What happens when you have second thoughts about a prompting?

[MormonMama]

Sorry, this is going to be really long.

Some of you may remember that a few months ago I was living in Flagstaff while going to school (my home, including DH and my older two kids, is in the Phoenix area). One Sunday in Sacrament Meeting I suddenly had a VERY strong prompting that I was to change my major to Special Education and work with special needs children. So I quit school (DD#3 and I were miserably homesick at the time and job prospects in the major I was working on were bleak; I was also nearly failing two classes) and moved home, intending to change my major. I knew I probably wouldn't be returning to school this fall as I would have to pay NAU back for some of the financial aid I received before I could get more (about $2000).

So now I work at a private school, in their on-site daycare which I love. But over the past few months as I've talked to the teachers there as well as other teachers I know (both private and public), I'm really having serious doubts that I want to work in education. I'm remembering now why I changed majors from Education to Wildlife Biology in the past. And now I'm doubting that prompting. Was it telling me to change majors, or just telling me that if I wanted to work with special needs children that I would have to change majors? I felt so good about it at the time, really excited, but now I'm really sorry that I dropped out and changed majors.

I'm wishing I'd at least stuck it out through the rest of the semester and then maybe taken some time off to decide (though I still don't know if I could have, as I was literally crying every day because I missed home and family so much and DD#3 was often crying herself to sleep; I'm sure the bipolar disorder and depression I have had an impact on that).

DH and I have felt for awhile that we would either give birth to or adopt a child with special needs. But now we're not even sure we want to add more children to our family. We're both pushing 40 and two of our kids are grown. The third child will be grown in just 6 years. We're not sure we want to start over. In addition, we're both starting to have some health issues and can't even afford to take care of ourselves. By the time our financial situation improves to where we can afford another child (especially a child with special needs), we may genuinely be too old!

So now I'm thinking that I misinterpreted the prompting or that maybe it even just came from my own emotions. I was so sure at the time, but now I feel almost certain that this is NOT the path I want to take. But if it truly was a prompting from God, do I need to follow this path even if I don't want to? I'm just so confused. I know I have some time to think about it, as I can't return to school for at least the next year anyway (until that $2000 is paid off).

I just don't know what to think of this. I do love children, but I'm not at all enthused about what teachers have to deal with these days from the bureaucracy, and working in the daycare has made me question whether I really have the energy and patience for working with children or having anymore. On the other hand, I love working with animals and love being outdoors, even in bad weather. I do volunteer work at animal care facilities and LOVE it. It would seem like a no-brainer to stick with the field I love more, even if jobs in that are aren't great (and who knows what they would be like when I graduate in 2 or more years), but I still remember how I felt when I had that prompting. I just don't know what to do.

What do you guys think?

Edited July 23, 2011 by MormonMama

[ruthiechan]

Sometimes with special needs kids (it depends on what that special need is) animal therapy is VITAL. So it can be a blending of the two majors.

When I have doubts, that's when I think of a very specific question, and then ask the Lord. Sometimes it's as simple as, was my first prompting correct? I have found it quite helpful.

Remember, even if you do not want to change majors right now, the Lord will not ask you to do something with your life you'll absolutely hate. It is for your benefit.

If you are still confused even after talking to Heavenly Father about it, a Priesthood blessing may be in order. I know that has helped me in the past as well.

[MormonMama]

Thank you so much. Maybe I should get a Priesthood blessing. I've often had problems sorting my own emotions out from promptings of the Spirit, and I'm wondering if that's what happened last time. It's happened in the past, definitely.

[Just_A_Guy]

Cast not away therefore your confidence.

Yes, there are cautions and considerations to make, but once there has been genuine illumination, beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing. If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now. Don't give up when the pressure mounts. You can find an apartment. You can win over your mother-in-law. You can sell your harmonica and therein fund one more meal. It's been done before. Don't give in. Certainly don't give in to that being who is bent on the destruction of your happiness. He wants everyone to be miserable like unto himself. Face your doubts. Master your fears. "Cast not away therefore your confidence." Stay the course and see the beauty of life unfold for you.

[applepansy]

Get your education. You don't know what is down the road.

