not a reason to remarry someone else instead of trying to reconcile.

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Pornography is a problem.

However, it is not an excuse to divorce your spouse, any more than your spouse having a drinking or smoking problem is an excuse to divorce your spouse.

These are problems to be worked on, not a reason to end your marriage. And certainly not a reason to remarry someone else instead of trying to reconcile.

An "excuse"? Sounds like you have the attitude that people should stay married no matter what.

What direct experience do you have with being married to someone who is addicted to pornography? Addicted to alcohol? Someone who is unwilling/unable to change?

It's not that I don't value marriage or that I think people ought to bail at the first sign of trouble. But I do feel that divorce is sometimes the best solution.

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An "excuse"? Sounds like you have the attitude that people should stay married no matter what.

What direct experience do you have with being married to someone who is addicted to pornography? Addicted to alcohol? Someone who is unwilling/unable to change?

It's not that I don't value marriage or that I think people ought to bail at the first sign of trouble. But I do feel that divorce is sometimes the best solution.

Based on what I've read of the advice you've given to many different people on this forum, you appear to feel that frequently.

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Based on what I've read of the advice you've given to many different people on this forum, you appear to feel that frequently.

So..you are brand new to the site..and you think you are already familiar enough with what she has said to respond in this way? Unless of course you are a reincarnation of a poster that is no longer with us.

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