I never thought that at age 53 I'd be raising a grandson who was neglected and abused for the first 17 months of his life. I'm glad I have what education I have and that I know how to learn more. :)

[MormonMama]

I plan to finish my education, but my question is: what in? The Wildlife Biology degree I really want and think I will enjoy more (but jobs are harder to find in) or the Special Education degree that I abandoned in the past because I really don't think I want to teach, even if jobs are easier to get?

I prayed about it today and just felt so conflicted that I think I'm going to have to wait awhile for my emotions to settle.

Just-A-Guy, part of my problem is that I'm not really sure my "illumination" was genuine. It might have just been my emotions telling me that if I pursue an education degree I can move home, at a time when I was most homesick. Now that I'm home and working in the education environment, I'm remembering why I got out of that field in the first place. And I don't recall if I ever mentioned it on here, but this time last year I had a strong "illumination" that I was supposed to move to NAU to pursue my biology degree (though I think I was meant to get a different kind of education in that regard).

Years ago I thought I had a VERY strong confirmation from the Lord on a course of action. Later I was able to look back and see how wrong I was (without going into detail, that course of action lead to me being disfellowshipped and having to go through the repentance process). So I know from past experience that I can horribly misinterpret the Spirit, and that's what I'm worried has happened in this case. I'm worried that my own desire to return home, coupled with the emotional disorders I have, caused me to think I got a prompting when I didn't.

[texas1992]

Just because you were given a prompting does not mean that you have to follow it. You still have your free agency.

Also, maybe the prompting came from within because you were not doing well in school. It seemed so perfect because you would be getting away from your troubles. Just a thought but you would know more than me if the promptings were from the Lord or you.

I have a special needs daughter and I can't tell you how much I appreciate her teachers. They are all special people.

[Guest mormonmusic]

I find promptings to be really hard-to-understand things. I had one years ago that led me to a heart-changing process that hurt, but eventually, I made the inward change and did what the Lord wanted. Then, after I acted, it "blew up" in my face as the WRONGEST thing I could have done. Rarely do I trust promptings anymore unless I feel very right inside at the same time about the thing I'm supposedly prompted to do. My heart, my spirituality, and my mind must all be in harmony with the decision -- the greatest extent possible given life's uncertainties.

So, with the uncertainty you're feeling at this point -- I would interpret that as a signal you haven't hit on the right thing to do you.

Regarding how to choose a vocation? For me, I acted on what I knew I could do well at -- in the beginning, it was studying psychology because I loved it. Of all the courses I took, I excelled intuitively at it -- and people mentioned it to me over and over again. Success there led me to dead career ends, but my high marks did allow me to apply and get accepted at one of the better business schools in Canada for a Master's Degree. THAT led to a couple dead ends, followed by a teaching career. Guess what? People told me all my life I was a great teacher, and I ignored it because it wasn't glamorous and lucrative enough for me. I resisted it. My parents told me, anyone I taught told me (generally) and so did everyone at Church whenever I taught told me it was good. So, I eventually got worn out from chasing professions that weren't right for me and became -- a teacher. Been doing it for 17 years and it's going fine. I work hard at it becuause I like it and find it innately interesting and I get complements my whole life now. It's wonderful to go to work with those waiting for you. It didnt' happen in my other jobs -- not like this.

So, back to MormonMama -- I would reflect on the things people tell you that you do well in life and see what careers can leverage those talents. I would consider taking the Strengthsfinder 2.0 test that helps you identify your natural talents. You can search for it and order it off Amazon. It gives an action planning guide which sometimes has suggestions for careers. I would also interview a few people in the fields you are thinking of going into about the position. I did that when I was at the crossroads after my Bachelor's Degree and it was enlightening. Check the websites out there to find out the salaries -- pay is not everything, but you need to be able to judge if the pay will be worth the tuition and effort.

For me, the role of prayer is in asking God to bless your efforts to search for a career until you feel right about the profession you eventually choose. Right in your mind, right in your heart, and right spiritually, recognizing that life is always full of uncertainty, and at times, you have to make the best decision you can with the best information available....

[Justice]

I tell my kids all the time that if they are faced with a tough choice that the one they don't want is probably the right one, because if the one they wanted was the right choice it wouldn't be much of a decision.

I am reminded of the story in the New Testament where the disciples were not able to cat out an evil spirit. The Lord cast it out.

Matthew 17:

19Then came the disciples to Jesus apart, and said, Why could not we cast him out?

20And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.

21Howbeit this kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting.

I'm not saying I think you have an evil spirit that needs cast out, but that the more difficult the struggle, the more we should involve prayer and fasting.

[ztodd]

Mormonmusic gave some good pointers on how to apply the counsel in Doc & Cov 9:8 to study it out in our minds, which I interpret to mean that we should go as far as making a decision on our own and even start to make preliminary plans and steps on how to achieve it, according to the dicates of our own conscience (which decision brings us the most peace)... and then to ask Heavenly Father for confirmation. Then He will answer us either by a "burning in the bosom" or perhaps more by speaking peace to our minds and hearts (Doc & Cov 6:23).

I feel like this is the usual course that He wants us to take, because it's our purpose for being here- to learn more of the ways of God, to grow and become better decision makers, while remaining humble and obedient.

[ruthiechan]

Just because you were given a prompting does not mean that you have to follow it. You still have your free agency.

True. But whenever I haven't followed a prompting I've regretted it.

Today I had a strong prompting that I needed to go to Michael's NOW, and not wait while my daughter was in gymnastics. So I went, grabbed the sketchpads on clearance and left. Turns out, my daughter was having some emotional issues and as a result did not go to gymnastics, and my husband needed me to boot.

If I had not gone to get those sketchpads in the morning I would have felt annoyed by the whole thing and would have had to spend emotional time to make that go away, but as it was, I was able to immediately attend to my family's needs, and that made all the difference.

[MormonMama]

Thanks everyone. I greatly appreciate the support and advice. I'm thinking, after reading everyone's posts and pondering the subject, that I need to do more research in both fields and also try and determine my own strengths and weakness (maybe I'm meant for something completely unrelated to either).

I have to admit though, that I know that at least one of my strengths lies in customer service (I've been told so over and over and over again in those types of jobs and I do excel in them), yet I absolutely ABHOR that field. I keep falling back into it when I can't get anything else, but I hate it and can't wait until I never have to do customer service again. So I hope I can find some other strengths, lol!!

I would consider taking the Strengthsfinder 2.0 test that helps you identify your natural talents. You can search for it and order it off Amazon.

Is that the book? I did find it really cheap on Amazon. Or is there an online test I should be looking for?

I did take a "vocational interest" test back in junior high, and I remember that my scores weighed heavily in forestry. And I have to admit that I LOVED all my forestry classes, but I also had a hard time remembering all the details of plant names, locations, etc. But I'm also someone who retains information better by just doing it, rather than through book learning, so maybe I would do fine in that field once I started getting hands-on experience.

Anyway, I will definitely do some more studying and praying about this, and take that test you recommended. I know I have some time (at least a year) to decide, so I shouldn't let myself get stressed about this. Thank you again everyone! You have all been a great help!

ETA: I forgot to mention that I also do volunteer service with both wildlife and domestic animals through my state's Game and Fish Department and through a local horse rescue facility (which also cares for other livestock animals such as goats, ducks, pigs, etc.). I absolutely LOVE working with these organizations, which is a big part of what is making me think a return to the Wildlife Biology degree might be in order.

Edited July 24, 2011 by MormonMama

[ruthiechan]

Customer service skills simply means you're good with people! Those skills are totally transferable to any other job.

[JudoMinja]

How far along are you in the Special Education degree? If you are close to finished, I think it would be a good idea to finish it first, THEN pursue Wildlife Biology. There's nothing wrong with getting more than one degree . I, like you, really enjoy working with animals and children (especially special needs children). I started out pursuing pre-vet studies and changed it to Environmental Education with a minor in Fish and Wildlife Management when I realized just how much I wanted to be able to work outdoors with kids along with animals. Then, I started thinking I should change it again (because I had to change schools and that school did not offer Environmental Education, now its just Fish and Wildlife Management) so that it had more focus on something that would get me working with kids.

I was so close to finished when I was thinking about making the change, I decided it would be smarter to stick with it. Now, I will be done with my degree and graduating August 15th. I'm having trouble finding work in my field, but I'm working at a school as a special education aid. I've decided that I will continue to pursue my masters and my environmental education certification. I will probably end up working somewhere that does animal therapy or at a camp/zoo/non-profit organization that does educational programs about nature and the outdoors.

You could end up doing something similar and just taking the opposite route- finish your degree in Special Education and use that along with your experience working with animals to get a job you would enjoy while continuing to pursue more education that will make that more likely.

Sometimes, I think the reason promptings are hard to make sense of is because God does not always have a specific direction in mind for us. There are many possibilities and he wants us to choose the direction we want to take for ourselves. Once we've decided, we can ask Him if that will work with what He has in mind for us, and He will either give us the reassurance to keep moving forward on that path or let us know we need to do something different. Either way, the answer will be more clear and definite if we approach Him after we've already made up our mind about what we want to do.

[Guest mormonmusic]

Is that the book? I did find it really cheap on Amazon. Or is there an online test I should be looking for?

You need to buy the book new. In the back of it is a code you need to take the StrengthsFinder. The cheap used ones on Amazon have the access code used and people are just selling the book. The book does describe the various strengths and what they look like. Online there are additional resources and action planning guides to help you do the most with your strengths.

By the way, as someone who has taken over a full week of full-day training on strengths, I also recommend going through the book and hightlighting each of the phrases that describe you -- regardless of whether that strength appeared in your top five list of strengths you'll get from the online test. I did it with my wife and it gave me huge insights into her strengths and how she can contribute to our family, our relationship, and how I can related to her better. Plus it helped me understand why she's so successful at certain things over the years.

[MormonMama]

How far along are you in the Special Education degree? If you are close to finished, I think it would be a good idea to finish it first, THEN pursue Wildlife Biology.

I'm actually closer to finishing the Biology degree. I have about a year to 1 1/2 years left on that, compared to about 2 1/2 years for Education (depending on if I can get classes when I need them; sometimes a class is only offered in the Spring or Fall, and if it won't work with other classes then you have to wait a whole year).

I guess I'm just feeling like I REALLY don't want to do what I've felt prompted to do. I got out of the Education field years ago because as I did class observations and volunteered in my daughters' classrooms I found I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would. And in talking with their teachers and with friends and relatives who teach, I just heard too many things that made me want to walk away.

The only reason I decided to drop Biology and switch to Education was because I felt prompted to do so, in response to feelings that DH and I would one day care for a child with special needs (either through birth, adoption, fostering or in some other manner; I don't know how or when this child will come to us). But now that I've been working at a school for awhile and talking to teachers there as well as friends and family members who teach, I'm really dreading teaching. I just don't feel excited or enthused about it at all anymore. And as much as I'm enjoying working in a daycare right now, I already know I don't want to do it in 10 years.

I'm just wondering if I misunderstood the prompting, or just let my depression at being separated from my family at the time warp what I thought I was feeling, or maybe the prompting even came from my own homesickness at the time (getting a Wildlife Biology degree involves going to school 2 hours away from home; and Education degree can be had in my home city).

I guess my biggest issue right now is that the idea of doing what I might (or might not) have been prompted to do is just filling me with feelings of dread and distaste. I just really, REALLY don't think I want to teach, so I don't understand why I would be prompted to do so. I like being around children, but I don't want to do it all day every day. I've raised my kids. I really don't want to be spending 8 hours a day, 5 days a week with other people's. Not on a regular basis, and certainly not for years. So I'm wondering if the Lord really prompted me to change my major, or if it was my depression and bipolar disorder speaking, or just me being confused.

[mirkwood]

This may not help in any way at all, but I just had this experience last week at work. A little background to help this make sense, I am a police officer and I work graveyards.

We all have areas we like to roam while working. We also have our favorite "hiding spots" for when we are not driving around, writing reports, eating etc.

I went on a call earlier with another officer where we were dealing with a real nutjob that does not like cops. He had not broken any laws, but was hanging out in the area where I have most of my "hiding spots." I decided to avoid them tonight in case he was roaming the area still. I did not want him sneaking up on me in the dark. Much later in the shift I went to another spot I use that was further from where we had dealt with him, but within walking distance of where we last saw him. I was talking to another officer on the phone while I was sitting there. I had a sudden strong urge to drive away from this parking lot. I dropped it into gear and drove off with the strong feeling I was being watched and this was a bad thing. Bad as in it was not safe for me to be there. I drove several miles away as I continued my conversation with my partner on the phone. When I was done I decided to drive back up there and take a look around. The same feeling returned as I headed back there and it got stronger the closer I got. I do not scare easily and when I do, I have learned to control my fear and do what I need to do. I did not go back to this area. I have no idea why or if it is related to the earlier crazy guy, I just knew I needed to stay away from there the rest of my shift.

I don't know why I was prompted to drive away. I went through the area the next night as usual and everything was as normal.

[JudoMinja]

Mormonmama, maybe you were prompted to pursue the degree but don't need to finish it? It's possible you've "completed" whatever the Lord had in mind for you already if it was a prompting from Him to pursue a special education degree? Also, if being able to be closer to home is still important in your life right now, it's not "Wildlife Biology" but my "Fish and Wildlife Management" degree is being completed at a strictly online university. All my classes are online. It's American Military University. I've been really happy with it, and they provide a certificate in special education too! :)

Anyway, the best way to get things cleared up when you are confused about a prompting is to get your mind in as calm and collected a state as possible. Think through the issue- all the details, all the possibilities, all the directions you could take. Pick the direction that you think is most suited to your current needs, wants, and desires, then pray about it. If you really want to be sure that you can feel the spirit with your mind clear about it, take it to the temple to pray about.

Format your prayer so it's like the Lord can just give you a "yes" or "no" answer. Say something like "This is what I want to do. Is that okay?" If you feel calm, collected, comforted, reassured, etc. then you are good to go. If you still feel confused and uncertain ask "Do you not want me to do this?" If you feel a calm feeling with that, then you need to do something else. Have a "plan b" to pray about (and maybe even a "plan c" etc just in case your first choice is not the one the Lord has in mind for you). This has always worked really well for me when I'm getting mixed messages and am uncertain about what I should do. It's very clear, concise, and easy to understand.

[slamjet]

I have something similar. I took courses, and got a certificate in Diesel Mechanics. I have no idea why I was prompted to do it when in the end I received a clear prompt that I would never be employed in the field. Maybe it was to keep me in compliance when I was on probation? Or maybe it was going to come in handy some time later? I don't have a clue. Was it a waste? I don't know but I'm glad I did it and we'll see where I get to use this in the future.

[Madriglace]

Setting all the course questions aside ... when you recieved the prompting did you feel peace? If so that only comes from one place. Go with the prompting ... bend your will to His.

[MormonMama]

Mormonmama, maybe you were prompted to pursue the degree but don't need to finish it? It's possible you've "completed" whatever the Lord had in mind for you already if it was a prompting from Him to pursue a special education degree?

Well, I doubt that since I haven't worked on the degree since I received the prompting, lol. Or were you referring to the wildlife degree?

I do think one reason I was prompted to move to Flagstaff was so that DH and I would realize just how much we really do love each other. I have to admit something: this time last year I was seriously considering divorcing him. We were not happy. But after being apart for 7 months (most of it anyway), we now know without doubt that we don't want to be apart. Even if I decided to continue pursuing my degree at NAU, I would wait until I could commute, until I could live there during the week and come home every weekend, or until DH and I could move together. Never again will we allow ourselves to be separated for weeks at a time.

...my "Fish and Wildlife Management" degree is being completed at a strictly online university. All my classes are online. It's American Military University. I've been really happy with it, and they provide a certificate in special education too! :)

That's EXACTLY what I want to do (I call it "Wildlife Biology", but "Fish and Wildlife Management" was the official title), but had never found any online schools that offered that degree! I'd never heard of AMU before. Do you have to be a military member to attend that school? If so, do you know of any other online schools that offer this degree? I've never been in the military, but DH and my parents have.

If you really want to be sure that you can feel the spirit with your mind clear about it, take it to the temple to pray about.

I should have thought of that! I'm going next week and I will definitely pray about it while there.

Setting all the course questions aside ... when you recieved the prompting did you feel peace? If so that only comes from one place. Go with the prompting ... bend your will to His.

I wouldn't say I felt a feeling of peace, more one of excitement. But perhaps that was just my excitement at being able to return home and not anything from the Lord?

The thing is, I LOVED living in Flagstaff for the first few months, when I was able to go home every weekend. Then I had to get a job and had to work weekends. I was only able to go home once a month after that, and sometimes not even then. That's when things got hard and my depression got worse. I'm wondering if that had an effect and the "prompting" I felt was actually just my own desire to go home.

Honestly, the way I feel right now I wish I'd stayed with the wildlife degree. While I do love kids and am looking forward to grandkids someday, I just don't feel like I want to work with them every day for years. I'm already losing patience with the kids I care for in the daycare, and that's not good. I've honestly never had much interest in working with older kids (like 8 or 9 and up), so if I don't have patience for younger kids and don't have interest in older kids, I doubt I'd make a good teacher. I certainly wouldn't want my kids to have a teacher like me!

Edited July 26, 2011 by MormonMama

[spamlds]

D&C 11:16-17 says

16 Wait a little longer, until you shall have my word, my rock, my church, and my gospel, that you may know of a surety my doctrine. And then, behold, according to your desires, yea, even according to your faith shall it be done unto you. Keep my commandments; hold your peace; appeal unto my Spirit..."

Promptings and desires will go hand in hand. Sometimes we truly desire something, but we are afraid to pursue it for various reasons. Perhaps we fear change, or the amount of work it takes to re-direct our path. Nevertheless, we will be unhappy if our desires go unfulfilled, even if we believe we received a prompting to go another way. If we pursue a course that is out of harmony with our desires, in all likelihood we will be unsuccessful.

In times like that, it is really necessary to fast and pray. After the fast, meditate on your desires and what you truly want. Then ask the Lord what he wants you to do with those desires.

Mental states can often affect our ability to discern promptings. You mentioned depression and bipolar disorder. Obsessive-compulsive disorder also can affect this, because "everything" feels like a prompting to someone with OCD. A person with these complications can learn to sort out the voice of the Spirit from the internal dialogue that is often manic within them. It takes practice.

The Lord doesn't want us to take a path that will make us unhappy. He often guides us through our righteous desires. He might open your mind to a particular avenue that you hadn't considered previously. Sometimes it's the case that our desires take us on a path that seems too difficult to accomplish so we experience self-doubt. The desire and the prompting may be real, but so is he fear and self-doubt.

Fasting, praying, talking with a trusted loved one, reading your patriarchal blessing, going to the temple to pray for guidance can bring clarity. Once you have clarity, expect your desires to be tested by opposition. That's how you'll know if something is a true desire or not. Opposition cannot extinguish a true desire of your heart. It only strengthens your resolve to obtain the thing desired.

[MormonMama]

Thanks everyone. I think I'm going to do this: I'm going to fast on the day I go to the temple next week, then while at the temple I'll pray about this matter. If I don't feel any sensations of peace or I still feel confused, I'll set everything on this matter aside for awhile. After all, no decision has to be made at this time, so maybe this is HF's way of telling me to let it go for now.

[JudoMinja]

That's EXACTLY what I want to do (I call it "Wildlife Biology", but "Fish and Wildlife Management" was the official title), but had never found any online schools that offered that degree! I'd never heard of AMU before. Do you have to be a military member to attend that school? If so, do you know of any other online schools that offer this degree? I've never been in the military, but DH and my parents have.

AMU was the only one I could find that offers it, but I think Phoenix does it now too... You do not have to be in the military or at all affiliated with it to take classes at AMU. The main school is actually American Public University and the two together are the APU System. The Fish and Wildlife degree just falls under AMU because all the degrees there are ones you will most likely get some kind of government position with, and the class schedules are designed so that you can keep up with and complete the course work even if you are in the military and getting deployed. I think about half the students are probably military affiliated.

I've been really impressed with the university and I often recommend it to people. It is nationally acredited, so pretty much any credits you have should transfer and your degree will be recognized anywhere you go in the U.S. as well as many places overseas. Look it up. It might be just what you're looking for, and if you have any questions about it feel free to ask me.